Can I salvage this?

This is a long one so...

So, I'd been talking to this guy since last September/October and he's a Libra and I'm a Cancer.
I didn't know he was a Libra when I first saw him, but I was attracted to him as soon as he walked in. Immediately.
Anyway, so I move to sit next to him and he starts talking to me and I did my best to keep the conversation going.
He started waiting for me after class, then he stopped. He also acted like he wanted to hang out, but then would cancel if he knew it wouldn't just be us.
He always always apologised for canceling though.
So, I gave up because the getting just got to be too tough. That's when he decided to walk and talk to me again-- when I started to ignore him...
Okay, so I asked him if he would like to go on a very casual date, then I tried to take it back the next time I saw him (I'm no good with rejection). He said he'd rather not forget it and that he'd love to.
He also told me that he was recently unengaged and that was why he was so cold to me.
He ex-fiance left him for another man and then wrote to him 6 mths later telling him why she left.
I've previously "talked" with a recently unengaged guy and felt a bit cautious... plus I'm not super secure and this Libra is...hotness. I thought, Of course you had a fiance, you're frickin gorgeous.
Anyway, so it took us forever to go out. He even disappeared for a while, but he got a lot better at that after he told me how much he liked talking with me and that he didn't want to not talk to me.
He said this because I told him that he could stop talking to me if he wanted to.
So, we finally went for coffee and he told me anything I wanted to know. I asked his age, he told me (oddly insecure about it), I asked about his ex, he told me, about his family. He even told me things about his ex and family that I didn't even bring up. He talked about religion, art, balance, and harmony a bit too. He seemed real into it and I liked that.
He's got a passion for his interests that I just find so appealing, and good lord the man is a conversationalist which is hot.
He told me he was nervous, but... I didn't see why. I've never dated, but he doesn't know that.
Well, after the coffee, we went our separate ways.

Continued...

I wrote him the next day saying that I had an awesome time and that we should do that again.
He asked when I'd like to, but I just let him decide that because of how... flaky he'd been when I was making the advances.
I should say here that we didn't go anywhere after that. He's really social, so he went to friend's birthday parties and all, but nothing with me.
I got restless, a bit perturbed, and definitely insecure.
I thought he didn't want to hang out with me or I was being pranked somehow.
The whole thing was starting to remind me of the previous guy I talked to who had an exfiance.
But, I kept this all in and still continued to communicate with him through texts.
One time we were suppose to go out, but he said his phone died and I was there by myself.
He kept apologising, so I don't think it was a lie.
Anyway, so I believe we got closer. He showed me things he didn't show many people he said (his art) and he saw mine (I'm an artist).
We constantly talked about our day-- especially him. haha
Last week Thursday, everything came to a great high and I started acting weird, not telling him about my day.
He asked me what was wrong, and I said nothing and that I was sorry for the weirdness. He said that it was okay, that he just wanted to know that I was okay.
On last week Friday, I asked him if he got along with me because he said he didn't get along with a lot of people (...sure, Mr. Popular) and he said that he did.
He just wish he wasn't so nervous. I don't know, I just don't believe anyone who says they get nervous around little ol' me.
I told him that I was the one who said I liked him. I'd told him this several times, especially after we went for coffee.
I told him he's so handsome and such an intellectual.
Well, so I asked him if he wanted to go get coffee in an hour and when 30 mins passed, I told him never mind and to have a good weekend. He wrote back that I should too.
Then, I got scared he was going to hurt me and fed up at nothing working out and wrote to him that I was going to leave him alone now. That, nothings seemed to ever work out and that whether he knew it or not, he didn't find me attractive-- and that was okay.

The thing is though. I realise now that I don't want to be scared. Making my exit early is a classic move of mine and I don't want to do that anymore. He didn't answer, so I'm sure he either doesn't care or is mad at me. But, I was scared and I am sorry
I told him that I meant everything I said and that I

Cancer and Libra? Pfft.

