Confused Aries, please help!!

I met this really cool Cap guy literally on the street.

Friday after the 4th of July I was out with some girl friends and all of a sudden my friend started talking to two guys when we were walking down the street. My extremely outgoing friend M decided we should all go with the two guys B and L to this really cool bar. I was half distracted wanting to go home but since I haven't seen my girl friends for a long time I decided to go along. Long story short guy B started talking only to one of my girl friends and so guy L was left to talk to me and this other girl. The three of us had a pretty good conversation going pretty well at the bar and when the bar closed, all 5 of us went to a diner for some bites to eat. My frien A all of a sudden started complaining how guy L was interested in hanging out with me and guy B was interested in hanging out with my friend M and she was the only third wheel.I didn't notice B until that moment but for the rest of the night I noticed how he didn't really try to make a move on me physically or verbally. Instead, he paid equal attention to all 3 girls but asked for my number before I left.

I got a text from him that night/morning telling me his name and he said he had a great night and it was fun meeting me. I didn't think much but did text back on Saturday. Then he really caught my eye when we started talking about dogs and he sent me some pix of his fav breed and him with a dog. The texting went pretty well and frequent for Saturday and Sunday. On Monday he asked me to go to his friend's house warming party on 7/13 which was the coming Saturday. I didn't answer yes or no directly and went on to talk about other things. I don't know why I didn't, probably subconsciously I wanted to play hard to get? Anyways, then he drifted off of our conversation and I did not hear from him until Friday afternoon. Friday 7/12 I thought ok maybe this guy was discouraged because I didn't say yes directly. I then texted and asked him what he had planned for the weekend. He texted back and asked me to go to the party again. I jokingly asked if he was ready to see me in day light (since when we met it was at night and I was in clubbing outfit)He said yes he was ready so this time I said yes.

On Saturday he picked me up and we headed to this house warming party. I volunteered to pay for parking which was very cheap--I told him it was cheap and since he drove, I should contribute. On the 20 min car ride there we talked non-stop. He is

What are you confused about?

I don't know if he's interested and I am very not used to how he would disappear after we text for a couple days to almost a week.

He did just text back after 6 days of no contact and now I don't really know what to do.

Just keep living your life and don't put a lot of thought into it. What I mean is don't put all your eggs in one basket. Since you just met him, I wouldn't worry a lot about how often he contacts you. Keep doing your thing, going out, see other people, stay busy being fabulous. Then when he does contact you, be friendly and happy to hear from him. Don't ask him why he hasn't texted you or why he hasn't called - a lot of women mess up doing that. Go with the flow. Be confident and independent. Caps like that. Caps don't like needy and insecure. Time will tell. The more he gets to know you, the more he'll probably contact you. In the meanwhile, live your life and if he doesn't contact you, no big deal because you have other things going on.

Caps aren't big communicators and we aren't good about maintaining communication with our friends or family. So if he keeps contacting you, then that is good.

This is all new, so don't get yourself all worked up over it.

Time will tell.

Also, I get really busy, distracted, lazy and I don't stop to think about contacting people. Next thing I know, its been a few days and I think "I need to call so and so". Problem is when I think about it, the timing is bad - its 6 am, 11 pm, I'm driving, we are at work, mom just called, etc. So I make a mental note to call at a decent time or when I'm done with this project or whatever and what happens to me is when I have time, the thought doesn't cross my mind.

I don't think I'm the only cap that is like this.

So give the poor boy a break.

Now, after things are more established, it becomes a different story. But yall just met, so chill and don't worry about it.

And let him initiate and chase you. Don't be texting him all the time. Men, especially cap men, like to work for what they get. So, keep in mind, if you're chasing him, then he isn't getting a chance to chase you. And when men have to chase, they tend to like the girl better. Just a theory, but there's a lot of truth in it.

I'm not saying to play hard to get, that's just a game. But let him come to you. Be truly busy and have a full schedule and be sincerely in demand with your time. It's okay to initiate contact about every 5th time, but most of the time, he should be initiating.

