chemengin
@chemengin
13 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 125 · Posts: 2651 · Topics: 102
Happily Ever After—?
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^^^^^^ Yep!
Are they from a different culture?
It was wrong to spring it on her like that without discussing it first. And, I would think they need time to be alone without interference from anyone. He sounds like a momma's boy and she will have to compete with mom -- not a healthy way to start off a marriage. I would be full of resentment.
Are they from a different culture?
It was wrong to spring it on her like that without discussing it first. And, I would think they need time to be alone without interference from anyone. He sounds like a momma's boy and she will have to compete with mom -- not a healthy way to start off a marriage. I would be full of resentment.
This sounds completely suspect on way too many levels for it to be considered "normal".
My first question would have to be is how old is your friend? I ask because it sounds to me like she might be young and too inexperienced to have detected the obvious tag teaming/scheming that momma and son have obviously pulled on her and waited until the vows were spoken and the deal done before dropping this quackery at her feet. I agree with your assessment that maybe she was just too blinded by love and the idea of "happily ever after" to see what was stewing right under her nose. Likely, this situation was carefully manipulated by the husband and his mom so that even if your friend started to get a clue it was thwarted at every turn in some way.
The part that is most bothersome isn't that the mother is living with them because even in this day and age that is still not totally out of the question although not as common as it was back in the day. However, the fact that she was completely left out of such an important decision that affects her life and her marriage is a huge red flag of just how much influence and control this man's momma has over him and definitely over their life. It comes off creepy and possessive and the fact that Matthew went along with this cup of crazy and took away his wife's say in the matter tells me he is willing to be as manipulative as he has to be in order to have his or his momma's way. His "needs" are now those of his wife to learn about and build on with him together. What's next? Momma sleeping in the same bed as them?
I hope your friend cleans this up and soon or else she's going to find herself on the outside looking in at Matthew and Momma living her married life with her being the obedient barefoot and pregnant wifey without any say or rights in her own home. If that is what she signed up for then good for her. If not...clean it up or get an annulment fast.
My first question would have to be is how old is your friend? I ask because it sounds to me like she might be young and too inexperienced to have detected the obvious tag teaming/scheming that momma and son have obviously pulled on her and waited until the vows were spoken and the deal done before dropping this quackery at her feet. I agree with your assessment that maybe she was just too blinded by love and the idea of "happily ever after" to see what was stewing right under her nose. Likely, this situation was carefully manipulated by the husband and his mom so that even if your friend started to get a clue it was thwarted at every turn in some way.
The part that is most bothersome isn't that the mother is living with them because even in this day and age that is still not totally out of the question although not as common as it was back in the day. However, the fact that she was completely left out of such an important decision that affects her life and her marriage is a huge red flag of just how much influence and control this man's momma has over him and definitely over their life. It comes off creepy and possessive and the fact that Matthew went along with this cup of crazy and took away his wife's say in the matter tells me he is willing to be as manipulative as he has to be in order to have his or his momma's way. His "needs" are now those of his wife to learn about and build on with him together. What's next? Momma sleeping in the same bed as them?
I hope your friend cleans this up and soon or else she's going to find herself on the outside looking in at Matthew and Momma living her married life with her being the obedient barefoot and pregnant wifey without any say or rights in her own home. If that is what she signed up for then good for her. If not...clean it up or get an annulment fast.
I've heard of this with regards to having a newborn... but NEWLYWEDS— How are you supposed to ENJOY each other with mom lurking on the other side of the door/wall.
I would explain to him how uncomfortable you are with the situation, that you feel hurt that he concealed this from you and did not discuss it with you first (rather than making accusations), and that his mother does not need to be present to adjust to married life. You have been together for 5 years, what exactly is there to adjust to? And if you have not lived together previously, then that is something that the two of you need to figure out on your own, not have someone else determine how things should be in your marriage, home, or family life.
