Im on a Cappy rollercoaster

Hi there, I sooo need some advice!! Im a Taurus and my ex is a stubborn cap! We were in a fiery relationship for 2.5years, many fights, many hurtful things said and done.... He was very in control and hard to communicate with, but when things were good they were good, loving caring and somewhat affectionate...he had it all but his stubborn slavic cappy ways usually hurt me deep and i went cold and pushed him away.... he finally ended things but it was me that had to tell him to leave my place with his belongings...i still dont understand why he ended the relationship but yet still stayed 2-3weeks and still slept with me?..... he left, but pretty much came back when he wanted, it was like we were still together, but not official... my paitence wore thin as i wanted to know where i stood...do i let go or are we giving things another go, but he would always say "do what makes you happy" which created a fight.... i would snap, no contact for a few days then back to the same thing..again i would ask him what was going on?....because i couldnt be left in the dark and i couldnt see him if we were just friends.... as time went on, i walked on eggshells, over compensating and doing anything to make him happy to show him that i have changed.... he did state that "everything you have done up until now has been noticed" which gave me hope.....he later turned cold and distant but still slept with me, in the end i found out he was talking to another girl from early december, i lost it, i messaged her, he knew he was busted and he has completely blocked me from everything...the only thing i could ask before he blocked me was why lie to me? why lead me on? he has never said, "its completely over, get out of my life"... which confuses me...another thing which plays on my mind is...he pays for my telephone, internet wifi and cable and pays for my etag which is used to pay for use of specific highways here in Australia. Why didnt he cut me off the day after i busted him talking to another girl??.....its been 2 weeks and i still have wifi etc.... all i need to hear is a YEP GET OUT OF MY LIFE.....what the hell is going through his head? will he be back or no, if not, i will cut all bills. I am so confused and friends around me think its weird that he still pays for all that. Pls Help!! thankyouuu 🙂)

Ps. i still do have a gut feeling things could work out....not sure why i dont hate him nor am i mad at him for talking to another girl.... its all so weird! :S

I have a feeling there's more to this story. A Cap doesn't just end things if they are good and certainly won't involve another person.

Hiii!! thats the story...... see why im so confused? :/ Im pretty sure the other girl is a rebound??..... im not even sure if they are still talking after i contacted her. Could it be that this cap is keeping me as a back up? i just have no idea wha to do....cut the bills, that would really make him angry or just sit tight and say nothing and hope he unfreeeezes me :/ i was thinking of writing him a closure love letter as we have been through so much together etc..

Posted by cema
Why didnt he cut me off the day after i busted him talking to another girl??.....its been 2 weeks and i still have wifi etc.... all i need to hear is a YEP GET OUT OF MY LIFE.....what the hell is going through his head? will he be back or no, if not, i will cut all bills. I am so confused and friends around me think its weird that he still pays for all that. Pls Help!! thankyouuu 🙂)

Here are my questions to you...

1. Why did you keep sleeping with him when he "cut it off"? You didn't give him time to miss you. And everytime he wanted sex, you were ready and willing. He knew then he could walk all over you.

2. Why didn't YOU cut HIM off when you found him talking to another girl?

Posted by Greentea
I have a feeling there's more to this story. A Cap doesn't just end things if they are good and certainly won't involve another person.

She said it was a firey relationship for 2.5 years - to me, that means things weren't good.

Posted by truecap

Posted by cema
i just have no idea wha to do....cut the bills, that would really make him angry o..

Are you supporting him? Paying his way?

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Or is he paying your bills and that's why you don't want to end it?

Posted by truecap

Posted by Greentea
I have a feeling there's more to this story. A Cap doesn't just end things if they are good and certainly won't involve another person.

She said it was a firey relationship for 2.5 years - to me, that means things weren't good.

click to expand

I wanted to know what made it that way. . I feel we have a lot of patience in working through issues before we just get up and give up.

I remained intimate with him as i really thought we were getting things back on track.... He pays my bill and if he is well and truly done and finished well that has to stop, Yes i didnt give him time to miss me.... as for not cutting him off for talking to another girl, well, good question, i guess i love the goat and just wanted to hear him say why he led me on etc.. Yes caps are paitent,he was paitent with me as my temper blew at times but he still stuck around, maybe my temper and clingyness drive him to seek out another woman while he was with me? i just feel that the door is still slightly open.

