Cancer Mars, taurus sun boyfriend in ldr never does anything to make me feel special

I have sent him gifts.
I always give him unexpected calls.
And I repeatedly have told him how I am not happy with him not doing anything special for me.
I even begged him to send me a small inexpensive gift just to show he cares.

He doesnt give a shit.
I really love him. I think he loves me too.

What does the dxpnet community think? Am I wasting my time?

Posted by Gabzor
Tauruses are lazy... maybe he doesn't know what to send you? ldr's are tough though

That is what he always says when i bring up this issue.

Posted by Nevermore

Posted by Gabzor
Tauruses are lazy... maybe he doesn't know what to send you? ldr's are tough though

Even though he doesn't know what to send you, there's a way to find out about her.
Taurus are detectives when it comes to find the way of their interest to give a gift to someone they loved or cared about.

This kind of behavior is not that they are lazy, he just don't have an interest with OP nor even plans to spend out on her.
Unless he's getting spoiled from her that she's constantly giving him a gifts (Aka getting advantages of her) and I have no freaking idea how long they have been together.

click to expand

It has been almost 11 months.

Yes, whenever he pulls the:

"I am too lazy for all the mushy stuff" and
"I have *said" I love you" and
"I am new to ldr and dont know how to make you feel special" and
"I am just not a conventional boyfriend and am not a mushy person"

cards , I always tell him that if I can be creative in making our relationship work then he can too.

His closest colleague is also in an ldr and he actually pampers his girfriend like anything, professing his love to the whole world, putting mushy statuses on facebook, putting her picture as his cover picture and all that.

Posted by Nevermore

Posted by Double_trouble_29

Posted by Nevermore

Posted by Gabzor
Tauruses are lazy... maybe he doesn't know what to send you? ldr's are tough though

Even though he doesn't know what to send you, there's a way to find out about her.
Taurus are detectives when it comes to find the way of their interest to give a gift to someone they loved or cared about.

This kind of behavior is not that they are lazy, he just don't have an interest with OP nor even plans to spend out on her.
Unless he's getting spoiled from her that she's constantly giving him a gifts (Aka getting advantages of her) and I have no freaking idea how long they have been together.

It has been almost 11 months.

Yes, whenever he pulls the:

"I am too lazy for all the mushy stuff" and
"I have *said" I love you" and
"I am new to ldr and dont know how to make you feel special" and
"I am just not a conventional boyfriend and am not a mushy person"

cards , I always tell him that if I can be creative in making our relationship work then he can too.

His closest colleague is also in an ldr and he actually pampers his girfriend like anything, professing his love to the whole world, putting mushy statuses on facebook, putting her picture as his cover picture and all that.

11 months and like this? Even though he claims he's "new" to LDR and "Not a mushy person"?

It's clearly shown that he does not have interest with relationship at all. No matter of how much all your hard work with him, but none a return?
If he puts some effort too with you, it shown that he has a interest and time to have for his gf. I mean, even he should've be effort to seeing you too irl.

So something of him that he's not ready for having some relationship with.

His closest colleague shown his true love with his own LDR. I even bet he gives her a gift too.

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Well. The problem is that in our relationship I have always been the pursuer and when I say that he takes me for granted because I initiated first, he agrees that it might be a reason for him not "trying to impress me" because he already has me.

I'm a Taurus sun with a cancer mars........... I will make an effort, I mean a huge effort, if I think you are worth it. While this could be the 2 of you not speaking the same love language, trying to be positive, it reads more like he's just not that into you and keeping you on a string. Fall back and see if he actually even notices.

Posted by Impulsv
Then why waste time of he's not interested?
Are they just followers n are there because it's there ?

Because I love him a lot. Really. For who he is as a man.

Posted by TaurusinTexas
I'm a Taurus sun with a cancer mars........... I will make an effort, I mean a huge effort, if I think you are worth it. While this could be the 2 of you not speaking the same love language, trying to be positive, it reads more like he's just not that into you and keeping you on a string. Fall back and see if he actually even notices.

