normal behavior?

My boyfriend is a jerk.

Who flies out of state, in fact halfway across the country, without telling his girlfriend of over three years that he'll be going out of town?

My dad is a leo, I don't think he's ever done that to my mother, ever. He wouldn't survive doing something like that.

Poor phoenix poor poor phoenix

thank you for the sympathy james 🙂

jackbutter -- that was funny.

Morgan, I want him to not survive too...no, I shouldn't say that...I'm so pissed off though...I was all worried about whether he was dead or alive, I couldn't get ahold of him forever, then finally he answers his cell phone and he's like, "oh, I'm in North Carolina visiting friends!" I was shocked...I said, "I guess you forgot to call me and tell me you were going to be out of town??" "Sorry about that. I just haven't wanted to talk to anyone".

But yet, he obviously wanted to talk to his North Carolina friends enough to FLY out there! His grandfather died a couple weeks ago, but I hate to say that I think he's using that as an excuse to get away with stuff like this. I thought I was on speakerphone at first, so I was hesitant to freak out on him because I didn't want to have a fight in front of his friends who have never met me. So I was just like, "um, okay, you can call me but I may not be around or available." I kept saying, "I don't understand why you wouldn't have at least called me". "Yeah, sorry" was his answer.

I swear to god. 😢

Going for a walk about is one thing but one should always leave word so no one is left wondering. If this behavor goes on you must ask your self is this worth it?

leo' enjoy the element of surprise he probably has someting planned that he' not ready to tell you about. depending on how good your relationship is he's either planning something good that would benifit you or he's testing the waters to see what he can get away with. personally i would bring it up you know ask him why he left the way he did another time because i know you already did. speak to him in a calm tone and act like you don't care. either he'll tell you or he won't care enough to discuss the details. either way you'll find out if he cares. 1

Uh oh Phoenix. I see a red flag here. It just sounds shady of him to not tell you that he was trekking a couple of thousand miles to "visit friends". I hope for your sake he wasn't cheating.
Definately confront him about this.

Sloane

I agree with motivated. Could be that he is planning something OR that he needs a little distance to sort out his feelings for you...maybe he wants to go the next step, but Leo's (at least with women) want to be SURE it will be a life long commitment. Cut him some slack, but also make clear to him that the reason you are peeved is b/c it was an uncourteous thing to do B/C you were worried sick about him. Men need to accept that woman do worry (and I have just read something that proves that women have the worry gene)and they just have to deal with it by being courteous. It's NOT an invasion of privacy, nor is it 'cramping a guy's style '. It is merely what it is, without ulterior motive, that we need to know our loved ones are SAFE!

I think he needs a to be beaten into submission. Or maybe you could get one of those electro shock things like they have for training dogs, where everytime he does something irresponsible/immature/unthoughtful/just generally shady, you can electricute him, and eventually he'll learn.

ok, well then u need to take a trip to florida.lol

if i was seeing someone and they did that there would be no excuse that they could come up with that would make it ok........ummmmm well, if they drove back from north carolina in the new ferrari they bought me i might could turn a cheek.lol

I read all this about my boy friend is a jerk or my mate is cheating on me? why do all these women date jerks and marry men who cheat? Also what man would want the aggravation of more than one woman in his life?

I really appreciate everyone who gave me advice. You'll have to forgive the delayed response; I am so upset about this whole topic that I didn't even want to talk about it for a while. If this relationship was meant to end, then I think this is the time that the winds of fate are trying to tell me to end it. The level of disrespect I feel is incredible, I don't understand how it is that someone's girlfriend of well over three years is not deserving of at least a treetrunking phone call. What is that. He said, "it had nothing to do with you honey, I just didn't want to talk to anyone". Well, that's obviously bullbutter since he flew 2000 miles to TALK to his friends. I do not think he is cheating on me. It's possible, he's being enough of an ass that I could theoretically see him doing that, but I don't think he is. Whatever. I think what he IS doing is being a selfish, inconsiderate son of a cookiemonster who doesn't give a butter about how his actions might affect me. It's all about him, it always has been. You tell him a story, he has to top yours or starts talking over the top of you to say what he wants to say. You tell a joke, he makes fun of you but when he tells jokes, god help you if you don't laugh. You must acknowlege his "charisma" and "presence" at all times or he literally pouts. You must never say one single thing negative or even expressing disagreement with or about one of his friends, even if he's known YOU longer (his girlfriend; that would be me). And he keeps count. "I've known Jake and Sarah for years"...(me): "you've known me a year longer actually." (him): "No I haven't". (me): "you met them a year after we started going out." (him): "oh yeah you're right...well, it's basically the same amount of time". (me):"I'm not the one keeping track, you are."

