Dumped by a Capricorn

Where do I start? Please bare with me, I may go a little crazy on the details.

My capricorn ex boyfriend and I were together for nearly two years and he spend a good six months chasing after me brfore we started dating.

Let me also say, I know cappies are stubborn. I know they tend to deal in ultimatums and that my being a text book example of a gemini certainly doesnt help.

He and I made the mistake of moving in together a couple months into our relationship. It was our first time living out from under our parents and it happened because we both needed out of our parents houses for our own sanity! We thought at the time that shouldnt be a problem. And it wasnt. I began dealing with problems with my best friend at the time. she and I had been practicallu attatched at the hip for 8 years and the end of our friendship devastated me. My cappy boyfriend was very warm and supportive. He held me when I cried and showed me he cared in all the ways he could, he was very good and patient with me.

Sometime last fall, we rented a house with his best friend. Innitially, I had agreed to it because I wanted my boyfriend to have an easier time seeing his friends. We bought our first car and were all set but neither of us thought about the financial strain we were jumping into. It was great at first. He was happy to be near his friends do often and I was happy to be out of our basement duplex appartment. But this caused s hault in motivation for him. He was 23 and didnt have a license (he walked everywhere at the time and had no car so he saw no reason to get it) and he also had no cell phone. I got anxiety every time he drove my car on his own because if he got pulled over, we would both be in deep trouble. As a result, I had to go everywhere with him. We spent every moment together at work and at home because we couldnt afford the gas to make trips anywhere but to work and back. Bills piled up, we both developed anxiety over money (though we never fought about it). I started encouraging him to go for a promotion at work that I knew he could snag if he tried. The problem was, he didnt try. He had no interest in anything away from his computer! I tried everything to motivate him but he never budged? Eventually, I became irritated and depressed and we began to bicker and fight a lot. he eventually told me he was trying to change.

A week and a half later while I was on vacation, his grandpa passed away. He was devastated and I saw

small gestures of clinginess in him, he would facebook me just to tell me he loved me. When I came home from vacation, he was waiting for me with a huge grin on his face. He had told everyone he missed me and he thought of me all the time.

The week after was better than it had been in a long time. He kissed me like he really meant it (moreso than before), when we had sex it was wonderful, and he even held my hand in public (hes, of course, not very prone to public displays of affection). And then two days after his grandpas funeral, he dumped me. The night before, we had had sex and fell asleep holding hands (again, hes not always a very touchy person). I was mystified. I went home to pack a bag, he came home a few minutes later and stood on the back deck looking up at the sky for a long time before coming in. I was sobbing snd all I managed at first was "why?" He gave some reasons about how we both needed to grow up and that he felt we could do that better alone. Obviously, I got hysterical and the more I tried to convince him to change his mind, the nastier he got toward me, lashing out and ssying hurtful things until I left.

We worked together teo days later, I had a coffee waiting for him in his work station and I asked to talk to him later, he was cold at first but warmed up a but later, I even drove him home. We talked for hours, mostly about us. I asked if there was a chance for us and he said he wasnt sure because he wasnt sure if he wanted to risk putting himself through what we went through in the end again. I told him I would do what it takes to prove that it can work. Meanwhile, he told one of his good friends he hadnt wanted to end it, he just felt he had no choice.

As the first week passed, he became cold toward me, his displays of empathy were few and far between. When he would grow annoyed with me trying to talk to him, he would say that we werent getting back together. I backed off as best I could. The last time we talked, he said "I know it sounds harsh, but just leave me be for a while and ill talk to you when im ready." I stopped communication alltogether just like he asked.

A week later, I toom a positive pregnancy test. I contacted his brother's wife (who had asked that I contact her in the event that this happened) for advise on how to tell him. I resolved to do it over a phone call but the next thing I knew, he was texting me "who else are you telling? Why are you telling people who have no business kn

He was furious, it turns out that his brother called him immediately after finding out. I went to the doctor a few days later and found out it was, in fact, an early miscarriage.

We havent spoken since the day after he innitially found out about the test. He told me hes not talking to me anymore snd that ive drove a bigger wedge inbetween us. Ive mad no effort to contact him in three weeks now.

