Confused over my Libra ex girl (by a TAURUS) !!!

I'm a taurus and had been in a relationship with a libra girl for 4 years...there were a lot of good times,v were madly in love..v broke up 6 months back mainly because of our different attitudes towards love, she being a casual one n me being a serious lover,getting all possessive when she talks to someone over sweetly and said many things which i shouldn't have said(abuses)...she dumped me 6 months back and i was shattered,started thinkin bout the past and analysing my mistakes and what all i said to her but didnt try to approach her coz i thought she wuld be happy in her life n must have moved on... but after 6 months v meet again i a malland start our talks like first time, exchange numbers...even though i get jus friendly with her n tell her that i dont wanna rush into anything,she says she still misses me n loves me a lot...ok all well,i finally try to believe her n open up my heart to her, she throws a bomb at me and tells me that during these months ,she talked to many guys(cz her friends wanted her to) nd also dated a guy for 1 whole month...went for drives n also kissed him once...i got deeply shattered again!!! but she says she didnt love him n he was a jerk and after him ,she got to know my real worth n all,even when she kissed him,she didnt feel it or anything,it was jus out of revenge for me(that she wanted to prove what all i abused her with by calling her a s*** n all)...she wants to get back again...i, myself am also a changed person n dont get jealous easily but now i dont know how to cope up with this,i still love her to death n want to be with her forever but jus want to delete this phase... plzzz help libran girls, does this girl really love me?? do i jus take it as her mistake n move ahead with her or is she lying ?? i dont want to get weak again for her n get cheated in future cz thats how i feel right now!!!

I think you are both young and need to move slowly. You've said you were jealous and possessive...what makes you think you have a handle on that now? It didn't sound like she had done anything wrong while you were together and her going out with others after you had split well nothing wrong with that. You felt deeply shattered...Mmmm how shattered, was it anger?

I would wonder if you have had professional help in order to learn to control your problem, you see one of her many flaws is she will flirt, flirt and probably not go through with anything other than that. How are you going to handle seeing that down the line if/when you are back together?

That's something you need to consider now because it will inevitably be the make or break of your relationship!

thanx sweetheart for ur reply, i got shattered cz i , myself had the opportunity to sleep arund with girls or making out with them but i didnt cz i cudnt forget her so on listening this 'other guy' episode i was jus hurt to know she had fun while i jus cudnt forget her... no anger but jus hurt... i know she likes to flirt , as in she doesnt know where to draw the line of being friendly n being over friendly n personal,then the other person starts takin it as a signal which then makes me angry... now she says that she has learnt it was her mistake n she should not cross that line with everyone... i dont want to keep her tied down but i dont think there's any harm in telling what's right n what's wrong..

plzzz a libra girl plzz tell me what's your point of view on this?? do u think she still loves me even after being with this other guy?

Thing is a Leeb is going to flirt, I'm not saying it's right, it's just something they do and very hard to stop.

Why I am concern is because I had a potential son-in-law that was obsessive and jealous and use to be-little my daughter. I sent him to counselling but he wasn't ready to except or learn how to change his ways and things never changed. They finished, thank goodness and he is now married and doing all that to his wife. It's verbal abuse mostly with the odd pushing around and it will escalate!!

You both need to address the problem together...

Admitting you were abusive is huge though I commend you for that, it's not an easy thing to do but only a first step.

Posted by superruckingfetard
plzzz a libra girl plzz tell me what's your point of view on this?? do u think she still loves me even after being with this other guy?

This is evidence that you still are jealous, you weren't together for 6 months! What happened with her while you were apart has nothing to do with whether she loves you or not!

hey sweetheart thanx for sharing ur story..maybe u cud be of more help as u hv given advice before in the same situation... u mean i shouldnt worry at all if she'd been with a guy n says she still loves me?? i mean i think i know she still loves me but i jus need that re assurance from her time and again.. and what in ur view u think i should do...?? i'm saying i've changed because if i were the same person as before i surely wud have reacted to this situation very aggressively ( probably with some more abuses) but now i see myseef maturing ( that's because i accept that it was all my mistake and i drove her to take this step)...

I think you need to ask yourself a bunch of questions....

Now you said you have changed, Great.

Yet you believe that she maybe lying to you. Has she ever lied before? Is this something that she normally does? Why do you think she is lying now? going out with this guy while you weren't together there was NOTHING WRONG with it. SHE WASN'T YOUR GIRLFRIEND SO SHE WASNT CHEATING ON YOU!

Therefore you have no right to think she has cheated or lied.

