Wuzzup with Libras being “selfish”

So I have been seeing this Libra guy for over a year. Weirdly enough after all the initial drama of standing my ground with him, he has come to respect me. He says he love me and he is the second Libra man I have ever taken serious but I am finding Libras to be quite superficial and selfish in a sense. Let me explain because it’s not what people think.

This Libra man will plan all these wonderful dates. We quarantine together watching movies. He will help me with my chores (per say). If I ask him for something, more than likely he will do it... if it suits him. He listens to me complain and grope. He does wonderful surface stuff. I was in a car accident recently, he was there. Now let me explain the problem.

So the dates are things he wants to do. The movies are only movies he wants to watch. He will help me with my chores if it leads to him getting things done faster so he can get a massage, food, or whatever else he wants. He listens to me complain, may offer advise, but never any actual help if it doesn’t suit him. We spend a lot of time doing “fun” things but we actually have other responsibilities to handle which gets even more interesting. If it’s something he determines need to be handled, then yes we can do it (aka his business when he is ready to get to it) but if it’s let’s say my business, he is never quite in the mood and he just want to watch a movie and eat instead. If he walks through my door he has a sense of entitlement that whatever I am watching (if he saw it already) I can watch it later or he doesn’t want to watch that. He loves how intelligent I am but I am not agreeing with him, it’s a problem. And I don’t know what I am talking about. His birthday came, we went where he wanted to go and did what he wanted to do. I got him what he wanted. My birthday we went where he wanted to go and did what he wanted to do and he brought me something I didn’t not want - was it nice yes a gorgeous outfit. I don’t go out much and I’m techie so I love gadgets. I accepted it because he went out his way to get it but Jeez are you paying me attention or making me like the things you like.

Now I want to make this clear, I don’t take his crap. But these things lead to arguments. I get compromising but apparently he doesn’t. His version of give and take is quite selfish. Now recently, I explained to him I don’t feel he has my best interest at heart, I don’t trust him, and I don’t feel as if he had my back. Now let me illustrate how all this stem from his selfishness.

We both have our businesses and our homes etc. if something was to “happen” or he need to take a business risk, I will not allow him to take a loss. Of course, I would analyze the situation but we know things can happen. So if it leads to a set back, I got him. If he is down, I will pick him back up if need be. I am all for being his peace when he is facing turmoil. I put my feelings to the side and I dive in with solutions. If it is something I can do, I do it without him having to ask. It makes sense when you love someone.

On the flip side, I can’t say he would do the same because he would be counting the cost (not just financially but effort). Now I want to point out he is the only child so he is accustom to having things his way. I am the oldest child so I am accustom to ensuring things are handled if within my power. I can say he doesn’t mean any harm because just like the other Libra I was with previously, it’s just in their nature to be comfortable do what they like to remain happy and balanced. They didn’t realize the impact it has. I told him if you are not paying attention to what makes me happy, it really isn’t fair and it feels like I am not valued. Like I would like to explore art museums and music festivals with him. It’s makes me happy. When I plan dates for him, I make sure he can watch the game, have the food options he likes, etc. I am paying attention so his needs being met is easy because I know what they are. He knows I’m a foodie but sometimes planning a date that incorporate the arts are important to me. I would like to take some business risk as well and feel a bit better knowing he will have my back no matter what happens. It’s pretty one sided and I have did full tu getting him to understand without the arguments. So now I look like a fussy person. He gets dismissive as I go deeper on why this is important for long terms relationships.

He is like this with everyone. Remember he is helpful and sweet. I just need insight on how to articulate that while it may not seem selfish to be dismissive of others interest, time, support, etc. it is. He argues he is helpful and supportive and like to incorporate me into his life but that comes with me putting my own to the side the more we “do things together”. I would hate to plan a wedding or buy a house with him. 🤦🏾‍♀️

I know other Libras that are like this. They mean well and it’s sweet but man 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ It feels like they are not paying attention. Help please.

Posted by bumboklatt

Whats your sign?

