Museigal
@Museigal
15 Years
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Mature Cap Commitmentphobe
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After a day or so he reconnected with me and apologized saying that he had a week's worth of work to catch up on, he owns a business, and he was sorry. He was out of town at the time working on a side project, but asked me out to dinner when he got back in town. We had a great night and continued to grow closer over the next couple of months. In between that time I had a birthday. To my surprise, he bought me a very expensive and thoughtful gift. In my opinion we hadn't been involved long enough for that. But, he seemed so happy to give me that gift. Later that week we were involved in a conversation with a third party and the person accused him of being "head over heels for me". The guy jokingly told my friend and I that we were "boyfriend and girlfriend". My friend got this look on his face as if the world had come to an end. He actually looked petrified. After reading about Cap men on these and other boards, I got the feeling that my friend might get freaked out and disappear on me. Don't ask me why, I just got that feeling. We saw each other the weekend after that conversation and my friend made a point of telling me that he valued our "friendship". I felt like he was trying to send me a message that we were nothing more than friends. A day or so later we spent time together, watching football and hanging out. The following day we texted a couple of times but he seemed annoyed. And then, I didn't hear anything from him for the next two and a half weeks, in spite of my sending several text messages asking how he was doing and telling him I was missing him. He finally sent me a text during the third week and said he had been very busy, a lot had been going on and that he would call. When he called me a day later, he told me that I said something that "troubled him" the last time we were together and he needed to process it. He said it "muddied" our friendship and that he enjoyed spending time with me but didn't want it to be stressful to him because he has so much going on with work and life. I told him I didn't mean to trouble him, that I valued our friendship and I apologized for being weird. I said that we should just move past it.
In all honesty, I started treating him differently after that. I was hurt by the distance (two/three weeks no contact) and the way he'd treated me and so I put up a wall. I was nice to him when we were in mixed company but I actively made myself less available, not texting, not calling...just letting him initiate contact
In all honesty, I started treating him differently after that. I was hurt by the distance (two/three weeks no contact) and the way he'd treated me and so I put up a wall. I was nice to him when we were in mixed company but I actively made myself less available, not texting, not calling...just letting him initiate contact
and taking my time to respond. Sometimes I was very into him (to throw him off) and other times I was very aloof and nonchalant. Eventually, he began making comments about me not being into him anymore. We finally had a candid conversation about our "relationship" (his terminology - he stopped calling it a friendship all of a sudden). He told me he was afraid of marriage but at the same time would talk about "making me an honest woman under the right circumstances." WTF! I should say that I told him I loved him at some point...I didn't say it, I put it in a letter as to give him time to process my sentiment. He said he cared about me very much and never wants to hurt me, but that he couldn't return the sentiment. He also told me that he had a couple of other women he was seeing at the same time. I think he saw this as brutal honesty (a good thing) and maybe in some strange way it is a good thing, him being honest. But I don't know how he could have imagined that I would be okay with him being intimate with me and others at the same time. So now, I think he's a commitmentphobe. I am torn between leaving him alone outright and keeping him around for MY convenience. Let me add that I've met his immediate family and I like them very much. I spend time with some of them outside of our friendship/relationship. What should I do... Have done my best to capture 6-7 months in 5000 words. I'm willing to answer questions, if necessary. Thanks in advance. I am laughing right now, wondering what some of you especially Capguy and TIKI33 would say about all of this. LOL
just because he is afraid of marriage doesn't make him a commitment phobe.
I did give out a "woaw" when I read he was seeing also other women at the same time as he was with you. Somehow I believe the expensive birthday gift was an indication of his affection for you. Perhaps he hasn't figured it all out himself yet.
What was it you said that -- supposedly -- hurt his feelings? Did he tell you?
My take on CapMan in his later years is to stay away from him. Especially, when he has screwed up like this before. Cap male seems to be more willing in his 20s to commit and build family. Once that barrier is surpassed -- the once i know in personal life -- they seem to think that freedom is virtue. It is hurtful to put up with a feelingless person like him. He thinks it is OK to tell you that you were not exclusive. I have given too many excuses to the CapMan I dated until recently. My advice is to proceed with caution.
I did give out a "woaw" when I read he was seeing also other women at the same time as he was with you. Somehow I believe the expensive birthday gift was an indication of his affection for you. Perhaps he hasn't figured it all out himself yet.
