Completely Baffled

I was —friends?? with this girl at work (Sagittarius). We even went so far as to meet up outside of work and hang out with our significant others. She was always overly friendly and would constantly talk to me and compliment me at work which my direct co-worked always found odd. She would constantly check my facebook account and recollect all of my events and what I wore, how nice I looked, and how fabulous my fianc? and I look together. I was engaged in September of last year and she teared and put on this whole show about how happy she was for me. Prior to this she would tell me intimate details of her and her boyfriend (how she caught him cheating on her)??_she would talk about getting engaged??_but I never commented much on my life??_I am pretty private??_

Fast forward to about a month after my engagement??_a girl at my job was making the comment that she needed to find a man who would get her a ring like mine??_and my so called —friend?? made the comment —oh please, it took her long enough to get that thing??_—?_I found that very surprising and it caught me off guard??_I initially tried to diffuse the comment by jokingly saying, don't be jealous??_which she retaliated and said oh honey, trust me I am not??_

I couldn't believe where all of this was coming from??_later on I told her that what she had said was unnecessary and she immediately apologized but then continued to say that if her boyfriend didn't propose until 4 years into their relationship she would no longer be with him...so she pretty much confirmed that her statement was spoken with meaning, and not as a joke??_she sent me an email too saying that she would never say anything to hurt me??_blah blah blah??_

I pretty much kept my distance all week??_and then it was starting to feel a bit awkward??_so the Pisces that I am actually talked to her and told her that I know she had apologized but that I had needed some time to distance myself from the situation but that we had been friends and I didn't want things to be uncomfortable at work??_and that we should just leave everything behind us??_she hugged me??_and then the next day when I went to say hello to her??_she barely replied and pretty much stopped speaking to me from there on??_

I know logically it is for the best and I don't want someone like that in my life??_but I can't help but be completely baffled??_so now we completely ignore each other and don't so much as look at each other??_and I am amaze

I just wanted to hear thoughts on the situation...

I agree with Awake. And she don't sound like a good friend, just sound like someone that likes to be in others business. Also when someone mentioned your ring, she tried to throw you under the bus, because her boyfriend didn't put a ring on it. So forget her I know you have real friends that care about u.

You're both right...and logically it all made complete sense. I guess emotionally I was taken aback but I truly know it was a blessing in disguise. I believe that the way other people treat you is their karma and the way you react is yours.

It's typical reaction when around women especially women that want and desire to get married or are bitter over there own lack of commitment with the man in her life. I wouldn't have made a huge deal out of it, women get catty and jealous nothing unusual about it, I would forget about it and just act as if it never happened, your ring hit a sore spot, I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you but she was hurt so she projected her pain by being a bit bitchy.

I would be cautious about sharing anymore personal relationship stuff with her and let it go, forget about it and be cool, women get sensitive about issues surrounding marriage especially if she's ready to get married and have babies herself. Maybe find out what's bothering her instead of making her an enemy at work. I'm sure if you give a bit of empathy by showing her you care she will turn around and extend the same....it doesn't have to be awkward.

To clarify hurt....When I say she was hurt what I meant by that statement is most likely her seeing the ring and hearing all the positive reactions surrounding the ring hit a soft sore spot and she felt weak and scared over her own issues and that led to a reaction to protect her feelings as to not have to feel bad which can seem like an attack on others....

I dunno seavixen she could just be very embarrassed by exposing her feelings like that, I know I would be embarrassed about being jealous, I'm sure she didn't mean it but sometimes it's hard to be happy when your emotionally scared about ones own life. I'm sure she's happy for her but a part of her is sad, she's losing a friend and I dunno if she's married or engaged but if it hasn't happened for her maybe she's scared about that. I just think a variable of emotions come up when life changes happen, not all good....She can write her off but I'm certain if she got to the bottom of it she will see some truth in my statements.

I would distance myself from her and would not consider her a true friend. She's a bit stalkerish, if you ask me. Sometimes people are like that, they want to know everything about you so later they can throw it in your face and make these types of childish and snide remarks. A real friend would be supportive and happy for you.

Congratulations on your engagement, btw!!!

Honestly Tiki33...that would normally be my approach...to show empathy...but she has made the situation uncomfortable...after she made the comment , it was me who approached her to explain why I had been a bit distant for a few days...to explain that her comment had been unexpected and had no bearing on my feelings...my boyfriend and I got engaged when we were ready...I was never sitting around waiting for a ring...

I have alot going for me...and she knows that...I own my own apartment, just finished my masters...I am a complete independant woman...

Once I approached her...I thought everything was going to be fine...the only thing I can think of that could have bothered her was that I said we have been friends, we work together and I don't want things to be uncomfortable...maybe she took that as if I was only talking to her because we work together...but nonetheless not a reason to all together stop talking to someone...all she had to do was talk to me but instead it's like she became this other person I didn't even think she could be...so unfortunately approaching her yet again is not something I am willing to do...I have tried to make small talk in the past...and she'll acknowledge whatever I am asking and never initiate again...and on top of that...I feel like she's trying extra hard to befriend other girls who have suddenly become very weird with me...so I think what I have here is a just a very insecure woman who is dying to get married after being with her boyfriend after 2 years and instead of truly being happy for me...she obviously harbored some very deep negative feelings that have now fully surfaced...