Well.....why are you letting him dictate your love life? My suggestion is that you decide what you will and won't put up with from him and take charge of your own life. Don't let him determine things for you.

I honestly think he's one of those types of caps that will hang around in an unhappy relationship until he finds something better. And the better could be you, might not be you....but you've got to step away for a while and give him a chance to come to that conclusion on his own.

And heck, as long as he's paying those bills, I'd just let him. 😉
If he says one jerky thing about it, then I'd have them disconnected myself.

free internet and cable is great haha but yeah its not really fair....i have a bag of his stuff which i want gone but he has blocked me from everywhere! he has my housekey that i want back aswell....i guess i let him take control of everything as i have guilt for aggressively blowing my fuse when we were together, so when we split i had to work for his trust etc. it just doesnt make sense, most guys and people have no trouble saying "get out of my life" its like when i caught him talking to another girl he ran and hid and blocked me, he always had a way in twisting things to make him look a little like a victim.

just feel that his forcing himself to hate me....argh i dont know... should i write a closure letter, after all we have gone through so much together and i still care for his well being etc. or do caps look at stuff like that as silly?

No, I wouldn't write a closure letter - that will seal the deal. And you said you want the door to stay open.

As far as him twisting things, that's just a cap defense mechanism. We get accused, we turn it back around to point a finger at the other person. He knows what he's doing. 🙂

Just live your life without him, do your own thing and be happy, keep doing your activiities, seeing your friends. Be independent and confident. If he shows up, you can say to him whatever you want to say, just do it with class and calmness. No temper!!!!! If you want the door to stay open, be friendly.

If he wants to come back around, make him work for it. Like dating, no sex. Build something better, not start from you you left off.

Just my 2 cents.

And while you're out being fabulous, you never know who you're going to meet. And when cap comes back around.....you might be interested elsewhere.


Ya never know what's gonna happen. Just seems like a win/win either way.

thank you for your advice and insight. i guess its not really a closure letter to say Goodbye and good luck more of a "despite everything that has happened, i do not hate you nor am i angry, i still care about you..i take full responsibility for pushing you away and now i understand your heartache...i apologize for all my wrong doings and i hope some day we can talk again, not as ex's or enemies but as 2 people that have been through so much.. this is not a letter to manipulate or a schemeing letter to try reclaim your heart. a part of me will always wait to hear from you as you were the one to revolutionize my world"

He is such a private person with not many friends, so yeah i worry about him. wish i didnt and oh how i wish i could hate him! ha. I have 2 children that are not his and he replies to their messages after i asked him not to reply as they are very attached, my daughter always tells him she loves and misses him and he replies the same back. they are 7 and 8 so its confusing for them, i just cant bare the thought of telling them the truth... or maybe he wants me to look like the bad guy and make them cut contact and block his number on their ipads. Either way i dont understand why he would even reply "i love and miss you too, and i will try see you soon" when he is completely done.

HIs mother that he has big mummy issues with is coming next week to pick up his stuff but as angry and hurt as he is at the moment, maybe me returning his things to his mum will make him more angry.

Thank you again for your input! 🙂 x

Posted by truecap
And while you're out being fabulous, you never know who you're going to meet. And when cap comes back around.....you might be interested elsewhere.


Ya never know what's gonna happen. Just seems like a win/win either way.

Oh im trying to be fabulous! so much so people have actually said "cant beleive you are handling this so well" but deep down in woeing haha!!!! i just thought when caps are done, they are done. i just like concrete facts and actions, not wishy washy up in the air. God i wish i could turn back the hands of time and do it all differently haha!!!! 🙂

Don't send the letter.

If he had a girl on the side, it was probably because he already thought things weren't going to work with you guys. Or maybe if they didn't, at least he'd have a fall back plan. Also, if he was truly "done" he would have cut your wifi, cable and everything else with the quickness.

I can't speak for all Caps, but I know for me, it's way harder to give up on something than to try to work things out. You have to hurt me pretty deep to completely cut you off and go silent.

Maybe he just wanted to have sex with you because you'd give it up whenever he'd want it so he wanted to keep you around while he explored other options since it sounds like you two were on a sinking ship

By the way, my ex was a Taurus and we never fought. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times we actually argued about something petty.

