Probably the weirdest Cap male Pisces female story

His mom and mine are sisters and are very close to each other. We live many states afar and visit our grandpa's house once a year and meet each other. I was 1yr old when he saw me and told his mom he finds me very lovely and wants to marry me when he grows up.My mom told me about it when I grew up and we laughed it off as he was just a little kid back then. I was in grade 5(2004) when I first met him. We went to his home and developed a good friendship. He was damn handsome and brainy and hence my first crush.We had a great time talking, playing and looking at each other's face and laughing. Then in grade 6(2005) we went to our grandpa's house for our cousin's wedding. The attraction grew and we grew wayy too much fonder of each other.He would only talk to me ignoring our other cousins. If any of my cousin brothers would mingle too much with me,he would push them away and take me away from from them. If theh would cuddle me,he would pick up a fight with them. He would come wherever I'd go. His only problem is that although he's much elder to me,he was too childish and emotionally immature.Many a times when I would nap with my sister ,he would come to our bed and sleep with me. One day he saw me napping alone in the room so he came and locked the door. I didnt say anything because i had a super huge crush on him. We were initially talking but then he suddenly kissed me and made me give him a handjob and when he tried going down on me,i told him a no and he said "since you are my little sister i wont try persuading you" and we made out for quite sometime respecting my boundaries. I don't think there was any emotional element present in him as he seemed to take it playfully (like how curious many teens are about these things) but I was emotionally attached even though I was grossed out about the fact that he's my cousin and I am only 12. The next day he again saw me alone in the room and he locked the door and we started making out passionately. I hate how I didn't have control over my hormones with him. Just then our cousin sisters came and started banging our door. I was about to open the door and he caught my hand and begged me not to open so I didn't. Now my intelligent sisters went downstairs and told everyone that he and I are inside the room upstairs and have locked the door. Now obviously that didn't go down well.Now everyone was banging our door and we were shit scared. Everyone started talking about us and it was bad. Despite everything,we had no negativity thrn. We never made out after that. Our relation wasn't really just lustful. It was a lot more. He was still fond of me and would find ways to just be around me. He would call me every weekend until I asked him to stop as I didn't want our families to suspect since he never spoke that much to anyone at all.

Then in grade 7(2006),the following year, we met in the same place since our grandpa died so we came to attend his funeral. We stayed away from each other. Like,we both knew we wanted to talk to each other a lot but we couldn't because we didn't want people to a talk more about us and so we didn't. He would just keep secretly staring at me. He would either look at me and blush or get angry at the situation. Wherever I would go,he would end up coming there from nowhere. He wouldn't talk but he'd find excuses to be close to me.

After that, whenever our moms would talk on phone during festivals,our mothers would hand over the phone to both of us and we would wish each other and talk for a while Then a year or two later,I got to know from mom that he was mentally unwell. I found out that I was the reason behind it. He felt mentally disturbed about what happened during our cousin's wedding and was taken to a psychologist. He told his mom that he had kissed me then but she didn't shout at him and said that it's perfectly okay as I am his sister. But he felt disturbed since he knew the fact was that he didn't just kiss me as a *sister*. That affected him so much that it not only jeopardized him mentally but also his career. He was extremely academically brilliant and wanted to become a very well known doctor but his mental stability went haywire after this. He stopped wishing me during festivals. When I would wish his mom on phone and ask her to call him to talk,he would ask her to lie saying he's not at home. In 2012 mom and I visited our maternal house and all our relatives had visited us but he cancelled his plan to visit once he got to know I was coming too.i fell fatally ill 3yrs ago and his mom called me to enquire about my health and forced him to talk to me so he asked.me.2-3formal questions and that's it.

This time, we visited his house day before yesterday and we saw each other after 12yrs in person. Initially he seemed highly aloof but then few hours later he came to me asking for some technical help( I am a computer engineer). After that it was me who went to his room to initiate some talks.He was sitting in his bed and watching a movie and I sat next to him in his bed. He wasn't rude but just completely un-emotional. We started talking randomly and I purposely brought out a subtle innocent non-sexual incident we shared 12yrs ago in our last meet in that house. He got totally defensive and uncomfortable and said "that's past. Why are you talking about the past" and changed the topic. Then we watched a movie and he seemed to have none of those feelings he strongly had for me once.

Then I purposely distanced myself from him to see if he'd come to me of his own but no, he didn't. He only came twice and that's it. Then we had to leave yesterday noon and his family accompanied us till the bus stand and he stayed home. I felt like hugging him, desperately. I lied to everyone saying I forgot my earphones and so I ran back. He was alone and he started searching for my earphones. I planned to hug him tight but the fear of rejection scared the hell out me so I didn't. The entire journey I kept thinking that 12-13yrs ago i was small, overweight and not really attractive and he was head over heels for me. Now I actually look much better and attractive so he isn't attracted to me anymore.

I don't want an incestuous relationship with him. All I badly miss is that connection, attention and that bond we shared. Any inputs about his behaviour or anything?

PA - I really apologise for the super long read