What was it you said that -- supposedly -- hurt his feelings? Did he tell you?
My take on CapMan in his later years is to stay away from him. Especially, when he has screwed up like this before. Cap male seems to be more willing in his 20s to commit and build family. Once that barrier is surpassed -- the once i know in personal life -- they seem to think that freedom is virtue. It is hurtful to put up with a feelingless person like him. He thinks it is OK to tell you that you were not exclusive. I have given too many excuses to the CapMan I dated until recently. My advice is to proceed with caution.
FUM I don't remember saying anything that was off color.I make observations at times about random things. I just think what his friend said to him about our involvement made him feel weak and emotional. I think he felt like less than a man, a wuss or sap, in front of his buddy. The friend is an official jerk but who am I to pick someone's friend. By the way, he gave me extremely thoughful and sweet gifts for Christmas. Some things I really needed but hadn't gotten for myself. Thanks for responding. I've read your posts about your Cap and know that you've been through a lot. I love him but I have way too much respect for myself to be an option and not a priority. That doesn't mean that my feelings disappear overnight or that I don't long for him sometimes because they won't and I do.
just curiousity.. what is your zodiac sign?
i just read capguy's post again... (the one that is in the thousands already). The first few postings of capguy himself are giving great insight to a capricorn male (possibly) in his mid-age. I think my approach is right in thinking that the middle aged capricorn guy likes to RUN LIKE HELL... in a GET ME OUT OF HERE... way.
This happened to me every time when I thought things were slowly settling. Just when I started thinking I had his trust... he disappeared or he did something very out of character...something very unexpected. Now I know what he did in all those disappear times. He was out trying to get other girls fall in love with him. Then he kept coming back to me. I still don't know for sure if he did feel love for me. Regardless... ANY man who starts the disappearing acts becomes a waste of our times.
It's lovely though that he is so considered in picking meaningful gifts for you.
See how things go. What can I say? You will need to experience life in your own terms. Every return made me love him more, but I also started getting afraid more. It felt like a curse. Before I could even think of letting things develop, I kept ending before him. It started feeling like a nightmare.
Although I used to think CapMan gets influenced by what other people say. Perhaps he initially does get affected. I also saw, once he is sure of himself.. no one can get through to him. If the other person tries to continue manipulating him, he doesn't even hesitate cutting ties with his own brother.
This happened to me every time when I thought things were slowly settling. Just when I started thinking I had his trust... he disappeared or he did something very out of character...something very unexpected. Now I know what he did in all those disappear times. He was out trying to get other girls fall in love with him. Then he kept coming back to me. I still don't know for sure if he did feel love for me. Regardless... ANY man who starts the disappearing acts becomes a waste of our times.
It's lovely though that he is so considered in picking meaningful gifts for you.
See how things go. What can I say? You will need to experience life in your own terms. Every return made me love him more, but I also started getting afraid more. It felt like a curse. Before I could even think of letting things develop, I kept ending before him. It started feeling like a nightmare.
Although I used to think CapMan gets influenced by what other people say. Perhaps he initially does get affected. I also saw, once he is sure of himself.. no one can get through to him. If the other person tries to continue manipulating him, he doesn't even hesitate cutting ties with his own brother.
ROFL. Shaka I'm not that well versed in astrology so I don't know my lilith and I can't help you with anything deeper than my sign...because I don't know my time of birth. If I'm correct, you're a Virgo...if so, then we both have that in common. I feel like I know many of you because I've read a lot of the posts over the past few months and laughed and cried and been pissed off with many of you over the lamebrained things that men and women tend to do in friendships/relationships/FWBships.
Anywho, the guy and I are both late 30's. I have kids, he doesn't. We both have accomplished a lot and accumulated things (possessions). He talks a lot about me to friends and family - right in my presence, which is strange and off-putting because I don't like a lot of attention. I guess that would mean that he admires me. We have lots of fun when we're together but to QuietStorm's point, I do know my own self worth and have talked to him about that. I have to keep a low profile because of my line of work, so I can only tolerate so much of his shenanigans b/c his loose life (though he doesn't think it's loose) could be a detriment to me. I won't have that. I won't let him or anyone else mess up my reputation or livelihood. He always says that we have a connection and that he doesn't bring everyone around his family and he doesn't do this with everyone or that with everyone but I've been married before so I know what it's like to be someone's only one. And I've told him such.