Posted by CapricornGuy12
If he had a girl on the side, it was probably because he already thought things weren't going to work with you guys. Or maybe if they didn't, at least he'd have a fall back plan. Also, if he was truly "done" he would have cut your wifi, cable and everything else with the quickness.

I can't speak for all Caps, but I know for me, it's way harder to give up on something than to try to work things out. You have to hurt me pretty deep to completely cut you off and go silent.

Maybe he just wanted to have sex with you because you'd give it up whenever he'd want it so he wanted to keep you around while he explored other options since it sounds like you two were on a sinking ship

By the way, my ex was a Taurus and we never fought. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times we actually argued about something petty.

Thank you for your insight, its all very confusing but i see a little clearer, i actually rang the wifi cable company and he actually paid $ 250 the day after i busted his messages to the other girl. PERPLEXED! its funny how the universe works, because i busted his messages on his birthday! bang on midnight!....i ran him through the mill via email a few times, had a quick phone call with him and bam i got blocked from everything, but yet the day after his birthday bust the pays a $ 250 monthly bill! so weird!....just hate that he tells my kids he loves them and misses them and that he will try see them soon. all he had to do was to be straight up! oh well.. time will tell on how long ill have wifi etc! Thanks again! 🙂

Look caps don’t like being argumentative at all so you're probably upset because he don't feed into the argument or act like it bother him. They wont let you know you're getting up under their skin so you have to handle things differently or you will push him away. If he really care about you he will continue to see you but he will be looking elsewhere for a real relationship. These men can easilly be turned off when your acting too aggressive or crazy. They don’t like confrontation at all. I think you should be honest with him and tell him how you feel about the whole situation. Cap me are very sexually so even thou yall not on good terms once he miss you and you start acting calm and cool he will want to see you sexually. He will start being distant because he don’t want to be caught up mentally with you. So yes he will continue to have sex but he won’t be looking for nothing more because the crazy stuff will turn him off and push him away. Don’t reach out to him for a couple weeks and break what ever cycle your doing. He will eventually miss you. I went through a similair situatiom with my friend early on. He was really into me but I was giving him mixed signals and just acting ridulous.
I push him right into the other women arms because I was acting like a wild card and didnt really let him know that I wanted a relationship we him. We still to this day love each other and continue to see each other off and on. Just be honest with him.

Posted by faith $ golphin
Look caps don’t like being argumentative at all so you're probably upset because he don't feed into the argument or act like it bother him. They wont let you know you're getting up under their skin so you have to handle things differently or you will push him away. If he really care about you he will continue to see you but he will be looking elsewhere for a real relationship. These men can easilly be turned off when your acting too aggressive or crazy. They don’t like confrontation at all. I think you should be honest with him and tell him how you feel about the whole situation. Cap me are very sexually so even thou yall not on good terms once he miss you and you start acting calm and cool he will want to see you sexually. He will start being distant because he don’t want to be caught up mentally with you. So yes he will continue to have sex but he won’t be looking for nothing more because the crazy stuff will turn him off and push him away. Don’t reach out to him for a couple weeks and break what ever cycle your doing. He will eventually miss you. I went through a similair situatiom with my friend early on. He was really into me but I was giving him mixed signals and just acting ridulous.
I push him right into the other women arms because I was acting like a wild card and didnt really let him know that I wanted a relationship we him. We still to this day love each other and continue to see each other off and on. Just be honest with him.

You hit the nail on the head. I do want to be honest with him but i know now is not the time, either way he has blocked me from everything so the ball is in court should he ever want to talk. I dont want to push for a relationship, and yes i also feel as if i pushed him into looking for attention and affection elsewhere. He is extremely sexual and did say a few times that being intimate "brings back his feelings for me coz i have been the best his ever had and to act myself" I needed this rollercoaster ride to wake me up completely. i guess i tried too hard to prove that i have changed. But you are right, i am upset that i busted him and he just quickly hid and blocked me even though i told him i was not angry nor mad at him. I dont even know if i could ever trust him again, i guess i just want him to own up to his mistake and if his seriously done so i can break the news to my children which are not his. He messaged my kids again tonight saying he loved them both and then my daughter sent him a pic of her and i at the beach yesterday 😐 lucky i looked kinda decent in a bikini haha! hope he doesnt think i was behind it! i had to quickly delete all pics from the ipad! Seeing you have been in a similiar situation and you perfectly described my ex, would it be wise of me to return his clothes to his mum to return to him or would that unsettle things?