This does not seem like a good sign to me - I can see it already, your dear ol' mother-in-law will be dictating to you how to treat her son, when to give him space, what he likes, what he doesn't like, how to cook, how to clean, how to fold his clothes (because, she will expect you to do his laundry even if and he had agreed otherwise) and finally, how you should act as a preacher's wife, what you should wear, who your friends should be (if you have any of your own), when you should have kids, what to name the kids... all in all, how a good wife should act (in her eyes). Oh, and expect the,"When I first got married..." stories, and other special/not so special moments that are to guide you to become the ideal mate for her special boy.
Just speculation...
(I feel a twinge of anxiety just thinking about it)
I would explain to him how uncomfortable you are with the situation, that you feel hurt that he concealed this from you and did not discuss it with you first (rather than making accusations), and that his mother does not need to be present to adjust to married life. You have been together for 5 years, what exactly is there to adjust to? And if you have not lived together previously, then that is something that the two of you need to figure out on your own, not have someone else determine how things should be in your marriage, home, or family life.
This does not seem like a good sign to me - I can see it already, your dear ol' mother-in-law will be dictating to you how to treat her son, when to give him space, what he likes, what he doesn't like, how to cook, how to clean, how to fold his clothes (because, she will expect you to do his laundry even if and he had agreed otherwise) and finally, how you should act as a preacher's wife, what you should wear, who your friends should be (if you have any of your own), when you should have kids, what to name the kids... all in all, how a good wife should act (in her eyes). Oh, and expect the,"When I first got married..." stories, and other special/not so special moments that are to guide you to become the ideal mate for her special boy.
Just speculation...
(I feel a twinge of anxiety just thinking about it)
^^advice to give to your friend... sorry, that came out like I was speaking directly to you. But, hey Chem, just wait until you get married and your mother-in-law moves in (ok, maybe she'll wait until after the baby is born 😛). Something to think about LOL
Posted by thxbutnothx
"No, she said, ALL of his needs"
that sounds creepy lol does he neeed his mother in the bedroom at night to show her the moves he needs lmao
and they didn't think they atleast needed to get her agreement first before the mother moved in? i'd annul the marriage and run as fast as i could lol
it is creepy. and it does sound like thats what was in implied. her mother wants her to get a annulment. apparently at the wedding her mom and aunts got a strange vibe from his mom. in the pictures you see her in the background, but not really socializing with anyone. just watching and judging.
Posted by truecap
^^^^^^ Yep!
Are they from a different culture?
It was wrong to spring it on her like that without discussing it first. And, I would think they need time to be alone without interference from anyone. He sounds like a momma's boy and she will have to compete with mom -- not a healthy way to start off a marriage. I would be full of resentment.
no they are not from another culture. thats was the first question i asked her. and she said he and his mom are american. but i told her to go down to the public records office to check. because if they can pull this stuff over on her no telling what else they are doing.
i agree. this is all so weird to me. its just not making sense. i always thought his mom was creepy but i ignored her and focused on my friend. my friend is full of resentment.
Posted by Ellybean
I've been in some pretty damn conservative religious circles before, but still have never heard of such a thing in modern Christianity. I mean, such things were common in the early nineteenth century and later, marriages were normally ruled by the patriarchs and matriarchs of families, but in the last century at the very least that's not too common in this context(Protestant religious life).
As for astrological thinking, I don't know much on Aqua and Taur interactions. They're squared so natural friction would probably exist both being fixed signs.
Cap might have some strange sun-saturn or sun-moon aspect, possibly neptune(to moon, sun or saturn), in his birthchart to be supportive and even okay with such a situation.
Best of wishes to your friend. Hopefully the cappies will have better things to say than I.
thank you Elly. 🙂
Posted by Pidelight
This sounds completely suspect on way too many levels for it to be considered "normal".
i agree. when she told me the story i didnt believe it at first. i thought it was the classic aquarius escape from commitment tactic. but she was so serious and it is totally abnormal.
