Pisces girl can't make the choice

Well, this is probably more of a relationship related post, than a pisces one, but the girl is pisces, i am a pisces, and the other guy is pisces too (hell of a triangle, i know!)

So, my story is this: i met this girl around febuary last year. She is 7 years younger than me (she's 20), but we had a pretty sweet start. But then i met someone else, and kinda broke off with the first girl without saying a word. That other thing ended pretty abruptly, and got me quite heartbroken, but i got in touch with the the pisces girl again, eventually (she was the one that contacted me, i was too ashamed to do it after the asshole way i broke it off). But of course, i was pretty much still in love with the other girl, so i couldn't fully commit to her. After another few months, i broke off again, kind of in the same way. I felt bad about it, but i really couldn't continue seeing her, seeing how i was still in love with the other girl, even though she was pretty much through. Then, about march this year, i started having quite a few epiphanies, and i decided i should give the pisces girl a shot, and this time stick to it. Which i did.

We started talking, pretty scattered at first, because she was quite upset with me, but slowly we started rebuilding our connection. By september we were pretty close, and next month she moved in with me, because she found work in my town, and i was living alone. Thing is, around that time, she told me she has been seeing this other guy, who is one year younger than me. She met him in the time span i was absent, and at first she kind of used him as a replacement for me (seeing we are both pisces, and share quite a few traits), but somehow that connection grew.

Now, i don't know what to do. In the meantime, i really fell in love with this girl, and i really feel sorry about being an asshole in the past. She seems to still harbor some feeling for me, although she stated it's not quite as it was last year, but she thinks she has stronger feelings for the new guy. She's still living with me, but is pretty torn about the choice. I feel that me and her get along much better, and that i am more serious about her than the other guy. She feels the same way, but still can't give him up. As i understand, that other dude has a more fiery personality, which led them to a few fights and "breakups" until now, and she sort of thinks a relationship between them will not end well, but still she can't choose.

I'm pretty torn as well, because i do love her very much now, i'm prepared to commit fully this time, and i am willing to do whatever it takes to get over this predicament. Even wait it out, if i have to. But it's still awfully hard. So, do you have any advice on what i should do, and how i should act in this situation? I can't stand the thought of letting her go, because she told me she's gotten really fed up with everything and she's almost ready to choose whoever, just to get it over with...

Posted by cornfuzzled4ever
Too many Pisceans

I know, right?

But i really, and honestly don't want to break it off again. I do feel guilty about the past, and about making rash decisions, but i am truly in love with this girl. She was pretty young back then, and also quite shy around me, which kind of turned me off, seeing as the other girl, an Aries, was very open and fun to be around. But as she got more comfortable around me, the Pisces girl started opening up as well, and i really understood what a diamond in the rough she was. Also, it did take half a year to rekindle our connection, until she decided to move in with me. Probably, generally speaking, it was a bad decision to have moved in with me, after screwing her twice, but in this particular situation, that really isn't the case. I've made up my mind about it. Would be nice if she would make hers, though... She was in love with me in the past, and it's pretty clear that she still had strong feelings for me when i came back, as to accept reestablishing contact with me, even though she and the other dude have been seeing each other for a couple of months.

@LadyOfRebirth: who are you saying is non confrontational? Me and the other guy? Well, for my part, i did ask her quite a few times to make that decision. She almost did it once since then, and a couple more times before i even knew about him, but the other guy keeps coming back, begging her to stay with him, showering her with lovable messages about his love, and their future, and whatnot. He may be genuine, he may be not, but it did make it really hard for her to let him go. He does know about me, because when she met him, the subject of the day was me, and how much of an asshole i have been,lol. He actually knows quite a few things about me (probably more than i know about him).

I keep bringing up the subject with her, and we have very long talks about it (wich are mostly calm and logical), quite regularily, but most of the time they lead nowhere... Problem is, in the last couple of weeks, she is starting to get really fed up with the whole thing, and almost considered letting me go, once. The situation is really taking it's toll, but it's not that easy to let go, as my feelings are rather strong for her now, and in my gut, i know that if she goes with him, it's gonna be the wrong choice, and then we will both have missed our chance at happiness.