He told his friend the other day that he still cares but is pushing all the feelings he has about it to the side because he has other things on his plate too that he needs to deal with. I dont know what... but I know that since weve broken up, hes been prone to anxiety attacks and he nearly had one the last time I tried to confront him.

I think somewhere deep down, he still loves me. I know I still love him with all my heart but I know I have to change. I see him trying to get his life together and thsts what im ttying to do too. Since the break up, I have seen what I need to fix about myself and I am taking strps to fix these things. Its too early to provide proof. I have provided heart felt apologies for everything ive done on multiple occasions, on one occasion I think he actually teared up with me before putting up an angry front.

Friends say that hes pushed everyone away and not just me. Hes grown annoyed with his room mate always having parties, he sits on his computer when hes not at work, and hes closed off our old bedroom because he cant stand to be in it, cant even dleep in our old bed. When I look into his eyes, he seems hollow. I want to support him, I want to help him, but its not what he wants. How long should I wait or should I wait? Maybe wait isnt the word... we both need to regain our independence again and remember how to stand on our own two feet. But the real question thats burning in my mind is whether or not theres a chance I can win him back. How can I prove to him that I mean business when it comes to getting him back.

I need more info.

Posted by Metaphysicalreciprocity
"Absence abates a moderate passion and intensifies a great one- as the wind blows out a candle but fans fire into flame." -Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Give him time and space, without consulting with anyone close to him. This was a personal matter that should've stayed between you and him. He probably feels as though you've broken the bond of trust between you two and he's probably in deep thought. If you try to "win him back" during this period of deep thought, you'll be interrupting that much-needed time for introspection and it will not turn out well for you.

^ heed this.


You were putting too much pressure on him. He folded. He was very kind in his approach. If you don't back off, you will get hurt and the relationship may become irreconcilable.


My intuition is questioning the validity of your pregnacy story.

Another cap/gem relationship bites the dust....

Not a good match, so be grateful! You got out before you had a kid and both of you felt trapped.

Anyway, typical gemini stuff, talking to people about personal business that should be kept private. Yes, you broke the trust, but I have a feeling the trust was broken way before this and that was the final straw. I feel like there is a LOT more to this story than you're sharing. You seem to point all the blame at what he's done, but you don't seem to be taking any of the blame for the break up on yourself. Just my impression, here.

Anyways, geminis and capricorns both need different things from a relationship and neither are either willing or capable of providing what the other needs. Different outlooks, different needs, different understandings, different way emotions are handled, different ways of showing love, different ways of needing love....just way different. The two have a hard time understanding the needs/expressions of the other.

Not being judgemental and I'm sorry if I sound negative, but I was married to a gem for 18 years. Our divorce ended badly. We handled everything in our relationship in opposite ways from love to money to household chores to responsibilities to raising children, etc and we had a hard time understanding where the other was coming from. Lots of conflict and tension.

All that said, I'm honestly sorry about your loss in the miscarriage and I'm sorry your relationship ended so badly. I feel for you deeply.

Best advice, just move on and find someone else who fits you better.

Can't BELIEVE you told his family about the baby before you told him.

WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

Okay, I'm done.

*steps back into the shadows*

I dont blame him for being angry. I know that telling his family first was wrong but at the time, it seemed like a good idea to get an opinion of how to break it to him. I was freaked out and he didnt want to talk tO me at the time, I knew I would HAVE to approach it in the right way.... but I had already failed at doing that from the start.. I see my mistake and I tried to explain, but he was too angry to want to listen. That was almost a month ago now.

He told his best friend the other day (and said friend is our one and only completely neutral mutual friend) that he cares, that he has broken down about it and cried over it. He has told another friend that he hadnt wanted to break it off but he didnt know what to do. Hes gotten a better job finally and has accomplished the things that I have tried in the past two years to convince him to do (like finally getting his license and a car). Outside of work, he does nothing but play video games all day. He has moved out of our old bedroom, for two weeks after he broke it off he slept on the couch but has now moved into the spare room and wont go in our old room or even sleep in our old bed anymore.

