My Pisces

I was with my Pisces for 7 years of my life. We had a child young, and needless to say we had a lot of ups and downs. In April, I decided to move out of his parent's house (he is still in school) and move to my mother's a few hours north. Nothing was really set in stone, I never told him it was over, and we still continued to see each other.

In July, we broke up. It was a decision I made because it seemed like we were just hurting each other too much, and I wasn't capable of making him happy. By June, we began seeing each other again, off and on. I went to visit him with my daughter, and we seemed to be getting along a lot better because we were able to feel what it was like being apart. I didn't tell him for sure that we were getting back together, because I wanted to make a slow progression toward that. Work out any problems that seemed to be getting in the way of us being happy. Of course, he wanted all or nothing. Attempting to get me back and saying he loves me. I wanted things to work out, and because we had different views on how to do that, things started getting sour. So, I gave it a lot of thought and decided I should discuss further a solution that would make us both happy. A mature compromise that would ensure that we don't go back to the bad habits right away, and focus on the good ones.

I called him last night to discuss perhaps my coming to visit during Thanksgiving along with my daughter. He didn't answer his phone until midnight. He told me he'd been at the library studying. All of a sudden, I had this gut feeling, and I asked him if he was seeing someone else. He said yes. He explained that he didn't plan it, and that he just liked her and had been hanging out with her for a week or so. I cried, because I thought we were trying to resolve and help our relationship. He told me that he likes her but loves me. And that he didn't know what to do. I told him that I love him, and that if I can't make him happy then he should try to find happiness.

That, of course, isn't what I want..but how can I stand in the way of his potential happiness?

I don't know what to do.. I've been trying to find friends up here, trying to get my life together so I have something of worth to offer him.. and now, I feel I've lost someone I love, my best friend..just because I didn't throw caution to the wind and jump right back into something..

What can I say? Or do?

Caps are usually cautious and practical; Pisces tend to be more emotional and let their feelings carry them away, ESP love. But this doesn't seem to me like a case of one of us crazy Pisces just jumping headfirst without looking, damned be the consequences. I daresay HE doesn't feel like getting back together would have been "throwing caution to the wind and jumping right back in"... Seven years loving you... a young child together... but it seems you moved away from him over a year and a half ago, but left everything in limbo for a couple months, THEN broke up well over a year ago.. yet still left things in limbo, seeing each other "off and on" for the past year or so?? Okay, fine... that's the way things went, because that's the way YOU wanted them (you mentioned YOU made these choices) and probably Mr. Pisces went along with what YOU felt you wanted and needed.. because we do that, a lot. You were fairly content to let things continue as they'd been for a long time.

But now, after being broken up (and living quite a ways apart) for quite a long time, he's finally become interested in someone else. Sure is a shock to the system when that happens, isn't it? Human nature to not really know or appreciate what you have until it's slipping away or already gone. As a woman who's had something similar happen to her, I feel for you and what you're going through. But as a Pisces who's loved so much and held on far too long for someone who didn't seem to want me back, I feel for him too. Rock and a hard place - for both of you.

So it's time to shit or get off the pot, if I may be so blunt. You have decisions to make. I don't know about all this "trying to get my life together so I have something of worth to offer him" because clearly, he already wanted what you offer, held on though you were broken up and far apart. So I don't understand that part. He wants YOU, not what you can give him or do for him. (Major difference in Cap VS. Pisces point of view, I think.) So what can you do? You can decide if you want HIM for real, or if it's your bruised ego feeling slighted. If you aren't "right" for each other, let him go and let him find his happiness elsewhere. But if you truly want him back, no more "seeing how it goes" or "trying to work towards getting back together" or "reaching some sort of compromise"... Pisces didn't want a compromise or something logical and practical --- he wanted his family back. Now what do YOU want, FOR REAL? Decide. And do.

You're absolutely right. Time for action and decisions. Thank you for an honest answer, it's what I really needed to hear.

It is almost the only thing I am really afraid. Caps usually have the tendency to quit. They sense things very well but they shouldnt see only whats happening now.

Ive been in this situation a little no kids but. Nefers right sounds like youve called all the shots up to this point. You even say "I called him last night to discuss perhaps my coming to visit during Thanksgiving along with >>> MY

Dont stand in the way of his happiness or your own. You have one life and limited time it if you want him you then dont put conditions on your relationship. Show him that you respect him by being affectionate and loving and he will respond in kind. You both have grievances im sure but how you feel when things are great do those moments starve your heart and make it hungry for more?

