Having kids, yay or nay?

Posted by Metatron

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Metatron

Posted by MyStarsShine
Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.

And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).

You missed my point.....for lots of women there is a biological yearning to be pregnant, to carry a child, give birth and nurture that child. If they don't and then it becomes too late, it can be heartbreaking for them. I was with one of my friends who is now past childbearing years tell me how much she regretted her decision not to have a child. I really felt for her....she says she slips into a feeling of "emptiness" from time to time 😥.

I guess the lesson for men that don't want babies...always wear condoms...

I don't think I missed that point. I'd say that's all common knowledge, and as stated, that's a decision she has to make (to be with someone who wants children), and is free to make, based on her desires. I've read that condoms are only about 85% effective, so if you're only going to use one method, its not the safest. Pill is closer to 99.7 so you should probably double up.

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Yes double up for sure.....don't forget to wear a condom with your lady if you don't want any more babies. Some people are very fertile...my sister, mother and myself all got pregnant the flrst time we didn't use protection

The pill is really bad for the health....it screws the body up. I took it for a while and it made me sick

Posted by PhoenixStorm
My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.

I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.

When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple butter, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this treetrunked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.

The hard stuff is watching them struggle. All you can do is help them get the tools, listen, be there & hopefully guide them. You want to protect them & make it all ok. To want to help them find their way when really it is their way to find. ❤️ Kinda like the anxiety of this world we live in. You just gotta take it one day at a time.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Metatron

Posted by MyStarsShine
Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.

And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).

You missed my point.....for lots of women there is a biological yearning to be pregnant, to carry a child, give birth and nurture that child. If they don't and then it becomes too late, it can be heartbreaking for them. I was with one of my friends who is now past childbearing years tell me how much she regretted her decision not to have a child. I really felt for her....she says she slips into a feeling of "emptiness" from time to time 😥.

I guess the lesson for men that don't want babies...always wear condoms...

click to expand

I don't think I missed that point. I'd say that's all common knowledge, and as stated, that's a decision she has to make (to be with someone who wants children), and is free to make, based on her desires. I've read that condoms are only about 85% effective, so if you're only going to use one method, its not the safest. Pill is closer to 99.7 so you should probably double up.

Posted by Metatron

Posted by MyStarsShine
Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.

And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).

click to expand

You missed my point.....for lots of women there is a biological yearning to be pregnant, to carry a child, give birth and nurture that child. If they don't and then it becomes too late, it can be heartbreaking for them. I was with one of my friends who is now past childbearing years tell me how much she regretted her decision not to have a child. I really felt for her....she says she slips into a feeling of "emptiness" from time to time 😥.

I guess the lesson for men that don't want babies...always wear condoms...

I don’t regret having my daughter, even if I could go back in time the only thing I would change is how to provide for her or our living situation but, besides that she’s awesome. So adorable, unique and vibrant in her own way.

We’re planning for baby #2. My husband bought me a fertility monitor as a gift so that I’m able to track cycles.

Posted by Denali
So far the challenges have been timelines and the relationship between my partner and me, whatever problems we had before having my son they’ve only magnified.

I think having and not having children is karmic. Not in a negative sense, but whatever is needed in your life happens, whether that means experiencing children or not experiencing children.

THIS is exactly the train of thought I've been having ever since the having kids idea started.

My priority (and also my Libra's) has always been putting one another first, even before any children we would have, so I guess in a way we are a little scared of that dynamic negatively changing if we do have children. I guess in a way we'd also just be jealous of having to share that kind of attention and devotion we have for one another, with a child.

Posted by MyStarsShine
Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.

And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).

Posted by peaceandtranquility_96

Posted by PhoenixStorm
My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.

I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.

When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple butter, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this treetrunked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.

You have such a pure soul < 3

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Thank you lady, you are a sweetheart. One of my favorites actually, I think highly of you too

No.

I haven't met anyone so far I'd wanna have children with.. Or get married to.

I don't think I ever will... Honestly.

Pretty high standards in that regard.

There's too much pressure on couples or women on having children. If you're not living your best life what makes you think creating life is smart ?

Posted by PhoenixStorm
My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.

I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.

When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple butter, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this treetrunked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.

