SEX: 90 day rules etc.

I'm curious if these kind of stipulations on sex really work. I have never put a time frame on when to have sex with someone for the first time. I also haven't had a relationship in a year and a half. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

Has anyone ever used a no sex until commitment or 90 day rule to hook a guy. And to the men...has someone used it on you and did it work—

I like to wait until commitment for sex...no way in hell would I wait 3 months!

I would rather wait to have sex until Im in a committed relationship....the dilemma is Im terrified of commitment....the other dilemma is....Id think a guy is only committing to have sex....the last dilemma is....Id probably never date a guy that wants a commitment after sex.

Sooo, I dont really know when i should do "it" which may be why Ive never done it. I personally tthink Im going back to waiting til marriage lol...the biggest committment *sigh.*

If youve never had any real issues then toss the rules.

Posted by ellessque

Posted by miimii
Has anyone ever used a no sex until commitment or 90 day rule to hook a guy. And to the men...has someone used it on you and did it work—

If you going to resort to sex to "hook" someone.....you are doing it wrong.

Is that really a game you want to play?

click to expand

No I'm not into the games just curious. The theory is you can weed out men that only want sex. I guess the guy that feels like you're worth the wait is guy for you. I guess the 90 days is to get to know one another on a different level without sex complicating the process. I never tried anything like it before.

Posted by ellessque
I would be really pissed off if I invested four months of my time getting to know someone only to find out the sex sucked.

Now granted, it might take four months, depending on your dynamic...but to purposely wait, yeah...I'd be a bit peeved.

Sex in a relationship is equally important to all other aspects of a relationship, imho.

+1000


I would like to mention, since we are on the Cap forum....... my first Cap waited for 24 months (and xx dates) to have sex with me. And no, we were not kids, but in our early twenties. My second (and last) Cap had to wait only a couple of weeks (and two dates) to get.......a much improved variant of what the first one got, lol. Sex was good, neither relationship lasted.

I would recommend to get to know the personality of your would-be-lover weeks before you actually start dating him/her. Once you two start dating and make it to a second date, he/she must be good enough to be tested for sexual compatibility as well. You don't have to kiss all the frogs to get a prince. Just the 1% most promising ones.

I would wait 90 days and this is why. Most of the time a persons true colors will surface by then. A person can fake it for a month or two.

Look at most of the threads on this site they almost always start with we dated for weeks...we were dating for a month and then he disappeared.

Although there is no guarantee that any amount of time will yield positive results, I feel that after 3 months you have a good idea of who you are dealing with and whether or not he/she is worth it.

If you start giving it up after a month or so and it does not work you will look up after a few years and realize you've slept with 6 or 7 people in that time frame. If you keep that behavior up for lets say 5, 7 or even 10 years before you know it the number will be 30. That's how I think but I have Merc in Virg....enough said.

There is nothing wrong with waiting and I would be very leery of anyone who tries to convince you otherwise. Sleeping with someone is serious for so many reasons. It changes the dynamic of any and every relationship. It is designed to so to think it will not is simply foolishness.

After three months of dating, you may as well fall in love with the "perfect" man.

Then you find out that:

he considers the foreplay a waste of time,
only has hands for his dick,
doesn't wash before sex,
uses mainly one position that does nothing for you,
doesn't want to try your fav position,
feels offended if you suggest introducing a sex toy,
doesn't reciprocate your favours,
likes to call you a whore,
wants you to dress like one,
always wants sex when drunk,
doesn't take no for an answer,
is violent during sex,
pants like a dog,
is exhausted after 3 minutes of action and simply gives up,
dismisses your sexy suggestions,
wants sex only once a month,
wants sex several times day and night,
his dick has a funny shape,
his dick is tiny,
his dick doesn't get hard or stays hard for long,
his dick explodes within 1-3 minutes,
your pleasure is irrelevant to him,
he calls you frigid when you don't cum,
he smokes in bed after sex,
turns his back and falls asleep,
snores loud,
tosses in bed all night,
needs to pee several times a night,
pushes you on the edge,
steals your cover,
farts loud enough to wake you up,
wakes up two hours before your time is up and asks you to make him breakfast,
there is no way you'll going to be satisfied with this man!
ETC, ETC,
ETC, ETC,
ETC


