He's Just Not That Into You....

Greg and Liz are the writers for Sex in The City....


In their new book, He's Just Not That Into You, Greg and Liz have written a set of new dating standards for women. They want women to raise the bar for themselves.

Standard-Raising Suggestions
I will not go out with a man who:
(a) Keeps me waiting by the phone
(b) Is not sure he wants to date me
(c) Makes me feel sexually undesirable
(d) Drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable
(e) Fears talking about our future
(f) Is married

I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me or who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.

Liberating Vocabulary
Friend: A person who is your pal. What it generally means in relationships is he's just not that into you.

Busy: Busy means I'm the President of the United States. I'm an astronaut and I'm on another planet. I'm in a really successful band. What it means in relationships is, yeah, I'm just not that into you.

Bad boy: A bad boy is just a bad boy. Stay away. If you're dating somebody that's a bad boy, that's just your fault. If you say "my boyfriend's kind of a bad boy," I feel bad for you. If you say, "I like bad boys" well, then I don't feel bad for you. If you say, "I like things that don't work." Okay, good for you. Generally, guys with low self-esteem aren't worth the trouble. They're just not.

The Dog Pound
Question: So how do you screen for dogs? Answer: You just don't let him be a dog. Your standards are so high you don't let him be a dog. You can't be played if you're not playing. What I want to say that is so key for everybody to get. Nobody?even if a dog has been a dog. He has been head of the pound. Head of the dog pound. If he meets the right person, he will change his dog pound ways. He just will.

Question: How can I tell if he thinks I'm worth it? Answer: If the guy thinks you're worth it, he will do whatever is necessary if he thinks you're worth it. All the guys are nodding. Because he raised the bar and he wants to raise the bar to meet you where you are, if he thinks you're worth it. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. He's just not that into you. And you?we all?should have another standard.

More from the book - He's Just Not Into You


From The Publisher:
He says:
Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

She says:
There is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out. We're fantastic.

For ages, women have come together over coffee, chickentails or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.

He's afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he's intimidated by me.
He just got out of a relationship.

Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that?despite good intentions?you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.

The truth may be He's just not that into you.

Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel.

He's Just Not That Into You?based on a popular episode of Sex and the City?educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.

Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you."

He's Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe he's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.

Oh Sweet-P...I am so sorry that you are having those nasty nightmares..hopefully peace will soon surround you and your calm will be restored - off to dreamland you will go...happy adventures my friend!

I too thought this was great and awesome advice...It also applies in the reverse for men if they are getting these signals from a woman. There was a guy that I "Just wasn't into" and he kept calling me..I did not answer my phone. He finally caught up to me and asked me why I had not called back..my response, "I have been so busy." That still did not work so I had to write him a note and tell him that this relationship was not good for me and it was over. That worked! We need to pay attention to the ACTIONS of others...not their words.

Nighty - nite you Sweet thing YOU!

Freebird still flying high and Free 😉

Keep on flying high and free Freebird my girl. great book, great advice. Are you in between relationships right now? I believe you are if I remember right. Its good you are looking for answers for yourself.

I did that a few years ago after realizing that I needed to look at my choices and why. I guess I figured out that I have just as much to do with what I will accept, and the kind of partners I was choosing. I agree and have said for a long time that actions speak louder than words!!Trust your feelings, if you feel you are being blown off then you are.

Its sounds like you found a good book to keep around. Hope everything is going well for you and Parallax with the book your working on together. Keep me posted as I am interested in the final outcome, gosh I hope it does well. But I already know that it will with all that tallent combined.

Hey my little poppet sweet-p, you are having nightmares?? Man I hate it when that happens. Ruins the whole sleep thing thats for sure. What in heavens name could you be dreaming about that is keeping you from your sleep? I hope all is well with your world. If you want or need to talk I am always here, just want you to know that ok!

Your such a little sweetheart! I think that pretty much sums up how alot of us feel about you here on the Duncan Boards. Your good people sweet-p!

And that Freebird, she always has such a wonderful way of making you feel better doesnt she? And the best thing is she is not afraid to tell you how it is if she needs to. No tiptoeing around for that flying angel, nope! She has moxxy and I like that.

Well as for me I am just getting a darn head cold, caught it from my son. So I'm sitting here in my warm night shirt and slippers. Drinking warm apple juice and popping vitamin c. I will survive this I know, but man I hate being sick. It is such a waste of good time.

Think I will go lay down and watch some television for a spell. Bye TW2

This almost makes me happy I can't read.

Oh...Jake - are you just not into this?

Hi TW-awesome2!

Sorry to hear that you are having one of those dreaded head colds..they make one feel so yucky...but!!!! the good thing is, YOU get time to REST and reinvent yourself...sounds like you may be "clearing" out some stuff soon 😉 Soon you will be fresh as a daisy with a new perspective on life...that is what head colds are for 🙂

Thank you for the kind words TW,...you too are one very genuine lady and it is a pleasure to read your very informative posts...

Inbetween relationships? hmmmmmmm....not sure. I am not looking to be in one at the moment. I so enjoy my freedom and sharing life with my many wonderful and exciting friends...my life is simplier this way. I come and go as I please, I do what I want with my money, bake my brownies the way I WANT to 😉 ..life is flowing for me and it feels good. Now, if that "special" man walks into my life well then, of coarse I will be a taken back, thrown for a loop, turned upside down and inside out, loss for words..ya know - my being will be MYSTIFIED to the limit!!!! My only choice at that point will be for me to head out - find a tree to sit under and ponder away....Hopefully that "special" man will not have a hidden cage....as me wings will surely break.

I hope that this day finds you feeling much better with lighter moments on their way...

Happy Cuddling~

Freebird/sweet-p I am so into you or is it yous?

Keep working at it child.

Hey Sweet-P...thank you for the compliments but I am not a "gem" I am an Aries 😉 I believe that we all are in training till the day we leave our bodies and transport ourselves to the "outer limits" or "home base"

I personally feel that you are one very incredible woman who has a very strong spirit and will only get wiser through each experience that is brought to you....

Live on my friend!

"Every man dies but not every man truly lives."

Well I guess it may be an American thing. Sorry for the spelling error-Moxie means The ability to face difficulty with spirit, courage and initiative. Or as I like to say alot of spunk.

It looks like the cold isnt going to win this round as I am feeling somewhat better.

I must ask for forgiveness though for a mistake I made in my previous post. My reference to Freebird and Parallax and the book thing. Sorry about the identity mixup! Must have been my feeverish state or something.

Just love that spirit you have Freebird! And Sweet-P so good to see your in higher spirits as of late. Keep it up both of you very special women.

Your doing better than you realize Sweet-P. Freebird is right you have alot of inner strenght.

Well I'm gonna go rest awhile, still not quite over this bug. See ya later TW2

Jake, If you were up in NY..it would be "yutes" I am so into YUTES...got it?