Posted by Pidelight
My first question would have to be is how old is your friend? I agree with your assessment that maybe she was just too blinded by love and the idea of "happily ever after" to see what was stewing right under her nose. Likely, this situation was carefully manipulated by the husband and his mom so that even if your friend started to get a clue it was thwarted at every turn in some way.
i agree, manipulation at its finest. she is 31 years old. so i guess it was love and the manipulation of her faith used against her. but still, i think it had to be some red flags..i mean come on! but she swears no. she has gone over it and over it. she said she was up last night until 3 am reading through her journals and nothing.
Posted by Pidelight
The part that is most bothersome isn't that the mother is living with them because even in this day and age that is still not totally out of the question although not as common as it was back in the day. However, the fact that she was completely left out of such an important decision that affects her life and her marriage is a huge red flag of just how much influence and control this man's momma has over him and definitely over their life. It comes off creepy and possessive and the fact that Matthew went along with this cup of crazy and took away his wife's say in the matter tells me he is willing to be as manipulative as he has to be in order to have his or his momma's way. His "needs" are now those of his wife to learn about and build on with him together. What's next? Momma sleeping in the same bed as them?click to expand
i agree. this morning she called me, and she said breakfast was already made. and she heard them talking about, how there was no 'activity' last night. she said she vomited because she thinks this whole situation is sick. and her MIL wanted her to eat breakfast, but she doesnt eat breakfast. my friend said she could tell that didnt sit well with her.
Posted by Pidelight
I hope your friend cleans this up and soon or else she's going to find herself on the outside looking in at Matthew and Momma living her married life with her being the obedient barefoot and pregnant wifey without any say or rights in her own home. If that is what she signed up for then good for her. If not...clean it up or get an annulment fast.
yea i think annulment is in the cards for this situation. thank you for posting, 🙂
Posted by ellessque
also, why isn't she discussing this with him and her discomfort level with it?
that would be my first piece of advice to my friend and i would even volunteer as a mediator of sorts to help her thru the discussion.
elle, i said, "of course my friend is upset, when she asked what was going on, her husband told her, his mother was there to help them adjust to married life.
which is strange right? the cap has no objections to the situation and he thinks its a great idea for his mother to be there for their first couple of months of marriage......"
that is the answer he keeps giving her. she told him its not acceptable, she should have been included in a decision like this. he said it was no big deal and he didnt think she would object.
Posted by ellessque
"i told her to go down to the public records office to check. because if they can pull this stuff over on her no telling what else they are doing."
what does this mean and why would you suggest this?
i suggested it because this is pure manipulation and its abnormal. what else are they hiding?
Posted by lildol
^^advice to give to your friend... sorry, that came out like I was speaking directly to you. But, hey Chem, just wait until you get married and your mother-in-law moves in (ok, maybe she'll wait until after the baby is born 😛). Something to think about LOL
yes thank you for this. hey lildol, i dont think she is the type to move in 🙂 but this is making me more on alert.
Posted by ellessque
If she told him this is unacceptable and not okay with her and then she does nothing, the cap will do nothing and see it simply as "noise"......she needs to take some sort of action to match her words.i agree.
Posted by ellessque
would she be willing to leave him because of these circumstances?
yes, she doesnt believe his mother has to live with them to adjust to marriage. she tried to reason with him but he just brushed her off and said he had to go to work. she just left (my house) to catch him after work so they can talk alone. she said if he is not going to be reasonable she is getting an annulment.
Posted by ellessque
does she have somewhere else to go while she files for the annulment?
her mom said she can stay with her, but there is a issue. the house is in both their names and she loves the place. but thats another matter.
Posted by ellessque
it's best to set boundaries now.
which makes me wonder about the entire foundation and what other boundaries she allowed for him to cross during their courtship.click to expand
me too. because the foundation is supposed to be set before this and if she didnt set them that would make him believe he could pull something like this.