When I fall back, he bombards with texts (never calls).

And we fight/breakup every week over this issue (me being unhappy because he doesnt make efforts)

And he comes up with excuse for not making efforts that "I do not make efforts because you breakup every week so I cannot trust you".

He has said clearly, many times , that he will love me as long as I love him.

Posted by Double_trouble_29

Posted by TaurusinTexas
I'm a Taurus sun with a cancer mars........... I will make an effort, I mean a huge effort, if I think you are worth it. While this could be the 2 of you not speaking the same love language, trying to be positive, it reads more like he's just not that into you and keeping you on a string. Fall back and see if he actually even notices.

When I fall back, he bombards with texts (never calls).

And we fight/breakup every week over this issue (me being unhappy because he doesnt make efforts)

And he comes up with excuse for not making efforts that "I do not make efforts because you breakup every week so I cannot trust you".

He has said clearly, many times , that he will love me as long as I love him.

click to expand

Any relationship that involves fighting every week and this rollercoaster of break up, back together stuff - no way, I wouldn't want that drama in my life. For me this is a legit excuse:
"And he comes up with excuse for not making efforts that "I do not make efforts because you breakup every week so I cannot trust you".
I have a really hard time trusting someone once they've done this just once, you do it all the time and I would be checked out too.

You might have said this earlier, but what is your sun/mars/moon sign? And what is his moon?

Posted by TaurusinTexas

Posted by Double_trouble_29

Posted by TaurusinTexas
I'm a Taurus sun with a cancer mars........... I will make an effort, I mean a huge effort, if I think you are worth it. While this could be the 2 of you not speaking the same love language, trying to be positive, it reads more like he's just not that into you and keeping you on a string. Fall back and see if he actually even notices.

When I fall back, he bombards with texts (never calls).

And we fight/breakup every week over this issue (me being unhappy because he doesnt make efforts)

And he comes up with excuse for not making efforts that "I do not make efforts because you breakup every week so I cannot trust you".

He has said clearly, many times , that he will love me as long as I love him.

Any relationship that involves fighting every week and this rollercoaster of break up, back together stuff - no way, I wouldn't want that drama in my life. For me this is a legit excuse:
"And he comes up with excuse for not making efforts that "I do not make efforts because you breakup every week so I cannot trust you".
I have a really hard time trusting someone once they've done this just once, you do it all the time and I would be checked out too.

You might have said this earlier, but what is your sun/mars/moon sign? And what is his moon?

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I am a Capricorn sun, Aquarius moon, Aquarius venus and Libra mars.

His moon is Scorpio or Saggitarius I am not sure.

@Double_trouble_29

It got cut off:

Well I'm a Scorpio moon and if he is too - STOP breaking up with him all the time, I'm amazed he's hung on this long. That kind of emotional turmoil would tear me apart, I would have retreated so far by this point, (cancer mars retreats, Scorpio moons love deeply, we have to protect ourselves and won't share until we are sure of you) my Taurus stubbornness/pride would have kicked in as a protection mechanism and we would be done. Also, when I was younger, I might have emotionally withdrawn but kept you on the string, for ego and to maybe make you pay a bit for hurting me - not saying he's doing this, just sharing my own character weakness that I had to work on.

Honestly what are you hoping to get from the roller coaster of break ups/make ups? It clearly hasn't worked thus far, so why keep putting you both thru it? If you want this to work, you need to build trust and show yourself as someone that will hang in there when the going gets tough - because it gets tough in relationships, right now you're showing yourself as someone that when she doesn't get her way, leaves, but doesn't really leave, just threatens to leave, even worse, you're wishy washy.

You need to decide, if this man can't love you in the way that makes you feel loved, can you live with that? Life is too short to be unhappy.

My Taurus friend, or ex friend, whatever you want to call it, has a Cancer Mars.

In my experience, they don't really trust Caps. They will put effort in the beginning, but I honestly think once the effort stops the chances of something real is over.

Also, if you've hurt them, they will pay you back FOREVER. It never ends.

Good luck.

