Libra hibernating

My libra and I is on a LDR. We communicate on-line everyday but whenever he is pissed off with me he would ignore me and chat with his friends instead. We used to fight a lot and I would often be grumpy and would nag him. But because of what I've been reading here on this forum I have changed how I have treated my libra and the outcome is positive. Because of that the whole month of January is nothing but fun conversations for us. BUT, lately he just went on hibernation. He is no longer going on-line and would not chat with me for 5days. He would just leave me off-line messages saying there's too much going on in his life and that he is busy and tired.

On the 6th day he replied using his YM-mobile and we have chatted for a few. I have asked him if he is ignoring me because he is no longer into me and had found someone new it's best if he would just tell me and be honest about it. He assured me that he is not dating nor having sex with anyone. And that he is just busy and tired. When I said he is is getting me worried by not communicating he replied with "Relax im ok and will get better soon just over loaded right now.". After the brief conversation he was off-line again for 5days, with no messages nor emails. He even turned off his phone for the rest of this period. No matter how I tried to reach out, sending him an email and a few IMs, and one SMS during this 5days he is not answering back.

Last night, I asked his brother-in-law if he knew where libra is now. He just said, libra doesn't tell him anything, and that he just disappeared every time he wants to. As of this writing I just got a message from my libra saying he is busy at the moment...he is fine and just tired...I don't know how to handle this anymore. I know he would be gone again for long but I don't know for how long he will be doing this. I really don't understand this hibernation thing for libras...

THAT'S A LIBRA FOR YOU

I'm no longer nagging him. I don't understand why he needs to cut-off his communication to everyone including me? Today there's no word from him again. He used to go on-line for more than 3hrs. once he is home from work, and most often than not when he is at work he would use his mobile to connect to YM. But now he is not logging in and I can't even get a ring on his phone. I've read on the other thread and someone said that when a libra man communicates with you while he is hibernating only means you are special to him. Does this mean I'm not? Because he continues to ignore me. My worst fear is that he might really be ignoring me totally cause he had found someone new and that he couldn't tell me so as not to hurt my feelings. And that he is just lying that he is not dating or seeing someone... 😢

Girl, why go looking for trouble? Things seem fine.. why stir up drama, even if only in yourself? I don't know WHAT you read that makes you think if a Libra's hibernating, shut off his phone, not going online, not talking to anyone.. if you're "really special" to him, he'll still talk to YOU. That's NOT how this "needing space" thing works. That's NOT how "I'm overwhelmed right now and need a break" works. Pisces do it too, so it's very easy for ME to understand. SOME people can reach out a little to their special one when hibernating, but most can't/won't.. and in fact.. THIS LIBRA ACTUALLY DID! He didn't initiate, granted. But he responded to you, and he reassured you.

"I don't understand why he needs to cut-off his communication to everyone including me? Today there's no word from him again"
Oh honey... I know it's a HARD concept for some Sags to grasp.. I had two Sag friends like that.. they could not wrap their minds around me NOT making an exception for THEM when I needed to hibernate. To them, several days of no contact, even if I told them I just needed some me time and reassured them they were important to me... well, it meant I didn't care. They were SURE I was probably still talking to people, just not THEM. They were hurt, insulted, and a little jealous. They imagined all sorts of negative things that might REALLY be going on, like I was LYING to them to not hurt them. They felt left out, cut off, and mad that I wouldn't LET them "help" me with whatever I was going through. But I didn't NEED their help, and he doesn't need your help either. What he NEEDS is your TRUST, for you to remain calm and not lose your shit over him needing to destress for a few days. He NEEDS your quiet acceptance and support, and your faith that he will work things out and bounce back good as new. He NEEDS you to not make him feel guilty for needing space, or like he's responsible for your emotional well-being at all times. THAT is what you can be doing for him right now, instead of imagining the worst and getting yourself all emo-tangled and angsty.

The man has reassured you several times that he's not seeing anyone else, that it's NOT personal, that he's just really busy and overwhelmed and tired, and shutting himself away for a bit. And it's okay for a bit.. then you panic again, sometimes even the very next day. SO Sag of you.. but do you have Scorp placements? Both of my (now EX) Sag friends did (One had a clingy Cancer Moon & a ton of Scorp).. my many other Sag friends who are more understanding about my need for space don't have Scorp placements. Hmmm.

A few days does NOT mean he's done with you, ignoring you, and looking for or seeing another - ESP since he's reassured you several times. Now, if the man goes several weeks w/o contact, that's a diff story. But that's not the case here. Here, you're just letting your fears trigger insecurity and distrust, and listening to the Nasty Voices telling you lies and making you feel and act like a crazy woman.

A Libra's need for space diminishes as he feels accepted and supported because his lady doesn't flip out about "small shit"... the times withdrawing will get shorter and shorter... BUT.. if one keeps panicking, blowing up his phone and email and IM with all these needy, clingy, OMG I FEEL SO INSECURE AND YOU NEED TO FIX THAT toned messages.. one WILL push that Libra farther away, make him burrow in deeper in his cave, and be reluctant to approach you.. because he's expecting a bad scene/reaction.. and Libras will avoid dramatastic confrontations like that.. just put it off as long as possible. YOU freaking out is not helping, and is probably making it worse.

YOUR emotional state is YOUR responsibility, not his. Go do something fun for YOU right now... take a long bubble bath.. get your hair did... paint your nails and toes... go throw bread crumbs at the hungry ducks in the park.. rent a chick flick you wanted to see... walk downtown and window shop.. browse a bookstore.. go to a coffee shop and drink a fabulous cuppa joe and just relax and smile and FEEL GOOD.