*i absolutely hate using the word "lol" in conversations, but i don't know the code to the smiley. I had to mention that, just so you know you're not talking to a person that uses the word "lol" casually, lol

Stand in front of the house with a boom box over your head. Also with a sign of a train saying "Choo choo choo chooose me!".

Ofc i don't want to share, but what can i do? I can give her a real irrevocable ultimatum, and risk her going to him (which will probably not end good - might last sometime, but won't end good), or i can sit and wait for her to form a bigger connection with me. Currently she's spending about 80% of her time with me. She says the other guy is busy with his job and other things, and they can't see each other too much. From what i can gather, since she's moved in with me, she only saw him once or twice (one of wich, was to "let him go", but he came running back to her).

He's pretty volatile: one moment says it's her decision, and good riddance, the next, comes back crying and declares unending love...

This is what I've gathered. She is wavering. You've hurt her twice, probably already ruined her image of love and now she may have a hard time really feeling it with you even if she wants to. Even if that's not the case, eventually, some time down the line I can guarantee one of you will leave. She's still unsure, which means she doesn't consider you undoubtably to be a person she wants to spend her life with. She may settle with you for a while. Or she may settle with the other guy for a while. But eventually someone else will make her mind waver...because that seems to be how she is. And then she may try him out. You. You say you love her, but maybe part of you is convincing yourself that you do. I can't see how an epiphany can somehow change your feelings...just your beliefs. Love isn't so easy to fall in to for most people. But, you know you best. I'm just speculating.

In the end: She will either leave you soon (in 0-2 years) or you will leave her somewhere later down the line.
You can't change her feelings and the fact that she is between two guys right now tells me that she doesn't like either of you enough. You'll just be someone she settles for. In the end, I would try to at least talk her out of the other guy for her own safety. That kind of behavior he seems to exhibit leads me to believe that he may already be verbally abusive and may well turn physically abusive. If she enters that cycle with him, she'll get trapped.

Posted by 88Doble


@OP - well, if it makes you feel better, this triangle is not going to last much longer. Because as soon as one of you touches ground, it will fall apart.

Can you make it a bit more clear? What do you mean exactly by "touches ground"?

@Scenic: I get what you're saying. Most of it rings true. Even the part about me WANTING to love her.. at first. But then, as I've stated, I really, honestly fell in love with her. I know it's true, and not just self delusion. It took a while; I was very uncertain about it, after i made the decision to come back, but in the end, the feelings grew, and i found myself very much in love. I truly enjoy our time spent together, because we seem to get along very well. If it were not for this goddamn thing, it would have been smooth sailing all along. We have a lot in common, share a sense of humor, and can sometimes really tell what each other feels and thinks. We are both first decade Pisces, and we are very similar in many respects. It just bugs me that in spite of this, she still chooses to keep him along, and ruin the potential for happyness we have. All based on some feelings she has (which are, after all pretty predictable, given the circumstance), and some promises he keeps making (which is weird, to say the least, given how little they see of each other). I think the difficulty of choice stems more from the fact that in her eyes, me and him are quite similar, and it's hard for her to decide which is the "best" one. She told me, amusingly, that as she came to know him better, she kept finding all these similarities between me and him, and that is probably the reason she fell for him, given my absence. One thing she tells me is that she thinks i'm the better man of the two, and that i would make a better long term relationship material, but her feelings for him are stronger.

I do honestly think he's bad for her (or at least not as good), and that she will regret choosing him if she does that, but i don't know how to tell her that, withoug the risk of sounding like a self-centered a-hole. I don't know if he's abusive... for one he doesn't seem like he is... he just seems to be volatile and manipulative. He broke of with his current girlfriend because of my girl (well, more like he used her as an excuse to do it), and i have the feeling he just wants to make that decision count, somehow.

you seem to enjoy bad relationships. You just got back with this girl because you got dumped, that's not a good reason, let it go.

