I was curious to know why people cheat who are already in a committed relationship with the person they have choosen or is choosing to spend the rest of their life with??? Seems like a BIG contradiction to me.
Honestly it depends on circumstances...They can't be that happy if they choose to cheat.. it is a way out of a situation that u may not want to be in..I hope u havn't been cheated on...If u have...Try and see positive in things that occur in your life )
I think Men can cheat because they enjoy feeding their Male Egos, enjoy sexual Variety or simply are still in the quest of finding their true love and the woman they are going to spend a lifetime with or maybe Marry. I do not know your exact situation but becareful because if this is not what you want in a relationship you should avoid it at all cost. When I meet a woman and I do not feel there will be anything more than sex. I am honest with them and let them make the decision if they want to keep being a sex partner or if they prefer to bail from the relationship. I really think honesty is the best policy. However, if after a Man has literally told you that there will be no more to the relationship than what he can offer in the bedroom than in my eyes he has done what he could to notify you that he has other sex partners. At that point it might be time to do a little soul searching if you keep accepting him.
FOR THE I'M NOT CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP, SO NO I'M NOT BEING CHEATED ON, HOWEVER, I DO HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS WHO CLAIM THEY'RE IN LOVE BUT YET AND STILL WHEN THINGS DON'T GO THEIR WAY THE GO OUT AND CHEAT, BUT THEY CLAIM THEY'RE WITH THE PERSON THEY LOVE AND THAT THEY WOULD NEVER END THE RELATIONSHIP TO BE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.
FOR THE RECORD, I'M NOT CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP, SO NO I'M NOT BEING CHEATED ON, HOWEVER, I DO HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS WHO CLAIM THEY'RE IN LOVE BUT YET AND STILL WHEN THINGS DON'T GO THEIR WAY THE GO OUT AND CHEAT, BUT THEY CLAIM THEY'RE WITH THE PERSON THEY LOVE AND THAT THEY WOULD NEVER END THE RELATIONSHIP TO BE WITH SOMEBODY ELSE.
Every relationship is different. Why one person "cheats" and another doesn't, is their choice.
What if you are in a relationship that is devoid of any physical or loving contact, but unable to leave it for one reason or another? Logic says do what you can to salvage it, but, when does the "commitment" end?
I have not "cheated", but i do think that scenerio i made up could give an idea why some may "cheat". But then, is it really "cheating"?
Relationships are more than verbal commitments, and legal papers...and each one changes over time, one way or the other.
The commitment ends when one person states that it is over. I am in a marriage that is devoid of physical and loving contact. All other areas are great. I have often thought about finding a 'fling' b/c of desperation, but even if I do, it is still cheating. The reason to cheat is there, but to do so doesn't make it right. My partner is aware of all of this.
Lawgoddess, maybe you should project more love and warmth and sensuality and it will come back through him. If you 'give up' naturally 'he' will too. Try a loving tender approach. It only becomes stagnant if you allow it to. It is possible to recreate passion between the two of you.
126.96.36.199...I know what lawgoddess is saying. I have been in the situation she is talking about. And tho I have never cheated, how much is enough?
It takes two to make something work. Rekindeling a flame can not happen if only one is attempting to do so, and the partner is so dense they just don't get it. If that happens, maybe one has tried as much as they can.
How much is enough? Only the people involved will know when it is past needing to try. Then, the commitment is over, and both are once again free agents. At that point, it would not be cheating.
it sounds like to me that the two parties involved in lawgoddess's relationship deep down don't like one another. it is all about deep down resenting the other. sure you care for each other and it's so easy to give your habitual 'love ya good nite' before you place your head on the pillow each nite. but deep down it is so easy to fall complacent with another. to feel bored, or estranged or annoyed or what not. it sounds to me like a lack of communicating at each turn. think about what is lovemaking about it involves passionately and emotionally titilating that other person. if you let problems between you two creep up and compound it makes sense that you won't want to put out the effort to really want to please each other. thus believe me i have sooooooooooo been there. counseling can help you identify the root of your lack of intimacy and help sweep it not under the rug, but out the door. anything truly worthwhile is salvagable. first start again by being curteous to each other and being thoughtful and highlighting only the positive in one another. start again by being friends, and keeping the behavior in context of how you would normally treat your any one in your own circle of friends. try being respectful for each other once more. start again by rekindling a trustworthy friendshop. change your outlook a bit and everything else will slowly fall into place.
while your 'advice' may be worthwhile for someone else you are completely wrong about my situation. completely! there's a reason for the lack of intimacy, but i will not discuss that here. that said, it does not mean that we aren't intimate and tender and courteous and communicative in every other facet of our lives. the problem lies with him, something you will just have to accept as true. he knows it, i know it, and everyone we know personally knows it. no matter how much 'love' and 'affection' is showered upon him, this situation will not change until he deals with the problem himself. he's on a time limit and knows he has to get his act into gear otherwise me and my kids are outta here!
lawgoddess this may very well be your only chance to enjoy your only life. don't continue to suffer and sacrifice such an important part of your womanhood any longer. you have made your best possible proposal to him he has let you down. take comfort in what ever possible chance or opportunity to gather bliss from who ever is able to give it to you. life is to precious. gain joy from what ever arena is most plentiful so you will not die inside.