My Longtime Cap lover/friend

Hi everybody,

I started typing out my story of knowing my cap lover/friend for 15 years now, but never get to finish cause it's such a long story lol. After meeting him then and stayed in contact with him over the years with us both moving on with our lives. I came to realize a few years ago that he's the one for me. Now i'm trying to understand his actions and things that he says by reading about cap man. He's a January 15 cap and i'm March 15 pisces both from 1980. I'm trying to get his birth chart through a good website. Hope to post it soon.

My question is how to know when a cap feels actual emotion for a potential love interest. And if he really cares about me will he make sure to not let me go. Seeing that he knows that i'm really into him and he doesn't have to fear that i will reject him. He recently even told a mutual friend of us "that's my girl" and i was there when he said it.

There's a lot of history between me and this man and maybe to understand my connection with him i will have to tell the whole story. But to be honest i do believe he is my soul mate as i have been in other relationship but don't feel the love that i have with him. Also he's the only man that knows me so well that i don't need to explain myself to him he knows/sees it already.

I think it's obvious if someone feels something for you; they will show it.

If you have a long drama-filled history, he may be cautious for awhile.

Unless you have a ring on your finger, I don't think you can expect any promises for him to stick by you. As a cap, I make no promises until I'm ready to make the ultimate promise and until then I could literally turn around and walk away at any moment without regret, sometimes without much warning but if you think about it, you'd see the signs were there.

I don't think the caution is about fear of rejection for what it's worth. It's about being sure of making the right decision.

Thanks for your reply.

Well in my head i think he does have feelings for me, i guess i just want to be sure and seeing that i don't want to put him under pressure about that. I'm came hear to find out from other caps lol. I also notice when i was in a relationship and he saw me and my then boyfriend together he didn't like that at all. Gave me the cold look or just wanted to pass me by like he didn't know me. Or ask me several times if a male friend liked me. These last 2 years of me being single i really showed him that he's the one for me and that i understand that know is not our time but who knows what the future can bring. In between time he has been giving me compliments from how we were back then and how he sees me know blossoming as a woman. He also invited me to his Christmas party and i guess that was for him to see how well i would interact with his friends and family.

Posted by cappyscorpygirl
I don't think the caution is about fear of rejection for what it's worth. It's about being sure of making the right decision.

That's true i feel that too from him.

This is his chart

Sun 24??41' Capricorn
Moon 25??46' Sagittarius
Mercury 21??04' Capricorn
Venus 29??26' Aquarius
Mars 15??21' Virgo
Jupiter 9??36' –? Virgo
Saturn 26??57' –? Virgo
Uranus 24??41' Scorpio
Neptune 21??26' Sagittarius
Pluto 21??45' Libra
Chiron 9??08' –? Taurus
Ceres 12??29' Aries
Pallas 2??00' Pisces
Juno 21??30' –? Cancer
Vesta 5??16' Taurus
Node 29??44' –? Leo
Lilith 8??24' –? Virgo
Fortune 6??24' Aries
AS 5??19' Taurus
MC 26??36' Capricorn

And this is my chart would be it be possible for someone to help explain it to me, thanks

Sun 24??51' Pisces
Moon 3??38' Pisces
Mercury 8??21' –? Pisces
Venus 9??28' Taurus
Mars 28??59' –? Leo
Jupiter 2??50' –? Virgo
Saturn 23??33' –? Virgo
Uranus 25??28' –? Scorpio
Neptune 22??39' Sagittarius
Pluto 21??06' –? Libra
Chiron 10??37' Taurus
Ceres 1??56' Taurus
Pallas 21??38' Pisces
Juno 17??57' Cancer
Vesta 22??07' Taurus
Node 29??10' –? Leo
Lilith 0??22' –? Libra
Fortune 14??05' Aries
AS 5??18' Taurus
MC 13??26' Capricorn

There's something that I don't understand as I've been reading about Caps.

One time caps say they want to be sure that the woman is into them and needs to show interest and then I'm reading when the women do show interest and assures or confess her love to him it turned him off cause he wants to chase the woman.

I don't get it....

I think it's more about giving the "green light" that they want to be chased.
Confessing love puts too much pressure and takes away the chase.
Hope that makes sense.

And for what it's worth I think pisces women and cap men do pretty well as a match, as long as the pisces doesn't get too emotional and doesn't manipulate.

Ok thanks truecap, that does make sense indeed. How do i get him to chase me though? I already leave it up to him to send me a message and say hi. I don't bug him with messages at all. I used to once in awhile call him and check up on him to see how he was doing. Nothing in a annoying way cause i don't like that myself. But if there are other ways i would like to know.

What has happened between you? When did that happen and most importantly:

Why do you think you are not together already?

