Thank you aurora...on the other hand it's also my fault to allow this happen on me over and over again. I also have my temper, I'm normally not a submissive girl. But when I'm with him, when I admire him so much, when I adore his smile sweetness, every time he got angry I just surrendered to him. I even believe there must be a person to take compromise if the other is too aggressive. So I never stopped him instead I was being to easy and weak. As soon as got him back I immediately forgot about what he had done on me. How miserable he made me when he left each time.
I still think its his angry talk but when he talks each time is so real. I can't tell if he means what he says. He just bought me the engagement ring and wedding band three weeks ago. We almost going to get the paper and be officially married if the argument didn't happen. He wanted to spend the life with me and the baby I knew it. Even though he confessed he was a little nervous about marriage but he begged me to come back when I already left and planning the abortion. I just wished him could have done more than just calls and texts. He said he came to my house but he couldn't find it in the end. I dnt know if I should trust him or not but at least he shouldn't have texted me when he lost the way here but he didn't. So I never know if he really came or not. If he really showed up, everything could have been changed.
Till now I'm still checking on his updates even I'm pretty sure he deleted me and then I deleted him afterwards. But I'm still checking on his comments from "I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye" to " Mmm spaghetti". When I changed mine to some positive funny post. He changed his to "word, how little it means" and "how strange I think I never know you at all" until just now I changed mine to "so close so far away". His immediately changed to "I would have been so happy".
I dnt know if he is also checking on my updates but I feel he is. But receiving yesterday his dead end email "You gave up and quit, and you did something that you can't fix and you can't say sorry for. You can't come back. Live with your decision." I know I shouldn't make any action to draw him back. The more I do will only push him further away. So I didn't even reply on him and its been a day now, I heard nothing from him. How to do for forgetting this man I loved and still care about? It's so hard.