Update! 30 yrs with Cap man!!! (Page 2)

+1 million@"I hate to say this, but if it was me, if he did not give me an answer, then it's a NO."

His behavior is typical of a man with commitment issues. They burn hot and then cold and then hot and then cold and women stay confused in that kind of mess.

You cannot allow his burning hot behavior to deflect you from the bad stuff such as him not wanting to be intimate with you unless it's on HIS terms/his way.

You can talk to him until the rooster crow he will not change. He will love you more when he feel you are not a threat to his personal space and freedom and be more distant with you when he sense you being fully engaged with him/into him like it's LEADING into him LOSING his freedom which is typical CP behavior (commitmentphobic).

He has never married. DING DING DING. Huge red flag! He has displayed hot/cold behavior. DING DING DING. Huge red flag! He has RESET the relationship from being in a real committed cohabitating type of relationship to just friends/roommate. DING DING DING. Huge red flag!

If he hasn't ever committed himself to marriage, to having and rearing his own children then why in the hell would he commit to you when he clearly does not know how to do that, hence him being single all of his life.

There is no moving forward with a man like him. You will always be RESET into a friend or a roommate or friends with benefits type of situation.

When I was with my Mr.Unavailable many moons before marriage. I found this great site.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-do-men-blow-hot-and-cold/<BR>
If you??re with a man who is emotionally unavailable (Mr Unavailable), it is rarely a good indicator of things to come. But why do they blow hot and cold?

They love the thrill of the chase. Men that turn on the hot and cold tap of attention have limited attention spans. They are quick out the gate in hot pursuit but as soon as they feel like they don't have to chase anymore, you lose your shiny exterior. There is no incentive for them to throw all of their energy at you.

They are too cowardly to admit that they are not ready for a relationship. Instead they just p*ss off and withdraw and then blow hot when you kick up a fuss about their poor behaviour??_or they need some sex or attention.

Natalie has countless scenarios to our questions about men especially the ones that are emotionally unavailable etc etc.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/why-theres-no-point-being-with-somebody-who-blows-hot-cold/<BR>
Why There's No Point Being With Somebody Who Blows Hot & Cold

Blowing hot and cold is never a good sign and it is in fact a code red alert because you can never trust in this person enough to know what to expect from them. Your relationship will not be able to have balance, it can't progress because they keep undermining it, they??re inconsistent (and if you stay around too long they become consistent at being inconsistent and train you to expect less from them), and as a result of all of these things, you cannot expect intimacy or commitment.

There's no point in being with someone who blows hot and cold because it's not a mutual relationship, it's all on their terms, and you can never really know where you stand because they persist in undermining you and the relationship.This is unhealthy and demeaning.

The person who blows hot and cold thrives on control and equates feeling out of control with desire. They value what they don't have and —newness??, so you??re on borrowed time.

When you won't give them the time of day or they don't know if you??re interested or they don't know if you??re —buying?? what they??re —selling?? (read: a relationship and a person that's not actually available), the lack of control makes you very desirable. They get curious.

Blowing lukewarm or cold should be a wake-up call if not the exit bell ringing. At the very least, it is a sign that you need to step back, stop, look, listen and evaluate what the hell is going on. It's question asking time (if the situation calls for it), but it's highly likely to signal an exit.

It can be very tempting to play in the Hot & Cold Casino and keep betting on potential but it's a false economy that will eat away at your soul. Once you end up playing this game and realising that cutting them off, threatening to end it, mentioning that you??re seeing others etc makes them step up, albeit only for a short time until they realise that you??re back under their control, you??re trying to mess with supply and demand. What are you going to do? Keep doing these things in order to get attention from them? It's only a matter of time until they recognise the pattern and then they will even become half-hearted in chasing after you. They realise you??re not really that serious.

@jkc3, he probably love you, but he doesn't trust you.

All these post make me laugh. Maybe he feels he is being used for sex. So he has restricted it. Even though we are great in the bed room, we think of other things that are MORE IMPORTANT than sex. Sounds like you already mentioned some in this thread that he said. You must really love it and want it constantly for this to happen.

I am constantly hounded for sex from women. I refuse to be a piece of a $ $ . If it is that easy, I don't want it... (I know, so horrible)

Sex for us, must be earned by us. We simply don't take what's free. Hard work begets great rewards...
Follow his lead and the reward will be bliss...

LOL@used for sex...uh okay

Cap males take free sex, read the entire DXP board...plenty free sex but more whining neediness desperation from women more than anything.

So many women don't even recognize their desperate needy behavior around a man, they give too much, move too fast, put up with too much, take too little in return and when that kind of weakness has been displayed his penis goes weak too.

Posted by Piscescorp
He is turned off by something you are doing.

I have been reading your threads, and lady, I don't mean to offend you-

Just take a look at the picture where you are sitting like a *bato* -- do you sit like that infront of him?

sitting like a *bato*, acting like a *bato*, smoking like a *bato*, smelling like a *bato* --- will take you to = roomates.

are you a girly girl? and I don't mean wearing high heels and doing your nails, anyone can do that, but if your behaviour is not feminine. that is and will be a turn off to some men, specially capricorns.

I disagree, down to earth and real is what Cap men want (ok, saying this from a woman's perspective, but, truth be told, nothing better than REAL). Trying to be "something", that's a turn off.

Granted, all men want a good looking woman... a Cap man wants a REAL woman, inside and out!
(same holds true for Cap women, we want a REAL man)

Beauty is only skin deep dear Pisces 😉

Let's see how the Cap men respond...

what's a bato?

Posted by Caplove

Posted by aquapiscescusp
what's a bato?

