Neurodiversity

So the other night I was kind of having an existential crisis. I had come across something that implied neurodivergence so of course I deep dived into it. It can be hard to confirm unless you get professionally tested. Long online questionnaires result in me being neurotypical. But what if I’m high-functioning? What if I just picked up on enough skills to mask and appear neurotypical (professionals can catch this apparently)? Some like to say most of us are most likely somewhere on the spectrum (which is apparently very false) but I can’t help but feel like it’ll explain so much of my lifelong introversion and inability to easily befriend others (mostly due to not having energy to keep up like neurotypical people). What’s more worse is that I consistently read the long-term effects of symptoms mostly decline with age 😭😭😭😭😭

I kinda feel doomed ??

I’m sure younger generations are more woke regarding this. Older generations most likely to be in denial. I personally feel more encouraged than ever to do something about protecting my future self but I’m not exactly sure what…?

I would definitely love to get an assessment done but unfortunately I have many older family and relatives who would never let me live down the stigma (ironically it’s likely to be genetic). The image they have of me would unfairly be shattered. I don’t need more social isolation as I age. I hate how ignorance is bliss.

I was diagnosed with ADHD around 10 years old. I live unmedicated, and truly don't feel the need. I'm too much of an alcoholic at this point, the last thing I need are pills. Tbh I probably have other mental problems too. Like I know for a fact I have dyslexia, and maybe a minor form of OCD.

So I feel you should get tested, and maybe try some meds. Assuming you aren't an alcoholic. If you are alcoholic whatsoever and don't want to stop, meds are going to completely ruin you.

If you are a highly functional autistic person and doing pretty well in this society ruled by people who are different to you, then there is a lot to be proud of! What stigma...? You'd be part of an elite club which had, and continues to have, most influential, in fact world-changing personalities.

I would be more worried of why you'd let your older relatives dictate important aspects related to your self-awareness.

Everybody functions differently and one could be surprised at what some people do in their free time or how they think or perceive the world, if one took time to study them.

Everybody is supposed to agree on common behavioral laws such as don't hurt others or yourself, and everything after that is fair game. Beside that, some moronic people think you should conform to some social models (or anti-models) but that's just bullshit.

Then there are autists or other type of people suffering from debilitating neurological affliction, but it's not cute and they are never geniuses like on TV. You don't want to live with them. Real autists are difficult to take care of.

There's been a few people declaring themselves asperger for attention, it was a trend in the 90s, like the goths. There was also a push from big pharma in 80s USA to pathologize healthy young children, as a scheme to sell medication.

even if you had something, i don’t think you necessarily have to divulge it to people. especially if you’re high functioning, people won’t really know that there’s anything wrong. :/ no need to make life more complicated by beating yourself up over it at this point in your adult life. cuz whatever you think you have isn’t gonna go away overnight just because you beat yourself up over it :/

if you feel like your neurodivergent tendencies might be deeply affecting your relationship with other people, maybe seek therapy/help secretly?

also, try to study your own behavior and know your tendencies and triggers and ways that you think you are sabotaging things if you think you are.

Thanks y’all it’s most likely the poor quality of sleep I’ve been consistently having the past few years being drawn to mental rabbit holes. I can only dreammmm of sleeping in for 10 hours again 😢

I think it’s fine because it is a part of your personality. You being an Aquarius is already being a bit different. But different is not necessarily bad by any means. It just means “unlike the majority” or something along those lines.

And we now know that majority of people can be idiots! Look at the state of the world now!!

From what I understand, neurodivergent people are highly intelligent. We need forward thinking people who think outside of the box. And here you appear just fine social-wise. I mean, granted is not same like real life, but still. I personally like you. And I don’t mind if people are not that social or whatever. I have an Aquarius brother so I completely understand.

Hit by drama queen transit. You can keep your diagnosis private you know, you are in your right to do so. You were planning to post it in Facebook or something? And if you want to socialize, just get out of the house and start doing baby steps with it. Don't use a possible aspie diagnosis as an excuse.

I have done some of those online tests, they always gave me 50/50 like results. I was born with low affect display (didn't cry as a baby), had a speech delay (prob selective mutism), used to have vasovagal syncopes and to this day I have mild sensory processing issues (used to be super sensitive to infrasound and vibrations and so I could feel stuff like earthquakes way before everyone else, also paranormal crap). My father was in his 60s when I was conceived and that can lead to genetic mutations I've read. But I have never been diagnosed with autism or adhd, only giftedness and HSP (highly sensitive person). I'm very introverted but I happen to be fairly social (that wasn't always the case though) so go figure. Ask around your family, the least judgmental members at least, about your child self. It may bring you some insight.

My therapist once said autism (high functioning) is very hard to diagnose in adults and despite exhibiting similar stereotypical traits, it’s overlap with a whole slew of other personality/mood disorders which are more likely, and usually exist as a comorbidity and not alone. People usually aren’t just autistic. The likelihood of diagnoses as high functioning at your age is extremely uncommon.

You can blame Gen z for some of that. They decided they all have some kind of ailment to use it as a personality trait for likes. So psychologists and psychiatrists are now hyper aware of it “trending” to be mentally ill or autistic or have some sort of disorder on tiktok.

Why anyone would want to romanticize and glorify suffering bipolar, bpd, autism, etc is so far beyond me because these ailments literally tear apart your life, and even with awareness, therapy, and coping skills at times.