Just a Friend...

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dkrab13
@dkrab13
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 38 · Topics: 9
Hi. Cancer guy here! So I like a Leo woman, we've been friends for years, I have a crush on her the first time we met but didn't push it until we became friends...

She knows I have a crush on her, We are touchy with each other, we do hold hands, call each other "baby", we constantly texts each other, we go out sometime but with friends, I always take her home cause she would tell me to take her home,...so I thought maybe I have a chance with her....

One monday we were texting each other then we opened the topic of being honest with each other.....she asked me if I like her? Or just friends... then I answered her that i'm starting to like her....then she started apologizing to me, she told me she can't return back the feelings and she doesn't want to lose me as her friend because I'm one of the closest friend she has, she doesn't want anything to change, blabla....

After that we still continue our old routine we are still touchy, texting, talking, everything. So I just wanted to ask? Am I officially in the friendzone right now? Should I stop this setting already? Thanks guys
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Nameless Nemean
@Chuckcem
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 17 · Posts: 5119 · Topics: 78
Yep. If she said, "Let's just be friends," that's basically it. That's not to say that she didn't entertain the idea of you two being together in her mind, but you weren't direct enough for her to really consider it.

Leos can be very flirtatious and like people who are direct. If a Leo is flirting with you, you better know what to do with it. Tiptoeing around your attraction is simply confusing for her. There's also a chance that she simply only liked your attention, but women don't generally float/flirt around guys with whom they have zero interest. Women will playfully flirt to see if you know how to be fun and flirt back. They also want to know if you're direct enough to ask them out. You need to be assertive and confident with women if you are interested in them romantically.

The unfortunate thing is you basically spilled the beans over text. Granted you were already texting, so it is what it is, but again most women like guys to be direct than text. When she asked you "Do you like me?" she was basically saying, "You clearly like me and for some reason are too shy to say anything." So when you responded, "I'm starting to" you came across as unsure and incredibly indirect. So she thought to herself, "Oh...well...that wasn't confident. This could get messy later. Let's just keep it simple and not complicate things. He seems like he's on the fence, so I'll just let him down easy now."



Then you agreed to being just friends, so that's that. So to answer your question "Should I stop this setting already? ", that all depends. What do you want? I'm assuming you don't want to be in the "friend zone" correct?
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dkrab13
@dkrab13
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 38 · Topics: 9
Posted by Chuckcem
Yep. If she said, "Let's just be friends," that's basically it. That's not to say that she didn't entertain the idea of you two being together in her mind, but you weren't direct enough for her to really consider it.

Leos can be very flirtatious and like people who are direct. If a Leo is flirting with you, you better know what to do with it. Tiptoeing around your attraction is simply confusing for her. There's also a chance that she simply only liked your attention, but women don't generally float/flirt around guys with whom they have zero interest. Women will playfully flirt to see if you know how to be fun and flirt back. They also want to know if you're direct enough to ask them out. You need to be assertive and confident with women if you are interested in them romantically.

The unfortunate thing is you basically spilled the beans over text. Granted you were already texting, so it is what it is, but again most women like guys to be direct than text. When she asked you "Do you like me?" she was basically saying, "You clearly like me and for some reason are too shy to say anything." So when you responded, "I'm starting to" you came across as unsure and incredibly indirect. So she thought to herself, "Oh...well...that wasn't confident. This could get messy later. Let's just keep it simple and not complicate things. He seems like he's on the fence, so I'll just let him down easy now."



Then you agreed to being just friends, so that's that. So to answer your question "Should I stop this setting already? ", that all depends. What do you want? I'm assuming you don't want to be in the "friend zone" correct?
Well yeah I don't want to be in the friend zone. When she asked me that question i told her if we can do it personally but she insisted that we talk about it because she's confuse on how I'm treating her. Gaaaah. What to do?