This is a very "Desperate Housewives" like situation. Me thinks this was not unexpected, and that perhaps there had already beena history of unusual, controlling type behaviors before. No one does this after 5 years on a whim.
Hmmmm.....
Hmmmm.....
thanks everyone. she left to try and discuss all of this with him again. hopefully this will work out. they were a happy couple before all of this, maybe this is just a hurdle they have to get through. five years is a lot to give up on.
Sounds like something from a horror movie....
The good ole bait and switch -- then -- dun.dun.dunnnnnn....
The good ole bait and switch -- then -- dun.dun.dunnnnnn....
Holy carp!!!! Go get your friend and take her on a weeked away. This is a sick relationship. How lomg did she know the man before they married??!!! How much did she even know abou him?
My lawn guy married a girl and never knew she couldnt drive till after. wth??
How do you make a lifelong choice before even knowing the person unless its an arranged marriage? even them the brides fam gets to ask questions.
Yu need to do her a favor and remove her for even a day (go shopping, lunch movies but dont.. just go somewhere and detox her brain before this does real damage. You cant trust a person you dont know. and to have her mother discussing wether they are procreating!!?? sicko! sicko!
sorry Deal breaker!
If yu love your friend, without causing your friendship or your self or you relationship undue damage, please tell her a lawyer is the fastest way out and drive her to one immediately.
Then she needs to make a list of things you should know about a person before yu marry them. YOu said she thought he might have health issues. How could you not even know that and say yes to a proposal. Let her know its not her fault because at some point shell blame herself.
I dont know either of you but good luck and running shoes!
My lawn guy married a girl and never knew she couldnt drive till after. wth??
How do you make a lifelong choice before even knowing the person unless its an arranged marriage? even them the brides fam gets to ask questions.
Yu need to do her a favor and remove her for even a day (go shopping, lunch movies but dont.. just go somewhere and detox her brain before this does real damage. You cant trust a person you dont know. and to have her mother discussing wether they are procreating!!?? sicko! sicko!
sorry Deal breaker!
If yu love your friend, without causing your friendship or your self or you relationship undue damage, please tell her a lawyer is the fastest way out and drive her to one immediately.
Then she needs to make a list of things you should know about a person before yu marry them. YOu said she thought he might have health issues. How could you not even know that and say yes to a proposal. Let her know its not her fault because at some point shell blame herself.
I dont know either of you but good luck and running shoes!
Posted by BigGirlPanties
This is a very "Desperate Housewives" like situation. Me thinks this was not unexpected, and that perhaps there had already beena history of unusual, controlling type behaviors before. No one does this after 5 years on a whim.
Hmmmm.....
i keep thinking there has to be something she missed, ignored, something! but she is very insistent that it wasnt. she is very upset and very unhappy, it is a big transformation from before. she was always talking about her cap and her face would light up. we were so happy for her. she very seldom spoke of his mother except when they went to visit her, if she came to visit, and when she came for the wedding.
i sensed some controlling behavior from the mother when she came in town for the wedding, because she bought my friend this ugly ass shirt and insisted she wear it. nobody can make me wear ugly shit. i dont care who you are. but i just thought she wasnt trying to spoil the moment and cooperate....i dont know, dont want to assume either.
Been with him five yrs and your face still lights up when you talk about him? Oh, shes been in lala land alright. I agree with Elle, obviously theres been no boundaries set and in his mind he can do whatever the heck he wants. How she ran to you clueless as if she cant put her foot down is proof of that. Ah well on her end. I doubt hes just now showing his behind.
Posted by lnana04yes thats my point there had to be red flags. had too.