Of course, you didn't say you were chasing him and I'm not accusing you of that, but I thought I'd throw this theory out there for future reference.

thank you for your input trucap...I guess I do tend to think too much once I feel the initial attraction. I think for now I am going to just keep in touch and keep the conversation flowing as best as I can and let him do the initiating like you recommended. Will let you know if I end up seeing him again but can I get some help on what kind of things to talk about with Caps? I hear that Caps don't like to chit chat over text? What to do to let him know that I'm interested while I keep myself busy?

thanks!

Keep us posted!

Just ask him questions and see what he likes. Like what does he do in his spare time? Any TV shows, movies, games he likes? Kind of food? All those getting to know you questions.

Oh, by the way, we all think too much and try to analyze too much, its normal. Its hard not to. I find myself doing that as well. Its hard to stop those thought processes. Takes a lot of effort and training.

Caps like to talk about their career and their goals.

So are caps not very good at staying engaged in conversations via texts when it's just chit chatting? We did have some pretty good conversations via texts that lasted 2-3 days but he would disappear after 3 days.

Are Caps into giving people advices? Should I ask him things I have been trying to see people's opinion on like work and career related instead of just random chatting?

He would probably like that. But not too soon. It could appear as if you can't handle your issues. Caps like independent, confident women. Plus, it's not cool to bombard him with your problems. He will get bored with that if that's all you do. Start with the getting to know you and find things you have in common.

Or something odd or interesting on the news you saw. I once saw a documentary on how some people believe there really could be a zombie apocyalpsye and my aqua and I had a long text conversation about that. Just debating the different theories and throwing out all kinds of silly jokes about it.

You could try perhaps a question of the day. Can be silly (what animal would you be) or melancholic (what was your favorite toy or cartoon as a kid) or thoughtful (if you could go back in time what era would you want to go to) or fun (if you could only shop at one store for the rest of your life, what store would it be). Conversations take off from there.

Caps are opinionated, so yeah, we like to give advice. Be careful you don't look like you're being needy or insecure in your situations or indecisive or dependent on other people. It's great to ask advice, that shows you value his opinion, but wait til you get to know him. Ask him advice on something manly first. After you have an established relationship, it's okay ask about your personal issues. Remember this though, if we give someone advice and they don't follow it (which is fine), yet, they continue to complain about the same problem, then we will get tired of hearing it and get irritated and will change the subject on you or won't listen anymore. That may just be me, but I think the others would agree. So when he gives you advice, aknowledge what it was and try to apply it or explain why it won't work.

I also like to debate issues just for the hell of it, not expecting to change peoples minds or them to change mine, I just like to know what makes people tick and why they think the way they do. But I have mars in Aqua and that placement may be directing that train of thought.

You're going to be fine. Start watching the news and checking out strange news on-line. That should get you started.

So he mentioned this music streaming app several times so I told him I finally downloaded it. Apparently you can follow friends through Facebook so we had an hour long texting back and forth conversation where he found me on fb and PMed me but I could not check it on my phone. Neither of us knew why I couldn't see the message so he finally said maybe we should just hang out in person since that's more fun. I said sure I would be down, didn't want to sound desperate but wanted to make sure he ken that I am interested in getting to know him.

He then joked and said he knew I wanted to hang out on a more 1 vs 1 level ( last hang out we went to his friiend's housenwarming so many people he didnt even know showed up) grab sushi, watch a movie then chill and have some drinks afterwards- jokingly.

CAn someone tell me if this means he is interested in getting to know me? I am giving him time and space but would like to know if caps say this all the time? Are caps big flirts? On his fb he has shared several stories of him hitting on girls but nothing too successful..all were his failed attempts and one time the girls was already married. Just wondering if he says and hints when he doesn't want to hang out

Yes, he's interested in getting to know you.

Yes, caps can be flirts when they are single, but caps are pretty loyal to the person they are exclusive with. The facebook stories are probably things he thought were funny after the fact and posted them as a way to laugh at himself. Caps have a self deprecating sense of humor sometimes.

If he didn't want to hang out, he wouldn't say it. Caps are usually say what they mean.

If he's interested why hasn't he been on top of texting me? I mean texting is the easiest way to let me know he is interested since we have no mutual friends and we don't even live in the same city.