Posted by piscesheart
Ok thanks truecap, that does make sense indeed. How do i get him to chase me though? I already leave it up to him to send me a message and say hi. I don't bug him with messages at all. I used to once in awhile call him and check up on him to see how he was doing. Nothing in a annoying way cause i don't like that myself. But if there are other ways i would like to know.

With the history factor, he made be more afraid of losing the friend than of stepping off into romance.

Usually giving the "green light" is mentioning a movie you'd like to see, or a museum you want to visit and see if they pick up on it. Or if you're talking about some event you'd both like to attend, mentioning "that would be so fun! We should totally do that!". Puts the ball in their court to follow up.

But, your situation is different. I'm not really sure how you should proceed.

Posted by piscesheart
Thanks for your reply.

These last 2 years of me being single i really showed him that he's the one for me and that i understand that know is not our time but who knows what the future can bring. In between time he has been giving me compliments from how we were back then and how he sees me know blossoming as a woman. He also invited me to his Christmas party and i guess that was for him to see how well i would interact with his friends and family.

A couple of questions for clarification.

How did you show him that he's the one for you?
He made not have understood what the "showing" meant.

Or did you tell him he was the one for you, then say "now is not our time"?
That seems a little confusing, like I want you, but not now. What is he supposed to do with that?

Sometimes you just have to be direct with men (especially men you've known for a long time). So I'm wondering if you did this directly or indirectly. It would help us to help you if we knew more about the action you've already taken.

Ok this is the reason why i prefer to tell the whole story between me and him. But let me explain it in a short way. Right now he's a in a long term relationship, that started after me and him met like 4 years after. So he met me in 2000 and got with her in 2004. Since he got with her we were not intimate anymore even before that time. We both went our separate ways and respected that, but we still talked to each other online just as friends staying in contact. Now the last few years that i come to realize that i still have strong feelings for him i thought maybe he needs to "break up" with me so i can move on from him. So i called him and told him that i still have feelings for him and i was ready for the let down as in him telling me "listen your a great girl but i don't feel the same" kinda talk. But instead he told that he had been thinking too how it would be to be in a relationship with me. I was confused about this answer and asked if me and him could talk in person about, this never happened because he had a busy work schedule. He said he couldn't just break up with his gf cause they don't have major problems. I corrected him and told him i never would ask him for that. I was simply saying that if he later in the future ends up single to have me in mind as i still would love to be with him and have a future with him. He took this all in. After that we stayed in contact more and i would notice that he would ask me questions about life, sexual fantasies etc. One time i asked him what do you really want from me and he said he don't know cause he never really had two women at the same time and he wouldn't know how to deal with that. I told him hold up, you don't have me let's make that clear and it's not something i want to create he said ok. After that we still stayed in contact and in between he would slightly show me he would be irritated with some things in his relationship. I would just listen to him. When he invited me for his christmas party and i reach there he was busy taking out food and didn't realize that i was there till he looked up and looked me right in my eyes and just freeze up for a few minutes and that got me extremely shy. I decided to go do what i came for and that was to be the Dj. He shortly came to where i was and told me softly you looking good. I told him thank you you looking good too. Then every min he would come and check on me to see if i need anything to drink or eat.

Then when most of the guest left he told me i could stop playing music and come sit down eat and relax myself. His gf was there. We were sitting down talking about a lot of stuff like mutual friends, his childhood etc. He introduced me to the rest of the guest family and friends. He also said feel free to walk around and look through the house, be yourself. After everybody left he drove me home. In the car we were talking and then when he had to make a turn to go my way he ended up driving straight so i was telling him and he said do you trust me? and i said yes. He continued driving and then told me he find that i have a low self esteem and i was in my head like wow wtf!! but for once i stayed quite and let him talk. He said you are a beautiful, classy women that deserves better. He mean to say that my last relationship i was in was also the first time that i let him in with my relationship issues for some reason he was the person i would talk to about. He didn't like how i was still considering for me to then still make it work with my ex with all i went through. So i was thinking yes he's right but this was also the first relationship that i wanted it to make it work instead of just cutting it off by the first issue. I didn't tell him all of that but i did tell him that i would love to be with the man that i want but yeah that's not possible right now. Then after more talking he said so what if i end up in your bed tonight what would happen. And i told him nothing cause i don't want you for the sex. I love you and i want to be with you, if it was just about the sex we might have done that long time ago. He listen and stayed quite when we reach outside by me. He asked me why him. That was something that i can't just explain in words it's a feeling that is very hard to describe just like that. He kinda understood. Then he had to go and he asked for a kiss but i didn't lean over for it. we talked a little bit and then he said i have to go he leaned over and i did too then we stopped very close and then eventually had a short kiss. There's still more to tell but i will leave it for now or if you all want to hear more let me know. Again i want to make it clear that i do not wish in anyway or form for him break up his relationship. He only been showing me that sometimes it's not all that great all i can do is listen to him.

