Serious question ...

A friend of mine just recently expressed to me while very intoxicated that he wants to kill himself. He said he has wanted to for many years now ... but, the love he has for his mother has prevented him from doing it >>> because it would destroy her, and he loves her too much to do that. He said, if it wasn't for her, he would have died many years ago.

I've been hashing this around in my brain for the last couple days, trying to figure out what to do. But, before I can figure out what to do .. I first have to find a perspective to put it in, so I know what path to take.

What I can't figure out at the moment, maybe because my heart is so invested in this man, so I'm not able to think objectively when it comes to him, is ..... do you think this was just the ramblings of a drunk man who didn't even know what he was saying? Or, is this a case of a person who doesn't have the courage to voice something this shattering unless he's drunk?

Was it a plea for help?
Or, just a drunk man running his mouth?

Until I figure this out .. I don't even know what to do to help him because I don't even know if it was a cry for help.

What do you guys think?

He's not a drunk man running his mouth. He was a drunk man being honest because of the alchohol. Its also not a plea for help-its a "FYI" plea meaning dig deeper without digging. Completely believe him when he says that he would have taken his own life a long time ago if it were not for his mother. Thats the flip side of people who are suicidal. Others would have you to believe they are selfish, but its the very act of vaulnerability and being selfless that others step on that puts good natured people on this path. You cant "help" him in the intervention sense, what you can do is take what he said seriously, stew on it, use your intuition and tread lightly. He told you for a reason and only you will know the answer and I trust that you are smart enough to figure it out.

No, not an alcoholic ... more like a Weekend Party Warrior.

And he does have several things going on in his life that's on the low-end of life occurances. But, I didn't think those things would make him talk like that, for we all face distressing moments, where we don't know where to turn. But, this guy is 38 years old, he's been married, a father, mortgages, career .. I mean, he's been around long enough to know that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, and things always turn around for the better.

And in his normal disposition ... he always stays on the optimistic side of things. It's not really like him to get beat-down over life.

So, this threw me .. it was not normal for him to talk like this, even when drunk. We party a lot together, and I've been with him drunk before.

Thank you everybody for angles in which to ponder about this, and I'll definitely check out those links you all gave me to watch, read.

Klover ... "dig deeper without digging" .... sounds like good advice to me. Dig deeper into the man, and share in his joys and interests to make him feel like his desires and aspirations are valuable to give him a sense of belonging ... without digging into him, as in probbing him for information.

That's ^^^ what I got out of that quote. Thank you 🙂

"Does not sound like a man that really believes that there is light at the end of the tunnel"


You're right, it doesn't .. so, then I have to assume that all the other times, when he seems optimistic, that it's a mask.

But, that doesn't sound right to me either .. because I've seen him during emotional reactions, and when we "react" it isn't calculated.

I don't know ... I'm still trying to figure out what to think.

Was it a plea for help?
Or, just a drunk man running his mouth?

From what you describe - it doesn't sound like someone just running his mouth. Also, there's a general belief that 'drunk people say the true'.
So this appears to be a little plea for help - especially if he has been pondering it for a while.

And in his normal disposition ... he always stays on the optimistic side of things. It's not really like him to get beat-down over life.

The problem sometimes with optimism is that it is truely a cover for what ails you and you can only wear a cover for so long. If this is emotional, guys are not the greatest at dealing with emotional troubles or seeking the right help so it is a huge step for him to admit this to you.
There's always a 'what if it doesn't become all rosy?' attached to most optimistic views and eventually any small crack can make the 'what if' question turn out the light at the end of the tunnel.

Having male friends at similar ages of 37-41, they always tell the stories of their glory days and how they thought their lives will turn out and it hasn't, I've seen them try to relive these days by turning to adultery, giving up and just existing for the next paycheck, splurging on a ridiculous purchase, etc...

The love of his mother is a good link but what if the mother's not there? Are we supposed to be in existence for such a reason?

I think you did the right thing and doing the right thing by reading materials - these texts can probably help you learn how to "dig deeper without digging" and the next stage - even if it pans out to be nothing...

Good luck

Well, tomorrow I'm going on a date with his mother. 🙂

I found out she likes to play bingo, and so do I .. so her (Virgo) and I are going to her church to play. A couple weeks ago her and I bonded because she was talking about ghosts, and crystals, and just spiritual stuff in general ... and this opened a doorway with her and I, we share interests.

I'm kind of hoping that maybe she might talk about him, since she knows we are such good friends. If she has concerns, like if he's talked to her like this before, or even hinted, then maybe she might say something. I'm not going to bring it up because there's no way I would frighten her like that ... but, I'll have my radar turned on in case she makes a reference to it.

Don't worry, I'm not going to blow this off .. for whatever reason he said this to me, I don't know quite yet .. but, there was a definite reason for it. I'm thinking that it's because all of our other friends don't really concern themselves with other people's stuff ... and just go about their lives. Whereas I take an interest in people, I'm always trying to take part in areas that are important to them, and not just what is important to me .... and maybe he senses this, and KNOWS that I will take it to heart and not blow him off.

I don't know ..... alls I know is that this is completely out-of-character for him to say something like that, and he certainly got my attention.

"The love of his mother is a good link but what if the mother's not there? Are we supposed to be in existence for such a reason?"


That's something I've been molling over as well. This attachment is not healthy, yet, at the same time, if it keeps him alive ... then this is something to embrace, for what it's worth.

She cannot live forever ... she ails, just as every person does her age, and it's only a matter of time. I was thinking, just now, maybe she is ill in some way, in which he hasn't revealed to me, or our other friends .. and so .. he's genuinely frightened of himself now.

So long as he's had this safety net, there was nothing to fear .. but, if she's ill, then his own mortality is at stake and that's why he said this to me?

This is really weird- I don't want to scare you P-Angel but I think I need some input too...

While I was typing the above message, I decided to call my mom and say hi - you know just a normal day, she says, have you spoken to your sister? I say nope not for 2 days and she says, well call her and goes ahead to tell me my sis witnessed a real-life suicide just over 24 hours ago and she hasn't been able to sleep.

A guy jumped in front of a fast moving train in front of her and others waiting for the train 😢

I really don't know what to say when I make the phone call...oh well, has to be made.

Really weird !

if it keeps him alive ... then this is something to embrace, for what it's worth.

Sounds like you'll cover all necessary bases - good thing he has you looking out for him now I think 🙂

Oh my ... how tragic. I hope your sister is alright.

Can't even imagine having to watch something like that ... just feeling so helpless for the man.

As much as this topic is painful .. I can actually understand why a person would want it to end

I thought it was refreshing Bijou. I liked how the families were able to step outside of themselves and try to understand the pain of another and the release that suicide will bring to them. I hate it when people think that the severly depressed are obligated to stay alive and continue hope simply so they wont hurt the people who love them by committing suicide. The very reason of wanting someone to push through their own pain to make others happy is a selfish concept. I will forever believe that the only person you will ever truly know is yourself-and even thats for a select few. We have no idea what people think and go through on a daily basis. At the end of the day, all you can do is love the people who are in your life, try to help them and be supportive, but ultimately what they choose is personal and on some level will always be incomprehensible.

when a person wants to really kill themselves they do it and feeling for another person just does not enter their minds

I think this is not always true either - it is more a feeling of the other person not really being able to understand. That's why they have suicide support forums 😢

I've even heard occassions where shrinks think they can't even touch that side of the person's mind when someone starts to think that way.