I swear to god I am never going out with anyone after this ever, never again. I have been pretty much nothing but dicked around by ass holes for almost my entire dating history. I have dated maybe two genuinely nice, respectful, good guys, and now one lives in Australia and one is married. My virgo guy, he's a great guy but I didn't technically *date* him, and who knows where that whole thing is even going. He's supposed to be back around the fifteenth, so I need to write him that letter I promised I'd write. But who knows if he'll even care in the end...

I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong to keep ending up with jerks. I try not to smother, but I am possessive enough to show I care. I try not to be too jealous, but I have my moments. I give all the emotional support I could possibly give. I try to provide stimulating conversation, and I'd really like to think I don't suck between the sheets. I listen well. Belive me, I listen well. After being with someone who completely dominates every single conversation you ever try to have, even if it's about socks or ice cream or something, all I can ever DO is listen. I'm not stupid, I try to cultivate an interesting mental connection whenever possible. I don't like to be bored, and I assume that my partner doesn't either, so I try not to be boring. Granted, I have plenty of faults, but I try not to let them directly affect the relationship. I try to not be annoying or naggy, but I'm sure there's been a few times I've nagged him about important things. I don't want to be anyone's mommy however, so I keep it under control.

I don't get this butter. It isn't fair, I have put so much of my energy and LIFE and YEARS into this person, and all of a sudden it seems like he's almost trying to throw it all away. I feel like throwing up... 😢

I found this on some website:

Leo Man & Scorpio Woman

This match is bound to end sooner rather than later. You two are just too different in personality and what you want from a relationship to make this last. He is looking for a Harlequin- style romance, full of adventure, fantasy and obstacles to overcome. But you want a love that is real and will last when the early dramatics have faded away, and he's not really into that. You value honesty and the little things you do for each other; he only recognizes the big gestures. He also tends to be into showy public displays that don't really mean anything true when the audience is gone. Plus, on top of all this, you are both very aggressive, strong-willed personalities who will clash when you have to make decisions, like where to go on a date, or why he should stop being so obnoxious. You'll have too many fights to build a real affection for each other. Not a good match for either of you.

(i should have learned not to get involved with another leo after the last one)

Oh Pheonix! There are obviously probs there. I know what you are going through. 3 yrs is a long time to invest, but don't look at it that way. It's all experience, and I am sure there has been some positives along the way. When he gets back talk to him and be completely honest in how you are feeling and DEMAND that he be completely honest with you. By the sounds of things, you deserve much better. You know it!!! Have confidence in that fact...there is always someone better out there. If he isn't going to be respectful of you, nor honest then walk away and don't look back. And don't forget, we are all here to support you and prop you up if you should fall. Only you can decide what to do here....listen to your inner voice. I am hoping this guy gets his crap together b/c ultimately HE will be the wanka that misses out on something special...namely YOU!

Lawgoddess, I cannot thank you enough for your support. I really, really appreciate all the advice, and your way of putting things makes me feel a lot better.

About the positives...yes, there have been a lot of positives along the way. He makes me laugh a lot...or he used to. It's like now there is so much resentment between the two of us, things he's done; things I've done, that it undermines what should be truly happy times. We used to do everything together. In fact for the first year and a half or so of our relationship, we saw each other every single day, every spare minute we had we spent together. That's definitely more than cooled off now. What's strange is that he was calling me (and had been doing this since day one of our relationship) on his morning break and lunch break, every day, no matter what. Even if I wasn't home, he'd leave a message. But all of a sudden, out of nowhere, that stopped. And then he willy nilly flies to NC. I feel like I'm being made a fool of, and I REALLY, REALLY don't like that. I don't know if I'm missing something, or what's going on. This is not even a nice way to try to break off a relationship (which, worst case scenario, could be what he's trying to do, the BASTARD). In fact, it's really mean. You'd think if that was his objective, he'd be a man about things and just talk to me. But then, maybe he's just that much of an idiot, and he wasn't trying to end the relationship but he's just a stupid jerk who doesn't think about anyone but himself. See, a lot of times, when we get into a fight he'll somehow find a way to justify what he's doing by dredging up some ancient wrong that I've done to him. So I never get the satisfaction of him saying, "I can understand why you're upset with me" or "you have a right to be mad at me". It's always a bunch of reasons why I "have no right" to be mad. So it's like I've been conditioned for so long to second-guess my own anger when he does stupid butter, out of fear that maybe I really DON'T have a right to be mad, that he somehow fanagles a way to win (in one way or another) just about every fight we have. Did that make sense? Basically what I'm saying is that I never know anymore what, besides cheating-type-behavior, is acceptable behavior and what is not. I never know whether I'm overreacting by being mad, or if I should be mad.