Hydorah, that's not it at all, you're oversimplifying things. I got "dumped" almost a year ago. In the meantime i have been working on the relationship with this girl. I didn't "just" got back with her...

@theie: that's just a silly game. I'm not interested in showing her that. We have quite a hystory together. I'm interested in her.

Dude, thanx for the feedback, i know what you're saying. I used to hold some of those oppinions, myself. But for me those are only games. They are "playa" territory. Now, i admit, this is probably the way to treat 20 year old girls.. well, at least SOME 20 year olds, but i'm not interested in that. I don't like playing The Game. It's not my thing. I get no satisfaction in keeping a woman with me just by playing mind games. I look for genuine human comunication, and real support, not primitive mating rituals.
And as a matter of fact, i do work out. Not at the gym, but enough to keep myself in good shape.

Of course, i appreciate you taking your time to answer me. But i don't feel that would solve anything.

Well, update. 🙂

She told me today that she wants to take a break. It was rather out of the blue, actually, because we haven't talked about this for a few days, and we were having quite a good time. She said she thought about it a lot, and can't go on like this. Even though she cares very much for me, and i belive she does, at the moment she really feels more for this other guy, and wants to think about it, and maybe give it a shot. She's leaving to stay at a friend's for an undefined period. I'm not making any assumptions, but i don't think she'll return.

Yeah, i guess it would've been probably better if i would have made this move a few weeks ago, rather than let her assume control... but what ca ya do? Truth is i WAS weak... And my strong feelings for her (and probably some of the guilt from way back) made me afraid of loosing her permanently, if i let go. The fact that she was really hot, and we kind of had a strong sexual connection didn't help either.

Time will tell, i guess.

Still, thanks for your support. There wasn't enough tine for me to react to the advice here, but it did work as a confession. Writing all these, taking them off my chest, kind of prepared me for the revelation i had today, and it would probably help me cope with it better. If she comes back, i will update this thread. I think it's a good thing to record every time there's a happy ending somewhere. Gives people hope...

Posted by theie
Hey man i just asked my pisces girl she said that im shallow little bug after reading my posts what the hell, why did i even ask her 😄 But i know this works dont listen to female advice about females 😄

But okay


She went to school now i will ask her later about the advice i know she can give you the best advice
She said she will do it but her english is bad i will have to translate it 😄

Promise to me that you will listen to every word because she is sacred to me just as much the pisces girl is sacred to you

I know we can make it work together !

Oh, sorry, i didn't see your last message. I'm on my phone, and it kind of screws with the board's formatting. To tell you the truth, i thought you were a "shallow little bug" as well, but i respect the fact that you listen to your girl's opinion, and she means so much to you.

I would very much like to hear what she had to say about it. Maybe some advice on what to do now, also. I know i'm not prepared to let this girl go, but i also don't want to be a nuisance, and want to give her the space she needs. We have a hystory of breaking off and getting together, and probably this is just the next step in that process, not the last. After all, i did the exact same thing to her in the past (albeit in a more nasty way) and it's only right that Karma would want to teach me a lesson... Even though i kind of learnt it already... (gee, thanks, Karma! )

And you do sound very much like a scorpio, btw 😛

Posted by theie
if you appreaciate me taking my time then talk to me why it is wrong, please do.

Talk with me why you don't want to show her you are desired by other woman.
Talk to me why you dont want to show her that you love life and don't care about this particular relationship much because you are happy anyway.

Tell me why exactly you care about her so much that you don't want to show your best qualities and potential as a man.

Why you sitting stiffled on your ass ?



Don't just dismiss me man. Just because im a scorpio and that your social conditioning and Hollywood stereotype of love says that being a playa is wrong.

What is wrong is believeing you are too fucking cool to listen you stupid fuck.

