How are Caps there for you?

Ok so my Cap and I are obviously very different. He's the type that isn't emotional in day to day life. Ie. asking about my day, or how I am feeling etc. He'll do it once in a blue moon, but not often at all. Instead, he's all about doing practical things. Ie. shopping, getting dinner, cleaning, making sure everything is ready when I'm over. Usually he'll text a flurry of messages the day of, or after we spend the weekend together but not much during the week. I understand he's busy but the hot and cold is a turn off for me.

I can't help but think that life with him would feel Nazi-ish. You do your job, your "duties", and if I'm *feeling* anything, or unsure about anything, I'm on my own. Personally, I cannot move forward with him (still haven't said the L word on my end) because of this. He says I'm "cold" but I think he is!

It doesn't help that I don't complain much even though shit happens in my life too. I think he confuses that with I breeze through life but in reality I just try to make lemonade out of lemons. Maybe I need to be more negative and bitch more to get more emotional support, haha...

Any advice or insights are appreciated!.

If you cant move forward with him because of how he is, why hang on?

Most likely he wont change, and if he does, he'll be faking it, which he wont fake.

It just seems like a waste of time, especially if his actions are holding you back from getting closer.

Posted by FrenchKpricorn
does sags like surprise ?

Yes, I am quite spontaneous!

Posted by lnana04
If you cant move forward with him because of how he is, why hang on?

Most likely he wont change, and if he does, he'll be faking it, which he wont fake.

It just seems like a waste of time, especially if his actions are holding you back from getting closer.

Thanks for your reply.

Hmm..good points. Sex and great and he tries whenever I bring something up. He says I'M the one who's preventing us from getting closer because I won't give him a title. Chicken and the egg.. I want us to be closer before giving him the title. He wants the title before getting closer.

That's the main dilemma.

Sex is great*

Posted by SunMoonStars

Posted by lnana04
If you cant move forward with him because of how he is, why hang on?

Most likely he wont change, and if he does, he'll be faking it, which he wont fake.

It just seems like a waste of time, especially if his actions are holding you back from getting closer.

Thanks for your reply.

Hmm..good points. Sex and great and he tries whenever I bring something up. He says I'M the one who's preventing us from getting closer because I won't give him a title. Chicken and the egg.. I want us to be closer before giving him the title. He wants the title before getting closer.

That's the main dilemma.

click to expand

Give him the title of boyfriend and he will feel more secure. You may not be sure about him, but he's rocking along with someone who's not sure. Imagine how nerve wrecking that can be.

After all this time, all he wants to know is he your boyfriend and you won't give him that assurance. If he had that assurance, he'd probably be happier and do nicer things for you. Because, really when it's all said and done, why should he give you the girlfriend perks when you won't aknowledge him as your boyfriend. I don't see why you can't give him at least that much - it's not like he's asking for marriage or a death pledge.

Takes two to tango.

lly funny like that--they wont say i love you until you say it first they dont ever want to appear like they care more or feel more...they are on guard, self preservation mode always..sad way to operate in life but thats how they are..

if you say i love you to a cap to soon they question it if you don't say it they dont open up..lmaoo which one is it?

this is why caps and i dont gel well personally in a relationship--i understand what you mean when you say their unemotional...on the surface they are but they feel very deeply and are very sensitive--you will never know that unless you show them your cards first..i have tons of caps around me...they have the same relationship issues

i could never be with a man whose that guarded as an adult..it doesnt make any sense..you love and will be loved...the end.

they say i do so much for xyz i dont know why thats not enough--i tell them people want to emotionally connect to you--for them thats way to vulnerable..

i personally feel like this is being emotionally immature and who wants to be with someone you have to pry open...also asking you how your doing? hows your day? how are you feeling? are common things people do in relationship..caps dont really operate like that- so you really have to ask yourself will this work

sex will always be good with a cap that is the one thing they do openly and willingly often--is that enough to sustain a relationship nope!

good luck.

Posted by SunMoonStars

Posted by lnana04
If you cant move forward with him because of how he is, why hang on?

Most likely he wont change, and if he does, he'll be faking it, which he wont fake.

It just seems like a waste of time, especially if his actions are holding you back from getting closer.

Thanks for your reply.

Hmm..good points. Sex and great and he tries whenever I bring something up. He says I'M the one who's preventing us from getting closer because I won't give him a title. Chicken and the egg.. I want us to be closer before giving him the title. He wants the title before getting closer.

That's the main dilemma.

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Thanks for your replies.

Truecap, you know I think your advice is always spot on. It echoes pretty much what he says to a T.

Balblair, he's said I love you to me about 3 months after we met, and has maintained it. You're right, Caps are actually very sensitive. Mine is downright moody.

On the flip-side, he doesn't "bother" me with his day to day either. He just doesn't "operate" that way. Very structured and has rules and regulations on how one should act. Wish I knew if I wanted a relationship with someone like that.

You've been seeing him for two years. If you haven't decided if you want a relationship with him by now, you already know the answer.

You could give the title, then see if things change. It's not like you'd be moving in or anything, so what would be so different for you? If he doesn't change, then break up.

I have my venus and moon in cap - if you don't show that u r serious about us = getting official, then there is no way on earth for me opening up more. I wont give girlfriend duties to anyone who doesn't make me his girl.

That ^^^.

Posted by truecap

Posted by SunMoonStars

Posted by lnana04
If you cant move forward with him because of how he is, why hang on?

Most likely he wont change, and if he does, he'll be faking it, which he wont fake.

It just seems like a waste of time, especially if his actions are holding you back from getting closer.

Thanks for your reply.

Hmm..good points. Sex and great and he tries whenever I bring something up. He says I'M the one who's preventing us from getting closer because I won't give him a title. Chicken and the egg.. I want us to be closer before giving him the title. He wants the title before getting closer.

That's the main dilemma.

Give him the title of boyfriend and he will feel more secure. You may not be sure about him, but he's rocking along with someone who's not sure. Imagine how nerve wrecking that can be.

After all this time, all he wants to know is he your boyfriend and you won't give him that assurance. If he had that assurance, he'd probably be happier and do nicer things for you. Because, really when it's all said and done, why should he give you the girlfriend perks when you won't aknowledge him as your boyfriend. I don't see why you can't give him at least that much - it's not like he's asking for marriage or a death pledge.

Takes two to tango.

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This

Look SunMoonStars your doing what you should be doing but that can be a gift and a curse!!!

Balblair You right Good Sex is not enough to sustain a relationship that's why I keep it sexually.

Thank you for your replies. He's dealing with some health stuff right now so it's put a new wrench in things. Never a dull moment with this one!