I doubt hes just now showing his behind.
well first off, i would like to thank all of you ladies for giving me advice on this matter. after she talked to her husband, she went to krispy creme and ordered her usual and sat and read our comments on this matter. she was there in krispy creme for 2 hours (dont know if she was eating that long..ugh) But she wanted us to know this:
she was with that man for 5 years and she has to admit she didnt want to see him for who he was. she knows it was foolish, childish, selfish,delusional, and dumb. but that is what she did. she wanted to believe that she could be a loving, nuturing, functional woman in a relationship. she wanted to believe that she could be able to give of herself totally a completely. she still believes she can do and be all those things. but she cant do them living a lie. lying to herself, to her husband, her friends, or anyone else. she can see what a huge ugly mistake it was and now she will do something about it. and yes it sounds and is totally fucked up..even to her.
she told her husband, she failed to set boundaries in their relationship and that is her fault. she said she also failed to let him know the person that she truly is and she is sorry for deceiving him. so he said our whole relationship was based on a lie. she told him yes. but she does love him, because she wouldnt have married him if she didnt. she wouldnt have gone that far if it wasnt for love. but she told him i made you think that you can do stuff like this without even asking me about it and that is not who i am. (he said more angry words but i dont have permission to include those)
so she said her love bubble, that she was in got blown up when they got back from the honeymoon. this isnt the best way to start off a marriage. but they are going to counseling. her mother in law left, wasnt happy at all.
i drove her to the train station. she told me she can see the devil in me.... mmmmmm😈
she was with that man for 5 years and she has to admit she didnt want to see him for who he was. she knows it was foolish, childish, selfish,delusional, and dumb. but that is what she did. she wanted to believe that she could be a loving, nuturing, functional woman in a relationship. she wanted to believe that she could be able to give of herself totally a completely. she still believes she can do and be all those things. but she cant do them living a lie. lying to herself, to her husband, her friends, or anyone else. she can see what a huge ugly mistake it was and now she will do something about it. and yes it sounds and is totally fucked up..even to her.
she told her husband, she failed to set boundaries in their relationship and that is her fault. she said she also failed to let him know the person that she truly is and she is sorry for deceiving him. so he said our whole relationship was based on a lie. she told him yes. but she does love him, because she wouldnt have married him if she didnt. she wouldnt have gone that far if it wasnt for love. but she told him i made you think that you can do stuff like this without even asking me about it and that is not who i am. (he said more angry words but i dont have permission to include those)
so she said her love bubble, that she was in got blown up when they got back from the honeymoon. this isnt the best way to start off a marriage. but they are going to counseling. her mother in law left, wasnt happy at all.
i drove her to the train station. she told me she can see the devil in me.... mmmmmm😈
Devil in YOU— I say it must be the MIL's influence!
I hope she was joking about seeing the devil in you!
You were looking out for her best interest, and that is what friends are for. She would not have come to you about this if she didn't see you as a true friend. Feel honor in what you did and that you helped give her strength...
You were looking out for her best interest, and that is what friends are for. She would not have come to you about this if she didn't see you as a true friend. Feel honor in what you did and that you helped give her strength...
Elle... you're lucky I don't like doughnuts!! 😛
Posted by lildol
I hope she was joking about seeing the devil in you!
You were looking out for her best interest, and that is what friends are for. She would not have come to you about this if she didn't see you as a true friend. Feel honor in what you did and that you helped give her strength...
i'm not worried about it, she told my friend's mother that too. my fiance just told me, he said he heard her say it at the wedding. i guess she sees us as a threat, idk. anything that threatens what she wants to happen has the devil involved.
she is not a well person mentally. anyway, i do feel honored. what are bestie's for, right? 😉
Posted by luvnacap
Then she needs to make a list of things you should know about a person before yu marry them.
that is a great idea...im going to see my friends this weekend. we can do that.
I actually took a sociology class and we discussed sociological factors of successful marriage. One is knowing the person 3 years before marriage - most non-disordered people cannot 'hide' who they really are for that long.
I'm going to go through my old notes and take a webcam photo of it if I still have it.
I wonder if he's codependant on that behavior from his mother..
I'm going to go through my old notes and take a webcam photo of it if I still have it.
I wonder if he's codependant on that behavior from his mother..