Your question is would she hurt you again or cheat on you...

Answer: she NEVER cheated on you in the beginning, at all!!

And yes she will hurt you again if you HAVEN'T CHANGED and you insist on hitting her up about something she did while you were NOT together (going out with someone else)


If you two get back together, you need to trust her and make sure that you wont turn back into the person she left in the first place!

There are other Leeb ladies here, I'm sure they will say the same things but hopefully some will come to the party and help you understand too.

Well, Taurus guy.. you DON'T have a handle on your possessiveness and jealousy OR your nasty temper and mouth - and I dare ANYONE here to say you do, JUST based on what you're saying here.. but that's what you're telling yourself, because that's what drove her to dump you six months ago. You think you've "changed" in 6 months?? You're still jealous and obsessive and smothering, verbally and mentally abusive, and you sound like an alcoholic does when he justifies the things he does in "love."

Even now, a part of you keeps equating her talking to lots of guys, dating and kissing another guy while you were broken up ...as cheating, and insisting that makes her a liar and a cheat (and therefore untrustworthy!), and that she'll probably "do it again" if you got back together. No, she wouldn't be any more likely to cheat if you got back together. What WOULD likely happen is that NOW you've got this in the back of your mind that she's a slut (just like you called her).. how DARE she be with anyone else when YOU weren't with anyone else... and you'd STILL verbally and emotionally abuse her.. calling her a slut again, a liar, thinking she's cheating, accusing her of baseless shit. And once more, you would destroy your relationship with this woman. Libras ARE flirts, and a lot of it is just their friendly, flirty, outgoing, sociable nature and not intentional.. but YOU would see it as intentional, and slutty. YOU would see it as something to fight with her about.. how DARE she talk to that guy who walked up to her at that party.. her ex texted/called and she answered? Whore!.. you'd be checking up on her, and finding nothing would just convince you she's a good liar and skilled at hiding it.. but you'll be sure you can catch her red-handed someday.. what's this unknown number that called you last night? Are you cheating on me, thinking I'm too stupid to figure it out?!

Your "need for reassurance from time to time" is probably a whole LOT more often than she readily gives, Libras aren't clingy or smothering, they hold on loosely but securely.. but every time your fertile imagination decides she's done something you wouldn't like, or thinks something she did was suspect, or she needs space to BREATHE.. she's back to square one, going insane trying to reassure a guy who simply cannot be reassured enough. You might be better off looking for a girl who WANTS to be smothered and her every move questioned and controlled.

You're like the guy who catches a beautiful butterfly in his hands... so pretty, so lovely and amazing.. you can't bear to let it go.. so you squeeze tighter and tighter, even as it struggles to breathe.. you can't help it.. you LOVE this butterfly and it's YOURS... and then you can't figure out why the butterfly dies and you have wing dust all over your sweaty, gripping hands.

My words may seem harsh, but dude.. you scare me. Bet you scare the absolute SHIT out of this Libra girl. I don't know if you're suffering from alcoholism, abuse/abandonment issues from childhood, or if you have a stalkerish Scorpio Moon or WHAT.. but get some help. Counselling, therapy, AA. Maybe some anger management or something. Hell, maybe you need to start or stop some sort of medication. To me, you feel like a pressure cooker, ready to explode without warning.

If you truly love this girl.. get some REAL help before you hurt her again.. not just convincing yourself that six months without her "cured" you of your anger and abusive tendencies. You just got better at hiding it, since she hasn't been there to light the fuse... but it's still there, in the words you type. And it will STILL be there if you get back together, and it would be sad indeed if history repeated itself.

😢

^^^This lady has some of the best advice, unlike my sugar-coating, she's hit the nail on the head!

Oh, and lest you think I'm talking out of my ass... I have a Taurus Moon/Mars.. I FEEL like a Taurus, my emotions are those of a Taurus.. I ACT like a Taurus, my way of doing things.. Yes, I need/crave security and stability.. I need to KNOW my man loves me above all others... I'm not jealous at all, but yes I need reassurances sometimes.. but I had to learn a long time ago to NOT keep trying to control everything.. people, situations, the pace, the mood, the outcome... I was a control freak (adult child of alcoholics) and it drove me CRAZY for a long time, and I had to get professional help, therapy, counseling, Al-Anon, I even took anger management for a couple years... I'm not violent, but when I'd get angry, I would yell and scream - or shut down and go dead quiet and then 1000x more cruel... my MOUTH could be terrible.. I'm not into name-calling, but there are OTHER ways to lash out verbally and strike to wound someone. And I knew them all.