Oh you are so fucking adult and envolved so you dont play games and want REAL RAPPORT AND CONNECTION WITH A PERSON...That doesnt even appreaciate you.


She sucked that guys dick. Imagine her sucking that guys dick. You know pisces girls like to pleasure their partners. She sucked his dick man. You feel that pain in your chest ? Thats your weakness

Now stand up and do push ups to kill that shit inside of you.

You are stuck in your behavioral patterns and youre also close minded.


You are working out at home just to be enough. You think enough is actually enough.

This is good enough man..good enough...attitude of this whole planet...just be chill this is good enough..


Im saying its not enough and she will destroy you. Because you are weak.


My pisces girl destroyed me many times before i finally got her...

She is the universe. The eternity. In shape of human body. She is here to make other man strong.

If you are weak she will kill you so you can be reborn stronger.


Aight now lets wait for my pisces girl to give you advice.

Priceless 🙂

Posted by theie
Hey man i just asked my pisces girl she said that im shallow little bug after reading my posts what the hell, why did i even ask her 😄 But i know this works dont listen to female advice about females 😄

But okay


She went to school now i will ask her later about the advice i know she can give you the best advice
She said she will do it but her english is bad i will have to translate it 😄

Promise to me that you will listen to every word because she is sacred to me just as much the pisces girl is sacred to you

I know we can make it work together !

This too!

wtf?


Here's the bottom line:

You wanted to play around, without strings attached, and used her feelings at your disposal. Then when you got dumped, you ran back to her to try and pretend to be heartbroken, so she wouldn't suspect your deception. Then when she told you that she had another man, you suddenly were in love with her because The Player cannot handle being played, and so has to feign love.

It will come back to you. One day, you will actually fall head over heels in love ... and god help you then, because she will destroy your feelings .. it's called karma

P-Angel, it might sound that way, but it's wrong. I never ran back to her, in that way, and i never feigned heartbreak. The first time, she was the one that came after me, and the second time i never pretended anything. I just started talking with her, and i told her about my love labors much later, after a few months even, when we were really close and would talk about anything. While i do admit, she was kind of a resort at first, after some time my feelings had changed, and i really started to have deep and serious feelings for her (WAY before i found out about the other guy - that happened just a few weeks ago, and my love for her has become clear ever since August). And, as i said, i discovered what a nice person she really is, something i never gave myself the chance to notice, at first. There was also no "playing around". I never really had sex with her until just a few months ago. And the fact that i was an a-hole with her the first time, was because i had fallen smitten by a blonde, blue eyed Aries, who just happened to like old movies, weird music, and videogames. There was no leading her on. The only admittedly bad thing that i did, was not explaining my feelings about it, and just cutting her off without a word. But i never played her, because it's something i deeply loathe.

Mostly I've talked about all these in my previous posts, but i don't like having my intentions misinterpreted like that. Yeah, i get that it's easy to judge, and although i agree with some of the other remarks here (even those of the devilish Scorpio, theie), i don't like being painted in such an awful light, with so few words.

Posted by Treplev

... i don't like having my intentions misinterpreted like that.

... i don't like being painted in such an awful light, with so few words.

lol, what an idiot.

Only you can make yourself out to look this awful, and you did so all by yourself ... I merely summed it up for the people who can't be arsed to read through your inconsistent dribble.

In a nutshell, it is exactly as I stated ... you couldn't care a less about her, and even broke up with her twice, by abandoning her. Then once she got a boyfriend, you came running back. And now your dilemma is .... she wants the other man because rightfully so, you can't be trusted due to presenting to her that you'll play on her feelings.

That ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is it.

If you don't like it, then direct your life a way you like.


:::: shakes head ::::


Pisces can be stupid mother fuckers, for reals.