Also, you need to work on your paranoid insecurity. It's the only issue I'm seeing here. I don't think you're in any mindset to be dating and for it to be successful, tbh. Go work on that and maybe re approach the idea of dating again. Not many guys will find your behavior attractive and it's just self sabotaging at some point. Not being mean about it, I was somewhat like this when I was much younger (cancer moon) and it does not do anything for you but make things a disaster in the long run. Just step away and work on your confidence.

I don't think I have a choice but to step back. He's seriously not talking to me.
He is literally ignoring me. I sent him a message on Facebook explaining my insecurity and nervousness on Monday and on Tuesday I sent him a text saying that I was sorry, scared, and I understood if he didn't want to talk to me anymore, but I just wanted him to know that I really am sorry.
I don't even want to date him anymore, not really. But boy, I loved talking to him. I am truly, truly sorry. There were so many other ways I could have said what I said. I just don't think he'll ever forgive me. I don't even know how he feels about what I said. I just hate knowing that I lost a friend of a sort that I had immediate connection with. That just sucks.
I don't think I'll be sending anymore messages though. I've sent enough and said it all.

I also told him that I felt stupid for trying, and that I don't like feeling stupid. lol
If he had done this to me (like when his "phone died" and I was left at the coffee shop alone waiting for him) and he had said sorry, I'd forgive him (I did forgive him) because I care.

Posted by Theultra79
Yea...I agree. Don't send anymore communication. Sometimes if I feel like somebody is imploding, I'll just sit back and wait for them to finish. Then when things settle down, I'll go back in and check on them. But, you're probably coming across a lil psycho at this point.

Honestly though, don't feel too bad. I don't think he's any prize. He stood you up, he's been wishy washy. He might be alright for a friend but not appropriate to date.

And! Agreeing with rocky and tizi. Please don't ever, eva eva eva eva, tear yourself down to some guy you barely know. When you feel that way, call a girlfriend, journal it, make a thread, anything but what you did.

Yeah, my emotions make me a bit erratic. lol
I don't think he's imploding though. His stuff still pops up on my Facebook wall about him. Life seems quite normal, he's just ignoring me. No, maybe he's no prize, I just wish I got to figure him out a bit more.
And, you're all right, I've been working on not tearing myself down-- especially to guys.

Posted by Theultra79
Lol...I was saying he's staying away from you while you're imploding babe

^ This. I'm just reading this and thinking "Eeek" (like a scared mouse). Chill out honey bunny. I get freaked the hell out by anyone displaying half the emotional swings you are. Calm...orderly..collected..light should be your mantra in the beginning
Good luck

See, no offense, but this is what I hate talking to air signs.
I've been burned several times by Aquarius. lol

Posted by ItsWorking
See, no offense, but this is what I hate talking to air signs.
I've been burned several times by Aquarius. lol

I'm not an air sign.

Stop apologizing and putting yourself down, don't do it for him but for yourself.

My boyfriend used to do this at the beginning (he is a Cancer) and I just didn't get it and it would make me soooo angry!!! If I am interested in you and then you start to put yourself down or start acting erratic, apologizing and being nervous, the first couple of times is cute and endearing, if you keep doing it, I get angry and is a huge turn off. I had to sit down my boyfriend and explain how much I care about him, how crazy I am about him and how the putting himself down would drive me crazy, and he stopped. My experiencie and opinion, I am a Libra 🙂

When I said I don't like talking to air signs, I meant in regards to the dating and the Libra guy, not you guys.

I'm healthy. I'm not mental or anything.
I sent only two messages after I told him that I was going to leave him alone. One on Monday on Facebook, and one through text on Tuesday. Both were pretty much sorries. Though only one actually said sorry.

I think the reason for my implosion lol was the fact that every single time he would apologise for disappearing, I would say, "You do you." because I wanted to seem casual like him, which I'm not. Holding things in makes things worst. I think I've said that I should have talked to him about it when he asked me if something was wrong. He's really level headed and I'm sure he wouldn't have mind, but my tank was full and I'd had enough.

