I am a libra woman (32 yrs old) married to a Scorpio (35 yrs old) for 5+ years. His compulsive lying is related to money and finances. We both are working professionals in good jobs. Overall, we are in a loving marriage, the problem arises when he lies about money. He has an addiction to stocks and trading, which I found out after our marriage.
3 years into our marriage I first caught him lying about his income when he got a new job with a big company. I confronted him he still lied till I showed him cold evidence and then he went silent. I let him know I was upset and I didn’t understand why he had to lie and then I let it go. And we moved past it.
After a few months I needed a copy of his pay stubs for some paperwork work. He made up some absolutely ridiculous lies that he doesn’t have his paystubs and no one in the company knows who is his HR (he’s a well educated man). I still pressed him for the paystubs and he finally sent it to me, and that’s when I found out he opened another bank account where he’s depositing a chunk of his salary. I confronted him calmly asking why did you do this and he said because if we see the money we spend a lot and he’s saving for when we have a kid. I stayed calm and said ok.
After a few months I suggested that I also put in a chunk of my salary into that account he opened, but he said no I need to keep that separate. We argued over it and finally I told him that I discussed it with my parents and they suggested either they handle my finances or we see a financial therapist. He went with the parents option and I decided to separate my finances from him.
End of the year he suggested we again put our annual savings in the joint account because if something happens to either spouse it would be a mess. I agreed and we both transferred our money. He suggested we keep a financial advisor. I agreed.
It’s tax season. I saw he lost $ 25,000+ in stocks. This is not the first time he has lost a huge amount in stocks. I confronted him calmly and he again made up ridiculous lies that he only put in a small amount, but he lost so much etc. etc. He gets defensive and intimidating, so I brought up the topic again after a few days when I had more evidence, but he still lied and made up more stuff. Finally, I again brought it up and this time when he became angry and started being rude, blaming me and making excuses again, I too reacted strongly and made it clear you can’t keep fooling me. I also that even my parents can see you are lying to me and trying to fool me. I even went on to say if you have so much of a problem then take a divorce and get lost. I said I don’t want to have a baby with you and he said even I don’t want to. Yes, I lost my cool too.
Since then we haven’t spoken. He’s sleeping in a different room.
I just don’t know how to handle this anymore. He displays some typical Scorpio behavior - being secretive, manipulative, withdrawing. I have decided I too am going to stand my ground and keep quiet, and let him decide how to resolve this situation and move forward.
I feel upset and hurt. Does he feel the same? He’s not a bad guy, he is a compulsive liar when it comes to money. Our marriage is not a bad one, except for this part. Any advice will be appreciated.