haffo
@haffo
20 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 9826 · Topics: 354
REASON??
Ok Haffo-
#1. Are you too straight forward?
No. From what I read here, you get to the point. Maybe others don't like it- but I appreciate it.
#2. Do you leave room for negoticians?
No, you don't... I'll say, at best- a conversation with you is more of you giving your opinion- rather you opening up to others.
#3. Should you tolerate people if tolerating them displeases you?
No. If you don't like someone- then you don't like them- plain and simple. You shouldn't have to step over your own feelings in order to accomodate someone else, nor should you change who are... a person who cares about you, will like you for you. I will ask in return, why do you look at the situation as "tolerating" someone?
#4. I think you're asking, what are these reason(s) for having a relationship-- what makes an environment for change? Growth? Comradery? Love?
Relationships aren't an exercise on tolerance-- If you are with a person and they do little things to annoy you- then maybe that's when you take the time to talk it over with that person-- that is, if you care to relate with them further.
When you get into a relationship with someone- it should be because you like who they are- something about their overall personality that makes you think of spending time with that person- despite your differences and the other minor annoyances. And the feeling is mutual from that person. You grow because you understand this person- and you realize that their personality compliments yours... and vice versa. These are "hopes" and "dreams" when you meet someone you like.
#5. The decision to date/ to not date...
Whether you feel you require a relationship or not has nothing to do with sex- kissing-or intimacy. Relationships are "MORE than friendships", because you share your time with friends-- but you share your LIFE with a partner. You don't go into a relationship knowing everything there is to know about this person .. it's impossible... you go into this relationship to learn everything there is to know. That will take time- and on many occassions you will choose the wrong person. It happens. In a way, getting into a relationship is like jumping into a dark lake-- you can see the surface, but you don't know what's on the bottom until you swim there. Getting there is half the fun/ half the battle.
#1. Are you too straight forward?
No. From what I read here, you get to the point. Maybe others don't like it- but I appreciate it.
#2. Do you leave room for negoticians?
No, you don't... I'll say, at best- a conversation with you is more of you giving your opinion- rather you opening up to others.
#3. Should you tolerate people if tolerating them displeases you?
No. If you don't like someone- then you don't like them- plain and simple. You shouldn't have to step over your own feelings in order to accomodate someone else, nor should you change who are... a person who cares about you, will like you for you. I will ask in return, why do you look at the situation as "tolerating" someone?
#4. I think you're asking, what are these reason(s) for having a relationship-- what makes an environment for change? Growth? Comradery? Love?
Relationships aren't an exercise on tolerance-- If you are with a person and they do little things to annoy you- then maybe that's when you take the time to talk it over with that person-- that is, if you care to relate with them further.
When you get into a relationship with someone- it should be because you like who they are- something about their overall personality that makes you think of spending time with that person- despite your differences and the other minor annoyances. And the feeling is mutual from that person. You grow because you understand this person- and you realize that their personality compliments yours... and vice versa. These are "hopes" and "dreams" when you meet someone you like.
#5. The decision to date/ to not date...
Whether you feel you require a relationship or not has nothing to do with sex- kissing-or intimacy. Relationships are "MORE than friendships", because you share your time with friends-- but you share your LIFE with a partner. You don't go into a relationship knowing everything there is to know about this person .. it's impossible... you go into this relationship to learn everything there is to know. That will take time- and on many occassions you will choose the wrong person. It happens. In a way, getting into a relationship is like jumping into a dark lake-- you can see the surface, but you don't know what's on the bottom until you swim there. Getting there is half the fun/ half the battle.
My answers would be blunter/shorter versions of STD's.She got to it first though.
I really must ask Haffo. Were bought up by Monkeys in a jungle somewhere??
STD... Dang, this girl knows her SH1T!!!
STD... Dang, this girl knows her SH1T!!!
"I really must ask Haffo. Were bought up by Monkeys in a jungle somewhere??"
No. But I often call my parents as "monkeys". I hope that will be satisfying.
No. But I often call my parents as "monkeys". I hope that will be satisfying.
BJ:
The truth is that I'm dumb. I'm 24 and never thought about other 50% of (okay okay 51% ) population (women). Most of it is due to my education. I have soo f-kd up education(complex)(I'm university degree btw). The more I clear with my problems more mind power comes to be allocated to other things. Therefore relationship. However, I always fascinated by myself especially how can I exercise my self control. I beleive this is big plus for me. It gives me ability to think with head then with heart which I see very few people can do.