Nothing in this world actually exists except you. Everything else is a perception of the mind and soul. He may wound you and you may wound him. But maybe its time to pull out all the arrows youve both shot and spend some time mending one another. You cant dip your toe in anymore at this point or he will swim away. Hes begun to move on. Your going to have to jump in to convince him you mean it. He will think your going to leave at the first sign of trouble. Prove him wrong and he will open up again. Its tough to trust after someone leaves you out to dry. But it seems hes sticking around for an encore.

Or you could sit there and think about it until the options gone. Up to you. Times wasting ....

The reasons for my leaving were good one's, though. He was emotionally abusive and on my birthday he got physical. This is something he'd never done, but having a family member that works closely with domestic violence cases, I took her advice and left right away. I was very confused and scared. I do love him very much, but the reasons behind my taking things as slow as I was is because I didn't want to put my guard down and allow something like that to continue. He agreed to get help, go to counseling and all of that, but so rarely does that ever work. It seems to me, in some ways, that he is using this girl as a means to get me back, and that is not the right way to go about achieving that goal..at least not in my opinion.

All of the things he said and did really made me into a person I did not want to be. I was emotionally exhausted and I was having a hard time functioning in society. I had to obey his rules and regulations as if I were owned, and that was not fair to me or our daughter. The situation was bad.

I thought I was making the right choices by not letting myself re-enter a situation that could be potentially harmful to me. I know that by leaving him hanging, I was acting unfair and making him feel rejected and abandoned, he has told me this many times. However, a big part of me can't trust that anything he feels is true, and that a lot of it is his way of manipulating my thoughts and feelings because he'd done it so many times before.

You are right, a choice has to be made either way. Do I stay or go? It's a hard choice, and it should be obvious, but it really isn't to me right now. Perhaps it is for the best that I just let him go, and not be the one to stand in the way of his desires.

Your last post paints a completely different picture, honey. Your original post seemed upset and hurt and jealous he's finally moving on, because you've been trying to take things slow and "have something of worth to offer him" but he's not playing Patient Pisces anymore. But with you revealing some painful truths about exactly WHAT happened with him, the picture is SO much different.

Emotionally abusive? Living under rules and regulations as if you and your daughter are owned property to control? He got physically violent with you? This is way, way, way different. My heart aches for you and your child. Maybe a little for him too, but not much. I am a Pisces, after all... very compassionate, forgiving, empathetic. I believe most men do not WANT to hurt their women. But some do, for whatever reason. I can empathize and understand a man who is raised in this way, who doesn't know any other way to be, who was abused himself. But boiled down to basics, he CHOSE this, so I cannot respect or condone it.

The problem is, even with his counseling and help, even if he's changed, gotten hold of that anger that blasts out of control, even if he would never, ever, ever say or do anything vicious, cruel, hurtful to you again.. the damage is already done. If he will never again do what he did to you... he needs to show that to a new woman, one without memories of his past violence.

You can't fix or help him. And no matter how you try, you cannot forget what happened. As much as it hurts to let go of your love, your lover, your best friend... the man you've loved for 7 years.. you must. For yourself AND for your daughter. Imagine your little girl in THIS situation. What do you tell her, Mommy? Do you tell her that a good woman goes back, because he's learned his lesson? Do you tell her that her abusive, controlling man has really changed and it's not just that he's learned to hide it better? Do you tell her that loving a man means she cannot love and protect herself & the kids from him, that they must take what he gives, because he LOVES them?

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for five years myself. Eventually, it turned physical. The hardest thing I ever did for me and my children, was finding the strength and courage to pick up the pieces and walk away. We don't stay because we LIKE it; we stay because we don't know how to leave. Kudos to you for leaving when you did. Kudos to you for knowing deep down that you can't really go back.

If hes overstepping his bounds then yeah your right. But again you gotta listen to you and no one else in the situation. Sounds like hes not happy with himself and your not the problem. If your going back i would definetly suggest he either goes to or offer to attend with him some anger management classes. Or put councilling out there as well.

Hes had some time to think then, but if h loves you he will take steps towards improving his demeanour.No one deserves to be slapped around emotionally or physically. If hes got issues in his past. Sounds like his parents are divorced. Something might feel hopeless maybe he feels you dont understand waht hes trying to say unless he gets angry. By no means do you want to be docile for anyones sake.

