Posted by sunchild
So, this guy and I have known each other for 2/3 years but went on our first date 6 months ago. We instantly clicked, had a great physical / emotional connection but soon after, he became distant at the fear that if we got together, something bad would
happen (etc. cheating etc) (his ex cheated on him so I guess it was just an insecurity). Things picked up again and at the beginning of the year, he stopped all contact with me to start seeing some else. This was down to me not being open with the fact that I did wanted to be with him (he assumed that I was not seriously interested, I am but I’m not used to relationships so I was just going with the flow). Anyway, he came back to me last week as if nothing happened and now a few days later, he isn’t talking to me again?! I’m so confused and I want to tell him how I feel but I can’t keep being the one trying all the time. When things are good, they are so good. I’m really confused. Help!
Posted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.click to expand
Posted by MissTaiLeePosted by sunchild
So, this guy and I have known each other for 2/3 years but went on our first date 6 months ago. We instantly clicked, had a great physical / emotional connection but soon after, he became distant at the fear that if we got together, something bad would
happen (etc. cheating etc) (his ex cheated on him so I guess it was just an insecurity). Things picked up again and at the beginning of the year, he stopped all contact with me to start seeing some else. This was down to me not being open with the fact that I did wanted to be with him (he assumed that I was not seriously interested, I am but I’m not used to relationships so I was just going with the flow). Anyway, he came back to me last week as if nothing happened and now a few days later, he isn’t talking to me again?! I’m so confused and I want to tell him how I feel but I can’t keep being the one trying all the time. When things are good, they are so good. I’m really confused. Help!
Baby, just tell him! Honesty is the best policy, I think life is too short to not say what/how you feel. And watch his reaction, if his reaction isn't good, fall back and cut them ties... If he's down with it, go for it! Best of luck! But tell him straight up exactly what you want!click to expand
Posted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your adviceclick to expand
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
He is rubberbanding?
it's easier to explain what he is going through in spiritual terms. I don't know if people with unhealthy childhoods and has not gone through this change will understand what I'm saying.
Pain, abuse, manipulation, and straight drama/trama is it's own mentality and It's a state of existence. A way of life. It's internal as well external. The term vibration works very well to describe this.
He knows it's wrong and doesn't want it and is fighting it. Yet may not know how to be different is madding. A different vibration. They go back and worth from trying to break the bad patterns and the difficulty of that and wanting something better for themselves to what is known and safe yet still miserable.
Fear of change and loss is the biggest hurdle. Because it would mean letting go of everything in their life that is that way including PEOPLE not just habits and mindset. On a deeper level the change is quite painful and scary actually. He has to choose it and really want it himself ultimately or risk being dependant on someone else to change. The danger in that is they could snap back when the relationship with that person faulters. The term Co-dependant works here too.
Which is why you can only point him in the right direction and coach him or be a cheerleader. Communication and understanding each other, and exchanging thoughts and feeling with why does a lot on it's own.
Even if they use you as the prize for the change you yourself shouldn't take on this mentality. Rather there is certain things you are willing to accept and things you will not tolorate from them and the relationship. Friendship or otherwise. Beyond that what happens with the relationship happens.
It's actually hard to tell people this directly. It's sound like a load of bullshit until you have gone through it yourself.click to expand
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
He is rubberbanding?
it's easier to explain what he is going through in spiritual terms. I don't know if people with unhealthy childhoods and has not gone through this change will understand what I'm saying.
Pain, abuse, manipulation, and straight drama/trama is it's own mentality and It's a state of existence. A way of life. It's internal as well external. The term vibration works very well to describe this.
He knows it's wrong and doesn't want it and is fighting it. Yet may not know how to be different is madding. A different vibration. They go back and worth from trying to break the bad patterns and the difficulty of that and wanting something better for themselves to what is known and safe yet still miserable.
Fear of change and loss is the biggest hurdle. Because it would mean letting go of everything in their life that is that way including PEOPLE not just habits and mindset. On a deeper level the change is quite painful and scary actually. He has to choose it and really want it himself ultimately or risk being dependant on someone else to change. The danger in that is they could snap back when the relationship with that person faulters. The term Co-dependant works here too.
Which is why you can only point him in the right direction and coach him or be a cheerleader. Communication and understanding each other, and exchanging thoughts and feeling with why does a lot on it's own.
Even if they use you as the prize for the change you yourself shouldn't take on this mentality. Rather there is certain things you are willing to accept and things you will not tolorate from them and the relationship. Friendship or otherwise. Beyond that what happens with the relationship happens.
