Dealing with anger?

Hi there my friends,

Ok, it never rains in my life, it pours. This is in response to my "How far for love" thread because i now feel angreeeeee...

This all stems back to an incident almost a year ago now when i told somebody i "liked her as more than a friend". I was willing to let it go and even hoped that she would come back for me one day but i now realise i have been in denial and after experiencing the worst 2-3 days of my life over the new year, i am so treetrunking angry. Angry at myself for being such a fool, angry at myself for being so niave and hanging on for so long that it is ridiculous. And angry at her, although i know it's not her fault, for not responding. She could have responded at least and said, "i don't feel the same way". I feel so angry i feel sick. I feel like sending another message saying how rude it was that she didn't respond. I'm so tempted, but it's been almost a year since i did the deed and about 7 months since i have seen her. cookiemonster, i hate her.

Sorry, i just had to vent. It's poison if you leave it in any longer.

What do you think? Am i being unreasonable? Am i carrying this on for too long?

I mean it's 'not her fault' for not feeling the same way.

hmm. she should have responded after about yr. u know call her up and tell her u want 2 talk. maybe she'll respond then. if not then there's no use wasting the time like the present.

good luck though.

I think that you are completely right to be angry, because I agree that she's had ample opportunity to at least say "nay", you know? I don't understand why she hasn't said *anything*, that would drive me nuts. Personally, I think you're definitely better off without someone so weird, because that's just plain weird behavior to say absolutely nothing back to someone who's just confessed their feelings for you. I think that if I were in your position, and felt the way you do, I would need to have some closure on the situation. I think you should send her a message and let her know that it bothered you that she had no response to what you said, and that you'd at least like some sort of closure to the entire thing. Don't freak out on her and tell her it was rude (even though it was), because then she'll be on the defensive and maybe she won't be as open and honest as she would have been otherwise...just tell her that your feelings were a little hurt that she didn't have anything to say to you either way, and that at this point, you just want to know where her head's at, and perhaps why she didn't respond.

Once you get closure on this, then you will be free to move on.

Sometimes i get this urge to message her like nothing has happened and then other times i think i am being ridiculous. Do you understand that? Sometimes i feel that time doesn't matter but then other times i feel that it is too late. There are many reasons why she didn't respond, but i am assuming the worst right now. Nobody has affected me like this before.

I guess i am going to have to put some trust in myself and the universe that i will know what to do when the time is right. I am dealing with it though, it's just a pity she doesn't know who important she was to me.

Anyway, i am so busy right now i haven't got time to grieve. I hope this doesn't pop up to bite me in the bum again later. It's always good to get closure with people, i agree, it's the only way to move on. I guess i will know the right thing to do when the times right.

Please be patient with me if i mention this again. It had a great impact on my life.

it's eneterly understandable.

The fact that this has been a year long thing now and she hasnt responded....well there in itself is your answer!

Does it mean it is her fault? No. But what it DOES show is a lack in her character that she can't be upfront and honest with you, even to the point of saying, "It is best we never talk to each other again".

The anger you feel is misplaced. To still feel angry after a year of not hearing from her, well that's not right. It isn't rational. Is there some OTHER underlying issue that is the real issue here? Emotions aren't rational of course, but after a year, and her lack of response, you KNOW what her feelings are, and that at least is some closure...at least on the part of her feelings towards you. Closure of your feelings towards her however, may take longer. I mean, seriously, you KNOW there is no future there, why beat yourself up about it....and esp. over someone whose character leaves alot to be desired.

Yeah i suppose it is misplaced. I guess im just not happy with my career and maybe i am taking it out on the failed attempt at a relationship. Or something. Or maybe i have every right to be angry, even after a year. I don't think i was trying to get a relationship with her out of this thread, i was just expressing my anger at myself for not getting the message and towards her for not being polite or civilalised enough to have responded to me. Ok, i finally get the message!

Yes you're right about underlying issues. I guess i am sick of people like her coming into my place of employment and playing mind games with me. And the complete lack of respect somebody like that is showing. I work in a public arena so i have always got people like that doing things to me. I have to stop writing this post, i am getting too angry.

Okay, back from the anger. Yep, i hear what you're saying. Effective solution? Don't stand for it. Next time someone starts doing that to me again i am going to march right up to them and ask them if there's something i want.

Over and out.

I mean, if there's something THEY want.

She once said she doesn't chase people, that they have to come to her. Well i came and i got nothin.

Over again!

Even if the anger isn't rational, I still believe you have to allow yourself to feel it, in order for it to eventually subside. And keep posting about it until you feel cleansed about it, so to speak. I've had to do that a few times during traumatic experiences I've had. Being bold, upfront and perhaps a little cool to people Libragirl sounds like something you may benefit from, considering your work environment. A career like that would stress me out big time, btw, so it's a testament to your inner strength that you're even able to continue on in a field where stuff like this is coming at you all the time.