Figure out if your willing to work. Check with him if he is. If you both are make the commitment and the appointments and both of you stick to that commitment. Both of you definetly have arguments. If he was using hat girl He probably would have made an outright spectacle of the fact they were involved. Since you had to pry a bit i would say hes just considering moving on now.

Good luck in your choice thats tough. Pisces if they feel unsafe either by you or someone else have the ability to leave you emotionally striped and destroyed. Emotionally intuitive with the ability for great love or great destruction. The darker side can suck. ~

I didn't really want to mention the realities of the situation, because although I feel I am now on the outside looking in, I still find myself in denial that any of the abuse was real. By the time I left, I was hollow and believed I was everything he said I was (and wasn't). The reason I was so scared, aside from the obvious, was because I was terrified of losing myself again.

His parents aren't separated. In fact, they've been married for over 30 years. His father treats his mother with little respect, though, and after seeing all that, I realize where he gets SOME of the behaviors from. I know he feels terribly for what he's done, and I know he loves me. I think he's one of those who never really wanted to hurt me, but did anyway, and for reasons unknown to me. He is, deep down, a very passionate person in every sense, and I think maybe that is the problem.. if a person feels love with such an unyielding passion, what's to stop them from feeling hate or anger in the same way? How much of him begging for me back was because he loved me, and how much was because he felt he lost control?

The damage IS done, I just wasn't sure if it was irreparable, and I still don't, but as with everything in this situation, there is a double meaning or standard and I am left lost and confused. I wouldn't wish any of these feelings and experiences on our child, and if she were in this situation, I'd do the same thing my mother did..help her get out of it, and help her STAY out of it.

Sufficed to say, I think the biggest part of me is saying to stay away and to move on. I feel like I need to release myself from this man, and be an individual again. The hardest part is leaving with the knowledge that I spent so much of my life, a lot of it during a period where people learn and grow so much, with someone and now I have to let it go. All I can do is hope that he treats this other woman better. If not, I can only pray she leaves before I did.

Your 24 miss cap. You've got tons of time. Men learn to treat women in the fashion their father treats their mother. You need some time to heal your wounds it seems. Most girls i know are still partying their faces off at 24. Your a grown woman with a child. Perhaps letting your love be free is best. Put the best parts of your relationship in your heart.

Some women dont find out its bad until 35 to 40 or even later. Lucky you. Let that relationship of his run its course. Do some soul searching. Cry it out if you have to but it seems he wrecked it for you both. Sometimes love has to die so it can grow anew.

Realize you have value as a person and that someone out there will love exactly what they see for what it is without decaying it.

Good Luck!

You sure did refer to yourself alot when it came to describing who was the boss.

You even make sure to mention that the child you BOTH made is referred to as "my".




I seriously doubt that you are so broken up over him seeing someone else ........ in seeing how self-absorbed you are, I would be willing to wager that the real reason why it bothers you is because it wasn't YOU who made the decision, you didn't have control .. and that is what burns you.

"In April, I decided to ...."

"I never told him it was over ..."

" .. we broke up. It was a decision I made because .."

*** seriously, that was all within the first dozen sentences of a very long description of how you are the sole director/controller. I especially like this part of the tale .....


" I didn't tell him for sure that we were getting back together, because I wanted to make a slow progression toward that. Work out any problems that seemed to be getting in the way of us being happy. Of course, he wanted all or nothing. Attempting to get me back and saying he loves me. I wanted things to work out, and because we had different views on how to do that, things started getting sour."

The above is saying that he made it perfectly clear to you that he wanted to be with you .. but, you deciced that because his ways weren't acceptable to you, that things went sour for you. I am assuming now that sour = not how you demand it to be. Therefore, you took it upon yourself to decide (soley again) the fate of your relationship by not telling him, meaning not permitting him to get together with you.

Then poetic justice happens and here you are crying about it, like an idiot. I mean seriously, do you even have a conscience? Can you really not see that YOU made this bed of yours, and now you're in here crying as if it is a blindspot?

" .. asked him if he was seeing someone else. He said yes."



"I cried, because I thought we were trying to resolve and help our relationship."

You mean ......... you cried because you lost control.

"I don't know what to do.. "

You mean ....... he decided for himself for a change, and this burns you.

You're right, P-Angel. Thank you. I should have referred to our child as OURS, that was a mistake on my part.

You are also right in stating that I made my bed in this situation.

Thank you for your insight.