Should I ask him what he's doing this weekend? To me when i ask a guy what he has planned for the weekend its almost like me asking him out. Will that make me seem too desperate? I'm ok with not hanging out in person just yet if some sort if communication is going on but he literally texts one or two texts back every day to evey three days... Being an Aries I am pretty impatient.

LOL Caps live in their own time zone. Don't sweat it.

As a Cap I would feel flustered if there was constant back and forth through text or any other means. You will NOT get that out of me. Likewise, I may, with good intent, mean to get back to you as soon as I have a moment but I get involved with something else and the result is I just don't get back to whomever in what others would consider a timely fashion.

Caps like people being straightforward, you asking what he is up to this weekend does open a doors. I would go with, "Hey, I was thinking, if you aren't busy this Sat do you want to grab a _____" He'll either tell you he's busy or take you up on it. I srsly don't think he'd see you as desperate simply because you are initiating, doing so shows confidence...

I tried to start a conversation but be took three days to reply like after an entire weekend.

I told him I had an interview in the city where he lives on Tuesday and he replied" interview. With a vampire" then I told him the company was like a start up like faceboom. he sent back a ?. i then asked if he has seen the Facebook movie which he has yet to reply. Sorry to bore you with the not too exciting details but this is certainly progressing much slower than when I was with other signs.

Is it normal that he doesn't really try to keep the conversation going?

I am trying to be patient but its not like he's just sitting at home doing serious things. On his fb he just wrote that he went to the ER bc of headache and nose bleed also said he needs to stop all the craziness that happens every weekend. He told me once that he's been to the ER bc he's allergic to alcohol and because of this he only drinks sparingly.

I just don't know if he's really interested if he's out partying with his friends. I would think that hanging out with friends is good bc he has a social life BUT if he is at all interested shouldn't he at least try to keep in touch?

I asked if he's ok after reading his fb he only said "we'll see"

What should I do now? What should I say to reply?

Thanks everyone for your input. Just trying to learn about Caps...

Update on the progress- after seeing he said he went to the ER I asked if he was ok and jokingly said he only had to ask if he wanted me to make chicken soup for him. He replied and said to hangout last Sat night since he was coming to my city. We had dinner, grabbed coffee, watched a movie. Then when he was dropping me off I said he should see my dogs (since he said he would get a dog if he moved to a pet friendly apartment)Then basically we started chatting in my house all night. He moved from the couch across from me to sitting next to me. We kissed by the end of the night BUT after we each tried a shot of something that was 20% alcohol. He is allergic to alcohol so he naturally couldn't drink much but with some alcohol he did warm up and had more physical contact with me. Everything was flirty and nothing crossed the line. The next morning, he invited me over to his place since I was going to head over to his city in a couple hours. When we went to his place we just talked and cuddled. The same day after I finished running errands, he texted again and asked me to hang out before I left since I parked my car outside of his apartment. I did for about 3 hours then went home; we only talked, kissed, and cuddled.

This Monday I told him I found some whiskey in my fridge (I have housemates)and said it would go very well with ice cream. He suggested we try that combo on Thursday- because his car was getting fixed and wouldn't finish till Thursday. Also because he was going to Vegas on Friday so he planned to leave his car at my place and asked a friend to pick him up. Thursday night rolled around and we watched a movie of his choice. The night went by quickly because we both had a great time. Just like last time, we talked, kissed, cuddled, and barely slept. The only difference was he did try to initiate physical contact that could lead to sex. I did not let him but now I am REALLY confused.

Don't people always say Caps are slow when it comes to sex? We have only met a month ago and only hung out twice. I did feel safe having him in my house overnight because he showed me his place the week before and I even met his landlord when I went over to his place. However, does he just want a friend with benefit?

He did tell me he had a 8 year relationship which ended two years ago. He said he used to drive 6 hours every other weekend because the last two years of the relationship he moved to a different city for school. He said it was a mutual decision to end

Well, I've never heard that cap men are slow to sex. Love, committment maybe, but not sex.

Sounds like things are going good. Very happy for you!!!

You want to know if he only wants a FWB? Well, don't put out. Don't have sex with him and he keeps coming around, spending time with you, taking you places, then you'll know he likes you instead of just wanting sex. Give it up and you're going to wonder this for a while.