And P.S.,if we break up, I'm going to need a LOT of emotional babying and support from everyone. lol. Just a warning, just in case. 🙂

Phoenix...

It's important that you don't let this get to your heart. If it really doesn't work out with him, chalk it up as experience as Lawgoddes mentioned. I think that when a relationship is in kahoots, it's important to not get too emotional--it doesn't help either of you.
Better days are ahead hon.
Sloane

Thanks girls, aprilbaby I completely understand what you mean. Very good questions to keep in mind. Believe me, I've been asking myself the same questions for too long now, even before all this started and I think it's just that before, although I was asking the questions, I was also discarding them quickly, sort of putting them on the back burner and just going through the motions of what a decent relationship should be like.

Well guess what...he called me tonight finally. He apologized for not calling me sooner, but he said his battery in his cell phone was spontaneously losing its charge so he had to get a new battery for it. Then he said he was going to call me from the motels he's been staying at (apparently he and his friends have been trekking all over hell's half acre--even all the way to florida to go to universal studios and islands of adventure and lalalala)--but he said it would cost three bucks a minute and he couldn't afford it. Then he said he was going to call me with his friend's cell phone, but that his friend dropped it in a cup of water, so they had to order a new one, which just came in the mail today.

🙂😢🙂😢🙂😢🙂😢🙂😢🙂

I said, "we'll go ahead and fight about the not telling me where you were going when you get home, kay? You should have told me." He apologized. I told him it was really fun trying to answer people's questions about where he was for the last few weeks...I explained the joy of wondering whether he was dead, or was trying to break up with me. He started laughing. I'm not kidding. So I started crying. I'm not kidding about that either. So then he's like, "oh, there's no reason to be upset, it was nothing like that. I'll call ya Tuesday".

hfljdsjlfiuaoijwlfvnoiwjtftewjfiejwiruewiurklewjwj.lfm;d

And that was me cursing in utter confusion, in case there was confusion about my confusion.

LOL...good luck on Tuesday.

Thank you Lawgoddess! 🙂 lol, I'm gonna need it...or HE's gonna need it...the feathers could fly.

Aprilbaby, he does indeed have some scorpio in him; I believe he either has a scorpio moon or scorpio rising, and venus in cancer, that's all I know as far as his chart goes. And that might even be wrong since I don't have his birth time. I'm pretty sure he's got scorpio rising, not scorpio moon. His b-day is 8/17/80.

Yes, everything about him is "quirky". His friends call him "spaz". And the detached thing, weird, but somewhat normal for him in the sense that if it isn't directly about HIM and how HE feels, he's detached.

When am I gonna find a sweet, nice, caring guy who is available and actually cares about me? Can someone get ahold of Miss Cleo for me? lol! 😛

i think miss cleo's in jail.lol if she was so smart she would have seen that coming.lol

I have a question for the Ms. Cleo clone. What shall we call you Ms Aprilbaby? Will Dick Chaney be king of Iraq? what is all this drama in life talk ?

Soooo, Phoenix.....how did it go? Don't skip the details now!

Aprilbaby, that was funny--thanks for the laugh 😛

But about the drama thing, I know it sounds like an excuse, but I actually really don't like this kind of drama and that is one of the reasons my boyfriend and I are on such thin ice. He's all about the drama; I just want smooth sailing, I *need* for one area of my life at least to be stable and right now NOTHING about my life is stable except that my parents are letting me stay at home until I have enough money to get out there by myself. My home life is about the only stable thing. Relationship stress + job stress = one unhappy phoenix. I really do want a sweet boy. lol. He's out there somewhere. I know it.

Lawgoddess, he hasn't called me yet. And I'm actually kinda happy about that. I mean, I hope he didn't die in a plane crash or anything, but I'm really not in the mood to hear about how fantabulous his little stupid trip was. The whole thing is like, a sour taste in my mouth...so I'd just as soon not hear about it. Although as usual I know he's going to talk my ear off about it.