Heh, people on message boards can be such assholes, right? 😛

I have said what i had to say about what i did, and why. You can make your conclusions, as well as the other people who read through my "inconsistent dribble" made theirs. I actually came here for help, because i felt sorry for what i did, and felt that my ways of dealing with the situation may have needed some improvement or some guidance. I came for a second opinion. I didn't came for finger pointing or name calling from strangers.

I thought that by presenting a decent and respectful tone, i would get the same in return. Apparently not. Because anonymity.

Well, this last comment actually made me feel worse than the insult-ridden ones by P-Angel... Yeah, everything is true. Even though she tried to assure me that she got over all the wrongs i did in the past, and i'm sure she forgave me, the actual toll was her feelings for me. And that's somewhat worse to swallow. This girl did love me for real, that's why she kept waiting for me whenever i dissapeared, that's why she put up with all my asshole jokes, and that's why she was always there for me. I took it too much for granted, and in the end i got burned... Of course, when i saw the error of my ways (NOT when i heard about the other guy), i tried to make it up as best as i could, but it was too late... And even THEN, even when she already had a guy that kept pursuing her, she still gave me chances. Would have still preferred me over him. She tried to remember the feelings she had for me. In hindsight, it was pretty obvious, even though at the moment i wasn't aware of it. In my selfish blindness, i thought nothing had changed... all while she was struggling to get back everything that actually changed...

It's sad, and i'm sorry...

that kind of relationship you're looking for is not going to work with a 20 y.o. girl especially if you're older.There are other women in the world.

Posted by Treplev

I actually came here for help, because i felt sorry for what i did ....

No, you came here for vindication, so you can find blame elsewhere, so you don't have to deal with guilt.

The only sorry you feel is for yourself, because you aren't getting what you want.

You abandon a woman TWICE ... then have the audacity to come in here and pretend like you're an innocent victim of circumstances.

In reality .... you don't deserve respect, and in the fact that you think you do, is all the more proof that you have no remorse in hurting her.


men like you are pigs

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Anyone do the obligatory quintessential fishy response yet?

OP wants what he can't have, his girl wants what she can't have, Mr Not Sure, and Mr Not Sure isn't sure he wants any of it which makes him think he wants after all. But he's not sure. Lol

Carry on.

There is no quintessential Pisces response......a Mercury /Venus in a fixed sign would beat indecision at any time. For example, I'm quite annoyed how quickly I make up my mind and how much butter I can take while sticking with my decision.

I don't think this story is about indecision. Here is a young girl who wanted T and gave him a second chance. She just learned that it's not such a good idea to give someone a THIRD chance. It's not mentally healthy.

And than here is T, who didn't care much about this girl initially, left her for another, came back to her because that's what she wanted, left again, got burned, came back to her while vulnerable, and then he may or may not have developed feelings for her when it was too late.

Don't do it again, T. You are not marker enough for this game. And this is a compliment.

Indeed there is no indecision involved. Maybe there was a bit of indecision in her, but you can hardly blame her for that. It's not easy to decide between a new exciting guy, and an old flame that suddenly wants to be yours, and is prepared to commit to that.

I don't understand why do you say it's not mentally healthy to give someone a THIRD chance, in this situation. If it were not for the appearance of the other guy, i'm pretty sure things would have worked out. Maybe even if the other guy was not a Pisces, it would have worked out. The people around here tend to dramatize the situation more than it was in reality. Of course what i did was awful, but when we got back together this year, those things kind of remained in the past. I'm sure there was SOME resentment, because at one point or two, she reproached me on it. But mostly, it was not that damaging. The reason she decided not to stay with me wasn't because she didn't trust me anymore, but because the other guy was newer, they developed quite a bit of a connection in the almost a year since they knew each other, and it kind of replaced the (unanswered at the time) feelings she had for me.

Posted by Treplev

.... and an old flame that suddenly wants to be yours, and is prepared to commit to that.

There's no way of her knowing that you are prepared to commit to her, because the only thing she has to go on is your word ... and your words are full of lies.

You say you are ready to commit ... while your actions state that you are inconsistent, unreliable, and deceitful.