I am working on what I know I need to fix. Being depressed like I was very clearly became too much, especially once he started to feel emotional pain himself over other things. He told our mutual friend that he thinks about it sometimes still but is trying not to because he knows there are other things he has to worry about and take care of first. He has told everyone that his biggest reason for being harsh is because its the one way to guarantee getting through to me. Im difficult, but im working on it, truly.

He most likely sees it as a betrayal. A betrayal of confidence, a betrayal that you couldn't keep your business between yall, a betrayal in your trust for him, a betrayal in that you live with him and didn't know how to approach him and didn't know how to talk to him, etc. Just plain ole every day betrayal.

Capricorns are very private people. We, in general, don't like other people knowing our business. There are very, very few who we let in and it is extremely disappointing and heartbreaking when someone we've trusted breaks that trust.

He realizes he can't trust you to keep his confidence. I mean, if you broke it over this, then what will be next? Trust is a big deal for capricorns. Chances are he'll never trust you again. Oh, it's possible he will, but it will always be in the back of his mind that he can't. Therefore,he will likely forever keep things from you for fear that you will blab about stuff. That's not a solid foundation to build a relationship on.

Capricorns have a very, very difficult time with betrayal. Most of us will cut ties coldly and for good when we are betrayed. Of course, I can't speak for every capricorn out there, but that's the general consensus.

Really, please admit that you two are not compatible. You two are not on the same page about how to handle important issues.

I know I'm sounding harsh and I only say this to help you understand where he's coming from. I'm truly sorry this has happened.

I see. So its a betrayal for him, I can understand that. Ive seen my ex give second chances to people who dont deserve them but cut the tie after that last chance is ruined.

I know it sounds silly to some but I cant help feeling that it can be repaired. He and I both have a lot of growing up to do in many ways. There were things that both of us were handling in the wrong ways. He is a person who, when hes angry, can only see that the person hes mad at is a horrible person... when given time to calm down, he thinks about it. He takes his time but he thinks logically sbout things. Ive considered writing an apology letter but im not sure if that would be seen as an invasion of his cool down time. I think if I could explain to him why I did what I did and could apologize and prove that im sorry, I could repair something. The catch is that I would have to prove it and only time could give me the opportunity to provide proof. I know that approaching him is not what I need to do now. I can only wait and hope that he reaches out to me.

— Possibly.

I gave my gemini chance, after chance, after chance, after chance. He disappointed me over and over and over and over. We should have ended it before it got as nasty as it did.

I know we are not yall, maybe you can repair it. Not gonna be fun re-proving worthiness, though. It's going to take a LOT longer to re-build than it took to gain from beginning. If he does forgive you, I don't think your relationship will ever be the same as it once was.

Just saying. But it's worth a try anyway.

Ive limited myself to giving it another shot once. Only once. Thats PROBABLY all ill get anyway IF I even get that at all. If we cant make it work the second time then ill know we should give it up and move on. A lot of people would say once is enough but there were so many factors. We both moved out of our parents houses to live together... I think that is a key thing because neither of us have really known independence, we went straight to living together. Were too young and inexperienced to be acting like were married like we were. We werent mature enough to handle that at this point in our lives.

When hes comfortable with having a discussion with me about everything, I plan to tell him I am sorry he felt I betrayed him. I didnt see it that way. At the time, I was back and forth between hating and missing him. I guess I was too scared to tell him because he wasnt speaking to me so I consulted someone who I thought could help (his sister in law had actually gotten pregnant while she and his brother were on the rocks and had a hard time with it). I guess I figured at the time that it was my business so I would share ot with whoever I wanted. I see now that it was HIS business too. It was OUR business and I shouldnt have done that. We were rocky before but I think a lot of it was responsibility that we werent prepared for. We are both working toward fixing our lives up, finding better jobs, and working on our own personal issues.

If he were to give me the chance, I would do everything I could not to mess it up... I know, I know, everyone says that stuff. I wouldnt ask to repair our old relationship, really I think the best course of action would be to try to start over with a new one. One where we live seperate, work seperate, and have plenty of space. I couldnt promise him we would work out or that we wouldnt fall in the same rut we did before. But I can promise that I will try my hardest to make it work.

I guess time will tell and we shall see if he comes back to speak to me again.