I meant if you give it up too soon, before he has time to develop feelings for you, then you're going to always wonder whether he just wants a FWB or whether its you he likes.

Don't have sex until he's willing to be exclusive. That's the old school way of doing things and it takes a lot of the guess work out of it.

So we saw each other after he got back from Vegas. He stayed and left this morning. I tried to not have sex and we still haven't. However, things did go in the direction he wanted. I am really confused now because he is very honest with me. He asked about my past relationships, who initiated the break up, how many serious relationships I've had in the past etc. I asked him to answer the same questions and he did. This morning though, when he finally got a bit towards what he wanted, he said he knew that all I want is to get something from his heart but all he wants is to get in my pants because he is a normal guy with needs. He said it in a joking way, and he also said that there is obvious physical attraction but the things we talked about are something else, something "complicated"...

What should I do now? He doesn't seem to mind that it would take a while to really get to have sex. He said the back and forth we are doing is fun...

Should I stick around and not give in just to see if he's a keeper? Maybe he's taking time to make sure his feelings?

When I heard him say this back and forth is fun I thought he was referring to him keep on trying to push my limits and the fact that we do talk about personal things like exes. Thank you for the warning though... I'm just not sure what to do next, he said he will come over later in the week to watch a movie with me (I have been asking him to watch it with me but he has already seen)

I'm sure he will try again but I'm not going to give in. Can someone tell me what to say or how to explain why I want to wait? The truth is I don't want to just be friends with benefits with him and I have never been a casual sex kind of girl. However, will telling him the truth scare him? I want him to slow down and keep things light for at least another while so I can observe him and give him time to hopefully develop feelings.

Posted by Ang

What should I do now? He doesn't seem to mind that it would take a while to really get to have sex. He said the back and forth we are doing is fun...

Should I stick around and not give in just to see if he's a keeper? Maybe he's taking time to make sure his feelings?

Didn't I already answer this question?

*smh*

So do you think he will prefer that I just say no he has to wait straight up? Or so you think he won't take blunt rejection so well?

He will respect you if you say no and appreciate you more. Caps like to earn what they get. If he really likes you, he will be patient. We are a patient breed. If he leaves because he's not getting sex then he was only after that all along and you saved yourself some heartache. I don't mean you have to wait forever, but a few months won't hurt him.

Update

we did movie again on Friday and surprisingly everything went well. We pretty much stayed up most of the night but did fell asleep for 3 hours or so since it was the end of the week. Saturday morning we grabbed brunch and just hung out at home until the afternoon when he had to go visit some friends. He came back the same night really late after seeing his friends--- this was not part of the plan. When we first said to hang out we only said Friday night but of course his stay was welcomed. Then Sunday we pretty much did the same thing- grabbed food then just chilled on the couch together. Sunday evening the conversation got serious, he told me he was really hurt from his 8 year relationship and didn't think he was going to be able to be in a relationship again. He said he sees potential in us for something "real" and long run but he is not sure if he is ready yet. He also mentioned he has a friend who's currently living overseas and is also someone who he sees with some kind of possibility. I was of course surprised to find out about this new competition who is not even on the same continent with us. He said since netiher of them is willing to change their geographical location there's not going to be anything "real" between them unless one of them does change. He said "just thought you should know..." and to me it was a reality check. How should I approach this FYI from him? I mean if she was just another messing around then it would not have been worth his time to bring it up right? We then had a discussion where I said he should figure out what he really wants and not settle for what's available if she is really the one he wants to be with. He said if the possibility is there but there's no real potential because she's so far away then he's not going just ignore everything else that's in front of him. He again mentioned how after his 8 year relationship it has been very hard to open up and to be close to anyone again. He said if I am in it for real we would need to take it really slow. He ended up staying until Monday morning at 5 and left to go home because he had to work at 8am.

Monday afternoon he texted and said he wanted to stop by to talk. This was very last minute but I so far haven't said no to him about anything yet. He showed up, we had dinner and watched some movie then the serious conversation began. He basically said he likes me. He sees long term potential in us but he is not sure if he is ready for anything long term right no

Well, he gets kuddos for being honest. Gotta give him that.