Air signs are like this in general. Cardinals think of themselves first because their actions are usually spontaneous and self serving. Its a type of "help myself first to help others" but since they are persistant in their pursuits they often forget to consider others.

Hes just being himself.

I’m an Aquarius (sun, moon, and mercury)

Posted by thatlibralife

You must like being a doormat and a pushover. He’s not carrying his weight yet on it goes. The hell you say he gets you a whack birthday present and you stay quiet? He comes over and turns the tv channel without permission? On and on and you feel you are being used. Instead of coming in here complaining about it why not open your mouth and tell him what you are saying here? You are contributing to the problem. I don’t think it’s that you don’t know how to articulate. You are just too afraid. Yuck....

I never said I was a doormat. I am saying I am argumentative. My arguments are hurting his feelings bad. That is why I am asking for a helpful way to explain this Better. I even explained his rebuttals and he doesn’t mean any harm. I am just trying to find an effective way to communicate it to him so he understands that I am not being an asshole... I come off as an ungrateful asshole when other people hear me fuss because he is attentive and active but in a selfish kind of way. Other women see what he does do and co-sign and say I am being a “biauch” when I express these things. I’m never been a doormat. I am tired of arguing about it because aquas hate confrontation... yet I’m always confrontational.

Posted by Plague

Motherofpearl

Do you even look at things like synastry, house placements, composite, and the aspects in his own chart?

One must be losing brain cells entertaining the idea that there's no such thing as an individual.

Libra or not stop pussyfooting and speak your mind the way you intend to speak it. If he can't understand your perspective that's on him, if you continue to stay and be displeased by his way of running the shitshow that's on you. As this very well could be his way of being forever and suggestions from strangers isn't going to be a cure for that.

There are famous Libras whose “wives” and “husbands” say the same thing... let’s take good ole long time Will Smith and Jada... those 45 days of tears was because she put herself to the side. And TI the asshole just remodeled the house without anything in mind for Tiny... oh yeah Libras are notorious for this. I can go on and on but I digress. I am neither of those crazy women. We been at it for a year. I fight about it. The Libra men in my family act like this. There is a trend for sure. It’s not malicious or intentional. That is the hard part to illustrate because they mean well.

My point is... it is not all that bad because when I say what suppose to happen, he does it.

Prime example, yesterday he initiated our trip to the grocery store. Yes, if every time I need to go he would take me if I ask. But you need to say, hey I am going to run you to the store or go get it yourself because apparently it needs to be done without prompting. Oh he is buying me a car he think is best for me... I will be acting a fool about that too if I don’t like it. I am just tired of coming off as spoiled when it’s a matter of... if am treating you this way... match my energy. If I am doing what YOU like then you MUST match me or we will keep having problems and I will have to break ya heart.

In this case, I am buying a car. You need a car. Ok so I look ungrateful. But if I buy him a car, I will ask him what he wants first and find a damn middle ground. I can say this to him but he will revert back to but I am buying you the car and I know this a better car than the one you want for XYZ. I can argue that the car I want is better because of XYZ. This argument will go on and on. And someone else would hear it and side with him (because he is charming) and say well he is buying the car. Shoe on the other foot I wouldn’t handle it like that and that’s my point. “Well everyone is different”... part true but how you can’t see that it’s f’ed up to be that one sided.

There is NOTHING pussy about me. I just don’t like the fact I may need to crown him and then he looks like an innocent child who has no idea what the hell just happened. It’s not fair to me but I’m trying to be fair and understanding before I cast his behind into the fire because he don’t get it. 🤷🏾‍♀️

It just begin to put you in a bad position of always sounding like you’re extremely unhappy or hard to please when simply It’s about “wait stop let me ask her if she would like...” if he is not sure. Really learn and understand what I like in full before doing anything. Thats how I do things without having to prompt me.

My question is do y’all ever just do this on ya own? I know Libras are quite stubborn in points of views as well and wanting what they want. But there has to be some middle ground.

He sounds childish, you sound like you are parenting him and both of you sound incompatible.