It's actually hard to tell people this directly. It's sound like a load of bullshit until you have gone through it yourself.click to expand
Posted by CreativeCapPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
He is rubberbanding?
it's easier to explain what he is going through in spiritual terms. I don't know if people with unhealthy childhoods and has not gone through this change will understand what I'm saying.
Pain, abuse, manipulation, and straight drama/trama is it's own mentality and It's a state of existence. A way of life. It's internal as well external. The term vibration works very well to describe this.
He knows it's wrong and doesn't want it and is fighting it. Yet may not know how to be different is madding. A different vibration. They go back and worth from trying to break the bad patterns and the difficulty of that and wanting something better for themselves to what is known and safe yet still miserable.
Fear of change and loss is the biggest hurdle. Because it would mean letting go of everything in their life that is that way including PEOPLE not just habits and mindset. On a deeper level the change is quite painful and scary actually. He has to choose it and really want it himself ultimately or risk being dependant on someone else to change. The danger in that is they could snap back when the relationship with that person faulters. The term Co-dependant works here too.
Which is why you can only point him in the right direction and coach him or be a cheerleader. Communication and understanding each other, and exchanging thoughts and feeling with why does a lot on it's own.
Even if they use you as the prize for the change you yourself shouldn't take on this mentality. Rather there is certain things you are willing to accept and things you will not tolorate from them and the relationship. Friendship or otherwise. Beyond that what happens with the relationship happens.
It's actually hard to tell people this directly. It's sound like a load of bullshit until you have gone through it yourself.
If this is true, dude needs a psychologist more than a gfclick to expand
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by CreativeCapPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
He is rubberbanding?
it's easier to explain what he is going through in spiritual terms. I don't know if people with unhealthy childhoods and has not gone through this change will understand what I'm saying.
Pain, abuse, manipulation, and straight drama/trama is it's own mentality and It's a state of existence. A way of life. It's internal as well external. The term vibration works very well to describe this.
He knows it's wrong and doesn't want it and is fighting it. Yet may not know how to be different is madding. A different vibration. They go back and worth from trying to break the bad patterns and the difficulty of that and wanting something better for themselves to what is known and safe yet still miserable.
Fear of change and loss is the biggest hurdle. Because it would mean letting go of everything in their life that is that way including PEOPLE not just habits and mindset. On a deeper level the change is quite painful and scary actually. He has to choose it and really want it himself ultimately or risk being dependant on someone else to change. The danger in that is they could snap back when the relationship with that person faulters. The term Co-dependant works here too.
Which is why you can only point him in the right direction and coach him or be a cheerleader. Communication and understanding each other, and exchanging thoughts and feeling with why does a lot on it's own.
Even if they use you as the prize for the change you yourself shouldn't take on this mentality. Rather there is certain things you are willing to accept and things you will not tolorate from them and the relationship. Friendship or otherwise. Beyond that what happens with the relationship happens.
It's actually hard to tell people this directly. It's sound like a load of bullshit until you have gone through it yourself.
If this is true, dude needs a psychologist more than a gf
therapist actually. What they do is help you sort yourself out and give you tips and advice on how to address the issues you have. We could all use someone like that in our lives from time to time. I doubt you would a exception.
No one is perfect. We all have our issues. Some are just more unhealthy and counter productive then others. There are a lot of people who get dealt a bad hand from the get go. Not their fault. It becomes their responsibility when they become aware of this though. Then there is no excuse and is on them. Undoing the behavioural patterns and mindset is no joke though.
I'm sure you have one or 2 things yourself you can identify you would like to change as well.click to expand
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by CreativeCapPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
He is rubberbanding?
it's easier to explain what he is going through in spiritual terms. I don't know if people with unhealthy childhoods and has not gone through this change will understand what I'm saying.
Pain, abuse, manipulation, and straight drama/trama is it's own mentality and It's a state of existence. A way of life. It's internal as well external. The term vibration works very well to describe this.
He knows it's wrong and doesn't want it and is fighting it. Yet may not know how to be different is madding. A different vibration. They go back and worth from trying to break the bad patterns and the difficulty of that and wanting something better for themselves to what is known and safe yet still miserable.
Fear of change and loss is the biggest hurdle. Because it would mean letting go of everything in their life that is that way including PEOPLE not just habits and mindset. On a deeper level the change is quite painful and scary actually. He has to choose it and really want it himself ultimately or risk being dependant on someone else to change. The danger in that is they could snap back when the relationship with that person faulters. The term Co-dependant works here too.
Which is why you can only point him in the right direction and coach him or be a cheerleader. Communication and understanding each other, and exchanging thoughts and feeling with why does a lot on it's own.