Posted by sheathedclaws
I actually took a sociology class and we discussed sociological factors of successful marriage. One is knowing the person 3 years before marriage - most non-disordered people cannot 'hide' who they really are for that long.
I'm going to go through my old notes and take a webcam photo of it if I still have it.
I wonder if he's codependant on that behavior from his mother..
No your right lioness, but i think it was deceiving on a two way street in this situation. also, i believe that she can let her guard down and be the loving blah blah person she said she wants to be. but him..dont know about that, with a mother like that. idk. i think more is going to come out during those counseling sessions. that MIL is one determined woman, i can tell. i got bad vibes bouncing off her left and right.
I don't even want to imagine the repressive things he's probably endured.
You sure your friend isn't the type to set up for failure? She's a Capricorn, right?
You sure your friend isn't the type to set up for failure? She's a Capricorn, right?
Odd...
I've never heard of a female Aquarian letting this happen.. very smothering and oppressive.....
I've never heard of a female Aquarian letting this happen.. very smothering and oppressive.....
Posted by thxbutnothx
chem, i'm impressed by how fast yuor friend took action. it's better late than never that's for sure
yea i guess it was the aqua finally coming out. idk , now that i know all of this, i wish she would just let it go and move on. but what can i do. i dont see it working out. but who am i to judge them you know.
"it's not about what was gone. it's about now and tomorrow and after. i'd encourage your friend to get rid of the above mindset and truly open her eyes without any assumption about her husband from this point on. see him as a total stranger as if she never knew him and observe very carefully every word and every move and mood from him. nothing scarier than sleeping with an enemy."
thats some sound advice. she is reading your post so keep it coming, aquas can be stubborn so i need some back up.
Posted by sheathedclaws
I don't even want to imagine the repressive things he's probably endured.
You sure your friend isn't the type to set up for failure? She's a Capricorn, right?
my point exactly, he sounds so messed up in the head. but then im like is she messed up too. maybe she think she can fix him some aquas think like that.
no she is an aqua he is a cap.
hey what happened to your pic— i'm used to seeing your smile missy.
Posted by Chance11Posted by LeoVirgoGirl
Ive heared this story before. A bride devorced the guy right after the honeymoon. Made the news too. In this story however things does not make scence:
1) He is a cap. Male caps live and breath to dominate. Can't stand it about them. But he lets mother?
2) caps are all obsessive about their fathers. Similar to cancer men and their moms. —
3) mom is air sign and he is earth. Such loyalty? ... Sounds like a cult. Or hopefully your friend is poor and if there is a devorse, there is no losing cash.
1.) not true..we strive to have influence over our own destiny..we stay out of others affairs and want those involved with us to have/lead their own lives
2.)not even remotely factual
3.)this is poor thought even for an unqualified stereotypeclick to expand
100% Cap male. 🙂
I asked because Capricorns sometimes take on 'fix-up friends'. My mother does that often lmao!
Sometimes we put sick and demented people in roles in our lives because we know nothing better. Has she been hurt in the past by family or friends? It's not healthy but some compensation has to appear subtly, I'm sure.
Your friend is on dxp too? I have an Aquarian friend who I may have read over this and send his response to me, if she is. 🙂
I originally took it down for a new one but then had to scale down every damn photo I have of myself nonwebcam because dxp sucks butt for size limit. Then I freaked out and thought every picture was unattractive and I felt not pretty.
In other words, I'm the occasional nutjob.
Sometimes we put sick and demented people in roles in our lives because we know nothing better. Has she been hurt in the past by family or friends? It's not healthy but some compensation has to appear subtly, I'm sure.
Your friend is on dxp too? I have an Aquarian friend who I may have read over this and send his response to me, if she is. 🙂
I originally took it down for a new one but then had to scale down every damn photo I have of myself nonwebcam because dxp sucks butt for size limit. Then I freaked out and thought every picture was unattractive and I felt not pretty.
In other words, I'm the occasional nutjob.