I will definitely update as soon as I have something to tell though! 🙂 Thanks for asking!

My god the miss use of the english slang #1 free bird easy woman #2 sweet boy one who likes boys #3 fags you smoke them more later.

Phoenix,I'm sorry to hear that you are blue...
If your bf is a genuine Leo-he would love you until ...you know-the death thing..provided that you love him and you show him that.That's why he laughed at your saying that he might have considered to leave you:because the thought never crossed his mind.
One more thing: I know you are planning on having a big dispute when he returns.Please don't do that🙂 give him the cold icy treatment; let him come to you,appologize,do the explaining.Maybe he really needed to disapper for a while;maybe he needed time by himself.I think the best way of making him understand about your feelings is to do him the same ( aprox ) thing.
And let me give one more hint about Leos: make him find out in the most subtle way possible that there is another guy that is interested in you and whom you find interesting!or flirt a little bit in his preseance with some other guy;or behave more than nicely with one of his male friends!! When you arouse his jealousy,he will fight the imaginary enemy and there#s nothind inthe world he wouldn't do for you to keep your attention focused on him!
He needs that.I know that you would like to have a calm and relaxed relationship;but believe me: they never are!you always have to work on them-and is better to have the man work for!
What do you think?
in the meantime-go to the gym and fill yourself with endorphines🙂
I'm only telling you these because I would really hate to see a good relationship broken on the account of some misunderstandings;and because I believe that the Leo&Scorpio relationships can be immensely passionate and long-tearm-ed happy;and one of the best combo that you can come up with🙂
Good luck and all the best to you

Bella

Hi bella, thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it. You know, I *was* planning on going head-to-head with him when he returns, but a few days ago I decided, "screw it". I am definitely doing the cold and icy thing. He still hasn't called me, and I'm not going to call him. And that is the attitude I need to exhibit to all the people in my life that are pissing me off right now. They can come and get me, if they want me.

About the flirting with other guys, I have a story (actually a few, but that would take too long to tell ya all of them). A couple years ago, I ran into this guy I used to be good friends with in high school at the mall. And I was with my boyfriend. And me and the other guy start talking, and he gives me a hug, and we're joking around, blah blah blah. And I guess during this whole thing my bf was getting more and more pissed off, because after a minute, I look over and he's nowhere. And the other guy was like, "what was that all about?" and I was like, "I don't know, but I'm leaving". So we say our goodbyes (mind you, I didn't have a car at this time so my bf was my ride). I start walking as fast as I can out of the mall, my ass is going home. I was going to walk. I was so pissed that he just left like that. Anyway, he finds me in the parking lot smoking, and he absolutely freaks out on me because apparently, he was looking for me as I was leaving. And he's yelling all this stuff about never doing that again, and how this guy was flirting with me and I didn't stop him and blah blah blah. Anyway it was a big, embarrassing scene, so from that day on I have tried to be very neutral around all other guys when I'm with my bf. Although there have been other times where I feel he has unfairly gotten on my case about things I have no control over. He even questions who guys are at the movie theater and stuff if I say hello to them. When I tell them they were just a friend of mine, he gives me the third degree about how we met and what exactly was our friendship like and yada yada. It's annoying, I feel like I should have a scarlet letter branded on me or something. 😢 But anyway, I'm looked at suspiciously even when I'm NOT flirting. And he doesn't have a very controlled temper, not that he would ever hit me, but the yelling bothers me and it's embarrassing. Especially when it's unfounded.

i just need to let my dxp friends here know that my boyfriend is not my boyfriend anymore. he broke up with me tonight and between the crying and throwing up, im just hoping ill either die or ill somehow make it through this. i dont think i will make it through this.

Hey,Phoenix! is there something new on the West Front?
I mean-has Mr Leo come back from his escapade up-state?

My thoughts are to you.
Love,
Bella

You'll survive..you are too strong to let this defeat you.

Gee,Phoenix-I feel so stupid!I posted my question before I got the chance to read your latest development of the situation!

I FEEL SO BAD FOR YOU!
You didn't deserve that!He behaved like a "filio di putana"!
It is not fair that other people reign over our hearts irresponsably and don't know that they are to handle with care.Insensitive SOB!
Plese donot allow youself to think too much about what happened.Anyway-you were not happy with the relationshhip as it was going-so you're better off!
We'll be here for you if you need us!
YOU'LL GET OVER IT! sooner than he'd like!

Bella