Is this a case of FWB or could it be more?

I met a guy on the internet 10 months ago — we hit it off really well immediately. We met up for drinks and conversation (the attraction was immediate and strong) on 3 occassions —once to a bar, and twice at his place but NO SEX. In January he invited me to his place for dinner and a movie, and we ended up having sex, it was amazing! We met up quite a few more times after that, but then the contact started to dwindle and become less and less on his side, and then just by chance I found out that he was chatting daily and extensively to other women on the internet — I was devastated. I had caught feelings for him, and I didn't even realise it. I have no proof that he had sex with them, but I have a feeling he did. I tried to talk to him about where we were going as a couple, and he told me that he had been badly hurt before and a part of him wanted a relationship with me and another part of him was unsure. I found it hard to approach him on the subject. He came to my place for lunch the day before Valentines Day, he did not buy me a card/present. I was so disappointed. I had bought a present for him and finally decided not to give it to him. We had amazing sex that day and he left a few hours later, I asked him to stay the night, but he said he couldn't this time, but he would next time, due to a business trip early the next morning. I felt unhappy and decided to cut all contact. I managed it for 5 months with him sending me IMs every so often. Since end July he has been 'chasing' me again, and it's full on, it's hard to resist. He has since told me that he did not mean to hurt me, or to give me the feeling that he was using me, because he is not, and it made him feel sad. He said 'I am as I am and I do have values, and they told me that I am really attracted to you, but not to the point where I want to commit' What am I suppose to do then? WTF! I miss him and think about him alot and about the amazing sex we had together. Has his feelings changed, does he want something more with me? or is it just about sex? I met a guy just over a week ago, we got talking, he seems nice, he gave me his business card, and asked me to call him. I left it nearly a week before I sent him an email, he replied almost immediately, and he said he would like us to catch up when he is back. I still have feelings for the other guy and will wait if I thought there is a chance with him. What should I do? He's Capricorn 52yrs (never married) and I am Scorpio 46yrs (divorced).

"I tried to talk to him about where we were going as a couple, and he told me that he had been badly hurt before and a part of him wanted a relationship with me and another part of him was unsure"

He's chased and bagged his prey and now he's moving on....Don't take it personal b/c it's not. The badly hurt part is an excuse and has nothing to do with you, losers in love always feel they will fail so they don't even try

He's rejecting a romantic relationship with you, he's most likely all too happy to continue the physical relationship. Him admitting to not being ready to be domesticated with you is the truth and I also don't feel he was lying when he said he wasn't trying to hurt or mislead you.

So all this means it's over unless you want to stick around and give him the added bonus of sex and friendship and hope he changes his mind. I would recommend moving on for good or you can continue to date him (no sex) and date other men as well but unfortunately this guy is not interested in anything but the the thrill of chasing and winning and he doesn't appear interested in doing anything else after he's accomplished that goal. Don't try to convince him to change his mind, IT WON'T WORK, no amount of being super nice, available, giving easy sex, buying gifts, discussing it to death will change his mind.

My eyes hurt. You know paragraphs are free? They don't cost a thing.

All I saw from your post was:

".......and we ended up having sex, it was amazing! ............
................................
.............................We had amazing sex that day"

The rest was just a blur.

Well he said he doesn't want to commit to you and you want a commitment. He's not the one for you.

Hi everyone,
'So all this means it's over unless you want to stick around and give him the added bonus of sex and friendship and hope he changes his mind. I would recommend moving on for good or you can continue to date him (no sex) and date other men as well but unfortunately this guy is not interested in anything but the the thrill of chasing and winning and he doesn't appear interested in doing anything else after he's accomplished that goal. Don't try to convince him to change his mind, IT WON'T WORK, no amount of being super nice, available, giving easy sex, buying gifts, discussing it to death will change his mind'.

Thank you tiki33 - I found what you wrote very incitable - I don't think the friends thing would work either, as I think he would constantly 'test' me on it. He was so keen in the beginning, that I really thought we were on the same page, but no, its just what he does to catch you. It must take quite some planning on his part, it's all really quite calculating, cold.

