i'm a fish looking for guidance from other fish

i feel like i have pretty much lost my mind. to the universal unconcious.
if you want clues about myself, my ascendant/rising sign is leo, my sun sign pisces, my moon taurus. i'm a very social person and i feel like i've never met a stranger because i love everyone. i have 'psychic' dreams, visions and premonitions but its very hard for me to tell the difference in having a premonition and getting lost in my imagination, or whether or not they are the same thing. also is the story already written or do we write it? when i have flashes from the future am i perceiving something that WILL happen, or am i just taking the first step in making something happen?
example: a scorpio came to my house that i hadnt seen in a very long time. we used to be very close. i kept getting an image of her and a man in my head. i got up and walked around my house and tried to shake it but i couldnt so i finally said do you know anyone who looks like (described him) and she said yeah, thats the guy who just broke my heart. she showed me a photograph and he was nearly exactly what i was seeing in my head.
other times ive thought that same thing was happening so i take the risk of asking questions and im wrong more often than not and seem totally insane. sometimes i literally feel like there is a part of me that IS a fish, and it swims into the depths of peoples souls.
I have a hard time communicating with people because it seems most people cannot and will not ever perceive the depths that i do. i dont know how to exist in a world of people who don't feel like there is another world we also exist in. sometimes i feel surrounded by devils.
i am a social person. i like being surrounded by people who think good things about me. sometimes however i feel i am broken when it comes to meeting new people. whereas a broken virgo might be overly critical of someones faults, or feel like they are being attacked when they arent, sometimes it seems that when i meet a new person i can only percieve their faults and it outweighs any good i can find in them and i immediately shut myself off from the possibility of friendship.
i didnt exactly have a fabulous childhood. i have alot of emotional baggage from my childhood and have a very hard time trusting people. when im let down a little, it hurts ALOT. if someone does something nice for me, i think "this is just their way of winning me over before they SCREW me over". i need help identifying my psychic abilities and repairing my self confi

i also just made the extremely hard decision of leaving a man i love very much and also am very compatible with- a capricorn. he has a good heart deep down and he has so much talent. i look at him almost as a physical incarnation of music. however he could never understand my tenderness, or how badly i needed to hear words of love and compliments from him. the only compliments were about my clothes, hair; the physical and material. i need compliments of my soul. we were together for 2 years and lived together for more than a year.my self confidence fell apart in the arms of a man who loved me and who i loved, but could never be loved by soulfully. i have so much more i want advice about from astrological interpretors. ill end with this: being that my ascendant is leo, cancer is in my 12th house. should i be embracing cancers or fearing them? some say the sign of the 12th house is a clue to your death/downfall.

I feel for you, fishi, for I know exactly what you are expressing here.

My mind was lost ages ago .. the day I became aware, such as you have become aware .. that the world we live in, in this existence that everybody else thinks is real .. isn't.

This reality, that people call sanity .. is actually insanity.

The real world, the real reality of our existence .. is incomprehensible to us, yet, we think that what we "think" is the real one .... because we can "think".

But, it's not .. it's merely the wool pulled over us to make us "think" we are sane.

Ok, maybe that's not what you were expressing .. it was my own expression.

I should think you would have a deep understanding of Cancer people, since Pisces rules the 12th house .. but, that's a guess really.

actually what you said is what im saying but i just read a whole bunch of stuff about people saying youre a crazy witch. that looks like gossip to me, im trying to live without fear and gossip comes from fear, but i have this idea sometimes that pisces ARE witches, or maybe all females. im new on this board.. i just joined because i saw opportunity to converse with like minds.
the way i look at life is like a virtual reality game; our true selves are playing from afar and this physical reality is nothing but our pawns. if you were to classify me you it could be done as schizo, bi polar or mystic. HA. except for the fact i am extremely analytical.