The truth is that I'm dumb. I'm 24 and never thought about other 50% of (okay okay 51% ) population (women). Most of it is due to my education. I have soo f-kd up education(complex)(I'm university degree btw). The more I clear with my problems more mind power comes to be allocated to other things. Therefore relationship. However, I always fascinated by myself especially how can I exercise my self control. I beleive this is big plus for me. It gives me ability to think with head then with heart which I see very few people can do.
BJ:
The truth is that I'm dumb. I'm 24 and never thought about other 50% of (okay okay 51% ) population (women). Most of it is due to my education. I have soo f-kd up education(complex)(I'm university degree btw). The more I clear with my problems more mind power comes to be allocated to other things. Therefore relationship. However, I always fascinated by myself especially how can I exercise my self control. I beleive this is big plus for me. It gives me ability to think with head then with heart which I see very few people can do.
The truth is that I'm dumb. I'm 24 and never thought about other 50% of (okay okay 51% ) population (women). Most of it is due to my education. I have soo f-kd up education(complex)(I'm university degree btw). The more I clear with my problems more mind power comes to be allocated to other things. Therefore relationship. However, I always fascinated by myself especially how can I exercise my self control. I beleive this is big plus for me. It gives me ability to think with head then with heart which I see very few people can do.
Haffo,
We're all dumb to some degree... no matter how much intellect we carry with us, our wisdom is the sum of our experiences. Essentially, whatever we learn from a book, a class, a school, or another person can only give us a 2 dimensional perspective.
If I read 1000 page book on Turkey.. do I know Turkey? Could I say that I was an expert on living there, on the people, on the culture?? ...... Of course not!
So we're all students. We all should be learning-- there's so much to know- and so little time.. so, here are my rules to being a student of life:
Food needs to be tasted, not read about.
People have to be known-- loved, and not over-analyzed.
Life has to be lived, not studied!!!
We cannot logically work every situation... Love, Relationships, LIFE-LIFE-LIFE, deserve to be experienced. That using your head over heart crap is an over-intellectualized excuse for not diving in and getting your feelings involved.
We're all dumb to some degree... no matter how much intellect we carry with us, our wisdom is the sum of our experiences. Essentially, whatever we learn from a book, a class, a school, or another person can only give us a 2 dimensional perspective.
If I read 1000 page book on Turkey.. do I know Turkey? Could I say that I was an expert on living there, on the people, on the culture?? ...... Of course not!
So we're all students. We all should be learning-- there's so much to know- and so little time.. so, here are my rules to being a student of life:
Food needs to be tasted, not read about.
People have to be known-- loved, and not over-analyzed.
Life has to be lived, not studied!!!
We cannot logically work every situation... Love, Relationships, LIFE-LIFE-LIFE, deserve to be experienced. That using your head over heart crap is an over-intellectualized excuse for not diving in and getting your feelings involved.
Great post STD.
I beleive you and me are both living on extremes of the life. I live on analyzing extreme and you are living on experiencing extreme. Both are bad. Both are tactless.
You are right. People can't live just on analysing, without experiencing. But lets agree on one thing, people just can't experience everything. Lets take an example:
Imagine that you are learning foreign language and you want to write a letter to someone where you can also check your mistakes. You have two machines in front of you. A typewriter and a computer. You can try to write on typewriter, but if you miss a mistake, then you have to write all paper again. But with computer, things are easier. You don't have to write everything again, you just need to change words to correct your letter which is far more time effiecient. The lesson that we should extract from this example is that "a computer is better than a typewriter". People who will come after us, will just know that "a computer is better than a typewriter". They won't need details. They will start typing right on computer and SAVE LIFETIME. Therefore, they will use their lifetime far far more efficiently.
I think the analysing part should not be based on details, for example, "Why a computer is better than a typewriter?", but based on on the main idea "a computer is better than a typewriter". Such sort of information gives us DIRECTION. The direction is not details itself.
When we speak about relationships, these "directions" are basically MAIN DRIVING FORCES. These forces drive us to do something, not how to do something, but "why" to do something. If you noticed STD, my questions all are based on "why" questions. I'm asking for DIRECTIONS. I don't ask for details because I beleive that this part should be experienced.
I beleive you and me are both living on extremes of the life. I live on analyzing extreme and you are living on experiencing extreme. Both are bad. Both are tactless.
