Truly scary horoscope !!!

Gemini Think the world loves you for your wit and sparkling conversation? Think again. The truth is that you are a t

Think the world loves you for your wit and sparkling conversation? Think again. The truth is that you are a two-faced, gossiping, flighty piece of work. The only thing sharper than your wit is that double-edged tongue of yours.

You are great fun to be with - the only problem is that no one can rely on you to always turn up. You're easily distracted and happy to change your plans at the last minute, ready to drop old friends on the promise of a party or the chance to network.

Dating and relationships
You are without doubt the most flirtatious sign of the zodiac. Why limit yourself to one love conquest when you can work the room and line up several more? Before you've even bagged your dreamboat, you'll be looking over your shoulder for the next one - which is probably a good thing, as you'll be feeling bored and ready to move on in no time.

If you do rest those pretty little wings and settle down, you'll be looking for adventure at every opportunity. You love to go on exotic holidays, at least it gives you a chance to ask directions and flirt with the locals while your other half isn't looking.

At work
You may not like to get your hands dirty and, heaven forbid, actually do some work, but you do know how to get on. It's not what you know, it's who you know after all, and you can blag your way into almost any position.

You excel at office politics and have a natural talent for schmoozing the right people. You know the ins and outs of everyone's personal lives and never miss an office party, after all, it's fertile ground for digging the dirt and storing up some useful blackmail information.


You've probably read that you are 'slow but sure' and a 'steady and dependable' type. What they forgot to mention is that you're actually immensely dull. You're so set in your ways that it would take an electric cattle prod to shift you.

When you're not gorging yourself, you are fretting about not having enough money in the bank or trying to accumulate more stuff for your house. You find it hard to relax your grip on anything, even if it's only for your mum to wipe the sticky jam off the remote control and hand it back to you. You hate anyone and everyone for having more than you do. It's simply not fair.

Dating and relationships
Your eyes meet across a crowded field and you're in love. Lets hope the object of your desire feels the same way, because you're not the type to let go.

You make a slow, sensuous lover but sex
with you can quickly become boring. The only sex game you enjoy is being fed blindfolded. Even then, you'll get upset if your lover pops a strawberry into your mouth when you were expecting a nice piece of chocolate.

At work
You were most likely hired for your tenacity and attention to detail - either that or your employers recognised you were well suited to menial, repetitive tasks. You're stubborn and lacking in imagination. Colleagues don't ask you to make any kind of decision without first blocking out four weeks in their diary so you can chew the cud for a while. You're a slow mover, but have some weight behind you, so can sometimes knock down systems, and occasionally people.

Your workmates tend to give you a wide berth. Even the cleaners live in fear of breaking an ornament on your desk or, shock horror, moving your favourite mug. You're so obstinate that people rarely ask you what you think, they can tell from the set look on your face. If you are wondering where everyone one was last Monday, they were at a change management course - your boss knew it would be wasted on you


You simmer with pent up anger and are ready to explode at the slightest frustration. Remember that flat-pack furniture you threw out of the window? Instructions? More like destructions! You charge full steam ahead with projects, burning with impatience to get started, only to give up in a fit of rage at the first sign of a setback. You're highly competitive, and winning second prize would be an insult to your ego.

All that fiery enthusiasm leaves little room for intellectual subtlety. You have no patience with wishy washy types and like people to get straight to the point; although if you don't like what they've got to say you won't be listening anyway. Aggressive, overbearing and short-tempered, you're one little ram not to be messed with.

Dating and relationships
Got your eye on someone? You won't give in until you've won that date. Once you've bagged your dreamboat you'll want to keep a close eye on them. Your eyebrows arch with jealously should they so much as stroke a cat. Your lust burns intensely, usually for about a week, before you get the fidgets. For you, dating is all about the chase - as soon as you've conquered your prey you'll be looking for the next challenge.

For those of you who do settle down, your partner can look forward to a life of minor eruptions as you lose your temper when things go wrong or you don't get your own way. On
the whole, you prefer clear lines of command (with everyone reporting into you, of course) and it drives you mad when friends or family have their own ideas or, heaven forbid, they try to carry them out without your direction. What you don't understand is why they don't just do as you say?

At work
Your boss probably hired you for your drive, enthusiasm and motivation - or because they were just plane scared not to. You crash around organisations telling everyone how it should be done regardless of your position. While you're very good and tearing down the old structure, you're not so good at putting new systems in place. In short, you leave havoc in your wake.

Insensitive and competitive, your workmates live in fear and loathing of you. When you're not pointing out their mistakes, you're throwing a strop because you didn't get that promotion or trying to out-compete the schoolboy on work experience. You can't stand being told what to do and make a terrible employee. The best place for you is in the military, preferably reporting into a Scropio, one who's even more scary than you.