We weren't dating, but he gave me the impression that when things calmed down for him, we would.
He told me what he was hoping for his kids' names, he told me that we have the same humour and that I could never offend him, he told me that when he met me that things just seemed to work out (not the way I remember it, but whatever you say).
So, not only do I just want to talk to him again (a whole lot less now than I did on Monday though, the longer he stays away, the more I remember just why I wrote what I wrote), I also hope I didn't bring up any bad memories of when his ex wrote him a text saying exactly why she had left him.
I don't want to remind him of that, because I said that I was going to be his friend regardless of his romantic interest in me. I disregarded that though. haha

Anyway, he can ignore me all he wants. He failed the test.
I need people who realise that I freak the hell out every once in a while. So will you, and I'll be there because I'm your friend. We don't have the same friends anyway, so there's no awkwardness to be experienced. Plus, he's graduating.

To answer the dating a male Cancer question, I've talked to a Cancer guy once. He was AWESOME! We had such a deep connection. This is back before I had as many insecurity issues as I do now. We had a lot in common and he wasn't afraid to get close to me emotionally and physically (not sex). Funny thing, it turns out he was way more secretive than me because I found out after he moved that he was a cutter.I was shocked he never told me, but also not shocked... because he's a Cancer.

You guys are pretty awesome. Thanks for the listening ear. It's kinda comical to hear how mental I

Posted by ItsWorking
See, no offense, but this is what I hate talking to air signs.
I've been burned several times by Aquarius. lol

Yeah because an aquarius will find you obnoxious, insecure and an emotional tsunami waiting to happen, and aquarius doesn't like any of these things. lol. Not trying to be mean, but you sound like a typical cancer. I had a lotttttttttttttttt of cancer friends in the past who were let go one by one from my end. They were very insecure and I was just a friend. Geez.

Moving on to your situation, this guy is an unevolved typical idiot of a libra boy. I can see why you became ultra paranoid and insecure, it was just your defenses kicking in because he wasn't reciprocating your affection. Nobody likes a rejection and certainly not when you like them wayyy more than they like you. Let me tell you something about his behaviour. He doesn't sound like he's over his ex, irrespective of what she did to him. Unevolved libras don't get over their exes. She's still in his heart and mind. He is not going to move on just like that especially with a paranoid chick. He's just being a nice guy, which libras are, and entertaining your interest in him. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings and be the bad guy.

The problem here isn't just your low self-esteem, but it's also this wishy washy idiot who isn't interested, but too scared to be honest with you. Even if he gets with you, just remember that his ex will be a factor in your relationship. You will be living under her shadow. Hope you're ok with that. God forbid that she should return because if she does, then he's either going to leave you or string you along.

P.S Two insecure signs together = handicap match. lol

Seriously cancer woman and libra man can work!! I've seen it happen. My ex cheated on me with a cancer chick and they've been together for like 4 years. Let's just say it worked out for all of us. She got my aging ex, and I mean brutally aging ex, and they both got a relationship of substance out of it, which their 4 years together illustrates 🙂

Posted by everevolvingepithet
Girlfriend, do what you think is right, be wary of taking advice from people where it's all in their head.

*snaps fingers together*

Being silly again. If she didn't care for advice, she wouldn't come here asking for it. Come on!! Get with the program. lol

Posted by tiziani
Libras don't get over their exes, period. They just learn how to make the memories work best for them in their next relationship.

eee, you go girl!

Ti, can you elaborate on the second sentence?

Posted by everevolvingepithet
Thanks tiziani.😛

Everyone gets remembered imo like it or not, the getting over part is relevant but also think of it another way. If a guy was all like 'oh, she's blah blah blah garbage/dirt to me!' the girl would prob think 'oh would he do that with me? that's bs!'. If you go around mentioning them just a little too much (in a woman's mind btw) then it's 'he's so not over her!'.

:/
and
:/

That makes sense right?

Do guys like hearing about a woman's ex that she should wanna hear about his ex? Unless asked, I don't think a guy should talk about his ex except in passing. Even when asked, he shouldn't ramble on like "whoa buddy. It was supposed to be a one sentence answer" lol.

Posted by tiziani
E3, agreed.