Sad...but a lesson learned....

I see your point Angel, I too feel she's having the why her not me mentality and unfortunately it's brought out the worst in her towards you and now she's rallying for back up because well that's what wrong people do to feel secure again, basically you called her out and her ego is totally busted down to nothing and she needs the negative energy of others to help her feel right, feel okay about herself....Your doing the right thing by moving on, it's her loss and how she is behaving is a clear indication of one of the reasons why you got a ring and she hasn't, she's immature.

Well, you got what you sought here ... people to agree with you evethough they don't have all the information. Just what you say, and that is not her side, how she feels, what was her reason.


So, she was in the wrong for making an assessment based off of very little information ... and shared this limited information with someone.

And you bring to us only one side of a story .. and expect us to give you thoughts on limited information.



Same thing.


You do the same thing you bitch about.

You have people in here actually diagnosing her mentally.



And we know nothing of her .. only what you say .. and your perspective is slanted, according to hurt feelings.




::::: shakes head at stupid people :::::

Well P-Angel...quite frankly you are amusing...and obviously an extremely bitter person who is so insecure that you pick an anonymous website to try and make others feel as bad about themselves as you do about yourself...

Logically I cannot speak for her...since she never gave an explanation and if you read carefully she said if it were her situation she would have never been in a relationship for 4 years without being engaged...which was none of her business to comment on...I gave the facts based on what I had...

So thank you for my laugh of the day...I hope you have a wonderful one as well...and along your path manage to find happiness...

P I have already said I feel there is another side to this issue, the friends side although I can't say for sure how her friend is feeling and what she's thinking I put myself in her shoes and I feel she was more envious than jealous, I also agree with Angel but up to a certain extent, I know how women can feel about marriage/not being married and it's clear that her friends aggression has nothing to do with Angel and more to do with her own issues about not being married/proposed to.

In reality, you know none of that.


Anything is possible .. it's possible that the ring bearer was flaunting, mocking others as she waved her hand around for admiration and the alleged friend was knocking her down a notch because she deserved it.


Without knowing the truth of the other side ....... you know nothing of actual events .. only the perspective of someone who feelings are slanted, and therefore would embellish to place herself in the best position possible as she asks for people to place judgement on an absent person who isn't here to speak for herself.

I understand that there are different variables that create a certain reaction in each individual person...Angel chose to see it the way she chose to see it, I encouraged her to see the other side (her friends side), she chose to deal with it in her own way...There adults, they will figure it out.

P and Tiki...you definitely bring up good points...there are always two sides to every story and then there is the truth...

but then my question to you would be...

If I am the only coming to this site...and I am the one seeking advice whether I could or could have not done something wrong...how else would you expect the story to be told...

I gave the facts as they were...I actually never announced I was engaged...people noticed and then the story spread...and there could have been several holes that could have been poked in the story...how I initially distanced myself but then approached her (wishy washy)...how I said let's put it behind us...we work together and I don't want things to be uncomfortable (could be seen as selfish reason to talk again)...there are a million scenarios...

Unless both parties are telling their story here...there will always be two sides...and that is the purpose, to be shown the alternatives...

Angel I didn't have a problem with the way you told the story, your story was your story, I think you told your story with as much detail as you possibly could. I could feel the distress of how all this played out, I was only adding your friends side because I know how women in general can react to such great news be it family and/or friends etc.

It's hard to fix things when one person feels slighted but sometimes we have to put our personal feelings aside to get the real story, that's my point in all this, although she reacted in a catty way most times when women behave this way it's because they are struggling with there own fears about there own mortality eg wanting to get married, have kids, have the nice house and all the things we believe comes with marriage, the prospect of not having those things and seeing someone else get it brings out the worse in women sometimes, if you had acknowledged that and let it slide off your back you 2 would most likely still be cool with one another, I'm not saying to never address it but it's best tackle issues like this away from work if you can over a drink or shopping or something fun...It's all in the approach, instead of calling her out, you could have approached it differently, hey I noticed your reaction the other day at work regarding what was said about my engagement ring, I didn't expect to hear you say something like that, It felt (insert feelings) and I was wondering what's up, are you okay, did I offend you in some way....My point being it could have been resolved a lot better.

Women respond and react out of fear, we can say some of the nastiest things because were angry more at ourselves for not being a woman and most women don't feel like a complete woman until she's gotten married and had babies, it's hormonal, the time clock ticking thing can make women act out of character...give the girl a break, if this isn't something she normally does with you then most likely if it's resolved correctly it won't happen again.

You can let your pride make you feel like the victim/attacked or you can rise above it, be an adult and squash it.

"You can let your pride make you feel like the victim/attacked or you can rise above it, be an adult and squash it."

I tried being an adult...she let her pride get in the way...nothing more I can do...then give her the space she desires...and learn from it...