Manipulative, moody, unreliable and contradictory, you're one (sorry, two) slippery fish. You change your mind so frequently that others are worn out just being around you. One minute you're giving up smoking and the next you're asking for a light. That's another thing you're hopeless at - willpower.

When you're not leading others on a chaotic dance you can be found moping in a caf?. You have a crippling sense of martyrdom and like to take every opportunity to feel hard done by. Why must everyone put you under so much pressure? How were you to know you wanted a cappuccino when you asked for a latte?

Dating and relationships
You're not too picky when it comes to the dating game. In fact, you'll let anyone buy you a drink as long as they listen to your emotional sob story. Three glasses of wine later, you decide that the person sat opposite you is your soul mate, until that is, you fall in love with the waiter on the way back from the toilet.

You like to think of yourself as a hopeless romantic. The truth is that you're just plain hopeless. You drift in and out of relationships and like nothing better than to splash around in someone else's emotional depths for a change. If you should find an emotional anchor, hold on to them with all you've got.

At work
You were probably hired because of your creativity; either that or you lied on your CV. Yo
You are ambitious, although not particularly hard working. You hate following procedures and process bores you to tears. Office politics is your chosen route to success, and relaying snippets of information is what you excel at.

When you are not gossiping you can be found wandering around the office with a glazed over expression, lost in some fantastical daydream where you slay the monster and save the day. Unfortunately for you, your boss thinks you stare because you're plain weird and not, as you like to think, engaged in some left-brain problem solving activity.


Unreliable and impractical you like to think of yourself as an observer of the human race, a superior intelligence who is too concerned with higher matters to remember to pick up the kids or do the laundry. You don't do routine; you do moments of super human brilliance, that's if you can remember where you left your notes.

You like to think that friends and family have come to know and love your quirky ways but you're not fooling anyone. Your inability to focus and absent mindedness (oh dear, did I forget to do the dishes again?) are just convenient ways to get out of doing your fair share of the work.

Dating and relationships
You rely on your quirky, zany sense of humour to get you a date and it usually works. There's no shortage of oddballs out there, after all. You like to be in control, choosing the time and place to meet, which you then conveniently forget en route. You're cool and logical when assessing a potential mate - your inner commentary is constantly observing and judging their every movement with cool detachment.

An eccentric loner at heart, you don't really expect love to find you. If it does, you can't help but exercise your analytical skills on your beloved, reading anything and everything into every word they say. When you're not reading things into a situation, you're reading their personal diary, noting the spelling mistakes as you go.

At work
You were probably hired on the basis of a profound statement you made at interview, which you've since forgotten entirely. You never turn up to meetings on time, but when you do find the room, you can be guaranteed to come out with some off the wall comment that impresses the most senior person there.

You spend most of the day chatting around the water cooler or surfing the net. Your workmates love you because you excel at the kind of random, pointless banter that makes work that bit bearable.
You know that you could do amazing things if you wanted to - it's just that you don't want to.


Petty, tight fisted, self opinionated, unforgiving, cold hearted, cruel and negative - not exactly Snow White and the seven dwarves is it? Your dark pantomime of shortcomings is known by everyone around you, which only annoys you more.

Preserving your social status is paramount and you can't stand being teased or made to look a fool of in front of others. That pessimistic, miserly streak of yours also means you can't take a joke, no matter how good you are at dishing them out. You invest vast amounts of time and energy in presenting a sober and conventional front to the world, while all the time working on a plan so deviant only a fellow Capricorn could guess at it.

You prefer a safe bet so will only ask someone out if you are a hundred per cent sure they will say yes. A safe, socially acceptable, romantic meal for two is the order of the day, as long as your date pays for their half. Now, who had the rice?

You are in favour of marriage; after all, it's the most respectable social institution out there. You don't like spending too much of your valuable time on your partner. Instead, you prefer hanging around car showrooms and furniture stores, buying up whatever you think will impress the neighbours most.

At work
Your boss probably hired you for your authoritative manner and sober dress sense, either that or you blackmailed him to get the role. You demand respect and usually get it. You are ruthlessly ambitious and will stop at nothing to get to the top, no matter who you tread on to get there. Of course, you go to great lengths to hide your unseemly ambition, though it's obvious from the bloodstained steps how you climbed the corporate ladder.

You're not the type to hog the limelight and prefer being second in command. That way you can make all the real decisions and act the puppet master without actually having to take the flack if things go wrong. Your workmates are wary of you, they know you're up to something but can never quite figure out what.


Tactless, crass, and extremist, you charge around the place like a bull on steroids, smashing the furniture and making people cry with another of your insensitive comments. It's not that you always set out with bad intentions; it's just that you never know when to stop.

You love adventure and have to take everything to extremes. A quiet night down the local does not feature in your vocabulary. Everything has to become an event, and the bigger the better.

