pisces friend advice

I posted this on the realtionship board but would like some input from male pisces please. females too...it's just a male pisces problem so I am interested in their perspective on it.

I had a pisces best friend. We had a falling out of sorts and things went downhill. I said some pretty awful things to him when I guess he needed space and wasn't just being an ass and ignoring me for a long time which is what i thought. I was a total cookiemonster. Unfortunately for me I can't seem to get over him and what i said to him and am having a very hard time. Does anyone have any thoughts on if he even thinks of our friendship at all? Maybe way deep down? Or does he just hate me and wish he never met me? I know when a pisces is done they are usually done.... period but I have seen others slowly become friends again and I guess I was wondering if I let a few months pass would it be ok to just say hi or will he go ballistic?

Well yes the hurtful words bothered him, we don't handle hurtful words really well. And we may swim away to clear our heads and think things through. But if y'all have been friends for a really long time and he deeply cares about you, then yes he is thinking about the friendship constantly, because our friends is really important to us, he's also wondering why were you being so harsh, and why haven't you spoken to him since, because y'all are friends and should be able to over come any differences. So if you do try to contact him now, No he would not go ballistic on you, he would hear you out and decide if he want to talk to again. We really do sometimes cut people off and keep it moving. But we wouldn't be mean if you decide to talk to us again.

I agree with Sensual_Pisces. He needs some time to lick his wounds. I avoid people like the plague when they hurt me. But if you're feeling bad about it, you should definitely apologize. He needs to know that everything is okay. If you two have known each other for a while (years) he'll forgive you and everything will be water under the bridge. However, if that is not the case, he'll warm up to you slowly. Give it some time.

FYI: He probably won't go ballistic, but he's probably thinking that you will.

I don't know. I said a lot of awful things. Everything that bugged me for a long time came out all at once and I was horrible to him 😢 I know what he did to me wasn't very nice either but he didn't deserve my tirade. He wants me to leave him alone. Problem is I'm not sure that if in time he will forgive me or not 😢 If only I could turn back time and take everything back.

Posted by raven29
I don't know. I said a lot of awful things. Everything that bugged me for a long time came out all at once and I was horrible to him 😢 I know what he did to me wasn't very nice either but he didn't deserve my tirade. He wants me to leave him alone. Problem is I'm not sure that if in time he will forgive me or not 😢 If only I could turn back time and take everything back.

you see, personally i love it when people are mean to me and later realize they wish they could "turn back time and take everything back."

when people are mean to me though, i do retreat and avoid contact with those people.
i dare you to text him "If only I could turn back time and take everything back.."

So basically I should just forget about him is what you're saying? That there isn't a hope in hell even over time that he will ever forgive me? Even though he did/said things to me as well.....

Okay, this is just me. But I would apologize and ask for forgiveness. He might do the same since you said he did/said hurtful things. Though, It will probably take time to repair the friendship/relationship, if he still wants to be friends. But you'll never know if you don't attempt to repair it. You don't want to have regrets later on.

I don't really think he wants to hear what I have to say right now at all. He said to leave him alone....period. I don't know if I should just forget our years of friendship and move on or wait a few months and apologize. I honestly think he absolutely hates the very thought of me right now 😢

As gently as possible... you KNOW you fucked up big time here. First, with saying hurtful, horrible things to a Pisces. We feel so deeply and so much. I'm sure he was cut to the core and WAAAAAAYYYY more hurt than you realize. But secondly - when a woman goes friggin' psycho basketcase on a man, it's a HUGE red flag to him... she's not emotionally mature, she's needy and insecure, and on top of that, she's clearly very good at being a total bitch unexpectedly and saying incredibly nasty things with the sole purpose of hurting him, and shifting the blame to someone or something else. You spewed your emotional garbage all over him, and freaked him out. ANY man would bolt, Pisces or not! You have to own up to and be responsible for YOUR OWN EMOTIONS. Your emotional well-being is YOUR responsibility, not HIS. But you tried to MAKE it his when you threw it all over him, coating him in your nastiness. Completely losing control like that is just... unthinkable to us, and revolting. Now he's licking his wounds, and probably thinking he'd be an idiot to risk that shit again.

This is going to be a tough one, and it really depends on how much he really and truly cared for you before this. If you have YEARS under your belt, your chances are better. Mere months, this is going to be an uphill battle for you. Pisces are very, very forgiving and we understand emotions. But empathy and understanding doesn't mean we're going to offer ourselves up in sacrifice to the Bitch Altar again. And if you hurt us TOO deeply, our famous forgiveness goes out the window. People who don't truly understand Pisces' nature think we're weak and wishy-washy and can be pushed around. Nothing could be further from the truth... and clearly you know that now. We put up with a lot from those we care about, but push us too far, and we're more like piranhas than cute little goldfish!

