My Cap World...

I'm not an expert on Caps, but I have experienced the same things that some recent posters have written. If you asked me a year & half ago if it was worth the time and emotional drama to date a cap, I would have said nope! It was only after I changed my attitude and focus that my relationship with my Cappy changed for the better.

I used to fret about how little of his time I got and jumped at any chance to see him. Pretty soon I was changing my plans and always trying to work my schedule around his. All this did was cause angst & frustration. Solution: I threw myself into ME. I started going out with friends more, taking more weekend trips and just living for me. Cappy took notice, after all I wasn't making concessions any more. If he wanted to see me and I had plans already, I would just decline. It wasn't long before Cappy was asking to see me more often. Once every two weeks, turned into once a week, turned into three nights a week to now, we live together.

I used to get confused when we would get closer and bond more to only have him pull away. I talked to friends about it, asked advice on forums, and I just continuously doubted our pseudo relationship. I finally just talked to HIM and asked why he behaved that way. It was his self protective, cautious side kicking in. He was purposely slowing progress down so he could be sure of his feelings for me as well as mine for him. He did not want to lead me on if it wasn't "real" to him. Solution: I changed my attitude. I made a decision not to get upset at the pulling away and to continue being me. If I was only being tested, then it was up to him to give the passing grade. I wasn't going to try to fit the bill, I was just going to be me.

I learned that Caps aren't quite as complicated as WE think they are. They want to love and be loved, just at their own pace.

Good post!

Your guy did a bit of what I talked about as far as pacing things. I think if the Cap feels you are falling for him, and he's not "there" yet then he'll pull back to not lead you on. I think they want to make sure things are on the same wavelength.

I'm glad that you started living for yourself and didn't revolve your life around him. It seems like they like to know that you are okay without the 24/7 attention, all while knowing you are never too far.

Glad things are working out between you two!!

Posted by CanceritaBonita
I'm not an expert on Caps, but I have experienced the same things that some recent posters have written. If you asked me a year & half ago if it was worth the time and emotional drama to date a cap, I would have said nope! It was only after I changed my attitude and focus that my relationship with my Cappy changed for the better.

I used to fret about how little of his time I got and jumped at any chance to see him. Pretty soon I was changing my plans and always trying to work my schedule around his. All this did was cause angst & frustration. Solution: I threw myself into ME. I started going out with friends more, taking more weekend trips and just living for me. Cappy took notice, after all I wasn't making concessions any more. If he wanted to see me and I had plans already, I would just decline. It wasn't long before Cappy was asking to see me more often. Once every two weeks, turned into once a week, turned into three nights a week to now, we live together.

I used to get confused when we would get closer and bond more to only have him pull away. I talked to friends about it, asked advice on forums, and I just continuously doubted our pseudo relationship. I finally just talked to HIM and asked why he behaved that way. It was his self protective, cautious side kicking in. He was purposely slowing progress down so he could be sure of his feelings for me as well as mine for him. He did not want to lead me on if it wasn't "real" to him. Solution: I changed my attitude. I made a decision not to get upset at the pulling away and to continue being me. If I was only being tested, then it was up to him to give the passing grade. I wasn't going to try to fit the bill, I was just going to be me.

I learned that Caps aren't quite as complicated as WE think they are. They want to love and be loved, just at their own pace.

Very nicely said. Both, on focusing on *you*, and taking care of your own needs, life.

Glad you are happy 🙂

I think that focusing on yourself is important (extremely difficult for a Cancer, because we tend to put everyone else first), but it is a fundamental key to a happier existence. My problem is, I can fall back to giving everyone else's needs a priority.

I think a huge part of why I'm so into My Cappy is that he takes care of every little thing in our world and this gives me time to take care of me. That probably sounds selfish but it works.

Loving this post 🙂

Patience is important with a Cap. They ponder and analyze everything to death! But if you are working on YOU and enjoying your time then you have less time to stoke your insecurities and less time to spend working yourself up trying to figure them out.

Haha! It's something I learned from my Cappy. The power of observation, just watch and learn. Besides, you Cappy's are well worth the time! 😉

Posted by CanceritaBonita
I'm not an expert on Caps, but I have experienced the same things that some recent posters have written. If you asked me a year & half ago if it was worth the time and emotional drama to date a cap, I would have said nope! It was only after I changed my attitude and focus that my relationship with my Cappy changed for the better.

I used to fret about how little of his time I got and jumped at any chance to see him. Pretty soon I was changing my plans and always trying to work my schedule around his. All this did was cause angst & frustration. Solution: I threw myself into ME. I started going out with friends more, taking more weekend trips and just living for me. Cappy took notice, after all I wasn't making concessions any more. If he wanted to see me and I had plans already, I would just decline. It wasn't long before Cappy was asking to see me more often. Once every two weeks, turned into once a week, turned into three nights a week to now, we live together.

