I finally did it... :(

For those of you who've read my few posts.... (don't want to go into all the details again)

Late last night I finally got the nerve to tell my cap friend I could no longer see him. It was very hard, but I kept my composure and actually said most of what I needed to say. I usually get flustered and forget everything. He would be satisfied to stay as we were, which tells me he doesn't feel the same as I do. I told him I wish I could just see him casually, but felt too much for him and just couldn't do it. He wanted me to stay and talk later, but I left. He's so nice which it makes it so much harder. Thank you tiki and BGP for encouraging me. It's been really hard and I'll be very sad for awhile, but I had to do it for my sanity.

BGP...I hope you're getting stronger with each day.

Posted by protector


BGP...I hope you're getting stronger with each day.

Happy New Year to you!

I am really sorry to hear your expectations were not met but do you not dramatise a bit? Best way to forget this man is to start talking to others who will boost your self-confidence again. (Works with me.)

He is nice? Why? Coz he F you no obligations plus does not abuse you? You could really qualify as very nice the majority of man on earth then.

I'm curious

Why did you decide to cut him completely out of your life?

I'm not knocking your decision, you clearly are doing what's in your own best interest but I would have thought you would try to at least start dating other men FIRST so you can see what kind of options are out there for you rather than getting rid of him completely and possibly creating more negative energy like desperation and neediness, it's like your throwing the baby out with the bath water or is this more about your emotional state. I guess I don't know how he's effecting you emotionally that you would leave the relationship completely, maybe you can shed some light on that.

I have a gut feeling he won't allow you to just go on your terms, hell no caps don't like losing so I'm sure he'll be back at some point to convince you to stay and maybe, just maybe he'll offer more of himself in the whole process.

Elle, thank you so much. Your sweet thoughts are so kind. I've read some of your other posts; I know you understand.

"...what he was to me"... that's what makes it so hard. He was a beautiful outlet from my stressful life; he made me forget everything for the few hours we were together, he made me feel normal again, he put hope in me when I didn't have any. Now that's gone and it's back to my crap life 100% . I'm really not trying to sound pitiful; I know everyone has hard issues, and I'm certainly not alone. I feel trapped in my life circumstances to make any major change for myself right now; at least I had him to look forward to. And this is where I have my own issues...I find it very hard to find attraction; I guess I'm really closed off and don't realize the reasons why. I guess maybe I should figure that out before I try and date at all.

Tiki, I guess above kinda answers some of your questions. I cut him out completely b/c I can't stand to be with someone I'm crazy about if they don't feel the same. It's mortifying to me. I had already tried the other approach like you had mentioned (going out with others, etc). Just couldn't do it. I'm stuck on him, but need to "un-stick" myself. Not healthy. I can't "wonder" all the time how he feels or what's he doing. I'm not a suspicious, paranoid person typically. But if I'm with a guy who won't tell me what I am to him, but still texts me everyday, it leaves me in a vulnerable place and I can't do vulnerable AT ALL.

I have to say, I would have done it the same way you did, Protector. In fact, last summer I did. I broke it off with scorpio man when he couldnt be consistent in communication. We all have personal boundaries and if I feel a man cant/wont give to me what I give or feel the same about me, I let go. Sadly, I crossed my own boundary in Oct and got stung for it, but Im' learning.

It will be sad, just as Elle said, but you will get those miles under you. The hard part I feel is when he WILL come back...just how to handle that. My sweetie disappeared 2 months ago, no contact t all so I guess its not a prob I need to consider, but if history is any indicator, he will be back. As of today, I am 100% certain I will not re-enter the relationship...BUT...I am no fool. I know he can sweet talk my big girl panties off (figuratively speaking) and I am susepticle to being sucked back in,. Just be firm in knowing what you want, what is acceptable and KNOW YOUR VALUE!

I fight the sad's by writing on my personal blog all my feelings, I force myself to get out of the house and be with friends, work on my art..just physically staying busy. I hateheart breaks, they suck gonads.....but we are here for ya, darling...

I understand Protector. Thanks for clarifying your thoughts and feelings, I appreciate you doing that and I wish you all best, it'll take about 6 months no contact to get over him if you decide to go no contact, if you keep in contact it'll probably take much longer, a year or longer, something you may want to take into consideration as well.

Also your crap life is yours, so OWN IT and recreate it b/c you have the power to improve your life or you can dwell in your own creation until you grow so tired of it you're forced to move beyond it.

I suggest you take baby steps in learning how to improve your life independent of another person, you'll feel so powerful inside when you realize you are in control of your life with or without another human being, you'll feel so much more confident in yourself and you'll trust yourself more and more as you realize that you and only you alone can complete you, when you can control your own happiness no one person can ever have a complete hold over controlling your happiness, you don't need anyone to come in and save you from your unhappy life, you have to learn how to work with what you got, take baby steps to make YOU happy and the more you see the effects of your efforts and that you can be happy all by yourself you'll stop allowing yourself to trade off your crap life for a little crumb of happiness b/c you control your happiness.

You'll be YOUR OWN beautiful outlet, you'll be the one bringing peace into your life independent of anyone else, you'll bring your own sun up in the morning and you'll have hope because you are in control of your destiny, hope comes from inside of you not from someone outside of you.