You want so badly to make yourself out to look very important here ... in reality, men who do what you do to women are pieces of shit.

Posted by Treplev

If it were not for the appearance of the other guy, i'm pretty sure things would have worked out.

You cannot even face reality here. She doesn't want you because of the person you are = which is one who uses her, a person who doesn't care about her feelings, a person who abandons her, just after promising you made a mistake ..... which I'm assuming here that in order for her to take you back, certainly you had to tell her you made a mistake, and had to promise not to hurt her again.

Then you crushed her again.

Now, you make an excuse in saying she only wants the other guy because he's good looking .... umm no, she wants the other guy because you're obviously a dickhead.

Posted by Treplev

But mostly, it was not that damaging.

click to expand

Of course it wasn't damaging ... TO YOU

You're a piece of work. Here you state that it wasn't all that damaging to her, when in reality, what you did to her is devastating to a woman. So, by you saying that, goes to prove further that you couldn't give a flying fuck about her, and how she feels.

:::: shakes head ::::

P-Angel... WHAT are you talking about? It seems you have a history with this sort of men, don't you? Because you're needlessly offended by what i'm saying, and even more, you're misinterpreting my words. You also seem to have no faith in the ability for remorse, or change in people. What exactly is in my current actions, that you see as "inconsistent, unreliable and deceitful"?

The next paragraph makes even less sense... i promised her what? in order for her to take me back? First time, she came to me, i didn't promise her anything. I just continued talking to her, because, yes, i was burned by the other girl, and it felt good having someone to talk to. I did gave her some hope, as well, because i REALLY wanted to make it work, but in my mind, i was only thinking about the other girl, so when she gave me signals that she would want to take our "friendship" further, i bailed out again, because i didn't want to lead her on, while i still had strong feelings for someone else. Then, after about a half year, during which i decided that the other thing had absolutely no chance, and feeling bad for turning down the girl that loved me, i reestablished connections with her. But i didn't make any promise, i didn't even apologize at first. I just wanted to talk to her... casually at first. But then, as we continued that, we started talking about the past, and what i did, and only then i told her about that, and that i felt sorry, and that i'll never do it again. And that time, i was prepared to hold true to my word. But it was never anything dramatic. She did tell me that she was very upset with me, but didn't make a fuss about it. And she seemed genuine. I didn't get the feeling she was keeping things to herself.
We never were in any sort of "official" relationship. We were mostly just friends, then "more than friends". Of course, friends that wanted to be more, but friends nevertheless, by the other person's choice, or circumstance. Probably, if there was an official relationship, then it would have been appropriately devastating, as you say.

Also, i never said the reason she chose the other guy was his good looks. Where did you read that? As a matter of fact, he isn't good looking, ascertained by me, and stated by her. So that is just hateful invention on your part.

Posted by Treplev

... i never said the reason she chose the other guy was his good looks. Where did you read that?

So that is just hateful invention on your part.

On top of being a dickhead that plays and hurts women without any remorse ... you're also a fucking dumbass.

Posted by Treplev

If it were not for the appearance of the other guy, i'm pretty sure things would have worked out.

click to expand

::: shakes head :::

Posted by P-Angel


On top of being a dickhead that plays and hurts women without any remorse ... you're also a fucking dumbass.

Fair enough.
_________________

Thing is, i still feel we kind of have a strong connection. I rarely felt this close with another girl. Even though she's quite a bit younger than me, i really felt close to her. That's why i kept returning to her, and not anyone else. We had somewhat of a mentor student relationship from the start (i have studied film directing, and she wanted to do that too - that's how we met), but we were also really empathic with each other. I think she still has some feelings for me, but there was this thing she told me: she was kind of sad that she never got the chance to be with a guy she likes, when she likes him. All her past relationships were with guys either after the feelings died, or either with guys she didn't care for much, but who violently professed their love to her. So she wanted to give this one a shot. She did tell me she still cared for me deeply, but the feelings for the other guy were more fresh, more "romantic", and she wanted to have a relationship like that. I can't blame her, at her age. I, for one, can tell the difference between those two feelings, now. I would rather pick the girl i have a stronger connection with, or more interests in common, than the one i only have romantic feelings for. As i have found out, the romantic feelings come as well, eventually (even if they're not very strong from the start), when the two people have things in common, and connect with each other on a deeper level.