Even if they use you as the prize for the change you yourself shouldn't take on this mentality. Rather there is certain things you are willing to accept and things you will not tolorate from them and the relationship. Friendship or otherwise. Beyond that what happens with the relationship happens.
It's actually hard to tell people this directly. It's sound like a load of bullshit until you have gone through it yourself.
If this is true, dude needs a psychologist more than a gf
therapist actually. What they do is help you sort yourself out and give you tips and advice on how to address the issues you have. We could all use someone like that in our lives from time to time. I doubt you would a exception.
No one is perfect. We all have our issues. Some are just more unhealthy and counter productive then others. There are a lot of people who get dealt a bad hand from the get go. Not their fault. It becomes their responsibility when they become aware of this though. Then there is no excuse and is on them. Undoing the behavioural patterns and mindset is no joke though.
I'm sure you have one or 2 things yourself you can identify you would like to change as well.click to expand
Posted by Arielle83
Jfc oh he has red flags, but let’s look past that because you want to care.
Posted by Arielle83Posted by CreativeCapPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
He is rubberbanding?
it's easier to explain what he is going through in spiritual terms. I don't know if people with unhealthy childhoods and has not gone through this change will understand what I'm saying.
Pain, abuse, manipulation, and straight drama/trama is it's own mentality and It's a state of existence. A way of life. It's internal as well external. The term vibration works very well to describe this.
He knows it's wrong and doesn't want it and is fighting it. Yet may not know how to be different is madding. A different vibration. They go back and worth from trying to break the bad patterns and the difficulty of that and wanting something better for themselves to what is known and safe yet still miserable.
Fear of change and loss is the biggest hurdle. Because it would mean letting go of everything in their life that is that way including PEOPLE not just habits and mindset. On a deeper level the change is quite painful and scary actually. He has to choose it and really want it himself ultimately or risk being dependant on someone else to change. The danger in that is they could snap back when the relationship with that person faulters. The term Co-dependant works here too.
Which is why you can only point him in the right direction and coach him or be a cheerleader. Communication and understanding each other, and exchanging thoughts and feeling with why does a lot on it's own.
Even if they use you as the prize for the change you yourself shouldn't take on this mentality. Rather there is certain things you are willing to accept and things you will not tolorate from them and the relationship. Friendship or otherwise. Beyond that what happens with the relationship happens.
It's actually hard to tell people this directly. It's sound like a load of bullshit until you have gone through it yourself.
If this is true, dude needs a psychologist more than a gf
But she wants to be his psychologist. Being his saviour validates herselfclick to expand
Posted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by CreativeCapPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
He is rubberbanding?
it's easier to explain what he is going through in spiritual terms. I don't know if people with unhealthy childhoods and has not gone through this change will understand what I'm saying.
Pain, abuse, manipulation, and straight drama/trama is it's own mentality and It's a state of existence. A way of life. It's internal as well external. The term vibration works very well to describe this.
He knows it's wrong and doesn't want it and is fighting it. Yet may not know how to be different is madding. A different vibration. They go back and worth from trying to break the bad patterns and the difficulty of that and wanting something better for themselves to what is known and safe yet still miserable.
Fear of change and loss is the biggest hurdle. Because it would mean letting go of everything in their life that is that way including PEOPLE not just habits and mindset. On a deeper level the change is quite painful and scary actually. He has to choose it and really want it himself ultimately or risk being dependant on someone else to change. The danger in that is they could snap back when the relationship with that person faulters. The term Co-dependant works here too.
Which is why you can only point him in the right direction and coach him or be a cheerleader. Communication and understanding each other, and exchanging thoughts and feeling with why does a lot on it's own.
Even if they use you as the prize for the change you yourself shouldn't take on this mentality. Rather there is certain things you are willing to accept and things you will not tolorate from them and the relationship. Friendship or otherwise. Beyond that what happens with the relationship happens.
It's actually hard to tell people this directly. It's sound like a load of bullshit until you have gone through it yourself.
If this is true, dude needs a psychologist more than a gf
therapist actually. What they do is help you sort yourself out and give you tips and advice on how to address the issues you have. We could all use someone like that in our lives from time to time. I doubt you would a exception.
No one is perfect. We all have our issues. Some are just more unhealthy and counter productive then others. There are a lot of people who get dealt a bad hand from the get go. Not their fault. It becomes their responsibility when they become aware of this though. Then there is no excuse and is on them. Undoing the behavioural patterns and mindset is no joke though.
I'm sure you have one or 2 things yourself you can identify you would like to change as well.
