Be Careful In What You Say. . .

Hey Ya'll,
It's Dreamy-Eyez. Currently, I'm in a worried state over something that I may have said to my friend, Jesse that resulted in passive aggression.I text him alot, so when I was at work delivering a pizza, I ran into my father in the middle of my route. My dad invited me to a 4th of July picnic and I was happy because things have been becoming positive with my dad and I. Jesse recently asked me if I went over to my father's house on father's day and once he even asked me if I told my dad of my orientation. so, I sent him a text stating, "I feel like things are becoming more positive with my dad and I, because he just invited me to a July 4th picnic. Honestly, despite the fact that things are positive, I'm not sure if I'll tell him of my orientation yet. It's easy for me to stay quiet about it because there is no "special guy' in my life and I'm quite relieved because that would force me out to the people who I haven't told yet." In later days, he just haven't returned my phone calls. I'm starting to get worried. He told me that he didn't mind me texting him, but he always seemed to appreciate the kind text messages I sent him in the past. I feel like I've done something wrong. Help me, ya'll.

Dreamy .. please don't be mad at me when I say .. STOP BEING SO NAIVE

And I mean that in a good way, to help you .. you can't send affectionate and special vibes to a person, then verbally (or written) tell that person they aren't special and then expect a positive reaction.

Have you heard of the term, "Mixed Messages"?

If this keeps up, he might just get fed up, and write you off as a player .. though, in your mind, you think it's just a friendship, where in reality, men are NOT that affectionate in just plain friendships.

Sorry to be so blunt .. telling a person the truth is too overwhelming for me to keep inside forever.

I think Jesse is gay, he just doesnt know yet...denial.

I think you made him uncomfortable with including your personal life with other men. Give him time.

Yes Dreamy likes to keep us posted with his goings ons notso...he's a lovely person.

Dreamy and Jesse are very good friends, however, what is not being understood (I think) is that from Dreamy's perspective, when he's being affectionate, because Jesse is bi, he is associating these as romantic gestures from Dreamy because from Jesse's perspetive, men aren't all sappy and silly and affectionate like that. So, Jesse is seeing this as Dreamy wanting an intimate relationship, instead of being just buds.

So, in giving this impression to Jesse, who is believing that Dreamy wants an intimate relationship by treating him special, and then Dreamy sends him a text saying .. there is no "special guy' in my life .. this is sending Jesse a mixed message, since Dreamy is in reality, treating Jesse as a special guy in his life.

Furthermore, Dreamy realizes this himself, I'm starting to think as a second thought, instead of my original thought of naivity, since when Dreamy relayed this account to us he, himself, quoted the words 'special guy' .. so, if he had no clue as to what he did to upset Jesse, he would have no clue to highlight those words.

Dreamy .. so, you KNOW all this .. stop messing with him and just go for it. He's a Sag, he's going to think of love simply, instead of some complicated game of "hard to get" .. isn't that part of his charm?

Lady M, Notso and Archer,
To tell you the truth, I'm just afraid of how we're becoming close, you know? I mean, he called me this past Friday and I missed his call. I called him and left a message, but I haven't got in touch with him verbally over the phone. I do text him alot. He told me that he doesn't mind me texting him because he said that it makes him feel good on days when he's not feeling so great. (Like during his tournament- I sent him uplifting text messages) I'm just afraid of getting closer. Just when I thought we couldn't get any closer. . . we do. Currently, we're more sensitive with each other than playful and his eyes dialate more when he looks at me. It makes me freeze up or hesitate in the middle of my speech. I'm not a player. I haven't even been with any men, but I know that I'm gay. Archer, I'm going to give it a rest. He'll turn up later, but I hope I didn't do any damage to our relationship. When I told him there wereno special guys, I meant romantically. I assumed he knew I wasn't talking about him. I told him I wouldn't cross that line. After heart to heart talks, I hold back on wanting to give him a hug. I just don't want to make him uncomfortable with me, but with the emotions present in our relationship. . . I guess that's just not an option, now is it?

Dreamy, don't have to play games with me .. I read between the lines.

Those lines being:

1) Four people responded
2) One who ticked you off for being straight with you
3) You respond addressing just three of those people
4) Then defend the accusations in your response and thinking by NOT saying my name, that I'm being ignored.

Next time, be straight right back and don't try to manipulate my feelings into thinking I'm being ignored by mentioning 3 names, yet, addressing my words to you, lol

Like I said .. I'm sorry to be blunt .. but, it was the truth. You are giving him mixed messages. You asked for help and wanted to know .. so, there it is. If you don't actually want help, then next time come in and say, "My ego hurts, stroke it".

You want to know? There it is ..

Wait a minute! Jeez Louise, I forgot who all of the names. I was repeating them to myself when I was typing and I didn't think I excluded anyone. No matter what I do, I just poke at someone's emotions. P-Angel, I am truly sorry. I did appreciate your bluntness because it's very true.

Oh okay, I'll explain that line Archer.

This was the talk we had after I posted "Insensitive Sexual Gestures." Jesse was always perverted, he even told me that he was. Later on, I was going thru the drama with my mother when she accused me of stealing silverware and she even made a comment to me stating that "my friends were going to use my orientation against me." With that in my head, I was cautious and sensitive. Jesse did a perverted gesture and I got upset, then I avoided him the next day.(I told this story before, so I'll get to the point.) When we had the heart to heart talk, he told me: "Anthony, I just wanted to let you know that I would never do or say anything to ever hurt you due to you're orientation. However, I am against homosexuality and it's life style ." We got interupted then I walked away. He politely chatted with our co-worker who interupted, then watched him leave, then he came to find me. He continues, "Anthony, I'm not sure if I just hurt you. Did I hurt you, because that's the last thing I want to do. I really do consider you as a friend. I support you. I'm always here for you.I don't know how much closer I can get to you in a way you may need, but I am here for you." THe part when I told him that I wouldn't cross the line. I told him that alot of times things get so emotional to where it feels like a hug should be exchanged, but I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable because our friendship was important to me.