Lately, I keep bringing up his other friends in our conversations. Like asking him when's the last time he went to the movies or did you go dancing lately with one of your friends. I suggest that he take someone (not me) on trips or out to dinner. I think it pisses him off, in fact, I know it does b/c whenever I say things he gets furious and starts asking who am I talking about. I know you're probably thinking "don't play games" b/c Cap men are supposed to hate that. But I don't see it as that. The way I feel, if you can dish it then you can take. I'm willing to lose him. There are more men out there and I can't keep turning down dates and giving him exclusivity with me when that's not what he's offering in return. He's also quite jealous and possessive and playfully physical (like wrestling but not going too far).
Anywho, the guy and I are both late 30's. I have kids, he doesn't. We both have accomplished a lot and accumulated things (possessions). He talks a lot about me to friends and family - right in my presence, which is strange and off-putting because I don't like a lot of attention. I guess that would mean that he admires me. We have lots of fun when we're together but to QuietStorm's point, I do know my own self worth and have talked to him about that. I have to keep a low profile because of my line of work, so I can only tolerate so much of his shenanigans b/c his loose life (though he doesn't think it's loose) could be a detriment to me. I won't have that. I won't let him or anyone else mess up my reputation or livelihood. He always says that we have a connection and that he doesn't bring everyone around his family and he doesn't do this with everyone or that with everyone but I've been married before so I know what it's like to be someone's only one. And I've told him such.
Lately, I keep bringing up his other friends in our conversations. Like asking him when's the last time he went to the movies or did you go dancing lately with one of your friends. I suggest that he take someone (not me) on trips or out to dinner. I think it pisses him off, in fact, I know it does b/c whenever I say things he gets furious and starts asking who am I talking about. I know you're probably thinking "don't play games" b/c Cap men are supposed to hate that. But I don't see it as that. The way I feel, if you can dish it then you can take. I'm willing to lose him. There are more men out there and I can't keep turning down dates and giving him exclusivity with me when that's not what he's offering in return. He's also quite jealous and possessive and playfully physical (like wrestling but not going too far).
"I suggest that he take someone (not me) on trips or out to dinner. "
is that what you really want him to do?
if not........
"I know you're probably thinking "don't play games" b/c Cap men are supposed to hate that. But I don't see it as that."
it is playing games.
why do you think you can play games(manipulate),but he can't?
you are trying to pressure him in to giving you something he is not ready for NOW,rather than letting him do it as it comes naturally to HIM.
women are always in such a hurry,*smh*....rather than just enjoying what they have now.
he's afraid,plain and simple.that's not commitmentphobia,it's just a man that want's to be sure,because some men DO take commitment seriously,especially at his age.
is that what you really want him to do?
if not........
"I know you're probably thinking "don't play games" b/c Cap men are supposed to hate that. But I don't see it as that."
it is playing games.
why do you think you can play games(manipulate),but he can't?
you are trying to pressure him in to giving you something he is not ready for NOW,rather than letting him do it as it comes naturally to HIM.
women are always in such a hurry,*smh*....rather than just enjoying what they have now.
he's afraid,plain and simple.that's not commitmentphobia,it's just a man that want's to be sure,because some men DO take commitment seriously,especially at his age.