She's like let's keep our friendship I dont want to lose u as my friend blablabla
Profile picture of dkrab13
dkrab13
@dkrab13
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 38 · Topics: 9
Posted by aquarius_beauty
Like chucksem said, they like straightforward people and confident individuals. Sounds to me like she entertained the idea of you two but was put off by something in your personality. I know my Leo best friend has told me she has been attracted to many guys but always gets put off by something they say, do, or personality trait. As according to her she can be really picky.

They need an assertive man who's not afraid to take charge and you sound really intimidated by her. You could try again but with dominance this time, without of course overstepping your boundaries.


Maybe? How to dominate leo women? I always try to give her space not to be clingy and all. Should I do a reconfession?
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Nameless Nemean
@Chuckcem
14 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 17 · Posts: 5119 · Topics: 78
Posted by dkrab13
Posted by Chuckcem
Yep. If she said, "Let's just be friends," that's basically it. That's not to say that she didn't entertain the idea of you two being together in her mind, but you weren't direct enough for her to really consider it.

Leos can be very flirtatious and like people who are direct. If a Leo is flirting with you, you better know what to do with it. Tiptoeing around your attraction is simply confusing for her. There's also a chance that she simply only liked your attention, but women don't generally float/flirt around guys with whom they have zero interest. Women will playfully flirt to see if you know how to be fun and flirt back. They also want to know if you're direct enough to ask them out. You need to be assertive and confident with women if you are interested in them romantically.

The unfortunate thing is you basically spilled the beans over text. Granted you were already texting, so it is what it is, but again most women like guys to be direct than text. When she asked you "Do you like me?" she was basically saying, "You clearly like me and for some reason are too shy to say anything." So when you responded, "I'm starting to" you came across as unsure and incredibly indirect. So she thought to herself, "Oh...well...that wasn't confident. This could get messy later. Let's just keep it simple and not complicate things. He seems like he's on the fence, so I'll just let him down easy now."



Then you agreed to being just friends, so that's that. So to answer your question "Should I stop this setting already? ", that all depends. What do you want? I'm assuming you don't want to be in the "friend zone" correct?
Well yeah I don't want to be in the friend zone. When she asked me that question i told her if we can do it personally but she insisted that we talk about it because she's confuse on how I'm treating her. Gaaaah. What to do?

She's like let's keep our friendship I dont want to lose u as my friend blablabla
click to expand

...she's confuse on how I'm treating her.

(Oye, I should be in bed...6:00am..why..) GOOD! You're in the "friend zone" but not totally stuck. (This is going to be long btw...)

.

Basically what she's saying is, "I like/liked you, but you were so busy being my 'friend' that I now see you more as a friend. Now you're saying you want more from me and I'm conflicted because I'm unsure." She is more of less telling you to BE direct. She needs you to be the emotional leader in this situation. She is confused and she needs you to be clear. That's what men are expected to do. (I can explain more on this if you'd like).

You must understand one thing about women, how you make a woman FEEL is very important. Do not forget this. So you've been making her feel like you're "Just a friend". What does that mean? She didn't feel like you were being direct about your intentions with her. Women want a man who shows he can be assertive, which means you need to tell her exactly what you want.

The real way to get out of the "friend zone" is to not put yourself in it in the first place. It's a little late for that, so you're going to need to "reboot" your situation. This is a bit harder to do because the outcome might not work in your favor. As aquarius_beauty mentioned, you'll need to be assertive and let her know how you feel.

How do you do this? The next time you talk to her say, "Hey I want to let you know that I'm attracted to you. I think you're amazing and it wouldn't be right for me to lie to you, or myself, about my what I feel. I can't be just friends with you because I want more. I want to be direct with you and would like to take you out sometime." Then shut your mouth and wait for her to respond. When a woman has already "friend zoned" you her response will typically be, "Oh wow, I figured you'd say that and I think you're sweet/a nice guy, but I just don't know if I feel the same way. I value our friendship though and would like to keep things the way they are."

