Growing Old

It scares me. Not the physical part (not yet) but the mental.

It's like you need to get hurt to learn things; Sympathy, true love, and so on.

Yet... the more you hurt the more closed-minded you become; With people, in making new friends etc

I hate the fact that I have a comfort zone. Or routine. Or a way of doing things. It makes us us, sure, but... I don't like to feel that feeling of dread when I'm about to go into something alien to me.

I want to be excited.

And it scares me the amount of information and laughs and friendships and loves I miss out on because I like things a certain way.

And I know the truth. It's about time. It's about not having enough of it and making do with the little you do.

I wonder how I'd think at 30. Or 60. Or on my death bed. What I'd believe then. If I'd have loved and been loved back. What I'd be expecting the other side to be like. If I'd wish to stay, and beg God for more time.

Becase life is so frustrating but so... f**king wonderful. I get a rush just watching people who lead lives disimilar to mine.

I want to be them at that moment and I KNOW I'd want to be me if I WERE them. Because I wouldn't be me. I'd be them.

I f**king love people and hate them at the same time. I love new things yet fear change at the same time.

I need to get a f**king grip. A f**king LIFE.

Yet at the same time I don't want to get a life. I want several.

I am confused. And I f**king dread yet love every second of it.

I am just writing it as it comes. I fear what tommorow may bring but I love not knowing at the same time.

Life is one big contradiction. It's a circle, man. A circle.

I am not high. I am scared and thrilled and humbled. All at the same time.

Too much??unnecessary?? worries... I??ll soon turn to 50 and honestly, none of those thoughts occurred to me EVER..!


Enjoy the life as it is and as much as you can!

^^^ agreed. I'm in my late fourty's and its aight. Life begins to repeat itself after a while. People begin to look like family, friends, lovers, and so fourth. Technology increases, politicians remain the same, and the media is always in progress for the now. Ah well, I lived a great life, and if i died now then i wouldn't be scared.

Me neither .... life is still as perfect for me as it was 20 years ago, still enjoyable.


No worries about the things you described .. just because you age doesn't mean you lose your vitality, doesn't mean you lose your will to still love.



Sounds to me like you are full of insecurities, now, in your youth .... I suggest you change your perspective now, because you will still be you in 20 years, which means you will still fear if you don't try to look at life differently.

As a friend once told me "we do not remember days, we remember moments" so I say make em count, regardless of how old (or indeed young) you are.

I don't really think about where I'll be in 10 or even 20 years time. What matters is where I am NOW.

Free will is beautiful. But very dangerous. Limits, beliefs and other forms of personal restrictions are balls on a chain. But necessary.

Good can be bad. Bad can be good. Lies numb pain. The truth hurts. Pain teaches. Comfort dulls. And other contradictions life throws our way.

P-angel, Q, Sorti, Pirate, Wtf, Tasha, Valeria: I wonder what it's like to be you...

You are only free if you treat people with respect and equality. Treat others as how they would treat you, and it'll be much easier. Being a prick, lying and doing negative things such as "Drugs", "stealing", "condescending" and "leaching" will only work for the short-term, so you'll be left with a great amount of problems for the future, but people rather live in the moment, which is fine. Yet, they regret the past for making their outcome or soon-to-be outcome much more difficult to achieve if they decide to turn their act around. Much like the depressed people that psychologist have to deal with, the only way to fall out of sorrow is by living to find yourself with something that'll make you happy, but the happiness must need some actual physical and mental work because nothing is ever given and those who tend to take advantage of life always end up short handed when a real problem occurs.

original poster - i liked what you said too - it's honesty, and so many of us lack the courage to be truly honest with ourselves. i liked one one person said - that they could be writing their own journal, and i'm sure there are mounds of people who aren't on dxp who would appreciate what you've said. we see it everyday, that "fear" of growing old, even the physical. look at all the plastic surgery going on. and the mental, don't get me started on that. that's why people take B6 and that ginko stuff. anyway, this will pass (like all those other older people who say they aren't bothered). i think it's the unknown element of it all, growing older. just remember, everyone is different and just because some say they don't get what you're saying, you already have proof that many can relate. stay humble and stay honest with yourself. that's what truly matters in my opinion 🙂

Live hard dye young leave a goodlooking bod for all to view.