Dating and relationships
You are convinced of your gorgeousness and won't take no for an answer when you get someone in your sights. Your chosen date can look forward to a white-knuckle ride, wherever you take them. Getting to know someone slowly over dinner is not your scene.

You are the life and soul of the party and getting the zodiac's biggest adventure seeker to settle down is no easy task. Should your hooves become fettered, your partner soon learns not to tell you any of their secrets, not unless they want your whole social circle to know. You can't resist flirting with others, even in a committed relationship - it's the thought of experiencing the unknown that does it for you.

At work
Your boss probably hired you for your 'can do attitude.' The only problem is that your 'get up and go' has probably seen you apply for three other jobs in your first week. You hate being tied down and prefer having several jobs on the go at once. You work hard once you're there, it's just that you're never there for very long.

Your workmates love you because you're a breath of fresh air. You have little regard for policy and procedure and are the master of office pranks. Your first task in any company is to organise the social calendar. Bowling? You'll have everyone sky diving in no time.


Intense, obsessed, sadistic and brooding with criminal tendencies, yes, you're the bad boy of the zodiac. You have no time for the weak, even as a blood sport. Your favourite hobby is analysing and dissecting, usually for hours on end. Why did she say that to me, what is he really up to? You would love to get inside people's heads and know what's going on, even if it meant taking a sledgehammer to their brain.

In your darker fantasies you rule the world and everyone cowers before you. You are intensely sexual and your lust won't let you rest. There's always something or someone you want - and you'll stop at nothing to get them.

Dating and relationships
You don't do charm as such, but you have a natural magnetism that means you never go short of lovers. Once you get your prey in your snake-like stare they fall entranced at your feet. You crave intense encounters and illicit relationships. Who needs cosy fireplaces and walks along the beach? You'd rather be having sex in the woods - with your best friend's partner.

It goes without saying that you are the dominant one in a relationship. You are jealous and possessive, and any sign of betrayal will be harshly punished. You don't just store up grievances for future arguments, you actively plot your revenge.

At work
You got the job because your boss admired your ruthless determination; either that or he was scared not to hire you. A classic workaholic, you can't switch off, even on holiday, as you hate not feeling in control. You take every upset at work personally, and have a list of colleagues waiting to be cut down, just as soon as the opportunity arises.

Your insatiable appetite for information sees you hanging around the printer waiting for confidential documents to appear or flicking through the papers on your boss's desk. Knowledge is power as they say - and power is everything to you. You workmates leave their desks locked when you are around and try to avoid eye contact in the corridor.


Vain, idle, inconsistent - and they are your best qualities. You uphold your right to be whatever you want to be, damn it, and change your personality as often as your fashionable socks. You like to think you're a sweet little innocent that needs looking after. The truth is that you're a born user. You may come across all airhead and 'go with the flow' but behind that fluffy exterior lies a cold hard schemer who's out for all they can get. Balanced? You couldn't be more unbalanced!

You have a natural lazy streak; why bother working up a sweat when there are plenty of others willing to do the work? Your laziness combined with your chronic indecision means that very little gets done around you, unless of course, it's done by other people. Who's that holding up the sandwich queue? Yes, there you are, dithering over whether to have cheese and pickle or ham and tomato. Make up your pretty little mind and move along now, please.
Dating and relationships
You're a natural flirt and have no shortage of potential lovers. Your only problem is choosing which poor sap to date. Should you go for the one with the flash car, the big house or the one who gets invited to the best parties?

Once in a relationship, you have no problem twirling your partner around your little finger. You are adept at getting what you want - and it's a pretty big wish list. You have been called heartless but that's simply not true. You know how to love deeply and passionately - it's just that your one true love is yourself.

At work
You charmed the pants off your boss at the interview, which is how you got the job. You've continued to get your own way ever since - pouting, flouncing or launching a missile charm defence. Of course, you don't actually do any work, but you do a good impression of looking busy.

Your Leo workmates lap up the flattery you dish out while the Cancerians try to out manipulate you, as if they could! You know how to charm everyone, and spend most of the day flicking through magazines, surfing the net, and smoothing the way to your next promotion.


Critical, pedantic and peevish, nothing will ever be good enough in your eyes. You're a firm believer in there being a right and a wrong way to do a thing - and you're the first to point out when it's not been done right.

You're so lost in small detail that you fail to see the bigger picture. Show you a beautiful sunlight forest and you'll complain that the trees aren't quite tall enough, or perhaps too far apart. You're a fusspot of the highest order and can while away hours of your life straightening cushions and ironing creases down the front of your pyjama bottoms.

Dating and relationships
Is there anyone out there good enough for you? You're so picky; you rarely get to the end of a date without escaping out of the bathroom window. You were quick to take up online dating. At least that way you can screen potential candidates with a 100-word questionnaire, and penalise those who return it late.