Could there be a FOURTH chance? is there any chance she will come back to me, eventually? What should i do? Would it be a good idea if i'll ask her to come back? The other guy always did that, and it seemed to work. I know some chicks hate that kind of attitude, but maybe it will work here. How long do you guys think i should wait before i talk to her again?

It may seem like i'm rambling, and actually, i am... but it eases me to talk about this things here. It's something i would never do in real life, from fear of looking like a dumbass. Also, it kind of substitutes the constant urge i have to text her, or call her, or send her lengthy messages on Facebook... -_-

Well yeah, now i leave her alone. But she's only been gone for three days. For me it seems like three years... I don't know how long i can keep doing that, when i miss her so much every day. It all happened so sudden, it left a great deal of unfinished things. We've made plans, we talked about things we'll do together. Why, even tonight we were planning to attend an event. She even convinced me to go to a job interview i have tomorrow. Now, it all seems too worthless... Don't care about anything anymore. I went through a long period of depression earlier this year, and because of her i got out of it. She managed to cure what the prescription medication didn't. Now it's back to the "good ol' days". Yeah, i get it's selfish to want her for the good her presence does to me, but i would like to think that i can repay all of it through my love and support. I mean, i don't want JUST to user her, but to give back everything i take. Isn't that what it should be all about? Give and take?

And i know she still cares about me. Maybe not in such a deeply romantic, butterflies type of way, any more, but I could tell she was very distraught as well, when she left. I tried not to look at her too much, but i think she was crying. What if she expects me to go after her? What if this is the way she wants to convince herself I'm really genuine, and I won't disappear again? Maybe she really needs to know i can go out of my way to get her back? As the other guy did, too. Remember she did leave him a couple of times, and she only went back when he came running after her..

Yeah, man... thanks. I really get what you're saying. Funniest thing is.. this isn't the first time i've been through something like this. I've read the rules, and watched the clips. I think i know every PUA method of coping with loss, and understand the truth in them. It's just, you know... hard to follow it all at once, as you have already said.

Besides that, i kind of like the idea of "oneitis", as the modern world took to calling it. I mean, i can't really fall in love with a girl if i don't put her on a pedestal. I think the basic idea o lovem means exactly that. For you that person HAS to be better than anyone else (even if for a certain time span), if you are to consider her important enough to invest such feelings for. And i'm not talking about projecting things in a chick i barely know.. Usually i don't fall for chicks i barely know. I tend to develop a stronger connection with someone before i can truly say i want to be with her. Most of the time, the girl fell in love with me before i fell in love with her. It's probably my natural defense mechanism that compensates the fact that i throw myself so fully. So what that guy, and all the other people like that say there doesn't really apply. Yeah, i understand it's a trap to consider ANYONE the best there ever is, but i think it's necessary. I find it pretty mundane to fall in love with a girl, if you start with the idea that "meh... there are other like her". No, not mundane - useless.

Thanks, 88Doble, it's probably the nicest thing i've heard since i came here 🙂
Oh, and special mention for Undine, too, while at that 😄
It really does help coming here.

Oh, and the dude in the video is almost a carbon copy of a guy i knew in Uni. He used to give people lectures about things like that, too. As a matter of fact, he used to give people lectures about everything, if i remember correctly... Pisces as well, that dude.

Yeah, i understand it's not condescending. Your just speaking what i need to hear right now, but don't have the strength to think for myself. Which is actually the reason i come here.

Heh, i've been bombarded with this message today. You know? Maybe i WILL actually postpone contacting her for a few days 😛

OFC i'm joking with the "few days" part!