Thanks Ellessque. Hi Amethyst. It's good to meet all of you. I would have given you more details and one day I probably will. I just don't know if he frequents one of these sites/blogs b/c he spends a lot of time on the Internet. I thought it was strange at first but that's how he shops for just about everything cars, clothes, music, candles, everything. I don't think he meets people online though. He is very social and likes to get out and meet people the old fashioned way. This board and all of your postings have helped me navigate our relationship/friendship over the past almost 7 months. He has been a lot of work. Quietstorm, I have a sister and she gives good advice as well and sometimes I want to choke her too. She's a Scorpio and you know how they can be...no offense Elle. 🙂 Off to meet the Cap and his dad for a little while. Will follow this on my Iphone. I'm such a gadgetjunkie. LOL
BTB, I understand your point and realize that it could be interpreted as me playing games. I'm giving him a dose of his own medicine. Letting him know what it feels like for him not to be the center of someone's world and to have someone not care what he does when he does it and with whom he does it. BTW, what's the story with your avatar, very interesting... LOL Do you work with seniors or is that what you want in your golden years? Just wondering. I never said I didn't care about what he's doing. Quite the contrary, I do care. But I can't let it rule my thoughts. I have too many other things to worry about. I would never get anything done and wouldn't be an effective employee or mother if I focused all my energy on him. Like I said, I love him and really care about him, but I've experienced real loss in a relationship before and am not going to invest too much time in one person if he demonstrates that he's "deathly" afraid of marriage and he's seeing other people - intimately. I don't want a relationship with him that bad...and he knows it...I made it clear. So in my opinion, he is sticking around at his peril. Either he will be broken from his ways or we will cease to exist as friends or relationship. Hope that makes sense.
Shaka...here is a hug from me all away across the pond. BTW, I hope your sweetie made it to you for Xmas.
Shaka...here is a hug from me all away across the pond. BTW, I hope your sweetie made it to you for Xmas.
"We agreed to let the friendship develop and grow at its own pace, basically to take it slow. That was his request...let's take it slow and let things cultivate."
Well,I assume you would rather have him in your life than not.so,I'm wondering why you are not willing to be patient and let him set the pace he is comfortable with.
from what you've written...I just don't see what the problem is.what is he doing to warrant your change in treatment towards him?
he spends a significant amount of time with you,he bought you and expensive and useful gift...
he's trying to slow you down,that's why he mentioned other "friends".probably not to hurt you,but #1 to gauge your reaction,and #2 to slow things down a bit.
he didn't say "eff you honey,I'm out." he just wants to take it slow.
would you rather he jumps in to a commitment right now,to make you happy...then later decides it was a mistake?
or would you rather take it slow so he feels comfortable and sure?
that's all I'm sayin'. 😉
my avi just represents what love is to me.riding out the storms,and mutual comfort and safety. 🙂
Well,I assume you would rather have him in your life than not.so,I'm wondering why you are not willing to be patient and let him set the pace he is comfortable with.
from what you've written...I just don't see what the problem is.what is he doing to warrant your change in treatment towards him?
he spends a significant amount of time with you,he bought you and expensive and useful gift...
he's trying to slow you down,that's why he mentioned other "friends".probably not to hurt you,but #1 to gauge your reaction,and #2 to slow things down a bit.
he didn't say "eff you honey,I'm out." he just wants to take it slow.
would you rather he jumps in to a commitment right now,to make you happy...then later decides it was a mistake?
or would you rather take it slow so he feels comfortable and sure?
that's all I'm sayin'. 😉
my avi just represents what love is to me.riding out the storms,and mutual comfort and safety. 🙂
oh,and the family....he introduced you to his family.....
btw,my best friend of 25 years is a Virgo,so I'm just talking to you like I do her.we don't sugar coat or bs each other...🙂
Posted by QuietSt0rmPosted by BellatheBull
you are trying to pressure him in to giving you something he is not ready for NOW,rather than letting him do it as it comes naturally to HIM.
women are always in such a hurry,*smh*....rather than just enjoying what they have now.
But he's seeing other women. If they were exclusive, I don't think she'd mind taking it slow. But I don't blame her for not wanting to share. So 'what she has now' is shared property.
That would turn me off too.
click to expand
I highly doubt since he introduced her to his family,and she see's them outside of being with him, that he's "seeing other women" in the context you both think.
he's exaggerating,to see her response....and to slow things down.
I get the feeling that all was well with him,and he was enjoying it all,until his friend slapped him in the face with reality.
he then woke up and realized "shit.I do care for this girl,wtf do I do now?" "is it that obvious?"
he began to feel vulnerable,and they hate that.
so,he wants to slow down....
I could be wrong,but I don't think so.
I don't give a shit about gifts.
my point was he cared enough to want to please her.it might have actually came from his heart.
my point was he cared enough to want to please her.it might have actually came from his heart.
you really got fucked over by one huh?
and I've had Cap friends of both sexes for 20 years...you are not a lot alike.