This is where most guys get confused and say yes to being "friend zoned" with the hope of keeping the girl around and proving their worth to her over time. By sticking around the guy hopes to win her heart in the end. Unfortunately life doesn't work like the movies. Once a woman sees you as "just a friend" her attraction starts dropping over time, until she becomes all too comfortable with you. (There are reasons for this, so if you want more of an explanation, let me know. It's just a lot to cover and this response is already long).

So unless she switches gears, your response needs to be, "I value you as well, so much so that I can't just be friends with you. Agreeing to just being friends would be dishonest on my part and disrespectful to the both of us. Like I said, I'd love to see you and pursue something romantic. If you only want to be platonic, I'll have to back off for now. I just don't want things to get confusing. Feel free to contact me though if you change your mind. My door is always open and I'd love to see you." From there, you're going no contact until she reaches back out to you. Meaning no more texts, calls, etc. Why? She needs to know that you are capable of being direct with her and stand your ground. This response though comes at a hefty price though. If you see her, don't ignore her. Be cordial, but give her the space to come to you.

First understand that this isn't a trick. You can't trick or manipulate women into liking you. You're just being direct and honest with her. If you don't want to be just her friend, then you shouldn't pretend. You want to hug, hold, kiss, caress, and be intimate with this woman. In which case, you'll need to let her know this, but know she may still reject your advances. As a result you need to be ok with losing her.

If she still has some attraction for you, your silence will give her pause. She will evaluate her feelings for you. This may take some time, so you'll need to be patient. This also won't be easy. Telling a woman you don't want a friendship only comes with risks. Expect her to even get a little angry that you are making things more difficult. There is also a 50/50 chance you'll destroy whatever relationship you have with her. You NEED to be ok with the possibility losing her. Your lack of fear regarding the outcome will resonate with her. This will also give her the time and space to weigh your value in her eyes. If she is attracted to you, she'll let you know. If she isn't, we'll that's that. Unfortunately while this is the most direct approach, it isn't the easiest. So make sure you're prepared for whatever happens.

Note: I only give this advice because I've personally done it. I'm one of those "all or nothing" types and have issues accepting any situation I deem less than ideal. As a result I generally get what I want, not by force, but through honesty and sheer focus. Women pick this up in my personality and feel comfortable around me as a result. This is is the type of mindset you'll need to harness if you hope to become something more to this Leo woman. She'll need to know that you can be rock solid in your resolve when you need to be.

Astrology stuff

So in terms of astrology, first you need to know her placements are (based on the information you gave. Let us know if the birth date you have for her is correct): Sun - Leo, Moon - Capricorn, Mercury - Virgo, Venus - Virgo, Venus - Virgo, Mars - Virgo. There's more but we'll work with that for now. (Fill in information here to find out more: http://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php)

We already know that she is a Leo. Her moon is in Capricorn, which means she is far more even-tempered than the traditional Leo. Internally she has a need for stability and success (sometimes this means material wealth). Fortunately for you Cancers can be good at this. Her other placements from Mercury to Mars are in Virgo. The good news is you're not going to have to worry about too many surprises with this one. She is looking for a perfect love, possibly even someone she can mold. She loves via acts of service. This means she may not shower you with praise (though her Leo Sun might change that), but she if she cares for you, she'll always have your back. She loves in simple almost inconspicuous ways and feels best when she is being thanked or acknowledged from time to time. Leos do love praise, so openly express your intentions to her.

Why is this important? She's got an earth heavy chart, most of which is in Virgo. She's not going to be outwardly affectionate until she becomes more comfortable. She also isn't ruled by her emotions the same way you are. She's a Leo though, so there will be a warmth to her (as you've noticed already). Her Leo traits will still shine in many ways, but her inner feelings and the way she loves will be more practical. Leos also don't like to unveil our deepest emotions too early, so be patient. This will be amplified by her Virgo placements. She'll want to be 100% sure about you before she moves forward. This means you need to ALWAYS BE DIRECT with her (also have good hygiene and be tidy). Virgos placements value perfection and can be neat freaks or germophobes too.

Hope this helps!