Posted by thxbutnothx
and he is a minister?
there is a reason that the perfect one is usually the one to watch out for. and he is a capricorn who would do his best to keep his public image especially with his job he probably behaves like a saint usually in public. many caps are moody and have a temper so if she hasn't seen this other side(s) of him, don't be suprised there are more to come.
THIS THIS THIS
... is soooooooooooooo Capricorn.
And Gemini male (my mother's husband is ironically a Gemini pastor).
Posted by thxbutnothx
and he is a minister?
there is a reason that the perfect one is usually the one to watch out for. and he is a capricorn who would do his best to keep his public image especially with his job he probably behaves like a saint usually in public. many caps are moody and have a temper so if she hasn't seen this other side(s) of him, don't be suprised there are more to come.
yes he is a minister by his parents influence. his maternal grandfather was a minister. and that saint in public and moody behind closed doors thing bothers me. my other friend is a cap female and we were always talking about how she is nothing like him. we just figured the women and men were like night and day. but since i've been on dxp, i realized thats not true. she is here spending the night, so we will talk in the morning.
Posted by sheathedclaws
I asked because Capricorns sometimes take on 'fix-up friends'. My mother does that often lmao!
Sometimes we put sick and demented people in roles in our lives because we know nothing better. Has she been hurt in the past by family or friends? It's not healthy but some compensation has to appear subtly, I'm sure.
Your friend is on dxp too? I have an Aquarian friend who I may have read over this and send his response to me, if she is. 🙂
I originally took it down for a new one but then had to scale down every damn photo I have of myself nonwebcam because dxp sucks butt for size limit. Then I freaked out and thought every picture was unattractive and I felt not pretty.
In other words, I'm the occasional nutjob.
oh no she is not on dxp. i told her i could post it here and get some feedback from other caps, if she wanted. and she gave me permission. she might join after this.
her parents divorced when she was young and she didnt take it well. her parents had fights, i mean tire slashing, cement boulders thrown in windows..types of fights over the divorce and the kids. the dad kidnapped the kids...then he went to jail...and so on and so forth.....she has spent a lot of nights over at my house when we were younger. so that has affected her a great deal regarding relationships.
Posted by Chance11
😛
actually, i have 5 aqua placements so maybe i should comment on this thread..but then again i might be conflicted as to which side to take 🙂
🙂 all comments welcomed.
yup you guys are great, thank you so much!
CEMENT BOULDERS WTF?
THAT'S SOME SERIOUS STUFF FOR A GIRL TO HANDLE.
Caps lock for intensity purposes.
THAT'S SOME SERIOUS STUFF FOR A GIRL TO HANDLE.
Caps lock for intensity purposes.
Just FYI the crippiest people can be found in church, I'm especially talking about ministers and so on. Trust me on that...
Crippest? LOL LIKE SNOOP DOGG CRIP WALKING?
omfg chocolate
We have a similar cultural practise, when a couple just got married, the wife moves into the new family's house for like a month at the most, that means she moves into the man's parents house with her husband, and here she bonds with the family, learns all the family traditions, is taught how to do certain things as a means to take care of her husband, and he is taught how to treat his wife with respect and how to be a good husband. but the most important reason is to prepare them as a unit for married life. They are taught how to resolve any issues they might have. Its also to help them appreciate finally being alone when they move out into their new home. This also establishes a support system for them, because when things are going good, then the whole family is good. When something goes wrong, nobody will rest until it is sorted out.
But 'all his needs' part is CREEPY!
He is a capricorn minister. This means he is traditional by nature, but his teachings also have an influence. He probably believes that what he has done, he did not need to include his new wife in the decision because it is something beneficial for them, and that she wouldn't mind. Number 1 : She needs to stop him in his tracks right there and let him know that whatever decision is being made, it is and it MUST be made together as a unit. They need to get rid of the I, because it is now WE, and him not including her in the decision for mom to move in, excludes her from taking part in an important decision that concerns them both! If she does not speak up, he will end up commanding her to resign or something because he believes her place is in the kitchen!! Its simply an example, but it is no fault of the mom, but the husband that all of this is happening.