🙂
I was talking about the males and females I know,not you.
in fact,I was posting on a thread that has nothing to do with you,don't know you....and can't say I'm going to like you if this is how you are.
deal with that. 🙂
in fact,I was posting on a thread that has nothing to do with you,don't know you....and can't say I'm going to like you if this is how you are.
deal with that. 🙂
I haven't read it all, but yeah, pleeeaaassseee, don't think much of a Capricorn male buying you a gift. They tend to know what gets a woman, and will do that for her, but will do that for many others as well. Although some Caps can be cheap, they also have a tendency to spoil and be pretty free with money. I can call a Capricorn up right now and tell him I want to go to the most expensive restaurant in town and he'll take me. My sister can do the same with her Capricorn friend at this moment. Dishing out money is the easy part for them and it means much of nothing of where you stand, so keep that in mind ladies....
Again, I haven't read it all, but you really have to penetrate and get deep inside of a Capricorn for him to have feelings for you that he can't switch off at any moment. Its almost like a woman will have to have a special talent, and I'm sure many women won't feel it's worth it.
It sounds like he has a tendency to become possessive of you more than anything, and that's not good. Don't dish it out back to him, because you are getting out of character, and if he becomes possessive then that can bring out really ugly sides of a Cap male.
Again, I haven't read it all, but you really have to penetrate and get deep inside of a Capricorn for him to have feelings for you that he can't switch off at any moment. Its almost like a woman will have to have a special talent, and I'm sure many women won't feel it's worth it.
It sounds like he has a tendency to become possessive of you more than anything, and that's not good. Don't dish it out back to him, because you are getting out of character, and if he becomes possessive then that can bring out really ugly sides of a Cap male.
Posted by ellessque
uh oh...battle of the pisces moon.
*grabbing popcorn*
(this could be as entertaining as the aries moon battles between tubbs and I) 😛
my 7th house of romance and open enemies is Capricorn.
I either love them,or hate them.
it's up to them....😉
Some of the worst relationships are Cap/Caps. Many will stay together because it's comfortable and safe, but if the guy cheats so will the Cap female and it will be a downward spiral from there.
@K...I'm out with my friend and his dad right now. We have a hobby in common so we're out with some of his dad friends. I appreciate your passion for my well-being. Thank you for that. I didn't ask for the gifts and would have been just fine w/o them. But I mentioned them to hint that he might really care about me like he says. He took me to an event with his family and his mother went on about how cheap he is and how she was shocked he bought the tix and so on. I got the sense he wouldn't spend his money unless he really cared for someone. He might give other women gifts, I don't know. He's given me things that he's observed will improve my quality of life but without me ever saying I wanted them. When I say "MY convenience" I mean lots of things, not just sex. I have to have an emotional connection in order to have sex with a man...so right now, we aren't having that b/c I have doubts about his level of commitment to me. Relationships are complicated, we all know this. What feels right today could feel terribly wrong tomorrow. Let's keep our discussion in the road and not get off spewing meanness or calling names. I'll play nice if you play nice. 😉 BTW, where the heck is Capguy. Doesn't he have a little manly cap wisdom. I guess I can say that the trouble making jerk friend is his brother. LOL...not really!
Posted by BellatheBullPosted by QuietSt0rmPosted by BellatheBull
you are trying to pressure him in to giving you something he is not ready for NOW,rather than letting him do it as it comes naturally to HIM.
women are always in such a hurry,*smh*....rather than just enjoying what they have now.
But he's seeing other women. If they were exclusive, I don't think she'd mind taking it slow. But I don't blame her for not wanting to share. So 'what she has now' is shared property.
That would turn me off too.
I highly doubt since he introduced her to his family,and she see's them outside of being with him, that he's "seeing other women" in the context you both think.
he's exaggerating,to see her response....and to slow things down.
I get the feeling that all was well with him,and he was enjoying it all,until his friend slapped him in the face with reality.
he then woke up and realized "shit.I do care for this girl,wtf do I do now?" "is it that obvious?"
he began to feel vulnerable,and they hate that.
so,he wants to slow down....
I could be wrong,but I don't think so.click to expand
no he is not bella. Cap man doesn't lie. This is nothing to be proud of when he tells he saw other women while with her.
believe me.. cap guy can be as unpolished as she just described.
