Ever want to...

just crawl into a hole and die? Really...has life ever gotten to you that much? Love? Love is doing that to me. I'm not actually suicidal, but it's that point you get to where you're not even angry..it's true sadness, just the lowest, lowest feeling. And at Christmastime, no less. Wonderful.

Hey, hang on in there. Life and love are a funny thing, and although inextricably linked, they sometimes seem seperate. The thing is, when you feel like this, the only way out is back up. Think about it, if you feel at your lowest, there is only one way to go and that is UP. That has always been a source of hope for me when i have been feeling that bad.

I feel that you have many gifts to offer the world and it would be a shame to end it all so soon. Perhaps you are feeling empty because you are not fulfilling your true destiny. I think you need to look at what will make you truelly HAPPY and don't feel guilty about feeling happy.

Anti-depressants are not the answer. If you ordered them over the internet, you would probably end up getting sugar pills 😉.

Look after yourself Phoenix and realise that this is only a temporary stage. I believe these stages are in our lives to teach us something/humility.

I like what you said about the only place to go from here is up. That is true. It can't get any worse, emotionally.

Thank you, re the gifts comment Libragirl (you have many yourself). I don't think I'm yet fulfilling my destiny, either. I am signing up for college soon, though...that's finally been decided. That will take me on my way in life, but, it's this...who is ever going to understand me/want to spend their life with me thing that is bringing me down. I know...I need to maybe not place such importance on it. It's true that whenever I've not been looking, even not wanted it, that's when relationships come to me. But by the same token...look how all of them failed, too. Lessons, lessons, lessons. You're right. I agree. Maybe the problem is...it's the same lesson over and over, and I keep missing it, missing what I'm supposed to be learning, and that's why these relationships keep failing.

It's like being a recovering alcholic. When are you not actually an 'alcoholic'? Even when you haven't had a drink for 10 years you are still classified as an 'alcoholic' or a 'recovering alcoholic'. It just seems so stupid to me. The labels just seem to linger on. When does the person stop being an 'alcoholic' and return to being a 'normal person'?

It's like that with lessons. When the hell do you 'stop' learning lessons and 'start' to live life? Life is just a rollar coaster ride; full of ups and downs and sometimes good views, lol.

lol, that's right. I should be thankful that I'm here to learn these lessons. And that I have food, and shelter, and clothing, and all my necessities are basically taken care of.

You know what? That's extremely comforting, what you said about it being a roller coaster ride. It's comforting because it reminds me that there WILL be ups, at some point in my future, again. Enjoy the views Heather, enjoy the views when they're there... 🙂

trouble is I crawl into the hole then I end up living with the hole.

I understand.