I was with a (textbook lol) Libra man for two years, and we recently broke up. YES, he told "little Libra lies" to "protect" my feelings.. which slowly killed my TRUST in him.. if he would lie about stupid little shit or keep things from me that "might" hurt me.. how could I know 100% that he'd tell the truth on the really big stuff? (My security and stability was threatened. I NEED to trust!) We broke up for a bit last year, and he WAS with others.. but I don't have an issue with that, only that he LIED about it for so long. (Shaking trust further.)

.. and then the flirting - the flirting didn't bother me, until the TRUST died. Then when the "flirting" would go too far, more like "propositioning".. that would spark my anger, my fears, my doubts. His INTENTIONS were the same.. flirting is flirting to him, he had no INTENTION of taking it any further! What I saw as flirting was what he saw as friendliness.. but what I saw as "too far, propositioning" is what HE saw as intentional flirting (and no different or worse - it's JUST FLIRTING), and wtf was my problem all of a sudden? After so long, I should KNOW he wouldn't cheat on me. Yeah, maybe. Too bad the trust was flopping on shore, gasping for breath. So I own that.

These may seem like easy fixes, but it would require deep and profound changes - a lot to ask. That makes the situation pretty hopeless right now, and history would likely repeat itself. So I had to take what was left of my sanity and walk away, breaking my own heart and his too.

😢

KoL.. and THAT is at the very core in the difference of opinion... HE doesn't see anything wrong with what he does (despite paying lip service to apologize).. therefore he feels *I* am overreacting.. simply by not liking it and not wanting to subject myself to it further. If I don't like it.. I must be insecure and neurotic to find certain behaviors offensive or hurtful. I must be crazy, clingy, jealous, that's it.

It gets REAL fun when you throw in the double-standard... Leebs HATE when people do to them what they do so naturally.. those "protective" little lies.. heck, even flirting. Leebs are funny like that. I can't stand double standards :p

But still, KoL.. how do you BUILD trust in a relationship? Honesty is a big way, probably the biggest. But when one is a little bit dishonest.. just little things, things they didn't want to "hurt" you with... you find out about the lie/withholding, question it.. why would they lie to you? Aren't you worth the truth? It doesn't build trust. They swear they won't anymore, swear they understand your need for trust and honesty. But they do it again and again, "outskirts of the bell curve", can't seem to help it. "Keeping the peace" indeed, "Non-confrontational" indeed :p

Well, he'd lie to my face about stupid shit.. why not BIG shit, stuff that would definitely hurt, stuff I might LEAVE him over? Like not dating anyone when we were broken up, though we'd agreed to see other people.. until caught with no way to justify.. then insisted there was no sex with them (since he was still sleeping with me, and knew I would either stop sleeping with him, start making him wear condoms with me again, or even *gasp* find myself another lover as well! None of which tickled his fancy.. so he LIED..) "If you think I was with ANYONE but you, then you must be an insecure PSYCHO! Totally cuckoo!" ... until the Aqua whore admitted she has HERPES, requiring us to both be tested and cleared MONTHS later. (What a way to find out.. lie, lie, deny, deny.. BAM.. whoops, there's proof. Okay, admit and justify and dodge. Call her crazy, call her jealous and neurotic. Ooh, she caught me in another one. Damn. Convince her there's NOTHING ELSE HIDDEN, SWEAR IT... and 6 months later, she finds out about a THIRD woman I was screwing while we were broken up, accuse her of jealousy.. can't be THAT important to her that I lied about it. I only lied to not HURT her, so she's overreacting. I DID THIS FOR *HER*! WHY CAN'T SHE TRUST ME?!

And.. blow yourself 😛

Okay, KoL... you seem to be back to your old self.
"If I say I won't cheat on you, I simply won't cheat on you." BUT "if you said it to me it doesn't make it a fact."

So.. you sound like him.. "*I* am trustworthy, no matter what my actions show, or how I tell lies or half-truths.. because I SAID SO.. but on the other hand, I do not accept what YOU say as FACT like I expect you to do for me. The truth must be confirmed through time and actions matching words - THEN I'll believe what you state is fact. But until then, suck up the double-standard."

Fuck that, KoL.. that's just CRAZY. And your Scorp distrust/testing is peeking out.. might want to tuck that back up.