And to elaborate on that, aquarius, but also in part-response to EEE, I just think that Libra "evolution" (as you so accurately put it) does not involve cutting off an ex or thoughts of them like some other signs would.

We're known in our "evolved" state for being dedicated lovers, but the source of other dedication is holding onto the memories (good or bad, in others' eyes but always good in our eyes) that we feel we must hold onto because they were a part of what made us. And we carry that into loving a new person.

That may seem like something that everyone does, but I feel other signs generally tend to completely cut off all thoughts of an ex and argue they are insignificant whereas we don't ever really do that. We hold onto memories and if we didn't I don't think it'd be possible for us to be evolved Libras IMO. We'd just be conflicted.

Thank you for the clarification. As for your second last sentence, I don't think anything healthy can emerge from holding on to the good or bad memories of an ex. In fact, it adds to the inner conflicts of libras all the more. How? When an ex returns in their lives, they just wanna keep her/him, never mind the havoc it would create on the present relationship/partner.

I will never understand why some people are adamant on keeping their exes in their lives! I have seen my libra male friends rocking the boat (seldomly) or lying in the boat (common) just to keep their exes around. They go out of their way from their current partner finding out that they still talk to their ex or would like tokeep an ex around. lol

Posted by tiziani

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by everevolvingepithet
Thanks tiziani.😛

Everyone gets remembered imo like it or not, the getting over part is relevant but also think of it another way. If a guy was all like 'oh, she's blah blah blah garbage/dirt to me!' the girl would prob think 'oh would he do that with me? that's bs!'. If you go around mentioning them just a little too much (in a woman's mind btw) then it's 'he's so not over her!'.

:/
and
:/

That makes sense right?

Do guys like hearing about a woman's ex that she should wanna hear about his ex? Unless asked, I don't think a guy should talk about his ex except in passing. Even when asked, he shouldn't ramble on like "whoa buddy. It was supposed to be a one sentence answer" lol.

Indeed, see that's where I think Libras are different from other signs. I know for a fact that one of my exes would never accept me talking about any woman I've ever been romantically involved with, without taking it as a threat. And that's a shame. Because we believe in expression.

I do think it's rude and unnecessary to talk to a woman about another woman, it feels like wasting her time. Even from the jump on a first dinner with a woman you're interested in, why would you talk about another woman? You must be stupid to do that.

But sometimes it is nice to be able to talk with your partner about an ex IN THE CONTEXT of what you have learned or how you are dealing with a current situation. And that's what we see as sharing or expression. Whereas other signs would just see it as "why do you have to mention your ex? Stfu"

click to expand

As long as the discussion of the ex is in regards to what you learned and how you evolved as a person etc., is fine. Otherwise, it's just rude and unnecessary, like you said. I'll give you an example. My ex never discussed his exes with me unless it was to show me why he was behaving a certain way or why he became that way. However, something told me that he thinks a lotttt about his exes, all of them no matter how short lived their relationship was. Maybe it was his incessant need to keep each and everyone of them on his fb. We had a very bitter end, when I hacked his account (LOL) I see all these emails he kept from exes, naked shot

of exes and every email (not that there were that many I sent) we ever exchanged. I'm like reading my own emails with him and I'm cussing him off in them and he still kept them. That's bizarre to an aqua like me. I didn't keep those emails.

That's a freakin loser who didn't get over any of the exes. He's piling on his memories or rather baggage that he takes into new relationships.

Posted by everevolvingepithet
That's obviously sane and legal conduct too though.🙂

YOu mean the hacking?

Posted by Theultra79

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by tiziani
E3, agreed.

And to elaborate on that, aquarius, but also in part-response to EEE, I just think that Libra "evolution" (as you so accurately put it) does not involve cutting off an ex or thoughts of them like some other signs would.

We're known in our "evolved" state for being dedicated lovers, but the source of other dedication is holding onto the memories (good or bad, in others' eyes but always good in our eyes) that we feel we must hold onto because they were a part of what made us. And we carry that into loving a new person.