Also... Insecurity is a very ugly shade on anybody, but ESP to a Libra. And if you keep saying things to a Libra that allude to breaking up or him finding someone else.. he will get very tired of always having to reassure you and calm your paranoia.. he wants peace and serenity and an easy-flowing relationship... but when you keep bringing up shit that implies you think he wants out of the relationship.. well, he'll start thinking that may be what YOU really want deep down. Your insecurity will trigger HIS and get mirrored back to you.. and then he WILL start thinking maybe you're right.. you seem to think things aren't working.. so obviously they aren't working for you.. and trust me.. if a Libra man thinks things are no longer good FOR YOU.. he'll leave.

And you can take THAT right to the bank and cash it on the spot.

Don't trigger your Libra to doubt you because YOU have these frantic doubts about him and his intentions. LISTEN to what he's saying.. SEE what he's doing... TRUST that it will all come out in the wash, good OR bad.. and let go of trying to CONTROL the flow and pace of the relationship. And take some deep breaths, learn to relax, do some FUN things that FEEL GOOD to you, and stop counting the minutes and hours in between his calls. That's not only very unattractive... that makes YOU feel liek shit.

Nefer, I just love reading your posts. They are so insightful. I'v been in an on and off again relationship with a Libra for a while now and boy after finding this site a few months back have I learned alot about his behavior. That mirroring butter used to irk me to my soul and I used to view it as a weakness, but now I dont view it as that anymore. I'm just VERY careful what I do and say because I know its going to be thrown right back at me. I'm still a work in process with understanding him and applying what I now know. The one thing that I'm struggling with the most is allowing him to help when I'm capable of doing certain things myself. Here's an example. We recently had a big snow storm and I own a home so, I heard my neighbors out shoveling so instead of me waiting helplessly looking out the window at them shovel and waiting for him to come over, I began shoveling the snow. My rational was, I wasnt doing anything OR going to work, so why not go out there and aleast start. It was never my intentions on completing the task. WELL, what the bleep I do that for. He called me very upset asking who shoveled my snow and didn't we just have this conversation the other day that I would do it? I was like , but, but....I wasn't doing anything so I thought I'll get out there and start it and just so happened I was able to finish before you came. Well, needless to say, he didnt come back to my house that night. I'm like WTF?!

I do this all the time.

Sometimes there is so much going on in my life and head that I need to take time out to deal with it all. Away from friends family and yes even lovers. Until things are balanced again and I am in control I will drop anything/anyone that consumes my time as it prolongs getting through the rift raft.

Yes he is OVER-LOADED, we don't cope well with it and he has assured you that there is no one else so relax and once he has sorted things he will be back to his normal self.

On the other hand you could keep at him and cause more problems because of your insecurities...

Thank you for the kudos, AquariusAir - it feels good to be appreciated for my efforts 😄

But this:

Posted by AquariusAir
The one thing that I'm struggling with the most is allowing him to help when I'm capable of doing certain things myself. Here's an example. We recently had a big snow storm and I own a home so, I heard my neighbors out shoveling so instead of me waiting helplessly looking out the window at them shovel and waiting for him to come over, I began shoveling the snow. My rational was, I wasnt doing anything OR going to work, so why not go out there and aleast start. It was never my intentions on completing the task. WELL, what the bleep I do that for. He called me very upset asking who shoveled my snow and didn't we just have this conversation the other day that I would do it? I was like , but, but....I wasn't doing anything so I thought I'll get out there and start it and just so happened I was able to finish before you came. Well, needless to say, he didnt come back to my house that night. I'm like WTF?!

HAHAHAHAAAAAA WHEEEEEEEEE!! That dragon burned you too, huh?

I was unexpectedly widowed many years ago.. and as a widow, I learned to be even MORE self-reliant. I worked, raised my children, ran my household. I learned to change a sink faucet, change a belt on a washing machine, and could identify when the thermocouple went out on the furnace. I could do simple carpentry, simple plumbing, simple repairs. I learned to plow my own garden, mow my own lawn, and shovel my own driveway. (In fact, I did everything for several years.. and perhaps waited a BIT too long to assign my children household chores.. it was a struggle and new to them, but it's ironed out now LOL)

But guess what happened when I finally had a man in my life who wanted to take care of me AND be my equal partner? Well.. first time the faucet broke, we'd only been a couple for a short time and he was not here.. so I shut off the main valve, and removed the old faucet and prepared it for a new one I was going to buy... Libra walks in... he went from 0 to 60 in about 0.02 seconds. WTF was I DOING?! Umm.. fixing the faucet. WHY?! That's HIS job!! Umm.. you weren't here, and I know how to do this, see?.. AUUUGH! Needless to say.. he didn't stay over that night. lol Another time, I started mowing the lawn.. I wasn't doing anything and my teenage son was at a friend's house for the weekend. Libra flipped out. Taking care of me is HIS job! It wasn't even sexist or chauvinistic.. it's not about me being a woman and the "weaker sex" or about "men's work" and "women's work".. but it WAS chivalrous (and Leebs can be sooo very that!).. it was HIS job and my SONS' jobs to take care of me, it is a sign of respect.

I learned my lesson, was a bit tough for an independent gal like me. Men need to be needed, to feel they enhance your life.. if they FEEL unnecessary (beyond a paycheck), they will BECOME unnecessary. I do not step on his manly toes. I don't mow the lawn, I don't shovel the sidewalk, and I don't take out the trash. I don't carry heavy boxes (even if I have to WAIT), I don't change the utility room light bulb, I don't put the plastic on the drafty windows, and I don't even (usually) carry the groceries into the house.

And when the kitchen faucet broke OFF 3 mos ago, it was spraying water everywhere. I shut off the main valve and called him at work to tell him the faucet was broken. And then I left the thing alone! LOL

Oh, and the man has no problem occasionally doing the dishes (the kids rotate this, but aren't always around) and can run a load of laundry just fine (I prefer to do it myself, but I don't say anything besides Thank You) and he is a fantastic cook and even likes to bake once in awhile.