I wouldnt continue if I were you. Its only going to lead to resentment.

Oh let me add that he broke down the other day because he says my rejection is hurting him. This is the real reason why I am here. I don’t mean to “reject” or “come off cold and rude” - I am an aqua at the end of the day so my candid attitude and tongue hurts when I speak my mind. He takes offense before he actually can understand what I am saying because it comes off rude. Mind you, if I speak in a normal way.... because we are fun people... he take things too lightly. He likes to keep things light but I mean it from my soul. Then I get to the point by the third mention of being cold and condescending and I can’t help it but 🤷🏾‍♀️. We resolve and repeat with the next thing and the next situation and the next situation. When it can be all resolved if he take on the general concept. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

So while he may ask me what movies I want to watch. While next year, I bet your bottom dollar he will buy me what I want. We won’t have another episode about the groceries. He knows to not miss my weekly meetings now. I am just trying to understand how can this be applied across the board without having to illustrate this same concept with each “incident” explaining this stem back to this natural selfish nature. Making me look touchy when I am NOT. No - just consider me in things and we won’t need to revisit this. Make sure when he think of himself and make a plan he stop and say ok... she better be involved or it’s hell to pay. I’m tired of being hellish. I love the good times but I’m starting to look real petty. He never have to worry about being unhappy with anything I do because I take that one extra step EVERYTIME! 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ After this, we would be alright. No ridiculous arguments and disagreements. He resolved it by caving but it’s still not fair and I don’t want him to feel like it’s about me having my way. It’s the lack of consideration (that extra step) that boils my blood past boiling points. And he IS considerate enough for most women I guess so nobody ever points it out but I do! I even told him, there are women who would be pleased at all he does and to go be with one of them. Oh my does it tear him up. I hate saying it but it’s the truth. There are women who will give him no fuss. He have dated them. It’s a woman recently pretty much offering him everything he wants and probably willing to take the attention he gives. He said that hurts his feelings. Well match my mf energy. I put effort and deep thought behind the things I do. Want to really keep me around he needs to do the same. I have been patient enough according to my time clock. I have other men I can do this with - no problem myself. But we enjoy each other. So this a kink that somehow needs to be ironed out or I will just let somebody else match my energy. (And yes I say this as well when I am at my boiling points).

🤷🏾‍♀️

Now how I can say that less rudely?

The Aquarius/Libra couple always fascinates me. I know many and I wonder how it works. I know many who have been together for a very long time and some until the end. (I don’t know their full charts though).

Both are pretty opinionated...but I don’t know many who will say exactly what they want for themselves.

In your case, I think you have a very stubborn Libra on your hands and you are fixed, so he is just going to drive you nuts. If you don’t have common interests or start looking at each other in the face and saying what you want, you’re going to be miserable.

Posted by thatlibralife

I reread your post for clarification. You guys just sound incompatible. It seems he is helping out but his way of doing things doesn’t work for you. He will acquiesce until his breaking point and very well might be the one leaving first. I don’t think he misunderstands how you want things to go. He just wants to do it his way. Sounds like you can’t live with that...

I actually think he might leave first also or begin to detach to a point of no return for either of them? If she doesn’t end up doing it herself after reading more of this and also hearing it from the people around her.

Posted by Juzzkea

Oh let me add that he broke down the other day because he says my rejection is hurting him. This is the real reason why I am here. I don’t mean to “reject” or “come off cold and rude” - I am an aqua at the end of the day so my candid attitude and tongue hurts when I speak my mind. He takes offense before he actually can understand what I am saying because it comes off rude. Mind you, if I speak in a normal way.... because we are fun people... he take things too lightly. He likes to keep things light but I mean it from my soul. Then I get to the point by the third mention of being cold and condescending and I can’t help it but 🤷🏾‍♀️. We resolve and repeat with the next thing and the next situation and the next situation. When it can be all resolved if he take on the general concept. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

