Update! 30 yrs with Cap man!!!

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I have posted about my problem but got no solid answer. Me and my cap have known each other for 30 years, we were each other's first love. Dated all through high school. We were engaged as teenagers, he went into the service and I followed him after school. Long story short we broke up. Don't really remember why. I went on to have 3 kids, married. He never married or had children. All these years we have stayed in contact, no matter where I moved to he always found me, always! Well 17 months ago he found me again, I was married and but not happily and our marriage was already falling apart. We started a affair, I ended up leaving my husband, (what I did not talk about in my last post was my husband was abusive) got my on place. It has taking me along time to realize that my cap is not going to tell me YES we are in a committed and exclusive relationship he just expects me to know. Back in May he asked me to move in with him, and I was thrilled. A few weeks before I moved in, we were going to bed and he rolled over and hugged me up and for the first time he clearly said "I love you" 🙂 I told him back. He had said it before, but we would "mutter" it under his breath. I knew way before he said it that he loved me, by all the little things he would do. Ok, so here is the problem I'm confused about.

I moved in April 1st of this year. The day I moved in, he stopped having sex with me and now say's we are only roommates and that he loves hanging out with me and talking to me as friends. WTF? Im so confused, man we use to have some amazing sex, sometimes it was hardcore, experimental, over the top sex, other times it was just, nothing but intense, passionate love making, ( the love making I do believe is when he would show me his love, I could be wrong.) What happened? I have ask him why he stopped having sex with me and why he only wants to be friends,but he won't give me a answer. I thought maybe because my divorce wasn't final, but as of may 29, im divorced.

I know he loves me, I can see it in his eyes, he looks at me sometimes and his eyes will get this "glazed" look in them and he will once again "mutter" under his breath ILY! Some days he acts like my bf, taking me to dinner, watching movies, hugging up to me, talking about the future, but then pulls back. He told one of his friends that he finally meet someone that "gets him"! The day I told him my divorce was final he looked pretty happy, smiling ear to ear, and talking about saving "our money"

y happy, smiling ear to ear, and talking about saving "our money" and us doing this or doing that. He will take one step foreword then two steps back. Im the first woman he has ever lived with, he has not been in a relationship since 1998. We were talking about the girl he dated back then, and he said she pursued him for 3 months and then just one day she came over and didn't leave,( they dated about a year) I ask why they broke up and he said "I stopped having sex with her" and she broke up with me and left me. I don't get it! And the crazy part is I love this man like there is no tomorrow almost to the point I can't breath, and Im loyal to him. He told me last night that he wanted to build me a house. So, he loves me, wants to build me a house, but only see's me as a roommate.....I really need some solid insight into his mind. Im a Libra
And let me add, since my divorce becoming final, he has been treating me different, telling me how to spend my money, what books to read etc, he has become more controlling and more domanate. He pick fights with me and gets mad because I refuse to argue back. WTH?

OK very simple, did you ask him why he stopped having sex with you?

Yes, he wont answer me.

He won't answer that question? Seems like an important question to ask and want an answer to. Why you putting up with that? Weird.

You are leaving something out (again). See, we can't help you if you don't say what is actually going on.

Lol, not leaving anything out. Not on purpose anyways. The only other thing I can think of is he told me he was losing interest in sex, that he couldn't do it to his self ( if you know what I mean)

I think it's strange that he stopped having sex with his last gf. 2 of my cap friends think he is testing me to see if he stopped, what would I do.

That has crossed my mind, about the affair. I asked him if that was it and he said no. And trust me, I give it right back to him when he bosses me around. And no I'm not submissive, I have a temper also.

you are with someone who is not having sex with you and you don't know why, time to shake things up... move out

His mars is in Scorpio. And my Venus is in Scorpio also.

I think I will test out your theory! Will let you know! 😉

Posted by jkc3
Yes, he wont answer me.

He's a douchebag.

You are chasing after a douchebag after your husband abused you. When you say "abused," what did he do? Did he punch you? Slap you? Kick? Verbal abuse? What?

You need to stop seeing ANY MAN for a while, and see a therapist to sort out your serious issues.

Did you get a divorce yet?

Here is his chart!