I feel the same way about our son

Best thing I ever did....made me very strong

He's coming over for dinner tonight

((((❤️))))

Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
So far, Libra and I are leaning more towards nay, and the more we wait, the more we seem to find reasons not to become parents, so here a question to those of you who are already parents; in all honesty....if you could turn back time, would you still choose to become a parent? I know it's a tricky question to be truly honest about, but still I'm curious about the why's, either way.

We‘d do it again! Our son was a planned pregnancy and we are so happy that we got gifted with a healthy child. We want a second child but when our son turns 4.

Despite all the hard work, sleepless nights in the beginning etc etc for us it is so worth it and we do our best to provide for him so he grows up happy, healthy and loved.

Of course it changed us as individuals and also as a couple but we manage to keep us present as a couple who needs alone time, date nights etc. our son (1.5yrs old) has a daily routine and structure, he goes to bed at 7-7.30pm and after that we have the evening just for the two of us. That was really important for us, not only giving him a secure routine but also making time for us as individuals and couple on a daily basis. We also go out on date nights 1-2x a month, every month! His grandmother comes over and we go out and have fun. To us this is essential because although our child comes first, we are not just parents but still a loving couple with needs. So we take our time and plan wisely so we stay happy and strong as a team.

for us it was the right decision which we made after many discussions and thinking and especially calculating things through. In my honest opinion this is very advisable IF you get to decide wether or not to get pregnant. Think things through - although no one and nothing will ever be/go perfect - thoughtful planing and talking about it really helps setting a good foundation to build on. Especially regarding finances, we decided to „start“ once we knew that my husband‘s income would be enough to provide for us.

I truly love being a mother/housewife/wife ❤️ and I give my all every day, I‘m proud of what I have become and how good I manage it all while our boy grows up so happy and loved. And even on bad days I‘m still happy to have what we have.

On a last note, I think that not every woman is made for this but I also believe that women who think they aren‘t meant for this would be surprised of what they are capable of. It can go both ways

Nay.

My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.

I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.

When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple butter, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this treetrunked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.

My opinion:

Him (not sure) + Her (yes) = no. Don't have kids. Not Ready. That is 100% okay

Him (yes) + Her (not sure) = no. Don't have kids. Not Ready. That is 100% okay

Him (yes) + Her (yes) = yes. have kids. That is 100% okay

Him (not sure) + Her (no) = no. Don't have kids. That is 100% okay

Him (no) + Her (not sure) = no. Don't have kids. That is 100% okay

Him (not sure) + Her (not sure) = no. Don't have kids. That is 100% okay. <<<

Him (no) + Her (no) = no. Don't have kids. That is 100% okay.

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Both of you should be on board in order to have kids.

Both of you should agree that it is necessary in order to have kids.

It CAN be smart decision to have kids. HOWEVER, It CAN be unsmart to have kids.

The dynamics of the relationship and life style of you both is what is important to determine this.

***If gate is open and child is brought through when one partner is unsure or doesn't want kids, huge RISK
factor and chance relationship (parents) will not remain intact and child may suffer consequences that could affect
his upbringing in negative way (imo). Difficult time harmonizing to society, challenges with adjusting to society

Harmonizing - Both Feminine(yin) and Masculine (yang) teachings are understood within child.

Possible for one parent to successfully teach child both Energies but parent must be 100% balanced with both.
ex = mom can teach son how to be a man / father can teach daughter how to be woman.

UNharmonized - unbalanced or unlearned Feminine(yin) or Masculine(yang) teachings
and so child must learn absent or unlearned energy by themselves or when ever other
parent is around which may not be consistent so process of learning is slower

ex = mom cannot teach son how to be man/ so son has trouble using his own yang energy
and having too much yin. Have trouble with ego and will search and search for self worth endlessly.
Have trouble with going forward with goals. Will remain single for a while because does not know
how to connect with his own yang energy (something women desire) bla bla bla

ex = father cannot teach daughter how to be a woman/ so daughter has trouble using her own feminine energy.
she may have trouble empathizing with others and appears way too cold. "I don't need anyone I can take care of myself" etc.
So may have hard time connecting to heart to heart or intuitive level. May not appear comforting/ too strong. bla bla bla

(I've never met a woman who wants her own kid this bad), so I try to keep her creative side as tied up as I can with arts and crafts....

Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...