So while he may ask me what movies I want to watch. While next year, I bet your bottom dollar he will buy me what I want. We won’t have another episode about the groceries. He knows to not miss my weekly meetings now. I am just trying to understand how can this be applied across the board without having to illustrate this same concept with each “incident” explaining this stem back to this natural selfish nature. Making me look touchy when I am NOT. No - just consider me in things and we won’t need to revisit this. Make sure when he think of himself and make a plan he stop and say ok... she better be involved or it’s hell to pay. I’m tired of being hellish. I love the good times but I’m starting to look real petty. He never have to worry about being unhappy with anything I do because I take that one extra step EVERYTIME! 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ After this, we would be alright. No ridiculous arguments and disagreements. He resolved it by caving but it’s still not fair and I don’t want him to feel like it’s about me having my way. It’s the lack of consideration (that extra step) that boils my blood past boiling points. And he IS considerate enough for most women I guess so nobody ever points it out but I do! I even told him, there are women who would be pleased at all he does and to go be with one of them. Oh my does it tear him up. I hate saying it but it’s the truth. There are women who will give him no fuss. He have dated them. It’s a woman recently pretty much offering him everything he wants and probably willing to take the attention he gives. He said that hurts his feelings. Well match my mf energy. I put effort and deep thought behind the things I do. Want to really keep me around he needs to do the same. I have been patient enough according to my time clock. I have other men I can do this with - no problem myself. But we enjoy each other. So this a kink that somehow needs to be ironed out or I will just let somebody else match my energy. (And yes I say this as well when I am at my boiling points).

🤷🏾‍♀️

Now how I can say that less rudely?

I agree with tiz. You sound like hard work. Point scoring gets old very quickly. If you're already thinking about all the men that would treat you better (I'm sure you're right), then what are you hanging around for? Its only been a year, cut your losses and find someone who can match your energy.

Posted by thatlibralife

You must like being a doormat and a pushover. He’s not carrying his weight yet on it goes. The hell you say he gets you a whack birthday present and you stay quiet? He comes over and turns the tv channel without permission? On and on and you feel you are being used. Instead of coming in here complaining about it why not open your mouth and tell him what you are saying here? You are contributing to the problem. I don’t think it’s that you don’t know how to articulate. You are just too afraid. Yuck....

Right! This is disgusting. How do women get stuck w douches like this? 🤔 We teach men how to treat us. Period. OP says that on her birthday, he took her where he wanted to go. That alone pisses me off. He's not selfish. He's a narcissistic asshole that needs to be put out. Quarantined together? To hell w that!

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by thatlibralife

You must like being a doormat and a pushover. He’s not carrying his weight yet on it goes. The hell you say he gets you a whack birthday present and you stay quiet? He comes over and turns the tv channel without permission? On and on and you feel you are being used. Instead of coming in here complaining about it why not open your mouth and tell him what you are saying here? You are contributing to the problem. I don’t think it’s that you don’t know how to articulate. You are just too afraid. Yuck....

Right! This is disgusting. How do women get stuck w douches like this? 🤔 We teach men how to treat us. Period. OP says that on her birthday, he took her where he wanted to go. That alone pisses me off. He's not selfish. He's a narcissistic asshole that needs to be put out. Quarantined together? To hell w that!

But did she actually tell him where she wanted to go or did she want him to guess.

Because I think she wants him to guess and instead of telling him what she wants she’s expecting him to know and if he doesn’t she will sit there resentful trying to nitpick everything that is wrong.

Doesn’t sound like she’s helping the situation remedy itself

click to expand

Or did he FAIL to ask? That is the bigger question. Let's be real.

But yes, she's definitely an ENABLER 🤦

Dude only does when he wants/gets something in return. That's BEYOND selfish. He should be tossed out, on his head lmao

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by thatlibralife

You must like being a doormat and a pushover. He’s not carrying his weight yet on it goes. The hell you say he gets you a whack birthday present and you stay quiet? He comes over and turns the tv channel without permission? On and on and you feel you are being used. Instead of coming in here complaining about it why not open your mouth and tell him what you are saying here? You are contributing to the problem. I don’t think it’s that you don’t know how to articulate. You are just too afraid. Yuck....