LOL, Elle, your probably right about Capguy charging for advice. But don't you get the sense he wants to make us all better and smarter in our dealings with Caps? 😉
Posted by ellessque
your virgo in merc is showing.
that is not what she meant. 😛
that's how I took it too,and mine's not Virgo.
Posted by FUMRedFairy_talesPosted by BellatheBullPosted by QuietSt0rmPosted by BellatheBull
you are trying to pressure him in to giving you something he is not ready for NOW,rather than letting him do it as it comes naturally to HIM.
women are always in such a hurry,*smh*....rather than just enjoying what they have now.
But he's seeing other women. If they were exclusive, I don't think she'd mind taking it slow. But I don't blame her for not wanting to share. So 'what she has now' is shared property.
That would turn me off too.
I highly doubt since he introduced her to his family,and she see's them outside of being with him, that he's "seeing other women" in the context you both think.
he's exaggerating,to see her response....and to slow things down.
I get the feeling that all was well with him,and he was enjoying it all,until his friend slapped him in the face with reality.
he then woke up and realized "shit.I do care for this girl,wtf do I do now?" "is it that obvious?"
he began to feel vulnerable,and they hate that.
so,he wants to slow down....
I could be wrong,but I don't think so.
no he is not bella. Cap man doesn't lie. This is nothing to be proud of when he tells he saw other women while with her.
believe me.. cap guy can be as unpolished as she just described.click to expand
I didn't say he lied,I said he exaggerated.
and believe it or not,I do know Cap guys. 😉
@FUM...he didn't just come out and tell me he was seeing other women while seeing me. We were discussing something he had read about women accepting that their husbands have affairs in Russia. He thought that the state of marriage might be better in America if women wouldn't get mad when they discovered their husbands had mistresses. I told him that only works in Russia and basically when very wealthy women look at the entire situation and decide not to divorce an unfaithful husband over "just sex". He said if that's the case let's get married. I said "no". Later that evening I asked if he really felt that way...one thing led to another and I asked if he was being intimate with anyone else and he took a deep sigh and told me yes. I had to pull the truth out. I think all men can lie under the right circumstances...women too. @Kay...you sound kinda proud that your married male best friend is in love with you or am I reading that wrong. LOL
This is lots of fun... Kay you gotta learn to read between the lines and recognize when you're being blown off in a nice way. I don't have to be a Capricorn to be brutally honest or mean. But I won't be either tonight. You get the point, right!
@ SC,
"I asked if he was being intimate with anyone else and he took a deep sigh and told me yes."
I stand corrected.I must have missed where this was said in the op.
"I asked if he was being intimate with anyone else and he took a deep sigh and told me yes."
I stand corrected.I must have missed where this was said in the op.
Posted by CappyyLuv30Posted by BellatheBull
women are always in such a hurry,*smh*....rather than just enjoying what they have now.
he's afraid,plain and simple.that's not commitmentphobia,it's just a man that want's to be sure,because some men DO take commitment seriously,especially at his age.
This is so true but I never really knew it could be true until I saw it with my own eyes. Sadly there are more men that prove us wrong than those that prove us right.
click to expand
true that.
First of all gifts mean nothing ... I've known my capi for 2 years and he never bought me anything apart from few tickets to certain events. He pefer to show it by his actions, like coming to spend the day with me on my birthday, easter, xmas eve and so on. And I like this over gifts anyway, gifts are meaningless and shallow.
Secondly, he told you he is sleeping around with others and caps don't joke about these sort of things. So unless you want to be another one of those he plays around with then go ahead with it, just don't expect anything.
Secondly, he told you he is sleeping around with others and caps don't joke about these sort of things. So unless you want to be another one of those he plays around with then go ahead with it, just don't expect anything.
Posted by Museigal
@FUM...he didn't just come out and tell me he was seeing other women while seeing me. We were discussing something he had read about women accepting that their husbands have affairs in Russia. He thought that the state of marriage might be better in America if women wouldn't get mad when they discovered their husbands had mistresses. I told him that only works in Russia and basically when very wealthy women look at the entire situation and decide not to divorce an unfaithful husband over "just sex". He said if that's the case let's get married. I said "no". Later that evening I asked if he really felt that way...one thing led to another and I asked if he was being intimate with anyone else and he took a deep sigh and told me yes. I had to pull the truth out. I think all men can lie under the right circumstances...women too. @Kay...you sound kinda proud that your married male best friend is in love with you or am I reading that wrong. LOL
reading wrong, museigal.
sorry.. will keep quiet. you will always know best your own situation. We go by what you publish.
i'm not proud he has those feelings for me.
anyone should really get this because that guy is married and I'm no breaker. am putting on the comparison of the guy who cares and the one does not.
anyone should really get this because that guy is married and I'm no breaker. am putting on the comparison of the guy who cares and the one does not.