In a relationship, the most time you'll spend with your man will be in bed. Unless you both decide early on to sleep separately.
Sex will be one of the most intimate, and hopefully frequent, activities you'll be doing together.
Sexual dissatisfaction, incompatibility and poor sleep habits are major deal breakers in a relationship.

Not to be accused of sexism.......he could be equally disappointed of your body, skills, performance, expectations and undying bad habits.

Or even worse.....much more disappointed than you are of his!

I respectfully disagree. It is one of the most important but lets be honest, of the 168 hours in a week, how many do you really spend doing that? Like 3 or 4. We spend more time sitting on the couch watching tv than we do in bed.

I think the views on this are probably dependent on one's age. I'm almost 40 and it is just not as important as it was at 30 or 20. Right now I want to know if you are a good father, can you cook If I am sick, do you clean up after yourself, are you verbally, mentally or emotionally abusive.

But again different strokes for different folks. I also think that good sex will keep you in a relationship when you should otherwise run the hell away so it's best to be sure.

Posted by Nala13
I respectfully disagree. It is one of the most important but lets be honest, of the 168 hours in a week, how many do you really spend doing that? Like 3 or 4. We spend more time sitting on the couch watching tv than we do in bed.

I think the views on this are probably dependent on one's age. I'm almost 40 and it is just not as important as it was at 30 or 20. Right now I want to know if you are a good father, can you cook If I am sick, do you clean up after yourself, are you verbally, mentally or emotionally abusive.

But again different strokes for different folks. I also think that good sex will keep you in a relationship when you should otherwise run the hell away so it's best to be sure.

Together in the same bed? It's more like 52 ours a week. Tossing and farting including 🙂.

You won't be knowing if he cleans and cooks, unless you visit him at home, preferentially after work, and you have dinner together. However, it will be strange to come repeatedly to his house, eat his food, but say no to any sexual innuendos.

As for him being a good father......difficult to know, unless he has kids already......However, how much he cuddles/kisses you in your sleep and the sweet baby talk he makes with you after could be a good indication!

Abusive... often, people are losing it when they are drunk, unfortunately. Many are doing so in the privacy of their home. Again, you won't get to know that, unless you witness such behaviour at his place, where you are more than just a dinner guest.

Staying long after the dinner has ended could be a real eye opener. Staying long after dinner has ended...cuddling and kissing...but refusing sex is a prick tease!

I'm heavily thinking about being celibate. Not as a way to get a guy, just a personal choice. I'm starting to think that that's all men want from me. I don't dress provocative and I'm not overtly sexual in mannerisms or speech. But guys refer to me as "sexy" not nice or pretty. I have waited to have sex and not waited. The end result is the same: men will say or do anything to get sex. A guy will jump through hoops and play the nice guy (while having sex with others) for how ever long to get some from you. I'm done with that rollercoaster. Leaving sex alone for awhile.

Maybe I'm jaded....minus the maybe

THE ONLY TIME I HAD TO WAIT 3 MONTHS WAS WHEN I WAS DATEING A NUN

SHE WASN'T GIVING NONE AND I WASN'T GETTING NONE.

Posted by lnana04
I would rather wait to have sex until Im in a committed relationship....the dilemma is Im terrified of commitment....the other dilemma is....Id think a guy is only committing to have sex....the last dilemma is....Id probably never date a guy that wants a commitment after sex.

Sooo, I dont really know when i should do "it" which may be why Ive never done it. I personally tthink Im going back to waiting til marriage lol...the biggest committment *sigh.*

If youve never had any real issues then toss the rules.

Ha! The difference in a day.