Sun Capricorn 27.32 Ascendant Taurus 20.54

Moon Capricorn 21.49 II Gemini 18.04

Mercury Aquarius 15.24 III Cancer 11.18

Venus Pisces 14.15 IV Leo 5.11

Mars Scorpio 10.33 V Virgo 3.38

Jupiter Libra 6.03 VI Libra 9.51

Saturn Aries 19.23 VII Scorpio 20.54

Uranus Libra 3.58 R VIII Sagittarius 18.04

Neptune Scorpio 28.14 IX Capricorn 11.18

Pluto Virgo 25.00 R Midheaven Aquarius 5.11

Lilith Gemini 23.52 XI Pisces 3.38

Asc node Aries 2.37 XII Aries 9.51

Where are these 3 poor kids in this trainwreck?

How old are the children, and where are they now?

How do they feel about this tumultuous situation?

Yes, my divorce is final. My ex husband was a alcoholic, we were only married 2 yrs. And that was my first and only marriage. He would shove me around when he was drunk, totally different man when he was sober.

My children are 23,21 and 20

My children all live on there on and in college!

My children all live on there on and in college!

Well.... he's told you what his MO for break up is. I'd be cautious about that.

Maybe things just went really fast and he's no longer sure. And, he doesn't seem to have a lot of experience with relationships. Maybe just more time. Pull back a little and see what happens.

Also, something to consider. It is romantic hooking up with a high school sweetheart years later. Perhaps the romanticism has worn off and reality set in.

*shrugs* I really don't know. But communication will be key!

Lol, Jynja.....no way am I doing that, he would probably love it if I did...but nope!
As for as the whole just roommate thing, wth..is this another test or is he scared.
From what I wrote does this act like a man in love?

Also, my cap gives PDA all the time.

Posted by jkc3
Lol, Jynja.....no way am I doing that, he would probably love it if I did...but nope!
As for as the whole just roommate thing, wth..is this another test or is he scared.
From what I wrote does this act like a man in love?

no, sorry

Allowing him to dominate and control your life after you just got out of a bad marriage with an alcoholic?

He is also using sex as a weapon to control you.

You need to get away from him, and see a psychiatrist/church leader to help you sort out all these emotional problems.

I'm sorry but I don't have any emotional issues, I have raised 3 awesome children all by myself, I have a full time job, that I hold down. I'm in love right now and I'm thinking with my heart and not my head and that does not mean I need emotional help from a shrink! 😉

you were married 2 years, how long was the affair for?

Together for 12 married for 2.

Posted by jkc3
Together for 12 married for 2.

and the affair?

4 months, then I moved out.

Posted by Caplove
I think you REALLY need to put your foot down with this guy and draw the line on what you two are. Ask him, "Am I just your roommate that you hug or am I your girlfriend?" This way, you get him to answer and know where you stand with him. No more silly mind games.

You thought you were moving in together as a couple in a relationship and then he changed it around on you saying you're roommates. That's not right. Does he really think you'd settle for that?

Don't be afraid to do it. The longer this goes on, the more confusing this situation becomes. You have to be ready for his answer and know what you're going to do if it's bad.

This

Posted by WoundedLeo
AlthoughI'm really intrigued by Jynja's supposition that your Cap is into Domination (possibly without even being consciously aware of it yet)and I'm impressed with her correctly guessing the Mars in Scorpio, I still can't help but be concerned about your situation. You've just gotten out of a bad marriage and are now involved with a guy playing control games (whether he is aware of them or not). The whole thing just doesn't sound healthy to me.

Nevertheless, supposing that Jynja is correct in her theory, would you be up for this kind of dominant/submissive relationship?

I would say leave the actual arrangement immediately, saying that you are looking for a boyfriend, not a room mate.

I've been there. My former boyfriend, a Pisces, stopped sleeping with me, a few years into our relationship. He blamed it on work-relating stress. However, his lust did not return once his work issues were over. Instead, he called me accidentally by his sister's name. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with a jealous brother and so I left him. I believe that once the lust for a certain person is gone, is gone for good.

On the other hand, I was married to a Mars in Scorpio and I'm dating now a Mars in Scorpio. My ex-husband was stubborn and opinionated, but not at all dominant. Moreover, he wouldn't hurt a fly and never abstained from sex. The guy I'm dating now is a sweetie. I did instigate him once to punish me for being mean and teasing him and he attempted some ridiculously gentle spanking during our following date. He said he couldn't bring himself to hurt me.

You cheated on your husband. You stayed in an abusive relationship for what 12/14 years and you only found the courage to divorce when a guy that has been unavailable for 30 years popped back into your life to divorce the abuser only to find yourself in an another situation that is leading into emotional/mental abuse.

I agree with others that this relationship is not a healthy situation. If his last girlfriend left him for withholding then take a page out of her book, leave.