However, he STILL wads up his dirty socks, and simply cannot stop dropping his wet towel on the floor on his side of the bed, and rarely throws the newspaper away when he's finished with it. But I pick my battles... and I pick up the towels and the papers, smiling to myself. Just my little ways to take care of the man who takes care of me so well ^_^

@Nefer, thanks so much for your time and effort in making me understand how's it like when someone is in hibernation. Thanks also Sweetheart for sharing your thoughts.

Nefer, what you have written really hits home. I have tried to analyze what had happened in the past on why I became like this...insecure. I'm really not the jealous type, in my past relationships the guys actually the ones who were. But with this libra guy I end up getting insecure each time. It started last year when I once said (on this forum) that he tried to cut his communication for two weeks with me. I didn't realize he was hibernating that time because he is trying to send an off-line message to me once every other day. I saw it as his means of ignoring or avoiding conflict with me since after he left we had an argument. Each time I asked why he is not chatting with me like we used to (we chat almost everyday since we are on a LDR) he avoids answering it totally and just reasoned he was too busy at work. Later on I found out through his bro-in-law that he lied to me that he was home. The 2week hibernation occurred immediately after he visited me. So I was surprised why he had to lie about it, he told me that he visited his friends but never told me which friends he did visit.

The insecurity comes from the small details that I've noticed in him. For a fact he is too friendly to a lot of women, that thing I really don't understand. Most of these friends he had only met through the internet. But later on some of these women would often ask financial help from him and he would eventually give in specially if they appear to him really poor. Even if at times he would find out that some of these women are just using him he would still gladly help once they badly needed the money. In another instance, when I came to pick him up in a mall after he visited his friends, I caught him back hugging a young friend. He said he had done it cause he was just comforting her and that he is like a little sister to him. Then I saw a picture of him doing a flirty kiss on the neck on one of his other female friends.

These are maybe small things that some of you might say that there's nothing wrong. But when I'd recall that he once hibernated and visited his friends last year,to the point of lying about it I really do become insecure and question myself if he is really serious about me. I know my mind goes crazy sometimes that I would often think of him doing nasty flirting with his friends.

The last time he visited me we had an argument about his ex-gf. We were having our breakfast then and I caught him chatting with his ex. When I saw it and I started to become silent he even offered me his laptop and said I can take a look at what they were chatting. I knew that I shouldn't be insecure about it but knowing that he had lied that he is chatting with his ex-gf was really what got me furious. And eventually after that he also confessed that while we chat he had been chatting with a handful of women too from time to time. So I was like these women whom he would say that abuse/use him are always competing with me to have a chat time with him. From then on I became too naggy and would often tell him why he needs to talk with them when they are just using him. Reason was no longer with me, that I always rant each time we would chat. To the point that he told me to GO AWAY and would not talk unless I talk of fun things. I know I have somewhat over reacted that's why I have mellowed down a bit this year. But I again over reacted to his long hibernation.

Yes Nefer, you are right that he continues to reassure me each time but all I did was whine and question him of his sincerity. I know he is already losing his patience over me that's why the more he would be distancing himself from me each time I become insecure. I don't know if I'm the same Sag as your friends do (mine is moon-aries,venus-capricorn) but what they do think about you when you hibernate is what I exactly felt with my libra...that I might have done something or he no longer cares that's why he is hiding...

Oh, this got LONG. I wrote it on Wordpad, and it got HUUUGE. Consider this a warning to EVERYONE. My mouth is going to run like a whippoorwill's ass! LOL

Okay, Inertia.. take a deep breath, cuz this one might sting a bit. Please keep in mind, everything I say here is to benefit YOU and to help you see your Libra's pov and see HIS side.. knowledge gains understanding, and understanding gains acceptace, and acceptance gains love.

I skimmed through your past posts again... and I was struck by how CRAZY JEALOUS you are about him, and you say it's not the way you usually are with people. Maybe it's because this is LDR and you wouldn't be this way if you were there with him instead of mostly communicating online (but as it's still LDR, that point is moot. It is what it is.) You're so jealous of ANY girl he chats/talks to.. called it flirting (even if you couldn't possibly know for certain).. you still felt that him chatting to other female friends to be flirting, and borderline cheating. Ask ANY Libra male you want... I've known a lot of them.. they'll tell you that they have more female friends than male friends, most of the time. Even exes. Hard for a Sag to understand.. when a Sag is done, a Sag cuts you out of her life. She's not going to maintain a friendship with a guy she once loved and slept with - and she'll ignore any call or text or IM to boot. So if she does still talk to the ex.. she's not done, and may still have unresolved feelings about him. Libras are different. Libras CAN and DO stay friends with exes. And it's just friends. They have no trouble with it - in their minds, even though the relationship part is over, there's still a good friend to be had. An ex calls in trouble, needs help, he helps her if he can, always. It doesn't mean he wants her back. (Can't imagine what your jealous mind imagines he's doing in person as he goes about his daily life - but it seems to be making you a bit crazy!) You felt that since online convo is your only means of connecting, that you were absolutely entitled to have his undivided attention while he's online, and would become waspish if he wasn't answering quickly enough, or if he had the audacity to also IM with anyone else. He used to admit it to you, but you admit you were bitchy and nagging.. and he stopped telling you when he even speaks to anyone else, esp women - but you never believed him anyway and would still accuse him of doing it and accuse him of lying.