I used to get confused when we would get closer and bond more to only have him pull away. I talked to friends about it, asked advice on forums, and I just continuously doubted our pseudo relationship. I finally just talked to HIM and asked why he behaved that way. It was his self protective, cautious side kicking in. He was purposely slowing progress down so he could be sure of his feelings for me as well as mine for him. He did not want to lead me on if it wasn't "real" to him. Solution: I changed my attitude. I made a decision not to get upset at the pulling away and to continue being me. If I was only being tested, then it was up to him to give the passing grade. I wasn't going to try to fit the bill, I was just going to be me.

I learned that Caps aren't quite as complicated as WE think they are. They want to love and be loved, just at their own pace.

I really like your post. I'm also dealing with a cappy guy rite now and he did just like your bf. At first I was so damn frustrated when he suddenly pull back. Then I posted my problem here and I received a lot of feedback. For now I was just following the flow and continue being myself.

Thank you Cancerita, you posting somehow makes me feel relieved. I now know I'm on the right track :-)

Posted by cowpuncher

Posted by CanceritaBonita
Patience is important with a Cap. They ponder and analyze everything to death! But if you are working on YOU and enjoying your time then you have less time to stoke your insecurities and less time to spend working yourself up trying to figure them out.

Somebody needs to give you a Cable Tv show... "The Cap Whisperer" or something like that. 🙂

click to expand

LMAO

My Cappy proposed! I'm so excited 🙂

Posted by CanceritaBonita
My Cappy proposed! I'm so excited 🙂

*JUMPING UP & DOWN* OMG.. CONGRATS CANCERITAAAA!! That's AWESOME NEWS!! awww... Now if you don't mind..start from the beginning.. How did he propose?? AAww how I LOVE proposal stories!!

@ Taurusbelle, it was a complete surprise to me. We were sitting on couch discussing what a great weekend we'd just shared (it's rare to have full weekends together because he's usually working) and he got down on his knee and that's when I went into shock. I missed a lot of what he was saying except the part of "will you marry me". It wasn't until the ring (pretty friggin gorgeous) was on my finger that I realized it was for real.

He's so cute, he knew that I phased out so he pulled out his "cheat note" and let me read the words. Turns out the entire weekend was planned and built up toward that moment...*sigh*

Posted by CanceritaBonita
@ Taurusbelle, it was a complete surprise to me. We were sitting on couch discussing what a great weekend we'd just shared (it's rare to have full weekends together because he's usually working) and he got down on his knee and that's when I went into shock. I missed a lot of what he was saying except the part of "will you marry me". It wasn't until the ring (pretty friggin gorgeous) was on my finger that I realized it was for real.

He's so cute, he knew that I phased out so he pulled out his "cheat note" and let me read the words. Turns out the entire weekend was planned and built up toward that moment...*sigh*

*TEARS*... aww.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! They usually say Caps, keep their proposals simple and intimate, and that was BEAUTIFUL. *sighs...*

and LOL!! its hilarious how the women always have that "Slow motion & Warped" moment when the proposal is actually happening. It was sweet that your Cappy, came prepared with his Cheat sheet in hand. He's been planning this for a while. He's calculated yet,smooth...

Congrats again doll! You are SERIOUSLY the CAP Whisperer. I'm coming to YOU for all my Cappy questions.😉

Congrats!!

Thanks for the well wishes! So many people on this board were a great help to me in the early days.

I don't plan on disappearing and I hope to offer up any positive assistance when needed....

Hi all new here. Congrats Bonita you lucky lucky girl!
I have to say.. after I googled "How to keep your capricorn man from backing off" led me to this forum and the post titled *Capricorn Man - Distant, cold and Workaholic??*
After feeling bad all day..ok all week not hearing from him I had to laugh out loud and think wow you people know this guy??!! omg.
I feel so much better after reading all of these great posts and I have to say I met a cap, we have chatted and traded innuendo and a very similar take on things over a year and finally wound up going on a weekend away which I think was too much too fast as we had only been out once. It was a night of nervous passion followed by a total disaster, He freaked out and after persuing me hot and heavy for months admitting a crush on me way before I admitted one on him. and talking about this weekend making the most romantic of plans turned around after one day/night and said "I dont think I can do this"

I handled it ok no major drama..blamed myself "Im not good enouugh for anyone blah blah" and we stuch out the next two days in an awkward fashion while I waded around inbetween shock and anger and total embarassment. Yes I should have left that day. so after I ignored him and let him decide, he mad e the first move ad the second and so on and we returned to meeting up I let him ask me, I waited for him to kiss me and he did. Things went back to as before chatting all day at work and emailing and texts from him that made my toes curl and made me smile like a fool.