Do not subject yourself to sexual withholding unless you're a pain freak and love to be abused, mentally, emotionally tortured there is no reason to live in that. You mentioned you're a nurse so I know you are a critical thinker and deep down you know this mess is not love.

He put you in the friend zone and he's sexually withholding. HELLO! Do you need him to write it out in the sky. You never want to ever be in situation where you are receiving mixed messages and at the same time being rejected and the same time being pulled in mentally with words like we, us, together. No way any of what he's saying about building you a house and being with you is true if he's put you in the friend zone/roommate zero sex box.

I don't know if the abuse you endured is clouding your judgement from seeing his questionable behavior but you're fucked if you stay in this headfucking hot cold situation. I'm not sure what his deal is but from what you're describing he does not love you, the only thing he loves is headfucking you so far.

He will walk over you until you make a stand and put your foot down. He is capable of changing but only if you tell if him you don't like how he is treating you. I think you made him comfortable when you moved in after the divorce. Before you were legally attached to someone else. You were not his. Now you are no longer married and you moved in and so now he he can relax because your not going anywhere and hey while your at it can you jump through hoops? Understand? It's smooth sailing from now on as far as he is concerned. Sex? Eah he's do it when he needs it not when you need it. Caps can go long periods with out having sex...years. He won't have to help ahh his self he will abstain all together leaving you wondering what happened. Summary: 1# he will treat you bad until you stop him. #2 Make him continue to work for your heart. #3 initiate sex with a message or something or you wont get nothing. #4 caps are bossy, but they take care of us right. Just make sure to draw a line and stick to it. Good luck. I am a Taurus woman with a Leo moon and I dated a Cap sun guy with a cap moon for seven years and I still talk to him daily. It's been 11 years of knowing him.

Posted by aquapiscescusp

Posted by jkc3
Lol, Jynja.....no way am I doing that, he would probably love it if I did...but nope!
As for as the whole just roommate thing, wth..is this another test or is he scared.
From what I wrote does this act like a man in love?

no, sorry

I have to agree.

Posted by jkc3

I ask why they broke up and he said "I stopped having sex with her" and she broke up with me and left me.

Posted by jkc3
... he told me he was losing interest in sex, that he couldn't do it to his self ( if you know what I mean)

Posted by jkc3
I think it's strange that he stopped having sex with his last gf. 2 of my cap friends think he is testing me to see if he stopped, what would I do.

click to expand

It is strange.

Because based on his previous behavior, you would have never guessed in a million years that this would be a factor in the "relationship."

And he waited till you moved in with him to deliver the news-- that isn't "controlling" so much as pathological.

Don't you think it's odd that he hasn't had a relationship in FIFTEEN years?

There are some so-called "tests" that no one, man or woman, should tolerate; this is one of them.

Relationships are not about snagging a significant other with the old bait and switch!


It's hard to see when you're in it, but that is how it appears from outside.

He's giving you JUST enough to keep you on the line (see: PDA).


I'm sorry, but it would be most beneficial to you to put this one back where you found him.


You deserve so much better. 🙂

FoxGlove, that is pretty interesting I have never heard of the Madonna complex. Maybe our cap is the same one. 🙂

@METOO, then why did he want to move in together, if he wanted to break up? Anyways, Im still confused,I honestly believe he is in love me. I can no longer live like this, we are a couple in every way, right down to sharing our money. I have decided that I need to move out!

Before I moved in, I asked him several times if that is what he wanted, and each time he responded, yes! The lease is up on the place we are at now and I told him I would not be moving with him. He is very sad and depressed,and went into panic mode, and keeps asking me to move with him. I told him I could not be just his "roommate" and told him how confused I am....he still has not giving me a answer. Funny thing is, he is now more loving towards me and continues to speak of us in terms of "we" and "us"! His action's speak so much louder then what he can not say. I dunno what to do.

Posted by FoxGlove
My advice -- before you take the big step of moving out -- lay it all on the line. Don't hold back -- this is too important for games. It's as much for you as it is for him -- just lay on the line what you need from the relationship -- let him know that you love him, want to be with him, etc and are all-in as far as the relationship goes (a little bird told me that Cap men love security and transparency 😛) but that you have needs that need to be met as well. Just be as honest as you can, for both your sakes -- cause, let's be honest, if you're talking about moving out, it's hail-Mary time anyway. Good luck, love. I hope you get the answer you need.

I did lay it out to him. I also told him that not many women would be this loyal and continue to stand beside someone, the way I have. And the crazy thing is, the two of us will never be done with each other, we "get" each other. We have been in love since the first time we met 30 years ago, he was my first, and my first at everything. My heart tell's me one thing and my head tell's me something eles.