Also, if youve hurt them, it seems it shuts a part of them down. Like even of they wanted to express x,y,z they are incapable because that part of them no longer operates. At least that's what I've taken from my situation.

Posted by TaurusinTexas
@Double_trouble_29

It got cut off:

Well I'm a Scorpio moon and if he is too - STOP breaking up with him all the time, I'm amazed he's hung on this long. That kind of emotional turmoil would tear me apart, I would have retreated so far by this point, (cancer mars retreats, Scorpio moons love deeply, we have to protect ourselves and won't share until we are sure of you) my Taurus stubbornness/pride would have kicked in as a protection mechanism and we would be done. Also, when I was younger, I might have emotionally withdrawn but kept you on the string, for ego and to maybe make you pay a bit for hurting me - not saying he's doing this, just sharing my own character weakness that I had to work on.

Honestly what are you hoping to get from the roller coaster of break ups/make ups? It clearly hasn't worked thus far, so why keep putting you both thru it? If you want this to work, you need to build trust and show yourself as someone that will hang in there when the going gets tough - because it gets tough in relationships, right now you're showing yourself as someone that when she doesn't get her way, leaves, but doesn't really leave, just threatens to leave, even worse, you're wishy washy.

You need to decide, if this man can't love you in the way that makes you feel loved, can you live with that? Life is too short to be unhappy.

Well, after one such breakup he told me once that he is really enraged at me.

And my surprise too is that everytime I try to back off and break up, he gets all whiny and clingy. I even threatened to go out with another guy (who asked me out) because I really wasnt being valued.

He still somehow gets me back by promising security and love.

It gives me hope that somehow we will make this work out. But with every break up the possibility seems dim.

I am all in for working out and making efforts but how can I be making them all the time when he doesnt do anything and when i complain and break up or exit because if it he says that this is the reason.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
Are you sure you want this? Because it's likely he is the same in person and when you do end up meeting.

I am willing to put in the efforts. But when I do put those efforts (by not complaining and exiting) , even then he doesnt respond. And that is when my patience gives up.

Posted by Double_trouble_29

Posted by TaurusinTexas
@Double_trouble_29

It got cut off:

Well I'm a Scorpio moon and if he is too - STOP breaking up with him all the time, I'm amazed he's hung on this long. That kind of emotional turmoil would tear me apart, I would have retreated so far by this point, (cancer mars retreats, Scorpio moons love deeply, we have to protect ourselves and won't share until we are sure of you) my Taurus stubbornness/pride would have kicked in as a protection mechanism and we would be done. Also, when I was younger, I might have emotionally withdrawn but kept you on the string, for ego and to maybe make you pay a bit for hurting me - not saying he's doing this, just sharing my own character weakness that I had to work on.

Honestly what are you hoping to get from the roller coaster of break ups/make ups? It clearly hasn't worked thus far, so why keep putting you both thru it? If you want this to work, you need to build trust and show yourself as someone that will hang in there when the going gets tough - because it gets tough in relationships, right now you're showing yourself as someone that when she doesn't get her way, leaves, but doesn't really leave, just threatens to leave, even worse, you're wishy washy.

You need to decide, if this man can't love you in the way that makes you feel loved, can you live with that? Life is too short to be unhappy.

Well, after one such breakup he told me once that he is really enraged at me.

And my surprise too is that everytime I try to back off and break up, he gets all whiny and clingy. I even threatened to go out with another guy (who asked me out) because I really wasnt being valued.

He still somehow gets me back by promising security and love.

It gives me hope that somehow we will make this work out. But with every break up the possibility seems dim.

click to expand

For whatever it's worth, I think you guys are just prolonging the inevitable. There is a clear pattern here of behavior and its leaving you very unsatisfied. I say let this one go and find someone that makes you happy and fulfills those needs. When this one reverts to his pattern of reeling you back in - just ignore. And yes I know this is way easier said than done, so good luck!

Posted by ElleDuMonde

Posted by Double_trouble_29

Posted by ElleDuMonde
Are you sure you want this? Because it's likely he is the same in person and when you do end up meeting.