That may seem like something that everyone does, but I feel other signs generally tend to completely cut off all thoughts of an ex and argue they are insignificant whereas we don't ever really do that. We hold onto memories and if we didn't I don't think it'd be possible for us to be evolved Libras IMO. We'd just be conflicted.

Thank you for the clarification. As for your second last sentence, I don't think anything healthy can emerge from holding on to the good or bad memories of an ex. In fact, it adds to the inner conflicts of libras all the more. How? When an ex returns in their lives, they just wanna keep her/him, never mind the havoc it would create on the present relationship/partner.

Noooo. I can really only speak for myself. But, I find it really easy to hold on to the memories but let go of the attraction. Especially when there is a new love involved. That's why I'm able to be friends with most of my exes.

click to expand

Suppose your current flame doesn't want you to be friends with your ex and it makes them nervous for whatever reason, would you let an ex go?

Aquarius, you know what happened to me and one of those Aquarian guys? I wanted to like him a lot and so I did. He came on really interested in me. He freaking studied me and I loved that attention. Then, he pulled back. I know I got clingy when he did that. I made advances to see if he would jump at them-- he didn't. He later told me: "You know why I don't like you? It's because every time I see you, you look sad. You always look down when you're walking. You have no confidence. You need that."
Yeah, so. I didn't think he could see it, but he did.

You know, I don't really hate Aquariuses and Libras. I'm an intelligent person and severely dislike when a person can not hold a conversation. I have never run into this problem with these two signs, in fact, they give me a run for my money (especially Libra). I find Aquarius's sudden interest thrilling and they both have an energy about him that my Cancer self has but it is buried deep, deep, deep inside of me. I feel they have what I want more of, if that makes any sense.
Also, at least for the Libra I was talking about, they are just gorgeous. This guy has long, full, wavy dirty blonde hair, a great smile, he was a bit of a hipster, but he had some sexy tattoos to make up for it. And the love of the Fine Arts is to die for.

Posted by ItsWorking
Aquarius, you know what happened to me and one of those Aquarian guys? I wanted to like him a lot and so I did. He came on really interested in me. He freaking studied me and I loved that attention. Then, he pulled back. I know I got clingy when he did that. I made advances to see if he would jump at them-- he didn't. He later told me: "You know why I don't like you? It's because every time I see you, you look sad. You always look down when you're walking. You have no confidence. You need that."
Yeah, so. I didn't think he could see it, but he did.

You know, I don't really hate Aquariuses and Libras. I'm an intelligent person and severely dislike when a person can not hold a conversation. I have never run into this problem with these two signs, in fact, they give me a run for my money (especially Libra). I find Aquarius's sudden interest thrilling and they both have an energy about him that my Cancer self has but it is buried deep, deep, deep inside of me. I feel they have what I want more of, if that makes any sense.
Also, at least for the Libra I was talking about, they are just gorgeous. This guy has long, full, wavy dirty blonde hair, a great smile, he was a bit of a hipster, but he had some sexy tattoos to make up for it. And the love of the Fine Arts is to die for.

Aquarius studies everyone, not just a romantic interest. We have a knack for human nature or knowing how a person is. We are mad scientist in that sense. People confuse that for romantic interest, and I'm not saying he wasn't interested in you. I have rejected guys for not having any confidence whatsoever. So as you can see aquas will not tolerate insecurities. Aquas can read humans, and some aquas more than others; so I bet he read you. Keep it friendly with aquas because we are not each other's cup of tea. Aquas may initially like cancers for their generosity and hospitality, but eventually cancer's strong emotions get the best of aquas. I really like cancers as friends. They take care ofyou but the expectation for love and attention in return is just not doable for an aqua.

You know, the apology I sent him last Monday, he read it on Friday past.
I wrote him today too like nothing ever happened inviting him to one of my art shows that he kept on asking to go to last month.
lol, I don't know why he's even reading my messages if he doesn't plan on talking to me.
I won't let this be another bridge burnt by me. My associate pointed that out to me last week.
I have a history of burning bridges. It's not healthy. If he wants to burn it, be my guest, but I want a clean conscience that I was cordial.