I hope this get through loud and clear!
I do understand gifts too...
imagine the guy giving a tiffany bracelet to his EX girlfriend.. who tears it into two
and imagine him giving me a coin
wishing me.... FUM.. I want you to have this coin for I want that you always have money in your possesion.
I prefer the second.. but which one looks BETTER—
imagine the guy giving a tiffany bracelet to his EX girlfriend.. who tears it into two
and imagine him giving me a coin
wishing me.... FUM.. I want you to have this coin for I want that you always have money in your possesion.
I prefer the second.. but which one looks BETTER—
the Tiffany looks better, no?
Posted by oxlostxo
First of all gifts mean nothing ... I've known my capi for 2 years and he never bought me anything apart from few tickets to certain events. He pefer to show it by his actions, like coming to spend the day with me on my birthday, easter, xmas eve and so on. And I like this over gifts anyway, gifts are meaningless and shallow.
Secondly, he told you he is sleeping around with others and caps don't joke about these sort of things. So unless you want to be another one of those he plays around with then go ahead with it, just don't expect anything.
agree with you, ox
@kstarks2 is he an Aries cusper? That could be the source of his honesty 😛
capguy .. I agree that it is a normal reaction of a guy to run away if he is pushed into a commitment, but I'd believe that love fades away over a frame of time. I think it all goes back to the people involved, you can let it fade and die, or you can keep it going. Funny how you cap guys are pessimistic when it comes to love, it is like the idea of forever love scares you somehow. My cap told me a while back that he is scared of having one thing and for too long, he is scared of taking the first step because he fears what will be the end of that journey ... but if everyone thought that way we the world would have came to an end .. you may have fallen in love before but you are yet to find that someone who will make the risk worth taking 🙂
^ i meant i don't believe that love fades away
^kstarks 17th is pisces 🙂
and you are right capguy is a cusper .. he said he used to think he was a sagi until he realised that in the year he was born it was the first day of cap lol ... I guess that makes a lot of sense now ... lol .. my cap has a venus in sagi .. maybe that's why he used to say those crazy things a while back ..
and you are right capguy is a cusper .. he said he used to think he was a sagi until he realised that in the year he was born it was the first day of cap lol ... I guess that makes a lot of sense now ... lol .. my cap has a venus in sagi .. maybe that's why he used to say those crazy things a while back ..
"Yeah that's obligation so that everyone thinks you're a good person."
No it isn't an obligation, if you feel that way then you really don't care for them to start with.
What you have said so far is all self-centred ... I am sorry ... but you are yet to learn how to care for others ..
No it isn't an obligation, if you feel that way then you really don't care for them to start with.
What you have said so far is all self-centred ... I am sorry ... but you are yet to learn how to care for others ..
Just got back from hanging out with my Cap and his dad. I've read all of your comments...wow it has been really busy out here. Let me just say for the record, I've enjoyed the discussion. And I don't want it to end. If I hadn't been with my Cap friend for the last 4 hours, I would think that Cap guy was him. But since I also believe from reading Cap guy's previous posts that he isn't my Cap guy, no worries. However, I have to say the two of you sound eerily similar. I don't know if that is just a guy thing or a Cap thing or a similar age thing (judging from the comment about you having a HS sweetheart 20 years ago). There are details about my relationship with him that I'd like to discuss with you offline if you're open to that. The two of you think A LOT alike or at least that's how it appears. I don't want to muddy the waters out here by posting his thoughts and our conversations on life, love, commitment, relationships, etc. I think it would really get mucked up after a while. I really do love where this topic has gone, though, really!