Posted by miimii
I'm heavily thinking about being celibate. Not as a way to get a guy, just a personal choice. I'm starting to think that that's all men want from me. I don't dress provocative and I'm not overtly sexual in mannerisms or speech. But guys refer to me as "sexy" not nice or pretty. I have waited to have sex and not waited. The end result is the same: men will say or do anything to get sex. A guy will jump through hoops and play the nice guy (while having sex with others) for how ever long to get some from you. I'm done with that rollercoaster. Leaving sex alone for awhile.

Maybe I'm jaded....minus the maybe

Werent you in a long term relationship? Do you really think he stuck around that long for sex?

Ill admit, and maybe its the scorpio venus in me, but if Im attracted to a guy the last thing I think about is white picket fences. Ive been hurt in feeling a guy only courted me for sex, but I probably wanted it before he did, so thats not fair.

I cant say that you are the same, but if sex is the last thing on your mind and you have strong desires to connect on other levels, then I think you will attract that.

Every relationship is different, but I believe in waiting a while for several of reasons.

1. You weed out whether he's only in this for the good stuff or if he's in this because he likes you.
2. You get to know his personality and sometimes after really getting to know someone, you'll be glad you didn't sleep with them. Like Nala said, they can fool you for a while.
3. You build the tension, which builds the attraction and when you finally do have sex, it's much, much better and has so much more quality to it.
4. You get a chance to prove your worthiness to each other. In other words, you get a chance to decide if he's worthy of your goodies.
5. You get a chance to develop some real feelings for each other first without sex clouding up all those emotions and making things confusing.
6. You have less chance of becoming clingy and needy too soon into the relationship.

I don't think I'd wait three months, but at least 12-15 dates, or whatever feels appropriate. Again, every relationship is different.

I've never waited 3 months for the sex, but maybe I should've.
My time frame was anywhere after 3 dates.

For me I only saw men 1-2 a week so it would likely have been a few weeks anyway.
If I followed truecap's rule of 12-15 dates, that would have been 3 months.

I used to think I didn't want to wait long for the reasons mentioned: what if the sex sucked?
But to be honest, the relationships where I fell in love with the person weren't necessarily the ones where I had the hottest sex. I've had the hottest sex with men who were in it just for the sex.

But even though the sex wasn't the best I ever had, it didn't make me end the relationship because I was in love with the person.

In my current relationship, sex isn't the focal point of the relationship, because we are connected mentally as well.

But honestly I don't think I've had bad sex either, it's all good. lol.

1-2 times a week

@Inana04 ironically my last relationship was 11 years and we had sex a week after we were re-introduced. Time limits don't matter.

Tricks are for rabbits, not Capricorns. If you state this reason for waiting, from jump, then you might still be respected. Then you will be teased until the day you placed comes. Fair warning though, you might not make it...

Bye the way, once a Capricorns looses sexually interest, I doubt you will ever, ever, ever get it again... End of story!!! Yeah, we will still be your friend, but it doesn't mean shit...

Posted by miimii
@Inana04 ironically my last relationship was 11 years and we had sex a week after we were re-introduced. Time limits don't matter.

it's all about sexual chemistry.

You can't keep your hands off eachother when your eyes locked. It's insanity! but ohh-la-la....

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by miimii
@Inana04 ironically my last relationship was 11 years and we had sex a week after we were re-introduced. Time limits don't matter.

it's all about sexual chemistry.

You can't keep your hands off eachother when your eyes locked. It's insanity! but ohh-la-la....

click to expand

(btw, i was referring to me and hubbers)

I said 12-15 dates, but maybe I should change that to being with or around each other - if he comes and fixes something for you, a group event watching football, you run into each other by circumstance and hang out where you are - those are all encounters. It's not really a rule, but I just want to allow enough time. I think it was 12 encounters before aqua and I got to it, but he likes to move slow.

With someone you already know, I see the time frame as moving faster, much faster.