(He can't win with you on this. NOW he might as well tell little lies to avoid fights, since you don't ever believe what he says anyway!) You not having good control over your reactions and behaviors has now created a sort of twisted "fear" in him.. he's afraid to tell you the truth about things, cuz he believes it'll cause troubles and you'll react badly. Like a visit with friends that he lied to you about - the way your relationship is (was?) he was sure you'd give him a world of shit if he told you the truth. You're jealous, you're insecure, you're demanding, you're nagging, and everything he does that doesn't involve you and MAY involve an XX chromosome around, you flip your cookies. (If that seems harsh, I do apologize -- but I'm striking deep on purpose. I am TRYING to be the Voice for your Libra who can't say these things to you but wishes he could.) Libra is a peacekeeper, remember that. Do they lie? Yes.. if they think you won't want to hear the truth or that the truth would hurt you or cause another fight. Esp when it's over stuff he considers minor... a Libra flirts, yes.. but he knows how far he'll go, so he knows it's "safe".. he knows he won't betray you, and it's just mental stimulation for him. So your distrust HURTS a Libra, wounds him deeply. He NEEDS to be trusted.. all the demands, accusations, fighting.. it just serves to make him feel like you don't believe in him or trust him, even after all this time.

Also, Libra guys tend to be real suckers for sob stories. They have hearts of gold, and would give the shirt off their back to a stranger who needed it more. You've seen evidence of this. Mine's the SAME WAY.. when we're out, he's Good Time Charlie.. spending money like water, spreading the love equally to everyone nearby.. Four people on our softball team never paid him for their custom shirts last summer - HE paid. Three people on that team still owe him varying amounts of money cuz he helped them out. If he collected all the "loans" he's given to people who never paid, I'd buy a new house.. or at least a car. We once spent like an hour and a half and $ 10 in gas to drive an find his EX gf's work to leave $ 20 in her car cuz she was broke and didn't even have the gas to come get it. Not only was this a chick who (in a 2 month span!) cheated on him and lied to him before dumping him when caught, he had to be up for work in just a few hours and was exhausted. But instead of being pissed that he was a "sucker," or hurt that he was taking my "cuddle time," or upset that he could have spent that money on me, or jealous that she was his ex, I rode shotgun and kept him awake with jokes and laughs and playfully rubbed his leg. And he ADORED me for it. So, he's a sucker. I adore HIM for it.

The thing is, Fire is still emotional, and Sags are definitely emotional. (You're a real fireball, I can tell!) And that's fabulously attractive.. unless her insecurities, jealousy, and distrust start tripping her up.. then she's the Ugly Sag. Truth is, Libra men flirt, both intentionally and unconsciously. They do.. you can't beat it out of them, you can't talk it out of them, you can't beg it out of them. Mine hugs friendgirls, calls them beautiful and sweetie, kisses their cheeks or noms their neck playfully, and I've caught him ogling their breasts (boob man) and teased him for it.. he talks to EVERYONE, ESP women.. flirts and charms and lays it on thick, dances with every girl there, young/old or fat/thin, buys them drinks, spends HIS money for THEM to pick songs on the jukebox.. but the man is mine, all mine. He's coming home with me - he knows it, I know it. Flirt all you want, love.. I get a kick out of your Libra Charm dazzling so many girls. They can't have you, nyah nyah. He's mine, ladies. Lucky, lucky me. (I'm usually off being my own charming, flirty self.. he always finds me, always marks his territory with a big kiss and a close snuggle) Now, out of respect for their lady, they often try to be more AWARE of how their friendly banter and behavior is being perceived as flirting if their gf is jealous of it.. but truly, it will never stop. Never. Girl, if you can't get a handle on your own emotions.. your insecurity, jealousy, distrust.. then maybe a Libra man is not for you. It's a lot easier for me.. Pisces aren't naturally jealous anyway.. add in my Aqua cusp, and it's an emotion I've hardly ever felt in my life. So I can't tell you HOW to get a handle on your jealousy.. that's not been my cross to bear. Mine's stubbornness - I can be bullheaded to the point of people thinking I have cement for brains! LOL But you HAVE to figure out these negative emotions that keep overwhelming you and turning you into someone even YOU don't like. Your Libra has been incredibly patient.. you said last year was really bad. He must love you, truly. But you've been patient too.. and you must love him to come here to try to find a way to understand him instead of just throwing in the towel. The towel thing would be easier, I admit.

Know why Libras really, really like Aqua/Pisces cusp girls? Like KoL.. undeniably an asshole, but admits an undeniable attraction for those cusp girls, they're almost his kryptonite. And my OWN Libra.. three of his last four girlfriends (incl me) were Aqua/Pisces cusps (Feb 16, Feb 20, Feb 21). Krypotonite, I'm telling you. (The other gf of my Libra was a Sag Dec 11 - possibly the OTHER kryptonite for a Libra guy haha) But the reason they like them so much is because they tend to be a mix of the aloof, detached, independent Aqua girl.. and the warm, sensual, affectionate Pisces girl. When you take a little of the Aqua detachment and mix in a touch of Pisces emotion.. you may get a girl who balances both.. who rides the fence between two very different types. Leeb guys like that. Cuz what they DON'T like.. is excessive jealousy, or when their woman gets insecure.. then bitchy, nagging, jealous, accusing. As for him chatting with his ex-gf.. he offered you to see the convo.. he had nothing to hide. But you weren't pissed about what they might be talking about.. you were upset that he was talking to her at all. And THAT is something you need to stop. The more you try to dictate and control him, the more he'll balk and dig his heels in, continue it, and start lying/hiding it to avoid confrontation. You can't MAKE a man change, and some things aren't things that need to be changed... and sweetie.. you have NO RIGHT to tell him who he can and cannot talk to, period. It will backfire every time.

But you can't control HIM.. you can only control YOU and get control of your own emotions. You can't fix him, but you can fix YOU and see if it doesn't inspire him to make changes as well. One way you can help regain your sanity.. go out and do FUN stuff that FEELS GOOD and makes you HAPPY! Stop sitting by the phone/PC waiting for him. Girl, that's pure crazy and FEELS shitty to you. You sit there, no call, no show.. and then your imagination is spinning tales again, making it worse, stuck on a negative loop playing and replaying all these Nasty Voices in your head, filling it with lies.