Once in a relationship, your partner can look forward to a lifetime of being corrected on every small matter imaginable. You believe in tough love, and like to tell it like it is. If only your other half hadn't gone deaf from your nagging years ago, they could have benefited from your superior wisdom.

At work
You got the job due to your attention to detail, impeccable dress sense and punctuality. Since you turned up the stationary cupboard has been an ordered room of calm. Every folder, pen and eraser is colour coded and cross-referenced by size, number and type. The only problem is that no one can be bothered to fill in the 10-page request form.

At first, your workmates love you for taking on all the menial jobs with enthusiasm. The problem starts once you've finished overhauling the company's systems and start picking apart your colleagues.

Arrogant, intolerant and boastful, you have to be the centre of attention at all times. You expect no less than complete adoration from everyone around you and live for others compliments, praise and affection. This vain need for flattery leaves you wide open to manipulative types; you roll over and show your belly at the first person who offers to make a fuss of you.

In company, you hold court with a sense of divine right. Friends and family are, at best, bit actors to your starring role, at worst, just there to make up the audience. At least they'll never be bored, for you're the biggest drama queen of the zodiac.

Dating and relationships
You're a vain snob and will only date those you consider both worthy and beautiful enough to be seen on your arm. You demand your lover's undivided attention and get jealous should they stop to stroke a cat in the street. After you've performed in the bedroom you expect grovelling gratitude, a round of applause, followed by at least 30 minutes of post coital ego stroking. Well, you are king of the jungle.

Once in a relationship, you expect your servant, sorry partner, to attend to your every need. If they can bow when you walk into the room so much the better. As long as your other half showers you with affection and reassurance everything will work out handsomely.

At work
You got the job because your boss was dazzled by your charm, either that, or they couldn't face having another miserable Cancerian in the office. You like to sweep into meetings at least 10 minutes late, give your royal orders and sweep out again to do something more important, such as admire yourself in the mirror.

No matter what your position, you know that deep down you're the one who's running things. You do a great job of taking the credit, which is a good thing as you're shamelessly lazy. Your colleagues marvel at your ability to get to the top without actually doing any work. You would explain it to them, if you thought they had your superior intelligence. Your workmates love you despite your arrogance and vanity - at least you keep them entertained.


The crusty crab is a grumpy, moody creature, always clinging to the rock pool of life waiting for the next wave to hit. No matter how well things go you will always find something to worry about. And when something does go wrong (again) you like nothing more than to wallow in a pool of self-pity.

Others may put your secretive nature down to being a shy, quiet type but deep down you fear that others will use your secrets against you. Paranoid is not the word. You remember every hurtful thing anyone has ever done or said to you (and sometimes run through them just before you go to sleep). You don't know how to forgive and forget and you can bear a grudge for years, while the poor victim of your moody, grumpy behaviour has no idea what they ever did wrong.

Dating and relationships
You yearn for someone to love you - but only if they prove they are worthy. Not only must they get through that hard armoured shell of yours, they also have to put up with a few nasty nips from your pincers for their troubles. You are defensive in the extreme. You're idea of 'come and get me' is to scuttle sideways along the bar with your eyes fixed to the floor.

When you do find yourself a mate, you like to sink your pincers in deep and not let go. At first the object of your love and devotion feels comforted and secure - that's until they realise they can't breathe from suffocation. Should your partner dare come up for air from your clingy pincers, you'll throw a mood swing that has them begging for forgiveness, even though they have no idea what they might have done.

At work
You got the job because your boss admired your loyalty and devotion, either that, or they thought there was too much fun and frivolity in the office. You're the first to arrive in the morning and the last one to leave at night. You work longer and harder than any of your colleagues, a fact you like to tell anyone who will listen. The truth is that you're low on self-esteem and high on martyrdom - you work hard because you worry you're rubbish at your job, and anyway, it gives you something to feel hard done by about.

When you're not moaning about the company, you're sat in a corner moodily brooding about the possibility of redundancy. Your workmates gave up trying to make conversation with you years ago, you're so secretive that they know nothing about your personal life, and anything they tell you about themselves gets taken down and used in evidence.

86 years old female from Chicago
Sun Scorpio 0.25 Moon Sagittarius 27.52 Mercury
LOL!! Where did you get this? Creepy.
31 years old male from the rusty planet.
"I can be soft spoken, but I carry a big stick and find honor in such, balancin
Haha, sweeeeeeet.
31 years old male from the rusty planet.
"I can be soft spoken, but I carry a big stick and find honor in such, balancin
"The best place for you is in the military, preferably reporting into a Scropio, one who's even more scary than you."

There's no such thing as a Scorpio that's scarier than me, that's why the author typed "Scropio" instead. :p
36 years old male from Amsterdam, Netherlands
Yep, truly me, I wouldn't describe myself better:-). Except for that evidently female stuff there which you have to turn around.
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