So... umm... she kinda, sorta, contacted me. I'm curious what this could mean. She commented on one of my Facebook pictures (that was up for about a week before that), and the next day she sent me a funny gif saying something along the lines of "i know this is probably not the best moment, but I just saw this, and i started laughing my ass off". To both i replied in a very curt, nice but official way, then neither of us said anything.

So what should i take this as? I know it's probably a stupid question, but since I'm very much involved emotionally in this, i can't really see the bigger picture. I can't really think it out logically. Should i wait for the next time she contacts me (IF she contacts me next time), or should i slowly start talking to her again?

That is why I always end up dating air signs almost exclusively..........they always take the hint and are happy to continue and then initiate the next conversation.

The thought that someone waits for me to contact him AGAIN, because he has nothing interesting to say, feels insecure, anxious or trapped in his own head, makes me puke.

I hope she's nothing like me.

I also think you are from Bulgaria, not Romania!

Well, she doesn't know i'm being insecure about it. And it's not really that, it's probably more along the lines of "trapped in my own head". There are still some hard feelings on my side. She did string me along something awful. It's not that i don't have anything to say, but i'd probably blow it somehow, by saying something inapropriate. I'm not ready to have a casual, "friendly" conversation with her. Maybe she wants to have me as a friend, all the while she's having a relationship with that dude, and i just can't accept that. She did that with guys before, and i'm not planing to join their ranks.

And why, may i ask, do you think i'm from Bulgaria...?

You avoided all questions about Romania.

You grew up reading Russian literature and are emotionally close enough to it, to choose your avatar from a Russian novel.

Hehe... i didn't notice someone asked me any questions about Romania. But Romania is very much in tune with Russian literature, as well. We did live under Communism for almost 50 years, after all.

The nickname, though, is not that relevant. One of my former roommates used it whenever he registered somewhere, and i kind of chose it from the top of my head, when i signed in here. It was the first thing that came to mind. But, coincidentally, i do like Chekhov. And Russian cinema, as well.

Has it not already fallen apart when you rejected her twice? Door closed forever on you and you now it just dont want to see it? and trying to turn it around so you make good in your own head. I know she is over you and has plans for other things without you in her life.

And yeh it sux to have to go thru heart break but these things happen. I look back and am starting to think 'thank god I am lucky to have gone thru that' and to thank the people who were there for me during that stressful time of my life and if I can be there for them I will be.

As for this girl and you, sounds like a mix up of sorts. I think she may have thought you two were going to be more than friends coz you both felt like it was more but because you dissed her twice, it has made her close the door to anything else with you but still sees you as a friend even if you dont see her as a 'friend'.

Not sure what will happen b/w the two of you but yeh I just say get maybe its best to get on with life and forget about it and get on with your own plans like forget about this ever happened and get on with it.

If you dont, how else do you think you can get someone who has shut the door to you? There is no other way and because she has made her mind up as to who she is in love with, you did the right thing by dissing her twice so now she has the idea you dont like her at all and you are actually being honest with your feelings toward her I think it will be easier for you both to move on and get on with your lives.

Your even hinting by the tone of your posts you werent interested in this girl in the first place and she was caught up in alot of emotional bullshit and thought you both felt more for each other than really was, and thats ok, it happens, at least you have now the decency to make yourself clear as to what happened. This makes things easier to deal with.

Phew, wipes hand across her forhead and thinks to herself I got out of that one, YES! Anytime I can help plz ask. Only too happy to, oh also thanks for clearing that up for me its actually been a really enlightening time for understanding where it is you come from.

i don't really understand everything you're saying, but you're basically telling me to get on with my life and forget her. Well, i can do that, but i want to give her another chance one last time. I haven't spoken to her at all since the "breakup", and almost a month had passed. A large part of the grief went away, but i still miss her and her company. I'm thinking i could just casually start a conversation, or just text her, and see where things go from there...