She needs to let him know that just because she is his wife, does not in any way make him in charge, it makes them in charge, and she must not accept to sit on the sidelines and smile when he decides something this important on his own!
2. She is married to him. There is no way in heaven that it is acceptable anywhere, for the mother to teach her 'how to take care of all his needs' it is sick! The beauty of marriage is the process a couple goes through learning to please one another and make each other happy. She has to let the mother know that 'listen up! I know we are now family and you care about your son, but I am the wife. There is no verse in the bible that can justify you teaching me how to please my husband, it i
But 'all his needs' part is CREEPY!
He is a capricorn minister. This means he is traditional by nature, but his teachings also have an influence. He probably believes that what he has done, he did not need to include his new wife in the decision because it is something beneficial for them, and that she wouldn't mind. Number 1 : She needs to stop him in his tracks right there and let him know that whatever decision is being made, it is and it MUST be made together as a unit. They need to get rid of the I, because it is now WE, and him not including her in the decision for mom to move in, excludes her from taking part in an important decision that concerns them both! If she does not speak up, he will end up commanding her to resign or something because he believes her place is in the kitchen!! Its simply an example, but it is no fault of the mom, but the husband that all of this is happening.
She needs to let him know that just because she is his wife, does not in any way make him in charge, it makes them in charge, and she must not accept to sit on the sidelines and smile when he decides something this important on his own!
2. She is married to him. There is no way in heaven that it is acceptable anywhere, for the mother to teach her 'how to take care of all his needs' it is sick! The beauty of marriage is the process a couple goes through learning to please one another and make each other happy. She has to let the mother know that 'listen up! I know we are now family and you care about your son, but I am the wife. There is no verse in the bible that can justify you teaching me how to please my husband, it i
There is no verse in the bible that can justify you teaching me how to please my husband, it is sick'
She should do all of this, keeping in mind that capricorn needs their spouse to accept their family. Either than what I've just pointed out, it could be used to her advantage. She should bond with the mother, but she should make sure that her husband regrets making a decision without inclluding her in it, that he knows she will listen to him, if he treats her with respect and consideration like she deserves. She is not under him, she is his equal. This, she must let both of them know, or things will get worse.
She should do all of this, keeping in mind that capricorn needs their spouse to accept their family. Either than what I've just pointed out, it could be used to her advantage. She should bond with the mother, but she should make sure that her husband regrets making a decision without inclluding her in it, that he knows she will listen to him, if he treats her with respect and consideration like she deserves. She is not under him, she is his equal. This, she must let both of them know, or things will get worse.
... just sharing this 🙂
Posted by leilaxxlovez
There is no verse in the bible that can justify you teaching me how to please my husband, it is sick'
She should do all of this, keeping in mind that capricorn needs their spouse to accept their family. Either than what I've just pointed out, it could be used to her advantage. She should bond with the mother, but she should make sure that her husband regrets making a decision without inclluding her in it, that he knows she will listen to him, if he treats her with respect and consideration like she deserves. She is not under him, she is his equal. This, she must let both of them know, or things will get worse.
thank you for this leila. very wise words. 🙂
Posted by thxbutnothx
^^^ very well said. great posts.
frankly, when i read the latest update that she apologized for not able to put her foot down in the past and he got mad "oh so it's all a lie" i was like ok. so it's never his fault huh? what a perfect man lmao
you know this morning she said the same thing. she said after she told him what she did wrong she was expecting him to do the same. but that didnt happen. i think she is just thinking about things and putting it all together. because it takes two in a relationship, you both play a role in the demise.
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we had lunch that friday. she wanted to share the pictures her mom took of the wedding and pictures of their honeymoon to Turks and Caicos. beautiful place. but i noticed she was sad.
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