M has coughed ... that's enough to dismiss your sagittarian believes capguy 😛
@Kay
I realize you're a Capricorn woman and you may feel you know your kind very well...that's fine. But as I've digested the comments on this board (few and far in between) from men, Capguy sounds a lot like guys who are past their late twenties/early 30's. And I'm not defending him but I can identify with his rhetoric. I've heard this before from my Cap guy and other men in general who are in their mid to late 30's, who have a strong opinion about the nature of a man being: 1) primal; 2) variety seeking and 3) not prone to settling down by nature. I had a Scorpio male friend whom I've known since college tell me that he told his wife "marriage is like winning the lottery for women". He went on to tell her that it has never been in a man's nature to be tied down to one women, but that men do it because they want to tow the party line (the party being society). This is a decent, God fearing, law abiding man making these comments. Now I will admit that when my Cap starting talking all the non-sense about men needing variety in sex or shoes or cars or whatever suited him on any given day, I thought he was crazy. I have a Sag guy friend whom I've also known for years and he publicly puts on the act that he's a one woman man, but privately he is a hunter and would be with many different women if his public persona would allow it. I say all that to say that I think there is a turning of the tides, a period that we are in where a lot of men are becoming more assertive about their needs/wants/desires to not be in a committed monogamous relationship because that is diametrically opposed to their primal nature to have variety.
After thinking about this a lot, I agree that I like variety. I mean really who wants to be bored with the same old thing time after time....but I don't advocate bed hopping; however, I do think couples, people who are dating should keep things fresh and new and for heavens sakes not be screwing each other every day. Take some time away from each other sexually so maybe the person will feel new, fresh when you come back together. There is nothing wrong with waiting longer than a week to be intimate with your partner. It builds the angst. Just my 2 cents...
I realize you're a Capricorn woman and you may feel you know your kind very well...that's fine. But as I've digested the comments on this board (few and far in between) from men, Capguy sounds a lot like guys who are past their late twenties/early 30's. And I'm not defending him but I can identify with his rhetoric. I've heard this before from my Cap guy and other men in general who are in their mid to late 30's, who have a strong opinion about the nature of a man being: 1) primal; 2) variety seeking and 3) not prone to settling down by nature. I had a Scorpio male friend whom I've known since college tell me that he told his wife "marriage is like winning the lottery for women". He went on to tell her that it has never been in a man's nature to be tied down to one women, but that men do it because they want to tow the party line (the party being society). This is a decent, God fearing, law abiding man making these comments. Now I will admit that when my Cap starting talking all the non-sense about men needing variety in sex or shoes or cars or whatever suited him on any given day, I thought he was crazy. I have a Sag guy friend whom I've also known for years and he publicly puts on the act that he's a one woman man, but privately he is a hunter and would be with many different women if his public persona would allow it. I say all that to say that I think there is a turning of the tides, a period that we are in where a lot of men are becoming more assertive about their needs/wants/desires to not be in a committed monogamous relationship because that is diametrically opposed to their primal nature to have variety.
After thinking about this a lot, I agree that I like variety. I mean really who wants to be bored with the same old thing time after time....but I don't advocate bed hopping; however, I do think couples, people who are dating should keep things fresh and new and for heavens sakes not be screwing each other every day. Take some time away from each other sexually so maybe the person will feel new, fresh when you come back together. There is nothing wrong with waiting longer than a week to be intimate with your partner. It builds the angst. Just my 2 cents...
is your guy on the cusp musigal? or have planets in Sag?
because as much as I hate to agree with starks here,capguy seems pretty saggy to me as well.
and I agree with your last paragraph.there are many ways to keep love new and spicy...my venus in aries demands it. 😉
because as much as I hate to agree with starks here,capguy seems pretty saggy to me as well.
and I agree with your last paragraph.there are many ways to keep love new and spicy...my venus in aries demands it. 😉
He is actually a January Cap...full fledged. He has access to things, he's seen a lot, he's handsome, charming, but he is a typical Cap man in a lot of the ways you guys have described on the posts. He is self-deprecating at times, gets depressed, doesn't take compliments well, likes to be alone, spends a great deal of time with himself on the Internet or listening to music, whatever. I don't know his birth time or mine. I would offer that if I had it. I thought about asking his mother when I met her or his dad one of these dads...but let's be honest wouldn't that be a freaky question to ask a guy's parents. LOL
did you do a chart on him? you can do one for 12pm and find out all his placements other than rising and houses.
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