"i just read a whole bunch of stuff about people saying youre a crazy witch"

Which would actually be accurate ... since I comprehend that everybody is actually insane, and know not ===== those who don't know we are all crazy, but I DO know we are, would equate to their perception of me as crazy.🙂



"our true selves are playing from afar and this physical reality is nothing but our pawns"

Agreed.

cancer was my first love. dad, cancer, died in freak accident. INSANE PARALLEL COINCIDENCES BETWEEN CANCER LOVER AND CAPRICORN LOVER. was planning on a musical collaboration with cap lover, then was contacted by cancer with an almost identical plan for collaboration. sometimes afraid that the cancer is trying to lasso me back into his life to be his girl, like the 'first-lady' of his very strange brotherhood he has with his friends(good words- cult, clan, family, tribe, crew) together his 'brothers' make up a great man. seperate they cant really function. my mother(aries) is totally insane and 12 yrs old and repressed but has a bf, cancer. a guy i am in love with but totally possibly extremely destructive to me is aries with cancer ascendant. knows nothing about astrology but ive seen him carrying around a cancer lighter. a drunk cancer fell on me on a bus and busted my head, told me i scared him because i had dirty things inside me, but that he liked me because of my dirty things.

then again, i could just be cursing myself by giving any kind of crap.

"since I comprehend that everybody is actually insane, "

people who think theyve got it all figured out scare the crap out of me
crazy people who think theyre crazy along with everyone else are cozy.

lol, you are very enlightening, fishi 🙂

You talk exactly as a Pisces thinks .. and I find that very refreshing, for a change. Most of us have lived a life-time being conscientious that others cannot percieve any clarity of your thoughts, and so we're careful to how we form words for our thoughts ... so people won't think we're crazy 😉

You just "say" without any filters, as it runs through your head, and I find that very delightful .. it means you are totally without ego, or well on your way to exterminating it.

Hello Fishi!! Welcome... I'm a cancer with virgo rising 🙂. I'm very sensitive to my enviornment. Like you my intuition is very sharp and I am trying to figure out how to fine tune it. I can always feel whats going on around me. I don't like to be around negativity of any kind. I think my virgo rising is what gives me my sence of logic that helps me make sence of the why part of whats going on around me.

"is the story already written or do we write it? when i have flashes from the future am i perceiving something that WILL happen, or am i just taking the first step in making something happen?"
I have been asking this question for so long!!! WHOEVER HAS THE ANSWER TO THIS PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CHIME IN!!

"I have a hard time communicating with people because it seems most people cannot and will not ever perceive the depths that i do. i dont know how to exist in a world of people who don't feel like there is another world we also exist in. sometimes i feel surrounded by devils."

I have come to accept the fact that most people simply cannot understand that theres more going on beyond the perception of there 5 sences. It can be annoying at times but you can't expect everyone to be as smart as you. Thats why they refer to people like us as advanced or gifted. I try to help those that are less aware by communicating with them in there language. When you try to force your ways on others there ego reacts and they don't wnat to hear it. Kind of like when your trying to explain to a child the difference between right and wrong. You have to teach by example.

Yes it can feel like we are sourrounded by devils but eventually you just get used to the fact that were all human and we just can't help our evil ways. But just as you can see the bad in others you should also try to see the good. Try not to let paranoia cloud your judgement. You are already way ahead of the game and you should be confident that if someone is trying to do you wrong that you will be prepared. It's ok to befriend these type of people however you should always keep a comfortable distance until you feel that you can trust further. Sometimes I ask am I attracting these type of people because I have convinced myself that everyone is this way. Still trying to figure that one out. 🙂


"should i be embracing cancers or fearing them?"
I don't think you should fear cancers or any body/thing else for that matter. I am a cancer female and personally don't care to ever date another cancer. It's nice to have a conversation with them from time to time since they understand me a little better than most but I just find them to be too manipulative and a little on the insecure side. That can be a lethal combo lol. I dealt with one before and am now more conciouse of trying not to be this way after seeing and feeling first hand what its like to be controlled or manipulated.

"people who think theyve got it all figured out scare the crap out of me
crazy people who think theyre crazy along with everyone else are cozy."

So true!! My best freind is a taurus and when I'm anticipating a certain outcome I don't really share things with her so much anymore because I have just come to accept the fact that she just doesn't get it. For example I'm so happy about a new guy I just met and she gets all worried that I may get hurt because he may no be what I thought or it may not go in the direction that I was hoping. But then I tell her so what if it doesn't then I'll find someone new. Then she tells me I'm wasting my time and I'm not getting any younger. I tell her time shmime. Or she'll say something like being with this person who is not good for you is preventing you from meeting someone you should be with. I tell her Everything happens for a reason.

Hope this helps =)

ashleysagstar- maybe you should try to journey again?