Please help me keep my walls down with my Cap Guy

Hi,

I've read a lot of postings about the Cap disappearing act or "poofing". I'm chasing him and I think he's going to let me catch him (for awhile, anyway). But, in order to get where we are I've had to become much more vulnerable than I am comfortable with - the turning point was when I asked how to earn his respect (he had blown me off the last couple times even though he had (finally) invited me to do something - before that he was responsive to my invites but never initiated). I believe, in my heart, that if I can keep my walls down he will continue to do the same. How do I, a Taurus, leave myself vulnerable long enough for him to truly trust me? I want to hang in there but I have serious internal struggles between my heart (do what it takes to give this a chance) and my head (he's hurt you, why do you do this to yourself)? Also, his 40th B-day is coming up - I'd like to get him something meaningful but not expensive - any suggestions?

Thanks for the help!!!!

How long have you been seeing him? I read HoustonPeach's response over in the Taurus board and tend to agree with just a card, especially if he's "in and out" and on bad behavior. 😉

Thanks CapGirl, I like the card idea.

He's been almost as good as possible given his current work schedule (we used to work at the same place & I know how brutal his schedule is right now - he's lucky if he gets 5 hrs. sleep) but... time will tell. I'm still waiting to see what happens when we actually start spending time together again.

We started seeing each other about 1 yr ago but I gave up in June when he didn't return a phone call (last straw). We ran into each other a couple times during late summer. Then he suggested that we get together twice and blew me off both times. The blow offs were his fault (he has apologized and has agreed to talk about the issue(s) when we can spend some time in person). Before June, there were times that his walls were coming down and mine were still pretty high (since he had told me many times that he wasn't looking for a relatioship with anyone). It was October when I realized that his door had been open some but I hadn't seen it because I was paying attention to his words not his responses. Ha, 'responses' not 'actions' since he wasn't the one initiating until October.

Thanks to all of you, I'm learning about communicating with a Cap ...

I feel like a nut case...

Hey Cap - what were you going to say before you saw that he's 40?

Aquaj - you & your guy give me hope...I'm sooooo happy that the walls are falling 😉

My guy's vulnerability is emotional. He watches everyone and tests as he goes. He doesn't test me the way he tests friends. I think he tests me by the disappearing act. It's tough to find that thin line that divides - how to demonstrate that I'll always be there, and how to demonstrate that he doesn't get to treat me like crap...

my cap played the disappearing act on me too...just so happen to track me down at my job. I really like him but i can see he has his guards up. He is so compassionate, sweet, and loving...so hard for me to believe he is single. I was just about to give up on him but he did call me today and told me to bare with him. States he has a problem with communication. Is this true..do caps have a problem with communication?

Thanks Cap - I'm glad that you shared your words of wisdom! You've given me some good stuff to think about. Problem is there's too much time for thinking and not enough time for just being together....

Hey, Dward417! Great - You hung in there! I'm wondering, do you know what it will take for you to not give up? I feel like he throws me a bone and I hang in, feel vulnerable, get hurt, try not to give up....

Okay... this is to all of you Caps...and, to those who understand them...

We're supposed to demonstrate to our Caps that we will be there, no matter what. The Caps test, disappear, reappear and don't take initiative. When they care about us, the Cap seems to step up to the plate just about the time that we are giving up - but, usually when we are on the verge giving up. And then... we get to keep demonstrating that we won't give up until we almost give up again? How do we break the cycle? I am there for him. I will always do my best to be there for him. But, I have trouble setting myself up for getting hurt... It's one thing to be there if someone wants you to be there. It's another thing to keep trying to be there and not know if you matter to them or not. What do we do? Is there some secret Cap code that we can crack so that we know we are cared for?

ive read that wants a capricorn man commits he will never leave you...capricorn men make good husbands and breadwinners....isnt that wonderful? I am going to work hard to make my cap happy. Oh did you know that Denzel Washington is a cap....Jim Carrey? Nicholas Cage...i am totally in love with all of them!

sorry about the typo...i mean once

Ahhhh...Bittertaurus - you give hope! Hmmm... you don't sound bitter😉 I'm guessing you're right... maybe he knows I care & yet maybe he doesn't trust that I care. Hmmmm... kind of like in my heart I know he cares but I struggle because I'm afraid to trust that he cares.... yep, feeling better (thanks to all of you!)

Wow GreatBull! Can you see the light bulb that just came on? Wow... I knew that I need to keep my walls down (as you can tell by my plea for help - hahahaha) but, I missed the simplicity -- he who didn't initiate can't do so unless I am approachable (no walls...). I think it may be that simple right now... Bittertaurus is right, without a doubt he knows I care (and yes, I had to be vulnerable for him to trust that I do). But now that he knows... maybe I don't have to feel vulnerable? I just need to not run away (build my wall), reinforce what he already knows, and be very, very, very, very, very patient. You just dropped a big piece of the puzzle into place - Thanks!

You go Dward417... looking at your list -- I could be very happy with your leftovers:-)

Is this true..do caps have a problem with communication?

i have to say yes, our brain stops working when our emotions come into play.
Byut...
"Just be patient, that's all I can say, but I can't stress it enough. If you just give until it hurts for a long time, they'll start to see that it's "safe" to depend on you, that, if they ever ARE vulnerable, you won't make fun of them or think them less of them and their secret will be safe with you. Also, you must resolve to never leave them - and mean it. A Cap letting his guard down enough to trust someone, to need someone, is a BIG ****ing DEAL. So if you become indispensable in their world, just be honoured that you underwent the most intense scrutiny and testing of your entire life - and passed. And be prepared to revel in the afterglow of this strong man's arms for all of eternity. You were chosen."-- and I think is well put. And all the energy will be paid back ten fold. We might be hard on you to see if you are true and can be moral, to know we can give you are all , we are very ambitious and will acheive the world for you as our muse.