'Well he said he doesn't want to commit to you and you want a commitment. He's not the one for you'.
Before he went on his trip, he suggested we meet up at the weekend for dinner, movie. I'll be busy - permanently.

M - thanks for your opinion, but I now realise he's never gonna reach that point (well not with me). He's just come back from a business trip (literally a few hours ago), and already he is on the dating website.

BeoWulf - ah come off it, the 'NO SEX' in capitals stands out more than the rest. Maybe you need glasses, or something... and just for good measure, paragraphs are on the menu tonight.

What's up with these male caps. They regress back and forth. I wonder if most are single all their lives, since they dont seem to want to commit.

For now it sounds like Mr. Cap is only interested in playing the dating game and keeping his options open which is his prerogative. You weren't in a committed relationship and you have the same freedom as he when it comes to exploring different people and situations to see what fits best. He exercised this freedom and you didn't which is why you caught feelings and he got good companionship and sex but not enough to forsake attempts at still trying to make a connection with other women. It happens and isn't a reflection of you not having done this or that to hold on to his attention. To some extent you can and obviously have but now you want more and he's gone cold. Seems he's only interested when you aren't and that is likely the allure you still hold for him like any good challenge to be conquered. He likes the chase??_just don't catch him type of thing.

Try stepping back and giving the new guy a chance. He might turn out to be more than you bargained for and willing to give you what Mr. Cap isn't ready to right now or possibly never. Doesn't matter. Chalk him up to a good time and great sex and leave it at that. If he wants you the way you want him too he??ll find a way to let you know and there won't be any confusion.

sooo, if caps like to chase, then do any ever chase to keep? Should no commitment be expected with any cap male?

Posted by paranormalbadgirl
sooo, if caps like to chase, then do any ever chase to keep? Should no commitment be expected with any cap male?

Yes they chase to keep. They just do it on their timetable not yours and will not be swayed to move things along toward a commitment any faster until they are darn good and ready. Seems that the women who ultimately catch themselves a Cap man are usually those who are about their own lives first and what the Cap guy is offering second (or third, fourth, etc.) This may even be the case if said women were doing the "chasing" but it isn't really chasing the Cap guy rather making herself so enticing by not being too avaiable, needy, etc. for his time and attention that ultimately he can't help but pursue. The higher a woman values herself and her time the more intrigued most men (including Caps) seem to be. When my

good explanation, pidelight. Makes sense.

Hi Everyone, It's been a while since I was on here.
well I thought I would give you an update on my situation with the Cap Man.
Yesterday he IM me and told me that 'I am a Fantastic Woman with good character'.
What does this mean? - how should I interpret this? He would be the last person to tell me
exactly what he means, and I am sure he will run for the hills if I try and confront him about it.

Just to re-cap. I did not follow-up with the other guy who was interested in me, as I am still hooked on the
Cap man.

Since September 2011 we have met up on 4 more occassions (we would have met more frequently if he had his way, but I tried to take it slowly), he seems to be opening up more, talking more about his work life, his family etc., he is more tender and caring, but still holding on to his aloof nature at times.

Last Saturday he invited himself over to watch tv, drink wine, so I suggested we go watch a movie as well, which he agreed to. We had a really nice time. Now this week he has again slyly pushed for us to meet up next week, which I have agreed to. Then yesterday he IM me and told me that 'I am a Fantastic Woman with good character'.

I am starting to think the relationship between us is slowly turning around and I feel more positive about us. Could he finally be wanting the same things as me i.e., a serious, committed relationship?

I have feelings for this guy, its difficult not too, and I don't want to build my hopes up to later crash and burn.
What are your feelings on this situation? Thanks for your help.

u r a "Fantastic Woman with good character" coz u followed his timing...4 dates in 5 months means less than once a month...but, but, but...intriguing in the same time for him...he will pursue now and if u give in and show your feelings he will step back again ...MIA

it's in your hands...if u play right u may get what u want...baby steps

I'd say he is interested and will pursue. "Good Character" is key and may indicate you've passed a test of his. Patience is important.