Which brings me to another Tool to help you regain your sanity. Listen close and ask questions if you need clarification, this is some pretty radical stuff designed to change destructive thought patterns. Let's call it Filling In The Blanks. We all do it.. we fill in the blanks of missing information with fantasies we create in our minds. No one ever KNOWS what another person has in their heads, really. What they're thinking, what they're doing, WHY they're doing or not doing something. It's all speculation.. or Filling In The Blanks. Now YOU are stuck in a Negative Loop.. you fill in those blanks with negative feelings and fears. (Like my Sag friends used to.) "He's ignoring me. He hates me. He's done with me. I did something that made him mad. There's another girl. He's tired of me. He wants to break up with me and doesn't know how. He's lying to me. He doesn't love me. He's cheating on me. He's laughing at me. I'm stupid. I'm blind. I'm wasting my time. I HATE THIS SHIT!" See what I mean? So.. let's flip it around. You're making up shit to fill in the blanks anyway.. stop the negative loop. Try "He's busy. He's tired. Oh, I can feel him thinking about me. He hasn't talked to me in three days, I bet he's really starting to miss me. Every girl he sees, he compares to me - and I win! He loves me. It's been two years. We've had so many good times together. He's so sweet when he talks to me. He left me that offline even though he's tired, aww. There's no one else like me and he knows it. We'll get through this. He'll really appreciate it when he comes back and I'm calm and centered and loving. This is going to be great!"

Now.. both of those monologues are bullshit, complete fiction, total fantasy. The ONLY difference is.. one is negative and creates a negative VIBE and feeling in you that carries over and spills into your whole day.. and one FEELS GOOD and takes positive energy and pumps up a fabulous vibe that carries over and spills into your whole day. Which vibe do you want to be carrying when you speak to him? And don't fool yourself.. vibe spills over, even if you're chatting on IM.. it's in your words, your phrasing, your attitude.. it SHOWS. You can't FAKE "happy".. you can't FAKE positive.. it always shows. So make it real. Break the negative loop your mind gets stuck in, flip it around, and watch what happens.

^^ They call it Cruel and Unusual Punishment. Torture is illegal in the US, you prick. I'd rather have an icepick shoved through my ear, kthx.

Now shut up and fucking read it, you Neanderthal.. and see if YOU, as a Libra man (and one I mentioned in fact) can refute any of it.

😛

You searched "KoL" didn't you? haha

Posted by THEKingofLibra
WTF Nefer

I'm not reading all that shit. I'm gonna tie you up and make you listen to Justin Bieber mixtape if you do this shit again

Yeah I reckon...less is more!!!

I've had too much coffee this morning, and I'm loopy. Maybe that's why my mouth ran on even more than it usually does.

Quite a feat, really. haha

Mornin' sweethearts —

Don't mind them Nefer, that LONG read is really beneficial for me. And I almost cried and laughed at the same time when I read your posts. It's like it was all there in my head already except that I'm just avoiding it all along and add to that I wasn't listening to him. He would often tell me last year that there's no use explaining to me cause I would not even believe every word he said. It serves as an eye opener for me. I surely don't mind having you as a cyber bestfriend. 🙂 You don't sugarcoat things, you just tell it the way it is no matter how it hurts. I didn't find your post to be offensive though.

Actually my eyes were already half-open because I did admit to myself last year that our relationship was going nowhere unless I stopped ranting on him. I did go back to my old self last month. I told myself that I have to start the year right being the happy Sag that I truly am. The happy Sag that he once fell for and true enough it turned out smoothly for us to the point that he even recalled to me the fun times we had. But then, I have panicked again when he did hibernate. If I hadn't posted here and read everything that you said I guess I'm still thinking of crazy things that he might be doing right now. I know it's ugly and as much as I hate it too, sometimes I couldn't stop entertaining those crazy thoughts in my head. Maybe because ever since I know I can't handle LDR but the fact that I've went this far with him I should really be more patient about it and disregard all the negative thoughts.

Posted by THEKingofLibra
Man I had to take an extra shit to finish reading all that. My colon is about to protrude over this. I donno why you had to include me as an example. She is a Sag, I dont obsess over them. They are ultimate fun and can feel unlike aquas. So yeah, the pisces in her may have attracted me, but the aqua in her repulsed me for good. Sentimental chicks are awesome, clingy not. Add fun and cuddling to mix and youll keep your Libra for good. Ive never cheated on my gfs, but I do keep track of my options. Its a defense mechanism.

I love maybe 2 girls today, but at least 3 girls love me. No feelings for them.

You must have sprained your brain from the straining, KoL.

What I SAID in reference to you was that you like Aqua/Pisces cusp girls, a lot of Leebs do cuz they tend to be a very nice mix (if she's not psycho, admittedly) when the Pisces parts "warm" the intellectual Aqua parts with affection, but doesn't add "clingy" and "insecure". ...And no, you don't obsess over Sags, never said you did .. you just wanna bang one! (Apparently, you haven't had the privilege?) Sag girls are said to be a good match for Libra guys, and I've seen it often.. but again, she's gotta not be a psycho :p

And oooh.. the List Of Four is now a List Of Two? Which ones didn't make the cut?

Also, probably more than 3 girls love you, in spite of you being an asshole. Curse of being Libra 😉

Posted by Nefer
But you can't control HIM.. you can only control YOU and get control of your own emotions. You can't fix him, but you can fix YOU and see if it doesn't inspire him to make changes as well. One way you can help regain your sanity.. go out and do FUN stuff that FEELS GOOD and makes you HAPPY! Stop sitting by the phone/PC waiting for him. Girl, that's pure crazy and FEELS shitty to you. You sit there, no call, no show.. and then your imagination is spinning tales again, making it worse, stuck on a negative loop playing and replaying all these Nasty Voices in your head, filling it with lies.