You are right. People can't live just on analysing, without experiencing. But lets agree on one thing, people just can't experience everything. Lets take an example:
Imagine that you are learning foreign language and you want to write a letter to someone where you can also check your mistakes. You have two machines in front of you. A typewriter and a computer. You can try to write on typewriter, but if you miss a mistake, then you have to write all paper again. But with computer, things are easier. You don't have to write everything again, you just need to change words to correct your letter which is far more time effiecient. The lesson that we should extract from this example is that "a computer is better than a typewriter". People who will come after us, will just know that "a computer is better than a typewriter". They won't need details. They will start typing right on computer and SAVE LIFETIME. Therefore, they will use their lifetime far far more efficiently.
I think the analysing part should not be based on details, for example, "Why a computer is better than a typewriter?", but based on on the main idea "a computer is better than a typewriter". Such sort of information gives us DIRECTION. The direction is not details itself.
When we speak about relationships, these "directions" are basically MAIN DRIVING FORCES. These forces drive us to do something, not how to do something, but "why" to do something. If you noticed STD, my questions all are based on "why" questions. I'm asking for DIRECTIONS. I don't ask for details because I beleive that this part should be experienced.
I'll agree with you Haffo- there are some things we don't have to experience to know... like, how to start a fire- refrigerating food helps it last longer, yes-- the world is round, touch a hot stove and you will be burned....
I don't think you're asking for directions either.
But the "why" questions you ask-- are similar to, "why do you like ice cream?"
Well, I know why I like ice cream... but it may not be for the same reasons why Cancerlady likes ice cream, or BJ likes ice cream (if he even likes ice cream at all).
My point.. these "why" questions that you have -- are questions that can only be truly answered your own experiences. Like in your sex topic.. you asked, "what makes a woman decide to have sex?" You received many different reasons-- but you can't really apply those reasons to anyone else.... highly improbably you'll meet two people who think and act exactly alike.
I don't think you're asking for directions either.
But the "why" questions you ask-- are similar to, "why do you like ice cream?"
Well, I know why I like ice cream... but it may not be for the same reasons why Cancerlady likes ice cream, or BJ likes ice cream (if he even likes ice cream at all).
My point.. these "why" questions that you have -- are questions that can only be truly answered your own experiences. Like in your sex topic.. you asked, "what makes a woman decide to have sex?" You received many different reasons-- but you can't really apply those reasons to anyone else.... highly improbably you'll meet two people who think and act exactly alike.
" I don't think you're asking for directions either."
STD. I am really confused now. I don't really sure how things sound to you when I post but I do really ask for directions. I seek the meaning. Why should man date a woman if the reason is not marriage? It's not about details. It's about "what is the general benefit of doing it so?". There could be many many reasons and I'm sure there are alot of them. But I can't figure out these answers by my own because I have no experience to show you the examples. Therefore, I ask you. You have that experience. That's the difference.
" But the "why" questions you ask-- are similar to, "why do you like ice cream?"
Yes. Because ice cream is sweet. And everyone takes it that way, because human nature, tongue nature is built to get it as sweet. And sweet is good for human. See how general?
" My point.. these "why" questions that you have -- are questions that can only be truly answered your own experiences."
No. If there wouldn't then I wouldn't ask it to you.
"Like in your sex topic.. you asked, "what makes a woman decide to have sex?" You received many different reasons-- but you can't really apply those reasons to anyone else...."
Yes they answered. But all of them were subjective opinions. Aren't objective, therefore general. Oh and yes, I'm 200% sure that there are general ones.
"but you can't really apply those reasons to anyone else.... highly improbably you'll meet two people who think and act exactly alike."
Two people come along for a particular reason. That reason gives power and life to relationship. The so called "love" is one of these reasons. But unfortunately, it is temporal. And when it gone, the relationship goes too.
STD. I am really confused now. I don't really sure how things sound to you when I post but I do really ask for directions. I seek the meaning. Why should man date a woman if the reason is not marriage? It's not about details. It's about "what is the general benefit of doing it so?". There could be many many reasons and I'm sure there are alot of them. But I can't figure out these answers by my own because I have no experience to show you the examples. Therefore, I ask you. You have that experience. That's the difference.
" But the "why" questions you ask-- are similar to, "why do you like ice cream?"
Yes. Because ice cream is sweet. And everyone takes it that way, because human nature, tongue nature is built to get it as sweet. And sweet is good for human. See how general?