Hoping you still didn't have sex with him, but that's your business if you did. If not, I would advise you not to because there is a real possibility he will hurt you.

Honestly, I think he will string you along and never commit. He's basically telling you this. He won't be able to give you what you want and deserve. If you have sex with him, he'll keep coming back for that. If you don't, then you can become friends, but I wouldn't wait around for him.

Don't "ignore everything else that's in front of you" (his words can be used against him). See other guys, keep dating, keep your options open. Oh, you can date him, but I'd stop the staying over and just hanging out.

Truthfully, you're better off finding someone else.

Just my two cents.

no we have not had sex. In fact, after this weekend he has been more understanding of my boundaries. He suggested that we take it slow which I'm not sure how slow he's talking about ( perhaps from entire weekend per week to one weekend day per week?) BUT I thought that's not really a red flag since he won't be able to try to be physical with me as often. I am concerned about the fact that what if this taking it slow period gets really long and unreasonable but I will do my best to still see other guys.

what do other people think? I really thought he was trying to be honest by coming over on a weekday night to let me know about how he feels.

Update-

Last time when I was on this forum he told me he was not ready for a serious relationship on a Monday. On Friday of the same week he manipulated a situation (he called and said he went to his friend's party and was not feeling well- he is allergic to alcohol- and asked me to go over) to see me. When I went to his place he told me he was ready to come clean and stop dwelling on the past ( he ended a 8 year relationship about two years ago, he said he is over her but has been having a hard time recovering from the fact that so much time and effort was put into that relationship)

He basically said he wanted to try and see where this will take us. He said he chose me over his crush who's overseas because he thinks likes me. Since then he has been telling me a lot of his personal stories. We have talked about exes, past relationships, family culture, and childhood, etc...

However, what kind of bothers me is he does not really call me. In fact, he did call me for two days before the Friday when he decided to try it with me and that was it. We text on a daily basis, and we have been seeing each other at least two weekend days since that Friday (about 3 weekends in a row now) He has also been patient when it comes to being physical...

What do you guys think? What are some questions I should ask him to make sure he's serious?

I wouldn't worry about how often he calls. He is contacting you every day, even if it is only text. It's the amount of contact that matters. I actually prefer texting over talking myself.

Like champranger said, don't ask him anything. Give him a chance to prove how he feels. Let his actions do the talking.

Good luck!

After giving him time to prove himself and for me to gauge how sincere he is, he said and did something that was literally 180 degree opposite.

Here are some of the things that he has said and done with me which make me think that he is sincere when he says he wants to give us a chance:

he offered to go apartment hunting with me and even go check out places for me (after learning I have a long commute to new job)

he offered to walk my dogs for me (no guy has ever offered, most don't even want to do it with me)

he said he wants to take care of me, said it when looking into my eyes

he said he is not the same as the guys i dated in the past and that he doesn't just want sex and wouldnt just walk away after sex

he has been planning weekends with me for the past 2 months. he would contact me actively to lay out plans for fri/sat/sun.

he offered to go to dinner with me for my sister's engagement celebration

he offered to meet my friends in LA after knowing we were both going to LA at the same weekend

he asks about how i'm doing with my sister's fiance after knowing the fiance and I had some type of conflict couple weeks ago

he sent me a song (has been since we met)just on Monday or Wednesday last week

This past week was when everything went downhill. We spent an entire weekend together. He first offered to come to dinner with me for my sisters engagement, asked me multiple times about hanging out in LA with my friends bc we were both going to LA. He had also mentioned that he wanted to take me around in LA because that's where he's from. He even mentioned about driving by his parents house.

I left his house on Monday morning and on Wednesday night he said he wanted to stop by because he planned to leave for LA on Thursday after work as opposed to Friday when he had the entire day off. He wanted to spend more time in LA since he doesn't have a lot time to go visit his parents.

However, wed night when he got to my place he had an extreme abdominal pain. It was tolerable at first so we had dinner, during which he brought up his friends little sister used to be interested in him and some other past flings. I was pms ing and got really annoyed by the fact that he was talking about other girls and didn't have enough energy to do anything with me.