Apologize. Then apologize again. And again. DON'T make excuses or try to justify your bad behavior - that shit pisses us off. YOU did it, own up to it, and DON'T try to shift the blame on anyone else. Don't talk about how this or that made you SO MAD you lost control. Admit that YOU lost control, and that YOU WERE WRONG. Period. When you apologize to a Pisces, NEVER EVER say "BUT"... we don't want to hear it, and it will make us angry. But nothing. YOU did it, so be a grown up about it now. That's the way we see it.

Marina's right, he probably won't go ballistic, but he's thinking/afraid YOU might again :/

Posted by raven29
So basically I should just forget about him is what you're saying? That there isn't a hope in hell even over time that he will ever forgive me? Even though he did/said things to me as well.....

Keep in mind that I do not KNOW either of you, and I do not pretend to KNOW your whole situation. Take my words with a grain of salt.

However.. Pisces mirror back what is given to us. We not only try to "do unto others as you'd have done unto you"... we tend to "do unto others AS they have done unto you"... Think long and hard.. when he said/did hurtful things to you.. was it the unthinking things that people sometimes do because they don't realize it's going to hurt you? Was it comments or criticism you simply reacted badly to, though he meant it to be helpful? Was it in response or retaliation for things YOU did to him first? Have you not treated him very well at times, slowly killing off his good feelings about you?

Are you a bit dramatastic? Do you (like a lot of women) stuff down your emotions, putting on that FAKE "happy face" and not being honest with YOURSELF about your feelings and emotions (as they happen, NOT after they've built up into a pending nuclear holocaust!), until you eventually EXPLODE and take out everyone in the vicinity? Do you say and do hurtful things quite often, each little thing cutting him a little deeper, until he strikes back out of some misguided sense of self-defense, or hell, even paybacks? (We're not above paybacks, if someone keeps doing shit to us. In fact, we WANT you to see how it feels, so maybe you STOP!) So dig deep and ask yourself... when he's hurt you... was it truly on purpose? And was is "mirroring" back what you gave him? We hate hurting people was care about.. but if we DO strike out, we feel they've earned it by their own mistreatment of us. To intentionally hurt someone, we have reached the point where we WANT them to hurt for hurting us, and we simply don't give a shit anymore.

You might be in bigger trouble than I thought. Only YOU know what you did. Only YOU know how bad it truly was. And you aren't here saying he's such a jerk, it wasn't that bad. So that tells me it was really, really bad - and you might be fucked. 😢

Posted by cloudyminded

i dare you to text him "If only I could turn back time and take everything back.."

I double-dog dare you! Do it!

Oh, seriously, that would definitely thaw me out. My favorite was, "I wish I had a Rewind button..." I believe in "do-overs" and "mulligans" and "take-backsies".. if you said something like that to me, I would know and feel your remorse, your sorrow, your wish to undo everything you did - which also points to your acceptance that you fucked up, KNOW you did, and aren't trying to shift the blame or justify it. Mind you, not EVERYTHING could be fixed for me with an "I take it back, PLEASE let me take it back!"... some things have completely crossed the line, and there's no coming back from that. But most things, most fights, most dumb and hurtful shit someone said to me.. yeah, they can get a Rewind button just by really WANTING one.

Text that to him. What have you got to lose? If he's totally turned away from you right now anyway, you might as well open up like that and let him FEEL that you know how big you fucked up.

We do have years of a very close friendship but what has me worried is the fact that he said leave me alone. It's hard to explain but I feel like if I approach him with anything at this point he will lose it totally. I'm not a drama queen and this is the first real fuck up and it was huge. I lashed out at him because I was so hurt by his behaviour and silence toward me when I was having a hard time.....something he never did before. i guess i was scared he had turned his back on me or something :/

I really am afraid to talk to him and I am thinking that maybe after a few months he will miss our friendship as much as me but maybe he won't and is glad I'm gone 😢

Omg raven take a risk already, this is a Pisces we are talking about. I double dare you to do it to. You never know what can come out of it. But If you whine one more time about being scared then that's on you.

@Nefer- Amen sister you really know how to describe us.

Posted by Sensual_Pisces
this is a Pisces we are talking about.
.

Yeah....a pissed off pisces.....and I've heard once they are done they are done for good so I don't want to push him :/

Ok your choice.

Honestly, the most he'll do is keep ignoring you like he's doing now. Honestly, usually when we are done we are done, period. If he's distanced himself from you, it will be hard to get him back and I honestly believe it will never be the same.

Yeah I believe it might not be the same either, but if he feel her intentions are good he might speak to her. That's why i double dared her to see the outcome.