I must admit, I came to a point that I told him to choose between me and his friends. What he did was he stopped chatting with me. And we had a weeklong of cold shoulder treatment. When I couldn't stand the silence I asked him why he was doing it, that he seems to choose his friends over me. He told me his friends are fun to chat with while I'm no fun, and all I did was nag him about the lying thing he did in the past. He said he was fed up that I keep raising the same issue when there's no issue to begin with. He said that those issues are mine and not his. True enough I made it an issue just because he had lied to me. If I was just open and supportive just like before I guess he wouldn't hide those things from me in the first place.

I did notice the change in him when I treated him nicely again. Before I couldn't control him to stop chatting with his friends. But when I did control of my emotions and stopped nagging him, he was the one who opted to log-off immediately after we said our goodbyes. I know that was really ugly of me asking him to log-off when he is not talking with me...I admit I once was but I should know better now. I better stop being domineering...

I'm glad it helped.. if nothing else, you at least know you're not alone. Your Leeb is SO Libra it slays me. I've got one of those too.. so I really feel sorry for you. haha

And I don't mind them, Inertia.. I have very thick skin, and I wrote every word for YOUR benefit, not theirs. I just find it ironically amusing that they would have just considered it more entertainment/reading material, if it were several different people writing the posts - and would have read it all without complaining about how much they had to read.. they only bitched cuz ONE person wrote like 7 posts, instead of 7 people piping in.

I'm notorious for LONG posts anyway... don't really care if that bothers anyone, and I'll only start worrying if DXP starts implementing a "daily characters posted limit".. GAH! I'd need multiple accounts! hehe People can choose to read what I post or not, and I won't mind either way. I like sweethearts a lot, though. But KoL can kiss my ass, right after he shoves his opinion up his own. *sweet smile*

Posted by Nefer
Sag girls are said to be a good match for Libra guys, and I've seen it often.. but again, she's gotta not be a psycho :p

ouchy! :p

^^ Oooh, ouch. I could never imagine telling my Libra to choose between his friends or me. But if I did, I could certainly imagine him disappearing for a week, and I'd deserve it. Man, he'd be PISSED.. in true Libra fashion, he likes me to be assertive/decisive and make the little decisions and choose what *I* like.. where to go, what movie to rent, stay in or go out, etc.. but big things? Like his friends.. who he talks to.. the way his chivalrous hiney runs to his (widowed) Mom's two or three times a week to take care of certain things around HER house? Pffft.. he'd think I lost my damn mind and would choose whatever I didn't want him to, just to show me how he feels about ultimatums and me attempting to control him and run his life. Leebs aren't THAT "passive".. just about the little stuff.. try it on the big stuff and see how hard those boys bite lol

And treating a Leeb nicely ALWAYS gets to them.. they love it like a fat kid loves cake ^_^

Posted by Inertia1128

Posted by Nefer
Sag girls are said to be a good match for Libra guys, and I've seen it often.. but again, she's gotta not be a psycho :p

ouchy! :p

click to expand

I was actually thinking of my Libra's psycho Sag ex. Cuckoo! She's a redhead. o.o

But you're a little cray cray too, you know. But at least you're aware of it, and taking steps to rectify it LOL

Question: How often do you actually get to see him physically? Do the two of you have any plans to change the LDR to something more conductive to a relationship.. aka somebody moving? I mean, I'm not against LDR's or anything, but I also know they're HARD, and relationships are already difficult enough... hard to maintain an LDR indefinitely.

It was surprising to hear that my Libra is the same as yours, helpful to the point of draining his wallet as long as he could help someone. I was planning to talk this thing out with my Libra once we see each other again, that he should stop helping these women that he only met on-line. But with the way you said it, probably it's best that I should just support him and never question his decisions. I'm just worried on his finances, he often tells me that he is having a hard time these days because of the recession. But hearing from him few weeks ago that he sent a pair of shoes to his friend's son that he met on-line is alarming for me, he said they are so poor that she couldn't buy shoes for his son. I was tempted to reason out to him that time,that "if they can't buy shoes why can they go on-line to chat with you"...but I kept my mouth shut so to speak... 😢

Posted by Nefer
Question: How often do you actually get to see him physically? Do the two of you have any plans to change the LDR to something more conductive to a relationship.. aka somebody moving? I mean, I'm not against LDR's or anything, but I also know they're HARD, and relationships are already difficult enough... hard to maintain an LDR indefinitely.

He visited me 3 times in the past, every 6 months. Except this year, it's close to 8months already. He was planning to come here but because of my non-stop nagging he postponed it.

We did talk about it and plans on moving here, but because of the way I treated him the past months. He had told me he is not ready yet... 😢

Posted by Nefer

Posted by Inertia1128

Posted by Nefer
Sag girls are said to be a good match for Libra guys, and I've seen it often.. but again, she's gotta not be a psycho :p

ouchy! :p

I was actually thinking of my Libra's psycho Sag ex. Cuckoo! She's a redhead. o.o

But you're a little cray cray too, you know. But at least you're aware of it, and taking steps to rectify it LOL

click to expand

I know I'm a little cray cray... 🙂

Nefer, I didn't mind your long post...I found it VERY beneficial although it wasn't directed to me.