This is the before story

When we met we were you can say FWB, we were both not ready or looking for a relationship we both went our separate ways with no drama and moved on. When i did see him after a good year or so he was happy to see me he give me his number so we can get back in touch. He came over by me and we catch up and we continued were we left off then. After that happen a few times we stayed in contact but he wasn't coming over for the "benefits" but we were still cool. He then told me that he was moving back home to help out with his parents business. I didn't ask him for that info but he was just letting me know as a friend i guess. When he moved we kept talking online and he would sometimes ask me when i would come and visit and i couldn't say when. Eventually with school i got the chance to do my internship and i decided to do it in his town cause a good friend(she knows him too) of mine had moved to the same town. She also was always asking me when i would come and so i decided to do my 6 months internship there and spend time with my friend. At almost at the end of my internship i bumped into him in town and he was happy to see me. I never told him online that i was in his town even though he had a feeling i was. After a few months i made up my mind wanting to move to this town as i already had the thought of moving somewhere else in my head for a good while now. And no he wasn't the reason at all for me wanting to move. I also have to say in the mean time before he moved he got into a relationship that explains to why were not having any "benefits" any more. I respected his relationship then and now. So after a few months going back to my town graduating from school i started new in the town where my friend lives and the Capricorn man. I was also in a new relationship with a man that lives in that same town. Not sure if the Cap man knew about it but i didn't tell him that or find the need to tell him. That time i saw us on a friend level, he was more then a friend to me but i just played it cool as we just friends. And again he was in a relationship and all i could do is respect that. His father had passed away and me and my friend went to the funeral to show our respect he didn't know i was there till i saw him on the road a week later. He thanked me for coming.

Fast forward we always stayed in each others life. Around 2010/2011 i was in a very happy relationship, this for some reason wasn't setting well with cap man every time he would see me with my then bf he would look at me like i'm cheating on him or want to almost pass me by without saying hi or he will say oh you can't answer back cause your bf doesn't want you to talk to your friends, while he still in his relationship. So didn't understand where that was coming from. This was by the way not the last bad relationship that i had. Then it continues to where i get back feelings for him and i called him for him to "break up" with me. Sorry for the confusion

I don't understand the need you have for him to "break up" with you. The relationship in the past has run it's course and now you need to concentrate on the now and future instead of the past.

I think you should stay away from him and find someone who's free to be with you. Or jsut stay single.

This looks like it's a slippery slope and you could very easily end up being the other woman. I know you're trying not to, but the odds are in the favor that it will end up as bed buddies. Then he'll still formally be with his gf and you'll be the one left hanging. There's a reason he's not leaving her now.

So, my advice is step away and if they break up or whatever, it will be organic and not because you interfered. Right now you're messing with his head, he's messing with your head, and that's not fair to either of you.

He's telling you that he thinks you have low self esteem. Prove to him that you have higher self esteem than he thinks. If you end up in bed with him, then you're proving him right by settling for crumbs when you deserve better.

And really, it appears he'd be willing to cheat on his long term gf, so do you really want someone that would prove to be unfaithful? It would be a lack of character on his part and you deserve a long term partner with better character than that.

If you're both single at the same time in the future, that would be the time to be together. You two have bad timing issues.

I think you know all this deep down, thus posted about this because you wanted to be reassured that you're doing the right thing.

Unless you wanted someone to tell you to go for it, then I'll step out of the thread.

Thanks for your reply truecap

The reason for the need form him to "break up" with me was for me to move on from him then when i was in a relationship and didn't understand why the feelings i had for him then came back so strongly.
We never had a relationship like bf gf. We just both went us separate ways with no issues or hard feelings but stayed friends.

Right now i am staying single more to work on myself as a person. Getting to know and love myself. Cause to be honest him telling me about my low self esteem really gave me a wake up call. And i'm thankful that he was that honest with me.

Being bed buddies is something i totally don't want as long as he's still in a relationship. Numerous time i have told him that won't be happening till he's single. And i'm standing my ground in that.
Indeed i do want to see that he can show me that he can be faithful and i do believe he can but it's best we stay out of each other's way for now.

No need to step out of the thread you said exactly what my thoughts were wondering off too, thanks for clearing it up and i do feel i'm doing the right thing about him now. Haven't heard from him for a month now and i think it's better this way.

But yeah knowing him he would pop up with a Hi, how are you
lol smh

Posted by truecap
...
Right now you're messing with his head, he's messing with your head, and that's not fair to either of you...

Or fair to his current GF either...