Raven, I have no idea what sign YOU are, but if I had to hazard a guess, I'd peg you for a Sag or an Air. (Or with heavy influences of those in your chart). Maybe an Aries or Leo, but I still say Sag or Air. And yes, you're a "stuffer" --- you stuffed your negative emotions and stayed Sally Sunshine until you blew up "for the first time ever." (At him being distant and moody when you felt he should be there for you? Uhhh... read up on Pisces here... if you can't accept that about him, your friendship is doomed anyway. He will go where the currents ebb and flow and take him, and sometimes you won't like or understand it.)

Yes, when it's done for a Pisces, it's DONE. But until it's done, it's not done. And you truly have NO idea which it is... because you're too scared to find out. Maybe you're afraid it IS done, but you don't want to confirm it because then you'd have to face it, and wouldn't be able to continue hoping and wishing and thinking that someday he'll "get over it" and miss your friendship.

So I'll break it down for you. Absence does NOT make a Pisces heart grow fonder; it makes us colder. You being a chicken about facing this head-on is going to close up your window of opportunity. YES, he's pissed. Furious, livid. He feels hurt, betrayed and probably just overwhelmed. But until you REALLY put in the effort to make amends, he's going to KEEP feeling that way... it won't go away on its own because you give him space and time to "cool down." It will backfire, mark my words. You give him all this space, he will see it as you didn't care that much after all, and you certainly didn't care enough to own up to your enormous fuck up. If you back off out of fear, and can't "woman up" enough to own up to what you did, he will KEEP giving you the cold shoulder, he WON'T thaw out on his own.

Is it going to feel like crawling and begging to you? It might. But HE won't approach you. Ever. Not for YOUR fuck up. But right now he feels justified in his anger towards you - he's shut down, shut you out. You're waiting him to lower the drawbridge and invite you back in. Won't happen. You will have to storm the castle and bust the door down with PROVING that you're sorry. No, I'm not talking 10+ txts a day begging him to talk to you. I'm talking a text or VM every few days or a week saying, "I want a Rewind button. I screwed up big, I know that. There's no excuse. But I wanted to tell you how truly sorry I am. I miss you."

Posted by Nefer
And you truly have NO idea which it is... because you're too scared to find out. Maybe you're afraid it IS done, but you don't want to confirm it because then you'd have to face it, and wouldn't be able to continue hoping and wishing and thinking that someday he'll "get over it" and miss your friendship.

Nefer.....thank you so much for your insight. You're right, I am scared....very scared that I will write this and see the message bounced back to me because he changed his email or phone # I know in my heart you are right...i HAVE to do it and at least try. I don't have anything to lose....i may have lost it all already 😢 but I can't go through life thinking "if only"

Many things are present in my mind when I comprehend what you've said here.

Posted by raven29


I said some pretty awful things to him ........

I was a total cookiemonster ......

I can't seem to get over him and what i said to him ......

The problem here isn't in whether or not he will accept you back, which is going to be the key to release you from your guilt. And that is what you are searching for.

You feel bad .. and if he forgives you, then you are released from yourself, and what you did to make yourself feel bad about yourself.

And he isn't the one who can fix you .... you are.

Posted by raven29


Does anyone have any thoughts on if he even thinks of our friendship at all?

Or does he just hate me and wish he never met me?

I'm quite astounded that people actually answered these questions with absolute confirmation .. because there isn't anyway anybody could possibly know what this man is thinking or feeling.

Regretfully, people actually think you are talking about them and they have no choice except to answer subjectively, as if this happened to them.


That is absurd, really ..... so you need to overlook every answer that came to you in all forms that were concrete statements as to how this man feels ... and only listen to the ones that talk about possibilities.

Posted by raven29



....... or will he go ballistic?

So, you are anticipating that his reaction will be to go ballistic if you attempt to communicate with him?


Interesting ...... no wonder your situation here as you've described it appears to be full of guilt.


Ballistic is a strong reaction ..... perhaps your best bet is to think more on creating ballistic responses to people, before attempting to communicate.

Posted by raven29


I guess he needed space and wasn't just being an ass and ignoring me for a long time which is what i thought.

wow !!!!


So, your mind will automatically process a person needing space as being an asshole and ignoring you?


Scorpio much?

One thing is for certain ..... you have made it perfectly clear here that when/if you contact him, he is sure to have an adverse reaction.

So, that should be your answer as to what you should do.


If you want to perpetuate this drama ... contact him.

If you want to create harmony/peace .... leave him alone.



It is true that Pisces people often come back, however, it's not to continue a relationship as it once was .... we come back only if we think a different life experience can be gained with the same person.

We don't live life like everyone else .... we experience it vicariously through the person we are with, then carry it to our dream world ... where we live.