I tried going away this weekend, but he kept blowing up my phone asking if I was ok and he kept saying pls just come home...so I did! I don't like seeing him hurt or much less anyone eles. ;(

Posted by noname
I agree with Fox. I do not think he is playing games with you (at least not intentionally)

He is probably having some psychological and/or physical sexual issues that he does not know what to do. He likely felt some shame about it so he suggested to be your "roommate" (maybe he thinks he is not good enough to be your bf/partner). It may take a while to work through the issue. You said you are in love with him. So the question you should ask yourself is do you REALLY love him so much so that even if it takes months/years to resolve the sex issue you still love him and will be by his side? Many women would leave, just like his ex. But how about you?

Yes, I love him that much, that there is no doubt in my mind I would stay with him!

Posted by noname
If you left your husband for better sex with the cap, then I'm sorry for both of you

Me and my ex had not had sex since 2010, so no I did not leave for "better sex"!

Posted by Mixtape

Posted by jkc3

Posted by noname
If you left your husband for better sex with the cap, then I'm sorry for both of you

Me and my ex had not had sex since 2010, so no I did not leave for "better sex"!

Re read that statement. See if that makes any sense to you. "We haven't fucked in 3 years. OF COURSE I didn't leave for dick."

click to expand

WTF? Get off my thread!!!

Jkc3, you look so pretty in your avi! Feel sorry for your situation, but as FoxGlove said...you are not alone! The man I'm dating now is in his early forties. After intense, passionate and extremely satisfying sex over the past two months, it came to a point when my alarm bells started to ring. I thought I've caught a lion, but here comes a kitten, eating from my hand.

If we are in public, he can't keep his hands (and mouth) off me. When we "get a room" (as someone suggested lol), he wants to come quickly, only to spend hours afterwards caressing and playing with my body. Texting has changed too. Instead of the sexual innuendos, now he askes for "cuddles" constantly, like a neglected 5 year old.

And this is a man with all his personal planets in masculine signs: Scorpio mars, Sag moon and rising, Aries venus, aqua sun and mercury.

WTF? Is it me? Or men in their forties ?!

Undine, thank you for the compliment!
No, it's not you! I wish I had a answer for you, i'm just as confused. The sex part I can kinda understand with older men, sometimes they need that little "blue pill" to help kick start them.

Seems like he's giving you every thing you need except for sex and the L-word? Am I confused? Not sure what else you're wanting from him. From my perspective he is trying.

Posted by Undine
Jkc3, you look so pretty in your avi! Feel sorry for your situation, but as FoxGlove said...you are not alone! The man I'm dating now is in his early forties. After intense, passionate and extremely satisfying sex over the past two months, it came to a point when my alarm bells started to ring. I thought I've caught a lion, but here comes a kitten, eating from my hand.

If we are in public, he can't keep his hands (and mouth) off me. When we "get a room" (as someone suggested lol), he wants to come quickly, only to spend hours afterwards caressing and playing with my body. Texting has changed too. Instead of the sexual innuendos, now he askes for "cuddles" constantly, like a neglected 5 year old.

And this is a man with all his personal planets in masculine signs: Scorpio mars, Sag moon and rising, Aries venus, aqua sun and mercury.

WTF? Is it me? Or men in their forties ?!

By the time a woman reaches her prime (40s) the men our age are past their prime and sex isn't as important to them anymore. The benefits of a relationships are more important to them.

I think I understand why there are so many cougars now! lol!!!!

You are still getting no sex?

Posted by noname
I'm not sure why you were pissed off at M.

When my logical cap sun + mercury first read your response that you didn't have sex with ex hubby for 3 month therefore you of course didn't leave him for cap for sex, I was like "— what logic is this— okay, time to close my laptop and go night night" lol

Well, my Aqua mercury has a different take on it: the OP wanted to emphasize that she could carry on without sex for long periods of time, which was entirely consistent with her declared willingness to wait for the new guy to regain his mojo sometime in the near future.

Posted by aquapiscescusp
You are still getting no sex?

LOL, are YOU getting some?

Quickies should be disqualified as sex and better left to teenagers!

Posted by Undine

Posted by aquapiscescusp
You are still getting no sex?

LOL, are YOU getting some?

Quickies should be disqualified as sex and better left to teenagers!

click to expand

I am getting some, thanks for asking 😛

Sure sometimes quickies are fun, try it sometimes.