I also wanted to thank you for your reply to my post. Like you, I'm very independent. Not to the point where I'm throwing it up in your face, but to the point where if I see something that needs to be done, I just do it. Alot of my independence stems from me having to be at such a young age. I had my own apt at 15 when my dad walked out, so yeah, my youth was stripped from me. And, when I felt comfortable to let it be known that I needed help whether it be from family or my boyfriend at the time...let me just say, a lesson was learned to stand on my own. And, with that experience, I vowed to myself to NEVER depend upon anyone else but me. In hindsight, this cased costed me dearly because of me not opening up to people, but I've slowly changed that aspect of myself. However, as it relates to my Libra, my lines get crossed when I'm stepping on his "manly toes". Here's another exp. I'd asked him to paint my spare room and he agreed. So one evening while I was home bored and he was out playing ball, I started painting. In my mind, I was being considerate because he had worked all day and then went to his basketball game. I thought he was going to give me high fiving when he walked in telling me how much of a nice job I've done, but I received the opposite. His response, I thought you asked me to paint so why did you do it. I explained and he just gave me a look and said, well you should've aleast took of your robe caused now you have messed that up. LOL! However, he didnt expressed whether he was bothered, so I didnt it then. But, now thinking back he was and just didnt verbalize it. I guess he assumed I just shouldve know. My cousin told me that I think too much with the consideration thoughts when it comes down to him. She said when it snows, she dont even look at a shovel. She's in the house making hot chocolate for when her returns. She went on to say, if he says, I'll do it, then the job is his. LOL! I've haven't gotten there yet!

Inertia, thanks for your post. I'm getting a wealth of knowledge from Nefer.

I understand how you feel. My Libra goes into isolation ESP when we have had a disagreement. Before I found this site, it was a total turn off and often looked at as a "weakness" in my eyes that he couldnt handle a slight disagreement. Oh, he would go a week without talking to me until I contacted him and once he gauged my mood to be calm, then he would come back on as strong as ever. 🙂 Now, I'm just very careful how I get what is on my mind out because if i dont, I will have pinned up resentment and that's not good either. Man, these charming Libra's make you work.

BTW---My Libra hates, hates, hates, confrontation. I often tell him he is not living in the real world. To me, he thinks life will always be peachy cream. I so want to slap him and say, wake up dude! Instead, I'm learning to WHOO SAAA! LOL!

Posted by Inertia1128
helpful to the point of draining his wallet as long as he could help someone. I was planning to talk this thing out with my Libra once we see each other again, that he should stop helping these women that he only met on-line. But with the way you said it, probably it's best that I should just support him and never question his decisions. I'm just worried on his finances, he often tells me that he is having a hard time these days because of the recession.

HIS money, HIS business.

Now before anyone thinks I'm an advocate for the olden days when women "were seen and not heard," just "put up and shut up" cuz "the man knows best"... that's not what I'm saying at all, and that shit won't fly with ME. I'm very outgoing, assertive, and opinionated, but still warm and feminine. And I pick my battles carefully!

HIS money is a non-battle. It's NOT my business if he drains his wallet for others and struggles with his own bills and expenses. He's got a set of HIS bills... paying off a loan from Mom (for the truck), an old DMV fine, the IRS.. his own cell, cc, repairs, ins, gas. He snowmobiles (EXPENSIVE hobby) He helps pay part of the bills in my house, cuz he lives here. But no, I don't rescue him - if I cover one of his bills before he gets paid, he ALWAYS pays me right back.. so he KNOWS how much he can spend. So that's all on him, not my place to complain that he doesn't save enough or that he spends too much.

What he does with his money is NOT your business RIGHT NOW, and so saying anything will backfire. You're his gf, not his wife, you're not even living with him. You're DATING.. would YOU want a guy you are DATING to bitch you out over the way you choose to spend YOUR money? I'm independent enough, I'd lose my cool over any man saying I had to do it HIS way, that MY way isn't good enough, like I'm a naughty child. It would feel controlling and domineering, and I'd hate it. My man is welcome to TACTFULLY voice his opinion.. our monies are not mixed, and won't be til marriage - though we'll both still be allowed "discretionary spending".. a certain amount that one can spend as they choose, no need to justify or explain. But if he were to keep draining OUR account and OUR bills were not paid.. THEN I'd bitch, BIG TIME. And prob separate our money again, cuz I'm practical with mine LOL

Posted by Inertia1128

Posted by Nefer
Question: How often do you actually get to see him physically? Do the two of you have any plans to change the LDR to something more conductive to a relationship.. aka somebody moving? I mean, I'm not against LDR's or anything, but I also know they're HARD, and relationships are already difficult enough... hard to maintain an LDR indefinitely.

He visited me 3 times in the past, every 6 months. Except this year, it's close to 8months already. He was planning to come here but because of my non-stop nagging he postponed it.

We did talk about it and plans on moving here, but because of the way I treated him the past months. He had told me he is not ready yet... 😢

click to expand

Ahhh, no he probably wouldn't feel ready yet about moving to another country when things had gotten so bad for you guys last year. I get that, and I'm sure you do too. You said things have improved so much lately that he's compared it to all the past fun you've had? That's great, and means you're on the right track. A little understanding of the other person can go a long way. I myself get a little impatient (Aries Venus, baby lol) but my Taurus Moon/Mars keeps it in check, reminds my Venus that good things come to those that wait, and lets me keep my eye on the prize while still enjoying the process of getting there.

I keep seeing light bulbs going off over your head all the time since you came here, and you're really learning a lot about the both of you. And that's always a good thing!

Posted by AquariusAir
Nefer, I didn't mind your long post...I found it VERY beneficial although it wasn't directed to me.

My cousin told me that I think too much with the consideration thoughts when it comes down to him. She said when it snows, she dont even look at a shovel. She's in the house making hot chocolate for when her returns. She went on to say, if he says, I'll do it, then the job is his. LOL! I've haven't gotten there yet!

Thank you, and you're welcome!

And.. wise cousin is wise!

She knows how to let the man be the man and do his manly thing .. she knows how to graciously RECEIVE all that lovely stuff a good man likes to do for his woman, and RECIPROCATE in a non-emasculating way.. ie.. don't look at the shovel, don't even THINK about stepping on his manly toes. He WANTS to do this for me, he feels GOOD about taking care of me. I'll just make him some hot cocoa to show him how much I appreciate what he does for me. Genius!