We ended up going to the ER bc he was in a lot if pain and didn't go home till 4am Thursday morning. When we woke up at 9 he said he had to leave for a dr. Appointment which he made the day before at 1030. I got upset because when he originally said he was going to leave late I suggested we wake up early to spend some time together. He got annoyed and said we could still hang out after his appointment and then when I complained about how he would always talk about his past he said maybe he wasn't the right guy for me. I told him I don't know how serious he is or how I'm supposed to feel if he keeps on talking about his past relationships, long and short included. When we got the chance to talk again the same afternoon, he said he doesn't think he can be in a serious relationship anymore ( although he said he was ready just couple weeks ago)

We talked and I told him what we have is special and I want to at least be friends. He made an effort to see me on Saturday although he was distracted and was texting on the phone a lot. I don't blame him bc he said it was his good friend who he hangs out with often whenever he would go back. Then we started talking about more serious stuff when we went to a bar. He held my hand for a brief moment as we walked across the street, but overall he kept physical contact to minimum. After we sobered up he offered to take me to his spot. I had asked him before if he had any spots that he would go just by himself to spend time alone. He showed me the LA spot and we then fell asleep in the car since it was 2am. He was still sick and weak from what brought him to the ER on wed but we woke up at 3 and he said he was gonna take me home. I said since we are so close to ur house can we just drive by like he said he would show me. He then got really upset and said if I insisted on going then we would never hang out again.

He had said many times to me that he thinks he is bipolar. He said he didn't think his house is real and that he feels dead on the inside, he would say things like he doesn't care about a lot of things because he doesn't feel anything. Couple weeks ago when I brought up how I felt like he was indifferent whether I was in his life or not, at gust time he said he doesn't feel a lot of things but my presence felt good. But on Saturday night he said he doesn't feel anything anymore and that he feels there's no difference between me and this other girl he started seeing about a month ago. He then said he knows he'

He knows he will still want to meet other ppl. He perhaps does it just to feel something new because he has a hard time feeling things. He said he would cheat on me and I should leave before I get hurt. But I told him it's not cheating because we were never official. I had asked him if he's ok with me hanging with other guys at the same time he said it's ok bc we r not exclusive.

I know this may sound crazy but compared with the other guys out there who are also dating multiple girls at a time, I felt that he's at least honest enough to tell me. He said he hasn't had sex with the other girl yet but I don't know how involved they are. He said he would need to stop seeing the other girl too for the same reason- that he is unable to love anyone because he can't love himself. I feel like he is just in a downward spiral and maybe he really is bipolar and just so happens to be stuck in the dark side for now. And I think he probably goes through this often where he would get overwhelmed by negative emotions so much to the point where he doesn't think he is capable of being serious when just two weeks ago he said he was willing to try. I jut can't believe that he was faking everything for 2 months straight considering how much time and the type of conversations we've had.

Sorry for the long post but anything helps. Thank you!

You are a true cap in every sense lildol.agree with everything.

Hey Aries(ang) please stop with the self centerdness. He likes u OK. Damn. Just because he is not chasing and blowing up your phone like average guys don't mean anything. Caps are serious,patient and always thinking hence why he gives u and him time. We don't waste are time with nothing that doesnot serve a purpose. Just know that now the cap is giving u attention,u NEED TO BE PATIENT WITH HIM OR U WILL LOOSE HIM. U

He didn't talk to me for two days and then asked me about my dog yesterday afternoon. I replied and asked about if he's back in Sf from LA. Got no response at all since 5pm. I understand I need to be patient but I want to see him or at least get a conversation going to tell him I understand that he's being honest with me and it's ok that he doesn't want to give up dating other people. I still would like to see him after all this.

If he's barely talking to me what does this mean?

I should be happy that he's at least texted me once but when it comes to caps, how do I know if this tiny bit of attention means something? How do I know he's not just treating me like everyone else now?

Hey Aries(ang) please stop with the self centerdness. He likes u OK. Damn. Just because he is not chasing and blowing up your phone like average guys don't mean anything. Caps are serious,patient and always thinking hence why he gives u and him time. We don't waste are time with nothing that doesnot serve a purpose. Just know that now the cap is giving u attention,u NEED TO BE PATIENT WITH HIM OR U WILL LOOSE HIM. U