I am willing to put in the efforts. But when I do put those efforts (by not complaining and exiting) , even then he doesnt respond. And that is when my patience gives up.

I wasn't implying that you weren't. I was asking what you want....and what happens if this is just his nature and doesn't align with those wants.

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I talked to him about it just now.

What i want is that he be very clear in telling me what is exactly in his head. Straight. Even if he doesnt love me he must tell me.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
You are comparing your relationship with others....you are forcing him to say stuff he doesn't mean just to appease you....

When bottom line is....you don't even know what you want to begin with.

I am a girl. And i expressed my interest in him first. Ofcourse, i will be a little insecure about wether he is with me because he actually likes me or because "I" love him.

Everyone wants to be loved more than they love the other.

And the face that he has done absolutely nothing to impress/woo or make me happy is what makes me think he is just enjoying "being loved".

Posted by ElleDuMonde
What if he is?

Then what?

Then he should just stop reeling me back in everytime i try to distance myself.
He shouldnt say the constant "I love you" s and "we will get married and have children one day" crap.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
Have you guys met in person?

Yes..but that was before our "relationship".

How often do you see each other irl?

Posted by Double_trouble_29

Posted by ElleDuMonde
What if he is?

Then what?

Then he should just stop reeling me back in everytime i try to distance myself.
He shouldnt say the constant "I love you" s and "we will get married and have children one day" crap.

click to expand

He may possibly never stopped reeling you back in. You may have to be the one to cut it off. He is comfortable here...approached by you, getting gifts, constant reassurance.

You are the uncomfortable one. Why wouldn't he want to keep you where you are? It's all benifitting him.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
Why did you put it in quotes?

Because I dont feel like its an equal relationship.

Today I said

"You love me for the security and comfort I bring to the relationship because you know I love you"

And you know what he said?

"What is wrong in that? Usually the guy says I love you, the girl finds security in it and stays in love. Since you said you love me first, I wish to be loved. You send me gifts and I will cook for you and give you kids"

That was the lowest point for me.

Posted by brandyp
In my experience, when a Taurus male wants a woman or is in love he goes after that person. If he is not making an effort that is not a good sign. My Taurus brother is in a ldr with a Taurus girl and he is always flying to see he and taking her out and giving her so much support. I think the lazy thing is just a cop out. You cant be too lazy to maintain your relationship with your s/o. You should stop the on and off thing and just break it off, and unless he makes the effort to keep you in his life you should keep it off. That's what I would do.

Today I said

"You love me for the security and comfort I bring to the relationship because you know I love you"

And you know what he said?

"What is wrong in that? Usually the guy says I love you, the girl finds security in it and stays in love. Since you said you love me first, I wish to be loved. You send me gifts and I will cook for you and give you kids"

That was the lowest point for me.

And I broke up for good. And I have made him promise not to call or text me ever again (which he does after every breakup)

Posted by lnana04

Posted by Double_trouble_29

Posted by ElleDuMonde
What if he is?

Then what?

Then he should just stop reeling me back in everytime i try to distance myself.
He shouldnt say the constant "I love you" s and "we will get married and have children one day" crap.

He may possibly never stopped reeling you back in. You may have to be the one to cut it off. He is comfortable here...approached by you, getting gifts, constant reassurance.

You are the uncomfortable one. Why wouldn't he want to keep you where you are? It's all benifitting him.

click to expand

Exactly .

Today I said

"You love me for the security and comfort I bring to the relationship because you know I love you"

And you know what he said?

"What is wrong in that? Usually the guy says I love you, the girl finds security in it and stays in love. Since you said you love me first, I wish to be loved. You send me gifts and I will cook for you and give you kids"

I even told him that he is benefiting everything and I am getting nothing. He admitted it was true and most importantly, said there was nothing wrong with it.

Can you believe this guy?

Every sign has a different way of showing love also... I believe you are also a big part of his retro because Mercury is just going direct now and things our unfolding...

Taurus can also be so focused on one task... that they loose sight of everything but that...

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