But you're right, I never had proof of cheating staring me in the face, only proof of him apparently trying to set it up (propositioning). So I'm probably wrong to not trust him simply because he lies, and the truth only comes out when there's absolute irrefutable proof, and he can't continue to lie (unless I were to be suddenly struck blind, deaf, and mute!) He'd certainly tell the truth even when it's harder/scarier to, according to you? But I can't wrap my mind around that.. tell little lies, but big truths? Does not compute. I'm not drowning in Water, and actually USE logic WITH my emotion.

No, that wasn't sarcasm.. I AM trying to see it from the other point of view (and succeeding fairly well).. and though I can understand that it's just part of him and the way he is.. I can't live with trust that keeps getting eroded with little lies, and smut-talk with the town's nasty dirt whores when he's "bored" because he doesn't seem to know where the "line" is or respect me enough to not make me look like a fool sitting by while he does this.

Ah well.. can't help what I feel.. though no, don't let the Water fool ya.. I don't amplify or grow my emotions... if anything, I maintain an even keel inside and out, and keep myself fully responsible for MY emotions and emotional well-being. *I* am the only thing I have any control over.

So now.. even though he's a typical Libra, and I understand his quirks and nature, and he hasn't absolutely done anything completely unforgivable (outside the bell curve!).. I've realized that I can't deal with the loss of trust, trust that kept breaking as fast as he'd rebuild it. I'm sure there are women out there who would appreciate him shielding her delicate sensibilities with little lies.. unfortunately, that's not me, and the lies only whittle away my trust and make me feel unworthy of the truth, not protected or cherished. And that somehow feels sadder to me than any of it.

So I left, freeing us BOTH to find a better fit. And I'm still gone 😛

(Man, I hope our posts are helping the Taurus guy.. otherwise, we're bickering and posturing for nothing!)

Oh, it's SO heart-warming to see the old misogynistic, assholish KoL back. I feel a little tear in my little eye!

Well, my love.. as you recall... for awhile there, he was acting almost human. My fingers were admittedly twitching and itching to dial the proper authorities, so they could look for his body parts, since it was painfully obviously that someone had stolen his identity and hacked his body into little pieces!

errr... obvious, not obviously. Apparently, I didn't need that last cup of coffee, since my fingers don't seem to be following exactly what my brain tells them to do!

Posted by TasteOfChaos

Posted by Nefer
Well, my love.. as you recall... for awhile there, he was acting almost human. My fingers were admittedly twitching and itching to dial the proper authorities, so they could look for his body parts, since it was painfully obviously that someone had stolen his identity and hacked his body into little pieces!

Eh... Anyway, this thread has totally put me off Taurus men, and anyone with Taurus placements...

click to expand

Well, you know.. probably a lot of it IS the Taurus influence.. they ARE often jealous, possessive (MINE!) and need WAY more reassurance than a more Airy lover would readily supply. Tau wants to have and hold, squeeze and smother, OWN... Air (Libra) wants to love without boundaries or restraints.. or even rules to follow haha

Taurus (FIXED) placements are a GOOD thing in someone whose chart needs "grounding" (aka a Pisces? lol) but can be a BAD thing when paired with something that amplifies and exacerbates traits like control, jealousy, possessiveness, stubbornness. (Yeah, I got WAY too much stubbornness injected into my chart! haha) All I can say is I'm glad my OTHER placements balance and smooth those tendencies.. Pisces are accepting and understanding, and don't tend to be jealous, so my (MUTABLE) Sun, Rising, and Mercury are overpowering my Moon/Mars, so no jealousy or possessiveness... throw in the Aries Venus... my need for freedom battles my need for security, so I'm affectionate but don't smother or cling. Throw in some peace-loving, balance-craving Libra in the minor planets.. you've got a fairly balanced person, once they mature... not TOO Watery or Fiery or Earthy or Airy.

Life with me ain't roses and sunshine all day, I guarantee. I'm contradictory, I'm changeable. I'm opinionated, I'm stubborn. I won't apologize for having emotions or feelings, and I have high standards. And I'll walk away in spite of my emotions if I feel it's for the best for either or both. In a nutshell, I'll drive you fuckin' crazy... but you'll end up loving that about me anyway LOL

Also.. things like Taurus and Scorpio combinations in a person tend to be challenging.. they're both FIXED signs, and one exacerbates the other. Leo and Aqua too, all Fixed. Too much of those four influences, you'll have a crazy bastard on your hands who will INSIST HE'S NOT CRAZY DAMNIT!! haha

Posted by Nefer
I'm sure there are women out there who would appreciate him shielding her delicate sensibilities with little lies..