" My point.. these "why" questions that you have -- are questions that can only be truly answered your own experiences."
No. If there wouldn't then I wouldn't ask it to you.
"Like in your sex topic.. you asked, "what makes a woman decide to have sex?" You received many different reasons-- but you can't really apply those reasons to anyone else...."
Yes they answered. But all of them were subjective opinions. Aren't objective, therefore general. Oh and yes, I'm 200% sure that there are general ones.
"but you can't really apply those reasons to anyone else.... highly improbably you'll meet two people who think and act exactly alike."
Two people come along for a particular reason. That reason gives power and life to relationship. The so called "love" is one of these reasons. But unfortunately, it is temporal. And when it gone, the relationship goes too.
An example:
You find your partner as funny. The funny part actually related to that particular partner. Yes you may not find someone else as funny as that your current partner. But staying with man who is funny for you, well, that is business now, and that is a REASON. You may seek another funny man when you will brake up with old one. May you find the same one or not, that is another question. But the reason is finding a FUNNY man. That's the reason.
You find your partner as funny. The funny part actually related to that particular partner. Yes you may not find someone else as funny as that your current partner. But staying with man who is funny for you, well, that is business now, and that is a REASON. You may seek another funny man when you will brake up with old one. May you find the same one or not, that is another question. But the reason is finding a FUNNY man. That's the reason.
Haffo,
the fact that you ask this question, "Why should man date a woman if the reason is not marriage?" Only displays your naivety about dating, relationships.. and marriage.
Dating means- you take a person out, you buy them dinner- you take long walks alone, you share your beliefs on topics-- I.E. you're getting to know this person. )... stay with me Haffo because I have said nothing about sex-- yet....
At this point, dating only means that you're friends, with the hopes of it being something more-- but you don't know if you want to MARRY this person because you don't know enough about them. The better question is, "Why enter a relationship with a woman if the goal is not marriage...?" Relationships are different- you're past dating, and you're making a conscious decision to be monogamous (meaning not dating anyone else). In the relationship, you do things like meet the friends and family- get engaged, perhaps even have sex..BUT the relationship is still getting to know a person. The relationship is only a further indication that you are seriously trying to commit yourself to this person.
Dating and relationships are NOT the same... but the reasons why a person chooses to do either are subjective (subjective meaning based on the perspective of the individual.. in other words, NOT GENERAL).
...and No haffo.. I like eating ice cream because it's cold, I like the texture- and it tastes great with Magic Shell.... the fact that it's sweet is nice....but I can eat anything sweet-- but ice cream is cold-- and creamy.. and tastes great with Magic Shell... see how NOT general?
Also..
Two people come along for a particular reason. That reason gives power and life to relationship. The so called "love" is one of these reasons. But unfortunately, it is temporal. And when it gone, the relationship goes too.
This also something that is not a general case. Two people come along for whatever reason- but if they get to the point where they truly love each other- just because the relationship fails-- doesn't mean the love goes as well. Actually, quite the opposite is true.
the fact that you ask this question, "Why should man date a woman if the reason is not marriage?" Only displays your naivety about dating, relationships.. and marriage.
Dating means- you take a person out, you buy them dinner- you take long walks alone, you share your beliefs on topics-- I.E. you're getting to know this person. )... stay with me Haffo because I have said nothing about sex-- yet....
At this point, dating only means that you're friends, with the hopes of it being something more-- but you don't know if you want to MARRY this person because you don't know enough about them. The better question is, "Why enter a relationship with a woman if the goal is not marriage...?" Relationships are different- you're past dating, and you're making a conscious decision to be monogamous (meaning not dating anyone else). In the relationship, you do things like meet the friends and family- get engaged, perhaps even have sex..BUT the relationship is still getting to know a person. The relationship is only a further indication that you are seriously trying to commit yourself to this person.
Dating and relationships are NOT the same... but the reasons why a person chooses to do either are subjective (subjective meaning based on the perspective of the individual.. in other words, NOT GENERAL).
...and No haffo.. I like eating ice cream because it's cold, I like the texture- and it tastes great with Magic Shell.... the fact that it's sweet is nice....but I can eat anything sweet-- but ice cream is cold-- and creamy.. and tastes great with Magic Shell... see how NOT general?
Also..
Two people come along for a particular reason. That reason gives power and life to relationship. The so called "love" is one of these reasons. But unfortunately, it is temporal. And when it gone, the relationship goes too.