Posted by formersalomeea
u r a "Fantastic Woman with good character" coz u followed his timing...4 dates in 5 months means less than once a month...but, but, but...intriguing in the same time for him...he will pursue now and if u give in and show your feelings he will step back again ...MIA

it's in your hands...if u play right u may get what u want...baby steps

formersalomeea, thanks for your comments.
I wish I could just tell him how I feel and what I want and get what I want - but I don't want the MIA and the 2 steps forward 3 steps back situation.
Why oh why does it have to always be so complicated with Cap man! All this being 'Patient' is driving me crazy - and there are no guarantees at the end of it all.
Jeez! This is the hardest situation I have ever had to endure. Is this love or torture!

"Yesterday he IM me and told me that 'I am a Fantastic Woman with good character'.
What does this mean? - how should I interpret this? He would be the last person to tell me
exactly what he means, and I am sure he will run for the hills if I try and confront him about it"

He wants the sex to continue to flow, I'm surprised you haven't cut this guy off, try it, say I want to go slow and start rationing out the sex, you'll see the MIA back and forth dance for sure, as long as the sex is flowing he's going to say whatever he need to say to keep it flowing, please try not work yourself up over empty words.

"I am starting to think the relationship between us is slowly turning around and I feel more positive about us. Could he finally be wanting the same things as me i.e., a serious, committed relationship?

I have feelings for this guy, its difficult not too, and I don't want to build my hopes up to later crash and burn.
What are your feelings on this situation? Thanks for your help."

Most likely you'll crash and burn, but have fun while you're doing it.

If you let him lead then you have to go wherever he takes you, good luck, I hope this guy doesn't drag you along for years, I suggest you put an expiration date on how long you are going to do this FWB thing with him.

Keep us updated

Thanks for All your comments - it really made me stop, look at myself, and listen. Is this what I want?

"If you let him lead then you have to go wherever he takes you, good luck, I hope this guy doesn't drag you along for years, I suggest you put an expiration date on how long you are going to do this FWB thing with him".

I thought hard about the situation and how 1 man (just a man - no-one out of the ordinary, he eats, sleeps and farts just like the rest of us) can make me feel so insecure, obsessive, tearful, anxious etc etc etc. It's just crazy! I've read alot of other posts on here about cap men and other astrological signs, and its plain simple. Men and women - if we let them, they will.

This was really hard for me to do but - (why, I guess they become kinda like an addiction or something); I sent him an email this morning telling him I don't want to see him at the weekend or any time in the future. I really really do, but I know its best for me that I don't.

and what now 😢 ...I'm to pick-up the pieces, tend to my emotional wounds and move on. Try and dodge/avoid other committment phobic guys out there (there are so many) - am I well equiped for this task... They should all have labels tattooed across their foreheads. (Oh well, shaking head as she walks into the wilderness...)

Unacraig, I didn't expect you to let him go so fast but never the less, only you KNOW what your worth and value and if an FWB was sufficient for you then you wouldn't have ever come here looking for outside insight, you'd be happy and content with what you had going on with him, there would be no crying, no insecure feelings, no obssessiveness, no tears and anxiety, you'd be happy and at ease because when it feels right it is right and there won't be much drama surrounding how you feel because something inside of you feels reassured that everything is okay.


For some women a piece of man is better than no man, only you determine what's okay and what's not okay for yourself.

It's all about what you want, if you want a real commitment then why be in an FWB situation, at some point in your life when you know what you want you have to be strong enough to eliminate the men that want a free sample, that want the whole cow and the milk and the land the cow grazes on and all the time in the world to make up his mind for free before making up his mind.

Hopefully you both can sort this out, he'll fix this if he truly care about you and your feelings, he'll compromise and fix it to were you both feel happy and good about what's going on between the both of you but if he truly just wants to play around with the FWB thing then he won't fix it and he'll move on to someone who will do the FWB dance with him. You are hurting now but imagine how hurt, stressed and emotionally strained you'd be if this went on for years .

Dump him in an email? I'm curious as to why you couldn't talk to him face to face or communicate over the phone?

Unicraig, I can certainly understand your pain and how difficult it was to let go . I'm also curious about why you chose an email for the delivery of your feelings?

Irrespective of astrological signs, if a guy wants to be with you, then you should know it and feel it. I wish the best for you!