I like how you keep saying he's shielding *you* with little lies.. Shielding your feelings. The only person's feelings he's shielding is his own.. God knows if someone (either side) finds out, what will become (of him?!!)..
Although I agree with your choice, it's only you who let him get so far because Pisces (and watersigns in themselves) thrive off small emotional manipulations. That's what he'll do as a little 'loophole' between emotional manipulation and thinking. Anyway, you did let him pour soda on you and lick it off. I mean, if someone does that to me, they'd be soaking in twice the amount of soda and lemon juice up their eye now!

Posted by superruckingfetard
. i dont want to keep her tied down but i dont think there's any harm in telling what's right n what's wrong..

Rucking Fetard, what's right and what's wrong is not yours to say. You don't lay down the law, and she is not your property. The Libra won't stray; just allow her the freedom to land on your nose - as Nefer illustrated, the buterfly is a good analogy for a Libra and her attitudes. Also, you can't *delete* this phase. Too bad.. people collect experiences as they move through life.. they are all indelible memories deposited in the historical thought bank. That's why in reality you only get one chance - the rest are called repairs and letting go.

Thank you people..
@Nefer- Thanx for your blunt words ... After your replies i really had 2nd thoughts on whether i'm still the same, had talks with my libra girl( YES we are back together and it feels like the first time 🙂) and she was so happy to hear everything from me and said that yess i have changed and have been more open about my feelings( that was the one reason for my crazy angry self -- i would get hurt by something and go into a shell and not talking about it would make it fixed in my head , not believeing what she had to say) Yess i have learnt my lesson and i feel sooo good on trusting her... I dont know why is this happening but she's like if she'll marry someone it'll be me( Of course i love the fact she wants me forever but took me aback as she just came out of a turmoil with me )...Not flattering myself , but probably she loves me like crazy...and all i can do is not smother her anymore with my stupid insecurities and possessiveness... I know she's the one and i'm ready to do everything to her..Might even get some professional help, if i have to...!!!

Posted by spica

Posted by Nefer
I'm sure there are women out there who would appreciate him shielding her delicate sensibilities with little lies..

I like how you keep saying he's shielding *you* with little lies.. Shielding your feelings. The only person's feelings he's shielding is his own.. God knows if someone (either side) finds out, what will become (of him?!!)..
Although I agree with your choice, it's only you who let him get so far because Pisces (and watersigns in themselves) thrive off small emotional manipulations. That's what he'll do as a little 'loophole' between emotional manipulation and thinking. Anyway, you did let him pour soda on you and lick it off. I mean, if someone does that to me, they'd be soaking in twice the amount of soda and lemon juice up their eye now!

click to expand

I suppose I should have put "shielding" and "delicate sensibilities" in quotes.. yes, I'm well aware that the only one whose feelings were shielded were his own... but I'm also sure there are women out there who would not only buy into it, but welcome it. She's just not me.

Though I honestly don't care who here does/does not agree with my choosing to leave him.. I'm not sure where you got the idea I thrive off emotional manipulations - not my cuppa tea.. I very clearly told him that I didn't like even little lies and wouldn't keep tolerating them, but I own that *I* allowed him to get so far by staying as long as I did (my mouth said NOT COOL, my actions said DO WHATEVER YOU WANT) and I OWN THAT, that's on ME not HIM... I gave it long enough to see clearly that he indeed couldn't/wouldn't stop doing it, and I made my choice to walk away from it when I reached MY breaking point. Not yours. Not his. Not his ex-gf's. MINE.

I'm also not sure how we went from "emotional manipulation" to the cream soda... but you're right, I wasn't particularly bothered by the silly stunt. It was an all day softball tourney, it was hot, and we started throwing water balloons. He snuck into the cooler and grabbed what he thought was a bottle of water.. he did realize partway through my dousing that it wasn't water, and amidst our friends' and teammates' amusement and my mock glare, licked my cheek to say, "Oh, yup. That WAS your cream soda. Sorry, baby!" I may have considered paying him back in kind - alas, there was no more cream soda.. he did, however get blasted by water balloons from everyone else until he cried mercy. Laughing. Yes, we were all laughing.. and I was still laughing when I went home (2 blocks away) to shower off the sticky mess and change so we could play our next game. No indeed, I wasn't particularly bothered or upset with our silly little afternoon sporting event. It was actually pretty funny, even to me. *grin*

We beat ourselves up. So if she believes she was wrong and said it to you, multiply that because libras are known for analyzing and weighing things on our scales. You have to let it go and not keep bringing it up. If she regretted it and came back like the other poster said move slowly and that way you protect her heart and you protect your own.