Right! This is disgusting. How do women get stuck w douches like this? 🤔 We teach men how to treat us. Period. OP says that on her birthday, he took her where he wanted to go. That alone pisses me off. He's not selfish. He's a narcissistic asshole that needs to be put out. Quarantined together? To hell w that!

But did she actually tell him where she wanted to go or did she want him to guess.

Because I think she wants him to guess and instead of telling him what she wants she’s expecting him to know and if he doesn’t she will sit there resentful trying to nitpick everything that is wrong.

Doesn’t sound like she’s helping the situation remedy itself

Or did he FAIL to ask? That is the bigger question. Let's be real.

But yes, she's definitely an ENABLER 🤦

Dude only does when he wants/gets something in return. That's BEYOND selfish. He should be tossed out, on his head lmao

Yeah sure he might have failed but maybe he also wanted to plan something nice to surprise her or to take the lead because a lot of women assume men with do that.

Bottom line is she’s the one that is unhappy so she’s the one that needs to talk about it.

He may not know it’s a problem at all and therefore can’t fix it.

click to expand

Seems like he KEEPS failing 🤔

Some people love that struggle-love life 😔

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by Scheherazade

Posted by sweetpea2977

Posted by thatlibralife

You must like being a doormat and a pushover. He’s not carrying his weight yet on it goes. The hell you say he gets you a whack birthday present and you stay quiet? He comes over and turns the tv channel without permission? On and on and you feel you are being used. Instead of coming in here complaining about it why not open your mouth and tell him what you are saying here? You are contributing to the problem. I don’t think it’s that you don’t know how to articulate. You are just too afraid. Yuck....

Right! This is disgusting. How do women get stuck w douches like this? 🤔 We teach men how to treat us. Period. OP says that on her birthday, he took her where he wanted to go. That alone pisses me off. He's not selfish. He's a narcissistic asshole that needs to be put out. Quarantined together? To hell w that!

But did she actually tell him where she wanted to go or did she want him to guess.

Because I think she wants him to guess and instead of telling him what she wants she’s expecting him to know and if he doesn’t she will sit there resentful trying to nitpick everything that is wrong.

Doesn’t sound like she’s helping the situation remedy itself

Or did he FAIL to ask? That is the bigger question. Let's be real.

But yes, she's definitely an ENABLER 🤦

Dude only does when he wants/gets something in return. That's BEYOND selfish. He should be tossed out, on his head lmao

Yeah sure he might have failed but maybe he also wanted to plan something nice to surprise her or to take the lead because a lot of women assume men with do that.

Bottom line is she’s the one that is unhappy so she’s the one that needs to talk about it.

He may not know it’s a problem at all and therefore can’t fix it.

Seems like he KEEPS failing 🤔

Some people love that struggle-love life 😔

I’d agree if I was sure she was already communicating her needs but I’m not.

If she has a talk with him about and he still doesn’t change or make an effort that’s when you walk.

click to expand

I hear you. But as a grown woman, speaking with a grown man about exercising basic consideration without always having his hand out? Gross. Exhausting. Unacceptable. But that's me. No one is perfect but teaching a man, what he should've learned as a child? That's for the birds.

Posted by jeane

He sounds childish, you sound like you are patenting him and both of you sound incompatible.

I wouldnt continue if I were you. Its only going to lead to resentment.

💯💯💯

You two don't sound very compatible and I think that's the problem. Why do you continue to date Libras when you always end up having problems with them?

I have same opinion about libras i know. All are selfish and unbalanced. Nice only when they nee something.

to me it sounds like he is young and digging his heels in.

she is nags, gets on his case like his mum would do and what you see is a petulant teenager.

the arguments go along the lines of how she does everything for him and he does very little, not even the basic stuff and how she could do so much better. he gets browbeaten into doing whatever she wants at the time but then he probably retaliates by being difficult in other areas. the cycle begins. they argue again.