This also something that is not a general case. Two people come along for whatever reason- but if they get to the point where they truly love each other- just because the relationship fails-- doesn't mean the love goes as well. Actually, quite the opposite is true.
Ok.
Here some reasons come to my mind (they differ from person to person, somes are work and somes aren't work for one person, but still they are reasons):
1. Love
2. Fun
3. Personal growth, experience
4. Not feel lonely (that one is interesting)
5. Finance (especially with married people, when love dies this reason mostly keeps them together)
6. Kids (marriage, relationship etc)
7. Feel of Security (for women)
8. Sharing house? (again finance related)
9. Age (for women, interesting too)
10. Father for kids
11. Big penises (for Cancerlady)
12. Skilled sex maniacs (for some women)
13. Many other reasons that I don't know
Btw, some of these reasons aren't lifetime. They can't hold a relationship alone for forever.
BTW STD. Thank you for clarifying dating, relationship difference. From your classification I can say that then I've dated with % 50 women I've met.
Here some reasons come to my mind (they differ from person to person, somes are work and somes aren't work for one person, but still they are reasons):
1. Love
2. Fun
3. Personal growth, experience
4. Not feel lonely (that one is interesting)
5. Finance (especially with married people, when love dies this reason mostly keeps them together)
6. Kids (marriage, relationship etc)
7. Feel of Security (for women)
8. Sharing house? (again finance related)
9. Age (for women, interesting too)
10. Father for kids
11. Big penises (for Cancerlady)
12. Skilled sex maniacs (for some women)
13. Many other reasons that I don't know
Btw, some of these reasons aren't lifetime. They can't hold a relationship alone for forever.
BTW STD. Thank you for clarifying dating, relationship difference. From your classification I can say that then I've dated with % 50 women I've met.
14. Chocolate and ice-cream? (is that possible?)
Chocolate and ice cream is very good for putting it on..oh,wait pervert moment again.damn it.
I don't think you're dumb Haffo, maybe a little naive but far from dumb. I was joking with the monkey comment. You certainly keep things interesting around here!!
"I was joking with the monkey comment."
So do I.
So do I.
"Chocolate and ice cream is very good for putting it on..oh,wait pervert moment again.damn it.
It's Ok Tiamat. Sometimes when I read the topics here I think like that, "Oh my God. These people have soo much problem with each other. I guess a relationship based on Chocolate and ice-cream would be far better. At least you have someone who feed you with them".
It's Ok Tiamat. Sometimes when I read the topics here I think like that, "Oh my God. These people have soo much problem with each other. I guess a relationship based on Chocolate and ice-cream would be far better. At least you have someone who feed you with them".
15. Family needs (espesially with women, when your family tells you to date with someone or marry with someone, well that part is not working everywhere but still a reason for some places).
16. Enviroument needs (that one is when you see that everyone is dating with everyone and you do it to do not feel in minority, works with majority or people, but not with everyone).
C'mon people, add your reasons. I can't go forever like that....
16. Enviroument needs (that one is when you see that everyone is dating with everyone and you do it to do not feel in minority, works with majority or people, but not with everyone).
C'mon people, add your reasons. I can't go forever like that....
17. Being rich (this is the biggest reason for gold miners, still a reason for relationship)
18. Sex (sorry I forgot that one)
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Honestly I was already thinking about "Am I too straightfoward?" part with people. And also was thinking about "Didn't I leave no room for negotiations?". Yea I was thinking these. But then, I thought that I need a REASON to tolerate that person. For what, I have asked BJ a question which is in his post. The reason for why I should tolerate a person should outwheight the displeasure that they cause to my "intolerant" nature.
So, what is/are these reason(s) could be? The one that I already know so far is: "Creating an enviroument, in other words a relationship, where two people can grow in their personalities and gain experience". Unfortunately, this reason doesn't really require to be in a relationship. You can gain the same just being among your friends. Of course, if the additional reason is SEX, then the relationship is meaningfull. But then, still I feel something is not enough for that part. I don't know what it is.
There should be something different from others with that person. Othewise, there will be no reason left to differentiate her others. The reason should make me say like that "Yes she is woman, but she is different from others. She is different, that why I have chosen her not any other woman". It doesn't have to be love thought.
Also, if there would be no such reason then I would choice any women whom I see as a pontential partner and that means almost every women which is not correct action.
What kind of reasons do you have?