Yup, as someone who attends therapy, I can confidently say that it is a beneficial way of addressing patterns and behaviours. Loving your advice. Just curious, what’s your sign?click to expand
Posted by Arielle83Posted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
“Coached him” what the fuck?
A chick that follows Instagram stories to see if a guy likes her, isn’t equipped to be offering advice on overcoming trauma.
Your grooming game is so manipulative.click to expand
Posted by Generous_LibraPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
Dear Leo,listen to the Libras here, we are not like that! He's playing mind games trust me! The only thing you can do rn, is call him out on his BS and move on with your life.
God Leos are so damn naive, he's basically telling you I'm fkd up and you keep giving him excuses.click to expand
Posted by PhantumPosted by Arielle83Posted by PhantumPosted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
This is what you want to believe because it gives you hope that you might break through and show him that you know what's good for him better than he does. It's probably not going to work, because you probably don't.
Telling her she knows what’s best for him.
I love when people think they do, because someone they’re interested in has had trauma, but they haven’t.
It always comes from a place of self righteousness.
And when he doesn’t follow through on her “life lesson” plan, she will resent him, and then create more trauma.
He needs to see she cares.
I can never get why the saviour type doesn’t see their behaviour as controlling or trying to groom someone into a “fixed” person to make their life easier.
I think people get into these oblivious positions because their brains are trying to justify their feelings, and they desperately want to keep at something that is clearly not working. He might be playing her. He might be unable to meet her where she is. Either way, what could the best possible outcome be if she and LostThoughts are right? She becomes his therapist, which she is not qualified to do, and puts her own life and needs on a shelf somewhere? I don't see a good outcome.click to expand
Posted by Arielle83Posted by sunchildPosted by Arielle83Posted by sunchildPosted by LostthoughtsPosted by sunchild
At the end of last year, a few weeks after he asked “where is this going” and I said “I don’t want anything serious right now” because of the red flags, he took that as in, I’ll never want anything serious and then he said he was talking to someone else. Which was alright because we weren’t together. I just didn’t think he would cut communication with me but wasn’t too surprised as he can only deal with one girl at a time. It’s all or nothing with him.
And I know he’s not speaking to me because the last thing I told him was that I’d appreciate a call just to talk about things and he said alright will do and never called. This was 6 days ago. He’s been watching my instagram stories etc just not talking to me.
And yes, friendly is the way forward but I refuse to give him so much of my energy if this is going to keep happening. Maybe we just need to be friends again. Thanks for the advice 🙂
he isn't mind f'n you like others said. He is doing it to himself. It's effect on you is collateral. I have known people like you describe.
Your best bet is to coach him and call him on his shit. Do it in a non-threatening way. It sounds like he has a lot of emotional trama. Don't get sucked into it. Nor should you feel responsible or obligated towards him. That is another trap with people in this state.
Just be a positive influence in his life without getting sucked into the negative mindset and drama/drama.
That’s exactly what I thought. The trauma makes him act out and leaves us both in situations we don’t want to be in. Whenever this happens, I have coached him and reassured him that what he’s feeling is normal and a process, that everyone feels things differently. Thank you for your advice
“Coached him” what the fuck?
A chick that follows Instagram stories to see if a guy likes her, isn’t equipped to be offering advice on overcoming trauma.
Your grooming game is so manipulative.
No one is so out here trying to be anyone’s therapist. What part of offering advice as a friend don’t you get?
1. I don’t check my Instagram for the sole purpose of seeing if he’s watched nor use it so get him to like me, so relax.
2. My self-esteem is no where near low and I’m not out here trying to control anyone in order to make myself feel better.
The whole point of the advice was to suggest that I am simply there for someone who may need help one day. Whether it was with him or someone else, I’d be open to helping. Not to control but to allow them to see that the way they feel is okay.
I’m very relaxed.
So you’re in a position to offer guidance?
Because your friend has experienced trauma, but have you experienced the kind of trauma he has?
See the problem is people who have lived privileged upbringings thinking they know what’s right for another.
It’s arrogant.
You don’t know what’s right and your guidance/advice is based on what experience?
What are you getting out of any of this?
Sex? Attention? Some Mary Poppins good feeling of aiding an unfortunate soul?
You want something, you’re just not being honest with yourself about it.
There’s no such thing as a free lunch.click to expand
Posted by GirlygirlNadia
From my experience, Libra man is a great friend and never pushes friends away. As a lover, I've known Libras to be faithful when it's time to be faithful and single and mingling when single. One was in long term relationship for 6 years, one settled down for one year and had a baby both good examples of setting clear boundaries fwiw the baby momma for the Libra is a Leo good luck girl 🤜
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