Well I sent my apology, not much else i can do. It wasn't bounced back to me and he did read it at least. He hasn't responded so I'm not sure what to think....is it a good sign he at least read it and didn't send something back saying fuck off and leave me alone— Or does it mean nothing at all?? 😢

Posted by raven29
Well I sent my apology, not much else i can do. It wasn't bounced back to me and he did read it at least. He hasn't responded so I'm not sure what to think....is it a good sign he at least read it and didn't send something back saying fuck off and leave me alone— Or does it mean nothing at all?? 😢

The only thing you can do is wait and see. At least you had the courage to do it. I know when it's me I sometimes need time to process the apology and really think about the sincerity before I will answer back. Maybe that is what he is doing. You really seem like you are sincere and Pisces are usually great with intuition and feelings so he may pick up on that sincerity even through a text/email. I hope it goes well and keep us updated.

Update...

Thank you all for your advice and words of wisdom. I tried my best but he has definitely moved on and wants nothing to do with me 😢 After a very long cry I have deleted my email and his #. It hurts so much to lose someone that I cared so much about and I have no one to blame but myself. I guess in the end I cared way more for him than he did for me. I don't know how I will ever forget our wonderful friendship and all the years we have known each other 😢

Posted by love_365
Raven,

Look, it takes two for a relationship to flourish. Everyone has a period within a relationship/friendship where mean things will be said. No relationship is perfect. You were angry. So what!!! Now, if these are words you said on a consistent basis then that's another story. Life doesn't stop because this Pisces isn't talking to you. Keep moving forward. You said what you had to, because it needed to be said. Oh freaking well. You have nothing to worry about if you feel like within this friendship you were truthful and sincere and you gave 100% of yourself.

Pisces do feel things deeply (VERY DEEP), but it is not your responsibility to tip toe around his feelings all the time. You are human and as a human you will make mistakes. Ok, mistake made, learn from it, and keep moving forward. You hurt his feelings, apologize, tell him why you did it, and tell him what may be done in the future so this doesn't happen again, and leave him alone. When and if he is ready he will come back.

Thank you....very well said. I am trying but it really hurts.....a lot. We were very close friends for a long time and now it seems that he thinks i am a stalker because i apologized to him a couple of times and asked what i could do to fix this 😢 He said I am freaking him out and bothering him and to just leave him alone 😢

Posted by Leo~Moon~Beam
😢 I wish I could help you, but I do understand how you feel. Pisces are truly wonderful people. When you meet one you connect with it's almost like a once in a lifetime experience that is extremely amazing! Whenever they choose to no longer be a part of your life it's as if your whole world crashes down around you and you are left feeling hurt, lost and helpless. I guess the only real thing to do is to keep moving on and look forward to the future which is always filled with hope. I can definitely relate to what you are feeling and going through though. Hang in there! (((HUGS)))

You're right....they are amazing and we were so close for so long. I honestly cannot understand why he became distant and cold toward me which is why I sent that email.....big mistake on my part 😢 It's obvious the thought of me makes him sick now which rips my heart out and there is no way in hell I can ever fix this. Thank you for your kind words and ((hugs)) to you as well.

This is one of the hardest things i have ever had to deal with. Stupid as it sounds, I sit here crying and wonder if he ever thinks of me at all or if he will ever have fond thoughts of me and our friendship or if he will just go through life hating me forever 😢 It hurts so much that someone i cared about so much and thought he felt the same about me could just walk away like i was nothing.

Leo Moon Beam - Thank you for your support. I'm sorry things aren't going well for you. It sucks and hurts like hell...I know *sigh* At least he is still talking to you which is something i don't have and never will. Trust me on this...treasure whatever you have with him because it is priceless (((hugs)))


love_365 Thank you so much for your insight. I wish I could say I thought we would be friends again down the road but I can 'feel' the hatred towards me now. I never expected him to welcome me back with open arms but I had hoped he would have at least taken a bit of time to think things through before slamming the door in my face. He didn't just tell me once to leave him alone...he actually wrote me 3 times to tell me 😢 I guess our friendship meant nothing at all to him which hurts so damn much because I cared about him more than anything.

As difficult as it is I am trying to move on. I have a wonderful family and great friends and am focusing on the positive aspects of my life. I know in my heart that I was a damn good friend to him and if he can't see that or just doesn't care about everything we've been through there is nothing I can do to change that. I know I will have many bad days filled with tears but I'm hoping in time they will disappear. Who knows, maybe way down the road I may drop him a line and see what happens and then again maybe by then my heart will have healed and I won't want to at all. I can only take it one day at a time. I just don't understand why, for me, I can remember him in such a positive light and yet by me making one damn mistake he now hates me forever 😢 I'm not sure if this is unique to pisces or a general male trend but I would like to hear from some male pisces on this.