You'll be okay...You have plenty of positive support here 😄

thinks you did the right thing too...for YOU 🙂

BGP, Thx so much for your words. I write down my feelings too. Forced myself already tonight to go out with a girlfriend who was wonderful enough to offer her time as soon as she found out what happened. At first I said no, b/c I didn't think I could talk about it w/out crying, but I thought it would be better to cry doing something than doing nothing.

tiki, being alone is not typically a problem for me. It's just this one guy I can't shake. I was content, though my life was still crap (if that makes sense) until he came along and made me feel something. I had owned my crap and was just focusing on raising my son. After all, I caused my own crap by being with a highly abusive man. And I caused an innocent child to have a abusive dad, so that is part of why I feel trapped into not being able to change my situation. I have to try and "fix" my self imposed crap thru my child. If he turns out healthy, I can be happy. I didn't really need the hurt of heartache added to my life. You are right with "no contact". He already texted me tonight. He just said, "sorry I can't be what you need me to be right now". I never know if it's his passive way of saying he's still here OR his passive way of saying good bye. I responded and shouldn't have. I love the insight you give me; I really do.

Thanks guys for being here tonight; it helps.

Crying is good, healing comes through allowing yourself to FEEL. As I said earlier, he's not going to just go away, you'll inevitably have to ignore him if you truly want to move beyond the limitation you share with him and begin to reach out to others that will support you like your friend, you'll need lots of support in the beginning from friends you can trust and won't judge you, maybe group therapy with others that struggle with love addiction or seek out one on one counseling, every little step you make inevitably will help you through this process, one things for sure stuffing it all down and using your son as a reason not to feel is not healthy behavior and stunts GROWTH and I'm sure he doesn't need or want that kind of pressure nor does he want to feel he's responsible for you not living your life, carrying some form of responsibility for you and your happiness can actually impact him negatively as an adult. What used to work probably isn't going to work anymore, you've tapped that out, time to seek out healthier alternatives.

Posted by protector


Tiki, I guess above kinda answers some of your questions. I cut him out completely b/c I can't stand to be with someone I'm crazy about if they don't feel the same. It's mortifying to me. I had already tried the other approach like you had mentioned (going out with others, etc). Just couldn't do it. I'm stuck on him, but need to "un-stick" myself. Not healthy. I can't "wonder" all the time how he feels or what's he doing. I'm not a suspicious, paranoid person typically. But if I'm with a guy who won't tell me what I am to him, but still texts me everyday, it leaves me in a vulnerable place and I can't do vulnerable AT ALL.

I just did the same exact thing a month ago for the same reason. I guess this is a cap thing.

Protector, we're here for you. Keep posting. One thing that had hindered me was when he would text/email or call, Id feel guilty if I ignored him. The people pleaser in me didnt want to hurt him or anger hi, (and look, Ive been frozen out for 2 momths...he doesnt seem to have the same problem.). If you have that problem, you can tell him that you cannot reply to his reach outs, and not take it personal, that youve got to move on.

Just an idea. Hang in there. Remember, we as loving women should never settle for crumbs when we deserve lobster! A cool book Id suggest to you is "Why men love bitches". Teaches women how to be confident, self assured in dating men and not be a door mat. Its a great read.

tiki, "what used to work probably isn't going to work any more, you've tapped that out"...Very insightful and VERY true.

bgp, thanks for the book suggestion. I have that guilt thing too.

capris, do you mean you had to leave someone like I did or someone left you? I guess I was confused b/c you are the cap and you said, "guess it's a cap thing".

Thanks again guys.

btw...I'm just curious now and I've never done the chart thing.

He was...Dec 22, 1965, born in Pittsburgh...that's all I know

Me... July 1, 1964, born in Dallas around 4:00 pm


Can anyone chart this in more detail or tell me where to go.

Thx.

I like this site for birth charts:

http://alabe.com/freechart/<BR>
If you don't know the exact time of birth, you can select 12 noon, which it will say. It will then give you a brief summary of each of the planet break downs and you will learn a lot about each of you. You will probably scratch your head and agree with 90% of it. Come back and post ech of your charts (minus the summary). Will be interesting to see what you are each made of.

His:
Rising Sun is in 23 degrees Pisces
Sun is in 00 degrees Capricorn
Moon is in 28 degrees Sag
Mercury is in 08 degrees Sag
Venus is in 10 degrees Aquarius
Mars in in 29 degrees Cap
Jupiter is in 25 degrees Gemini
Saturn is in 11 degrees Pisces
Uranus is in 19 degrees Virgo
Neptune is in 21 degrees Scorpio
Pluto is in 18 degrees Virgo
N.Node is in 04 degrees Gemini


Mine:
Rising sun is 23 degrees Scorpio
Sun is in 10 degrees Cancer
Moon is in 28 degrees Pisces
Mercury is in 15 degrees Cancer
Venus is in 22 degrees Gemini
Mars is in 10 degrees Gemini
Jupiter is in 18 degrees Taurus
Saturn is in 04 degrees Pisces
Uranus is in 10 degrees Virgo
Neptune is in 15 degrees Scorpio
Pluto is in 11 degrees Virgo
N.Node is in 02 degrees Cancer

Geez, I don't remember other charts being this much info. Anyway, I know nothing about what this means for these two and their compatibility. Any help?

Sorry I didn't read your prior posts. I am the cap and I basically told my virgo friend to stop all communications with me b/c he is not giving me an answer about what we are when I confronted him twice. We have been doing the mind games since we met 5 yrs ago, and I know deep in my heart there is something there. Timing is just off and is still is right now and like you ...I did it cuz it was not healthy. I have a bf and last time I checked he has a gf. Its a long story.... I can tell u more over pm if you're interested 🙂

Sorry I thought u were a cap too.

capris, that's what I thought. Just wanted to be sure. No, I'm a cancer. Guess I'm more emotional than you capricorns. I may PM you later. Just got back to work today. Thanks for the clarification and offer to PM you. I love hearing from you caps.