Posted by AquariusAir
Inertia, thanks for your post. I'm getting a wealth of knowledge from Nefer.

I understand how you feel. My Libra goes into isolation ESP when we have had a disagreement. Before I found this site, it was a total turn off and often looked at as a "weakness" in my eyes that he couldnt handle a slight disagreement. Oh, he would go a week without talking to me until I contacted him and once he gauged my mood to be calm, then he would come back on as strong as ever. 🙂 Now, I'm just very careful how I get what is on my mind out because if i dont, I will have pinned up resentment and that's not good either. Man, these charming Libra's make you work.

BTW---My Libra hates, hates, hates, confrontation. I often tell him he is not living in the real world. To me, he thinks life will always be peachy cream. I so want to slap him and say, wake up dude! Instead, I'm learning to WHOO SAAA! LOL!

Yes, calm brings Libra back around.. drama and stress drives him away.
They haaaaaaaate confrontation.. love a good, snappy debate, mind you - great mental stimulation and all in great fun.. but confrontation with their lover, uh uh. They hate hurting you, they LOVE seeing you smile. Hurting you means they aren't making you happy.. and that's at the core of every man.. to see his beloved HAPPY.

But this: Man, these charming Libra's make you work.
I look at it from another angle and it doesn't seem so much like WORK.. it's more like NOT WORK. The WORK is in UNDOING your past misconceptions about relationships. A Libra will teach you to RELAX.. to enjoy peace more than drama... to balance things. If you're working too hard.. you're doing too much and it's gonna backfire.. relax and just BE. Let HIM do some taking care of you, learn to RECEIVE what he gives. Hard concept for us independent ladies.. esp if we never had such a chivalrous, peace-loving sweetie pie before LOL

I am now totally Crab-free! No more exes, no more crushes, no more parents, no more bestfriends. Done with Cancers for good.

Now I'm down to aqua from overseas and a Sag from overseas who is married 😢

Still.. gonna fuck her next spring

Oooh.. you like them foreign girls! ooh lala

Guess you look pretty good from an ocean away 😛

Posted by THEKingofLibra
I fucking love how we indecisive little Libras get the entire zodiac to help us answer the psychobabble questions pertaining to Libras. From a little ram, to a taurus, to occasional geminis, to crabs, leos, a resident jizzable virgo, an always down under libra (bitch you are upside down!), to scorps burning my view counter, to horny sags just wanting to be slammed against the wall, to capricorns really not being interested in libras but posting anyway, to aquas who keep coming back even though we keep changing locks, to pisces just because they sleep with a libra and now cloned their personality.

Shit, what would we do without the rest of the zoo 😛

Awww... you need a Midol, sweetie? There, there.

Besides.. no one should listen to 98% of what YOU say about Libra advice.. mostly, you mention sex - in a very derogatory fashion like "Swallow and stfu cuz you're nothing to him"

And, you're a fucking prick who has no respect for most women. *shrug* Most of us are on to you by now.

Posted by THEKingofLibra

Posted by Nefer

I am now totally Crab-free! No more exes, no more crushes, no more parents, no more bestfriends. Done with Cancers for good.

Now I'm down to aqua from overseas and a Sag from overseas who is married 😢

Still.. gonna fuck her next spring

Oooh.. you like them foreign girls! ooh lala

Guess you look pretty good from an ocean away 😛

Not bad. I like the angle, the execution, the lead in. You are getting good at this 😛

No, I was born overseas, how do you think I speak 4 languages?

click to expand

Guess I missed that you speak 4 languages.. though even if I'd known that I wouldn't assume that means you were born overseas. Though, admittedly.. Ignorant Americans speaking more than English (badly) is a non sequitur.

Posted by TasteOfChaos
There's too much writing on this thread...

I'm too lazy to read it.

Missed you too, bitch —

P.S. Oh, and yes, the hot beef injections had an unexpected side effect and cloned his personality to overwrite my own. Now we're BOTH Libras..

Which is why we never fight (both avoiding confrontation), we never say what we really think or feel or want.. in fact, we never leave the house anymore.. since neither of us can decide where to go!

😛

Posted by THEKingofLibra

Posted by TasteOfChaos

Posted by Nefer

Posted by TasteOfChaos
There's too much writing on this thread...

I'm too lazy to read it.

Missed you too, bitch —

😄

I am having THE best hair day today...

I seriously have perfect "rolled out of bed" hair right now...

I gotta get to the pub STAT and get this hair a free drink 😉

I'm guessing the protein-rich jizz landed on your hair last night?

click to expand

TOC - that hair just makes 'em wanna oll you back INTO bed.. it's like eating a banana in front of a guy. haha

And KoL.. no, no.. that would be "jizz-hair".. which is a totally different look than "bedhead". Sheesh.

^^ hahaha! Ohhh ToC you're back with your old self...the scary mystical devo! :p

Posted by THEKingofLibra

Posted by TasteOfChaos
Vagina trumps dick.

Show a woman a penis... she will probably smile (or in your case, laugh)
Show a man a vagina... BOING!!!

Meh. Floppy elephant ears for a vag, and a sad old man in the boat? More like BINGO!

click to expand

As Chris Rock said: VAGINA is expensive. DICK is free.

Some women got that shit backwards, and think their pussy is a free-for-all.

Which leads me right into ... Oh god, KoL.. if THAT'S what pussy looks like to you.. maybe you should stay out of those nasty back alleys? Your girls seem a bit.. erm... tore up.

^^ I thought devo was for Devart.. DeviantArt. haha

Didn't know you were saying you were "devastated" lol

Had an Aussie gf years ago who taught me some things.. "nice" is a huge compliment, not a MILD one like in the USA ("Oh, that dessert you made tasted really nice.")... ta for thank you... wonky for messed up... jumper for sweater.. crack a wobbly is my all time favorite.. good times, good times.