The Past

Also posted on the aqua board because he is aqua and i'm libra..i need some "balanced" perspective 🙂


My bf is 28, and when i say his past was horrific (in terms of treatment of women) i mean he should be ashamed of himself. He isn't of course, but i personally think that it is having a negative effect on what we have. For example, he strung women along, claimed to be in love with them all, and caused a lot of heartache, didn't deal with the shit at the times when he should have, basically a first-class bastard. I'm no angel and my own past relationships dont even deserve a mention, but at least i managed to get closure on them all.

I dont think im like the others, but i think he already has expectations of the kind of path we are potentially heading down..y'know, the type where he throws in "i love you" a dozen times a day and expects me to be eternally smitten...no!!! I feel myself becoming agitated and distant..even today when we spoke i couldnt even an effort at conversation so i made it short before he picked up on my mood..i cant deal with it right now.

Anyways, having time alone for a month or so, i'm getting to thinking that maybe this guy isn't all i think he is. I dont even know if i love him now, i know i'm being very hasty and im just thinking aloud here right now. I'm already damaged goods, and he is my first regular bf in 3 years (my own choice) but talk about the past coming to haunt you. He says he has no problems with his past..but i have problems because don't patterns USUALLY repeat themselves.

I suppose he has grown over the years, and possibly has genuinely changed, but can i really wait to find out. I'm speaking from genuine terror, i only expect the females to sympathise here!! and he hasnt said or done anything to make me like this. Its like the monthly freak out!!

hey sola. long time no chat. i haven't been to the other place in a while either.

i can sympathize with the monthly freak out. I still do it. I think if you are having these feelings, you need to tell him that what he did in the past was bad and be strong enough to tell him that IF history does repeat itself, then you will walk.

in his defense, it took a lot for him to tell you how he treated past women, so maybe that's him trying to turn a new leaf. men can change, but they do it at their own free will.

how long have you been dating him?

Why in the world would you refer to yourself as 'damaged goods'?

I don't think you are doing the wrong thing. Your intuition seems to have kicked in, and you are doing the right thing by taking time to sort things out. Time will tell if he has really changed, but from personal experience men rarely do.

I dated an Aqua for a long time, he was my soul-mate. What I can tell you is that the men of this sign are kinda (very) hippocritical. Mine said one thing and did the other. He wanted the perfect Mary Poppins wife, but then he wanted her to be the party queen too(as in hard-core, druggie parties). The scary part of it was that he hid a lot of things from me VERY well. He would LIE a ton!! After a time, I felt like I didn't know him at all. He was an Aqua sun, Pisces mooner though.

lol... i guess the only choice you have is to wait patiently and see how it goes. Its easier to sort out problems when it happens than trying to worry over it. Its an aqua. You would have a better control over the situation even if it gets worse.

Men (no matter what starsign) dont change....if they change its because they WANT to....maybe he wants to....who knows? but of course you should guard yourself very well from this man....it would have taken a lot of guts to tell you of his past and who would be proud to have behaved so badly? Not many.

I'd watch him thats for sure but you seem very doubtful....that 6th sense must be kicking in....again, NOBODY changes unless they truly want to.....as said before, time will tell.

Is he worth investing more time into?

Well, this whole conversation came about a while ago, after he pissed me off and we agreed to have a "serious chat"..i hate those. Anyways, he was being weird and so was i so i told him straight that i'm not interested in wasting any amount of time in my life for a man who doesnt know what he wants or where he's going. I dont mean i was backing him into a corner, but i dont do serious relationships easily, so if its something casual, get yourself and all your stuff out of my house. I already wasted 7 years on one man and a bit more time on losers after that, so i had enough! I told him about my past in as little detail as possible, no names etc.

He said he wants to be with me, and he then told me about his past, none as long-term as mine, but still pretty serious, seeing more than person at once etc, casual sex, the usual.If he could get away with it he would. All men i guess, but this one particularly. Anyways, he has invited me to meet his family..all the way over in Argentina so we leave September 16th. These ex's are there in the small city somewhere, and i just dont want to come face 2 face, understandably.

I'm a wreck right now, but if i try and tell him he'll be like huh?? Where's all this coming from now, and freak out because im nuts when im freaked out!! I'm not doubtful of him, i do trust him..but i fear for myself. The pain of the past i cant repeat because i might actually die. I think he's at a place now where he's trying to get his life together, talking about houses etc, but maybe im just not ready.

I think all my relationships are the real deal, that's the problem!! Ha, no seriously, im really very excited, and i know if he didnt have feelings for me he wouldnt have invited me etc, and his family are excited about meeting me too. This is all the physical effect of my fear..it's hell. It has nothing to do with him, i've just been thinking too much and spending too much time alone (never really such a good idea for us librans) and therefore i jump to wrong conclusions and create fears where there should really be none..understand??

Maybe it is the real deal, i dont think about things that far ahead. I'm trying so hard not to let history repeat itself, but essentially damaging myself..i even had the broken teeth dream last night (my teeth started to cruble inside my mouth and i was trying to spit them out onto my hand but they couldnt be saved)!!

So, im going to see my friends and my sister all weekend, get my brain back to normal, and relax 🙂

Im tryyyiinnngggg 😢

I go through these "phases" now and then, and i can get back to normal within a week. It's just a matter of riding it out and not doing anything stupid. I'm keeping quiet and just getting on with things.

are things good now?

No!! Im still in my shell and i'm not coming out anytime soon! He sent me a message on Tuesday, i still havent answered..and i dont think i will because i dont have anything to say just now. Still thinking 24/7 about life in general really, not only this situation and actually inside i feel great. I should take a big step backwards more often..clarity rocks! But then i have to put it all into action..i'll wait until tomorrow's eclipse is over, him being an aqua and all!!

But thanks sweetie! Hope all's well where you are?

all's well---mainly w/ Leos. lourve ya, Sola.

Ditto x

I remember a sign I read in a restaurant a long time ago: "Please don't complain about our coffee. After all, you may be old and weak some day." So I'm drinking old weak coffee right now. And thinking of you, wondering if you're getting out of that shell---you seem too dynamic to stay in there too long. Anyway, back to my caffeine.