Posted by MetatronPosted by MyStarsShinePosted by MetatronPosted by MyStarsShine
Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...
In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.
And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).
You missed my point.....for lots of women there is a biological yearning to be pregnant, to carry a child, give birth and nurture that child. If they don't and then it becomes too late, it can be heartbreaking for them. I was with one of my friends who is now past childbearing years tell me how much she regretted her decision not to have a child. I really felt for her....she says she slips into a feeling of "emptiness" from time to time 😥.
I guess the lesson for men that don't want babies...always wear condoms...
I don't think I missed that point. I'd say that's all common knowledge, and as stated, that's a decision she has to make (to be with someone who wants children), and is free to make, based on her desires. I've read that condoms are only about 85% effective, so if you're only going to use one method, its not the safest. Pill is closer to 99.7 so you should probably double up.click to expand
Posted by PhoenixStorm
My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.
I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.
When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple butter, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this treetrunked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.
Posted by MyStarsShinePosted by MetatronPosted by MyStarsShine
Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...
In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.
And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).
You missed my point.....for lots of women there is a biological yearning to be pregnant, to carry a child, give birth and nurture that child. If they don't and then it becomes too late, it can be heartbreaking for them. I was with one of my friends who is now past childbearing years tell me how much she regretted her decision not to have a child. I really felt for her....she says she slips into a feeling of "emptiness" from time to time 😥.
I guess the lesson for men that don't want babies...always wear condoms...click to expand
Posted by MetatronPosted by MyStarsShine
Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...
In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.
And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).click to expand
Posted by Denali
So far the challenges have been timelines and the relationship between my partner and me, whatever problems we had before having my son they’ve only magnified.
I think having and not having children is karmic. Not in a negative sense, but whatever is needed in your life happens, whether that means experiencing children or not experiencing children.
Posted by MyStarsShine
Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...
Posted by peaceandtranquility_96Posted by PhoenixStorm
My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.
I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.
When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple butter, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this treetrunked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.
You have such a pure soul < 3click to expand
Posted by PhoenixStorm
My son is the most perfect person I have met in my life, I thank God for him everyday and can’t imagine life without him now. He will be 5 in November and he’s the greatest gift I’ve received to date. There’s not a love that’s comparable.
I used to want to have more kids but I don’t think I will have any other kids besides him. Not because of anything to do with me or my son, but everything to do with the outside world.
When people talk about the hardships of parenting they talk about the simple butter, like poopy diapers or toddler tantrums, teenage rebellion . They don’t talk about the REAL hard stuff like the anxiety and worry about bringing a child up in this sick, corrupted world that only seems to be getting worse. It lays on your conscience when you think about the responsibility of bringing someone into this treetrunked up, already overpopulated world and it makes it hard to sleep sometimes. But then again I have anxiety. Lol so my thought process might be a little different from others.
Posted by BoomShakalakaBoom
So far, Libra and I are leaning more towards nay, and the more we wait, the more we seem to find reasons not to become parents, so here a question to those of you who are already parents; in all honesty....if you could turn back time, would you still choose to become a parent? I know it's a tricky question to be truly honest about, but still I'm curious about the why's, either way.