Spanish slang for dude.

click to expand

K, thanks Caplove

Posted by Piscescorp

Posted by lildol
Granted, all men want a good looking woman... a Cap man wants a REAL woman, inside and out!
(same holds true for Cap women, we want a REAL man)

Beauty is only skin deep dear Pisces 😉

Let's see how the Cap men respond...

The Op here is a beautiful woman.


I am not talking about beauty, pay attention!!!!!!!!

there are women who do not look like a model, but are super femine.
men melt around a woman who is super feminine.

Get it now?

click to expand

You don't get it!

REAL Men melt around women who are down to earth and REAL themselves.

Quite trying so hard, it's actually making you look bad IRL. And that's a fact!!

Be you, quit trying to be so "feminine" is what I'm saying.

Simply be you and you will shine 🙂

For one he has been single for the better part of his entire life. He baited her into moving in only to switch on her which points to him being emotionally unavailable which leads to lack of intimacy which leads into no sex.

Familiarity breeds contempt. Familiarity loses it's mystery which leads into a man being bored out of his mind with the daily grind of having a routine which is no fun and no fun leads to limp penis.

Staying in a situation that lacks love or sex or reciprocity points to her being insecure and needy and a Cap will not find that kind of woman attractive.

If she will let him float by and instead opt to put up with lack of reciprocity he will lose interest in her, NO CHALLENGE equals limp dick.

If she's giving in most if not all the time then that makes her appear inferior to him and yes he will take over and run it the way he wants to run it.

The behavior she displays towards herself in front of him is unattractive because a man is completely aware a self assured woman would expect him to keep up his side of the relationship thus her remaining in a sexless situation makes her appear inferior and downright desperate, major turn off.

IMHO it's her behavior as in what she's allowing which reflects back to him if she's an attractive self assured worthy woman or someone he can kick around a little bit.

He's learned FROM HER he can withhold and she will sit there with passive push back from her about his behavior, the more he gets his way over and over and over and over again, limp penis ensues.

Knowing what I know now and if I was in her shoes I would move into my own place and start to define a few boundaries with him, right now he's gone rogue, she has to pull the reigns a little bit more aggressively not just with him but with herself as well.

Posted by Libra911

Posted by lildol

Posted by Piscescorp

Posted by lildol
Granted, all men want a good looking woman... a Cap man wants a REAL woman, inside and out!
(same holds true for Cap women, we want a REAL man)

Beauty is only skin deep dear Pisces 😉

Let's see how the Cap men respond...

The Op here is a beautiful woman.


I am not talking about beauty, pay attention!!!!!!!!

there are women who do not look like a model, but are super femine.
men melt around a woman who is super feminine.

Get it now?

You don't get it!

REAL Men melt around women who are down to earth and REAL themselves.

Quite trying so hard, it's actually making you look bad IRL. And that's a fact!!

Be you, quit trying to be so "feminine" is what I'm saying.

Simply be you and you will shine 🙂

Just a question? did this approach work for you with men?

click to expand

Caps don't tend to sugar coat things... we are who we are. Yes, has worked quite well 🙂

Hon, the reality is, if they don't like you for who you are, they're not worth it! 😉

@Libra911: Hook a guy based on false pretense... I think not!

Bad idea for long term prospects!

Just be you hon! All WILL work out!

🙂

He genuinely wants to know how you're doing... that is all. Respond cordially and leave it at that.

lol oh dear

Posted by Caplove
88, why do you need to be so petty? Just because no one agrees with your sage advice does not mean you need to verbally attack people. That was wrong and uncalled for.

+1

Posted by Piscescorp

Posted by lildol
He genuinely wants to know how you're doing... that is all. Respond cordially and leave it at that.

thanks lil dol.

no he wants to see me again. He is not one who likes to talk to any woman he is not interested on.
He is a very special man, that is why I am still in love with him.

in silence, I never begged for his attention. I just went away and disappeared from him completely.

click to expand

Don't read too much into it...

Go on with your bad self then... don't say I didn't warn you.

Wish ya the best of luck though!

I can hear the breaking already...

We're always here, 24/7 😉

Posted by Libra911
Tbh, I am puzzled why she even cares to psychoanalyze that weirdo. Where is her pride, her self-respect?

+1

WOW! Everyone is entitled to there very on opinion, and I see alot of them! LOL

*********UPDATE********UPDATE**********UPDATE*********UPDATE************

Well lets see...my Cap is a Commitment-Phobic, took me a while to figure this out, and to be honest, I think he started seeing me as SAFE, I became boring to him!

We still live together, as roommates. I have broke myself free, I'm no longer waiting on him to make his mind up, I'm having fun and doing my own thing, I even changed my hair color, dark brown, something I have always wanted to do. Yes, I'm still madly in love with him and would love to spend my life with him, but I did some soul searching, and realized either he want's me or he doesn't!

I have noticed, that since my, "I don't give a damn attitude, change", he his acting different towards me.

Let's see, he now cooks me dinner, and has it waiting for me when I get home.
He is constantly touching me.
Gave me his debt card and pin number( to draw out his share of the bills)
Acting very jealous and possessive.
Washing my truck, my laundry, working on my truck and my daughters car.
Show's up, wherever I go out too.
Has replaced Me, with Us!
Spends all of his free time with me.
And just other random sweet things!

My thought on this is, he misses my attention! I honestly wish that all the things, he has been doing for me were because, he truly wants a real relationship with me, but I'm not going there. If it is meant for us to be together, then we will be!

Thanks for the update. I always wonder how things turn out and appreciate it when we get updated.