Insecurity

To begin with, it was my enthusiasm that catapulted me to the position of Chief Editor, one thing that my predecessors like, for some reason. That was 2007. Today, I still have the copy of the issue that I handled. I remember that I was ambitious, looking forward to the future. And it was for that reason that our theme for the issue centered on "Future."

Reading through the pages did not only give me a glimpse of how I was then but also made me feel ashamed of myself for writing pieces of junk that do not convey any gem of wisdom at all. The words, the phrases and the idioms I used reflect so much on my character: a rotten piece of tomato, full of insecurities, immature, and pretentious!

I don't know how I could go on with my life now that I have just read some articles that I am very very ashamed of! This is not how I want to be remembered. This is not how I want to be known. Yet, the magazine is a clear reflection of how I was then. How could I be soooo shallow, soooo pretentious, sooo egoistic!

The past five years have been hard on me but the harsh experiences molded me into the better person that I am today. Wiser, stronger, more understanding, more compassionate, more confident. I practically lost all my insecurities at the onset of 2014. Happier than ever before, no matter how many problems and issues I am still facing. But a part of me was written, published, and distributed to so many hundreds of persons. A part of me that I don't want to be known, heralded and scorned!

For the record, that was the time when I haven't known myself fully. I was trying hard to appear better, to be appreciated, to be loved, to be befriended... only to realize that in the years to come, such attitude would bring me enemies and estranged relations with friends.

I am not the way I was before. And I thank God that He has made me experience sooo many hardships that made me who I am today. But at the bottom of all these things, how do I go on with my life having this newly-found insecurity of mine: that I did not have a good character during my college life and that such fact was immortalized by a magazine issue that I handled as the Chief Editor?

I want to burn my copy so badly but I have put so much effort into it. When it was released, I was very proud of it. I love it so much that I even gave copies to strangers. But now that I've read those pages again, I feel small. I feel insecure.

I needed to get rid of this insecurity. I am writing this articl

I needed to get rid of this insecurity. I am writing this article as a weird attempt to prove to myself that I do have good writing skills. I want to take up writing lessons and improve further. But one realization resonates loudly at the back of my head is that character is indeed more important than competence. Yes, I had the enthusiasm. I had brilliant ideas. But I failed to deliver because my articles fell flat, because my articles have no heart!

I needed to get rid of this insecurity. I am writing this article as a weird attempt to prove to myself that I do have good writing skills. I want to take up writing lessons and improve further. But one realization resonates loudly at the back of my head is that character is indeed more important than competence. Yes, I had the enthusiasm. I had brilliant ideas. But I failed to deliver because my articles fell flat, because my articles have no heart!

Thanks, Tiz. I am beginning to think that Gandalf is right: that rabbits are merely lucky. We don't deserve what we get. We receive too much credit for the little things that we do. We are popularized for nothing.

Posted by IrresistableScorp
A writer who is afraid to put himself completely in a vulnerable state on the page is always going to sound a tad pretentious. Good writing is all about revealing your soul for all to judge. It's uncomfortable but so very rewarding. Hardship helps the process. That's why heartbreak makes such a very good muse. But so does love!

+100

Posted by andsssssss
WHERE DID U GO TO COLLEGE BUNNY?

BICOL UNIVERSITY, NEAR HOME CUZ MAMA DIDN'T WANT ME TO GO TO UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES THAT TIME. @_@