He gave me the best birthday I had in years and I let him know that it was. I saw the look in his eyes..Ive seen it before. The mouth doesnt open and say the words but I know that look.

Now comes the tricky part. He gave me a card and signed it *Love (his name). I wsnt sure in my insecurity if I should make anything of it and just smiled and thanked him and we kissed etc. I was afraid it was just said as a sentiment you say in a card and I didnt want to make a fool of myself. Two days later it all stopped. I started getting one word replies to my emails. Then no emails. Then days would go by. Then he was back around and we chatted and everything seemed great. He emailed hed not be around due to work and I was feeling defensive and I said Im sorry..did I ask ? and he replied no you didnt but I enjoyed chatting and I thought you did too but I guess not. I waited two days to reply and said if we could meet up Id prove him wrong. we met talked and it was great and I saw that look and Then again he stopped. I didnt hear from him in a week for the first time in a year.

Im so confused. I figured maybe ha was hurt that I didnt respond about the card and he pulled back to protect himself or he saw how much I was feeling (I havent been hiding it that well) and backed off out of nervousness like last time.

Thing is, I think I love him.

I should clarify that we had spokem just before my birthday and I asked him how he felt and he said how he cared for me a lot (in better words than that)and he said dont you know? and I said maybe I just needed to hear him say it. He said the next time he saw me he would say it to my face..well that time would be my birthday. He had this dreamy look which he let be more obvious than before and then the gift (which was perfectly thought out) and the card. Then we ended up being passionate when maybe I should have been saying something and I keep thinking knowing him he planned this all out in his head and in my stupidity I let it fall flat. or maybe Im just being vain enough to think that?

help

Yep, I'm sure he had it planned out and your flat reaction was probably analyzed from every angle possible. Just by reading your story, I'm wondering if he's getting the sense that you aren't serious about him.

Your defensive comment to him about whether you asked about his schedule would appear uncaring and after the no comment on the "love" signature on the card, it would really get him to wondering and pondering what you feel about him.

You may need face to face conversation about it and let him know how you feel. Cappy's need reassurance just like everyone else.

Nice! Its true, Caps are as misunderstood as Cancers, which is why we make a damn good team. We can overcome anything together. My cap is going through some custody issues,and its caused us t have a tiff but we talk it out and pull through,I always tell him "Were a family,and family sticks together" and he agrees... I Love my Cap man, and i have had to learn to be patient,and realise when he is doing is thing and being quiet its because hes either stressed and over analyzing or hes processing everything.. and he has learned that when he is finished doing that to come to me and talk to me about it. ..Good post sweety 🙂

Thks girls and guy. I am usually not bitchy and I have been sweet complimentary (smetimes maybe too much) and always there for him. My lack of self esteem always makes me forget.. when I am in like with someone mutually that it means "Hey they like me too" I keep seeing it as one sided. That shoots me on the foot often.

I wrote him a nice non whiny non blaming email explaining that I had only made the comment half assed and half seriously and that it was because maybe I missed his weekly influence in my life and my ego got a little dented between him not being around all the time like usual (adding that Id gotten used to his ability to banter, make me laugh and his generally enjoyable uniqueness) I said it was just a poor moment and that Ive been stressed due to a family (caregover) situation, which he knows, and that I was surprised by his reply. I didn't expect himto sound kinda hurt by what was really just a half assed half serious answer. I left off saying that I just wanted to say something nice, I know hes very busy and I would really like to gettogether or chat sometime soon.
I sent it last night at 930 when I knew he was leaving work and have not heard.
He also used to answer my emails with lightning speed.

((your flat reaction was probably analyzed from every angle possible))
This scares me lol. I just didnt say much more than to smile and thank him in an enthusiastic way because after the Florida disaster I didnt want to make a giant fool of myself or freak him out again.
How do I fix this?

I had planned to talk to him and fish around about what he said in the card but the last time we got together his friends would not leave (AARGH!!) we both had to run due to very early schedules and now I can't figure how to get him alone.

So how long does one wait? It's hard cause he always answered every IM, email txt immediately if not within a few hours.

I guess hes processing what I have said in the email? Maybe he didnt realize his absence hurt? He has been very busy hes working and selling his friends house (who is out of state) and doing work on it inbetween a twice a week game schedule.
Yeah thats him non stop man. But I am the same. Neither of us sleeps lol.

He has been insecure around me before if Ive not been around. Sigh.. I just wish it wasn't so hard.
You get tired of the horse hockey after too many relationships with the wrong type of man and I know hes the right one.

Thanks for the advice, amy input is helpful