epenwell
@epenwell
14 YearsGemini
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Confused by Cancer
(part 2)
I was just waiting it out...trying to prove to her I was different. I'm not your typical Gemini. I'm honest, loyal, and loving. I want commitment (even though it terrifies me). I knew from the moment I met her that she was an honest soul, but that she had been hurt. She'd listened to the lies said about her and started to believe they were true. I've always said that if I was the stepping stone to helping her realize she's amazing, that would be fine - even if I got my heart broke.
So, about a week went by, and I needed to see her. So, I got the group together and we went to the club where she worked. That morning I'd been introduced to a lesbian. So, I invited her and her girlfriend to come. Well, she ended up showing up without her girlfriend. This girl flung herself at me...to say the least. All my friends were like talk to this new girl...the other is just stringing you along. Well, the Cancer was jealous to say the least but she said things like, "What? Do you feel like you're cheating on me or something?" or "go ahead...might as well get a few drinks out of it." Well, I was trashed, and the other girl (Aquarius) grabbed my face and started making out with me right as Cancer walked by. I felt horrible. A few minutes went by and I couldn't see Cancer anymore. So, I walked outside with Aquarius, and I saw Cancer sitting in her car. I left Aquarius (who was furious) and went to talk to Cancer. I asked what was wrong, and she just said that she was quitting because she didn't make enough. Still to this day I think it was because of what happened. Anyway, I was talking to her and I told her "You're killing me...do you know that?" and to that she said "No, I'm saving you. Don't fall for me. I'll only hurt you." and she left.
Later that night, I was wasted and she was wasted. She sent me a lot of crazy texts...basically she said, "I should have just kissed you. I really like you. But I don't want to hurt you. If it was anyone else, I wouldn't care, but you're different."
So that was that. I didn't see her for a few weeks. The texts we sent in that gap were very sexual...very flirty. I told her I was sprung and the day after she asked me if I meant it. She ended up having some financial troubles, and she let me help her. So, I had to go meet her after work. We talked for about an hour in the car and she told me she'd told her cousin what I said, and her cousin saw that she was sprung too. It was overall
I was just waiting it out...trying to prove to her I was different. I'm not your typical Gemini. I'm honest, loyal, and loving. I want commitment (even though it terrifies me). I knew from the moment I met her that she was an honest soul, but that she had been hurt. She'd listened to the lies said about her and started to believe they were true. I've always said that if I was the stepping stone to helping her realize she's amazing, that would be fine - even if I got my heart broke.
So, about a week went by, and I needed to see her. So, I got the group together and we went to the club where she worked. That morning I'd been introduced to a lesbian. So, I invited her and her girlfriend to come. Well, she ended up showing up without her girlfriend. This girl flung herself at me...to say the least. All my friends were like talk to this new girl...the other is just stringing you along. Well, the Cancer was jealous to say the least but she said things like, "What? Do you feel like you're cheating on me or something?" or "go ahead...might as well get a few drinks out of it." Well, I was trashed, and the other girl (Aquarius) grabbed my face and started making out with me right as Cancer walked by. I felt horrible. A few minutes went by and I couldn't see Cancer anymore. So, I walked outside with Aquarius, and I saw Cancer sitting in her car. I left Aquarius (who was furious) and went to talk to Cancer. I asked what was wrong, and she just said that she was quitting because she didn't make enough. Still to this day I think it was because of what happened. Anyway, I was talking to her and I told her "You're killing me...do you know that?" and to that she said "No, I'm saving you. Don't fall for me. I'll only hurt you." and she left.
Later that night, I was wasted and she was wasted. She sent me a lot of crazy texts...basically she said, "I should have just kissed you. I really like you. But I don't want to hurt you. If it was anyone else, I wouldn't care, but you're different."
So that was that. I didn't see her for a few weeks. The texts we sent in that gap were very sexual...very flirty. I told her I was sprung and the day after she asked me if I meant it. She ended up having some financial troubles, and she let me help her. So, I had to go meet her after work. We talked for about an hour in the car and she told me she'd told her cousin what I said, and her cousin saw that she was sprung too. It was overall
(part 3)
a good conversation, and I left very hopeful. she opened up to feelings she didn't want and this is the first point where she began pushing me away - - Backtrack...I forgot something. Before I helped her with money, we had gone out to a club together. Very flirty...she was telling people she was with "her girl" and my sister and her boyfriend even thought something was up. Anyway, she totally kissed me...multiple times...but kept saying, "too much...I don't want you to get attached." we had many very good convos but she always went back to..don't fall for me...i'll only hurt you. The next morning we talked for like 3 hours and she asked me questions like "can you be in an open relationship, and...people have said i'm a player...would that be a problem?"
Ok so back on track - after I helped her financially - she went on vacation. We talked for the first few days...she bought me a gift just because. But then I was drunk, and I was texting a little provactively...nothing we hadn't done before. And she got a little upset. She told me not to text like that until I was sober - that she like being talked to like that but not if i was drunk. So, i was like okay. She didn't text very much after that. I then went on vacation, and everything was fine, but then she dropped off the face of the earth for like a week. At this point, I was like alright. After multiple messages, I was not going to put myself out there like that anymore. So, I sent her a polite but firm text saying I wasn't going to put myself out there like that anymore...if she didn't want to see me, she should tell me...and she knew where i lived if she wanted to talk. A few days went by, and i felt bad, so I sent her another text basically calling her bluff. I told her what i'd wanted to say for so long, but i thought she wasn't ready to hear. I hadn't wanted to push her. But i told her she was better than what people had said. she was a great person who had just been hurt. basically i told her that in order to be happy, she was going to have to start believing in herself. The next day, she finally responded saying she had had a lot on her plate, and just didn't want to talk to anyone. But she thanked me for saying what I did and that not too many people would have said it.
We picked up where we'd left off.
A few weeks later, I met up with her for pedicures. She gave me the gift she'd gotten for me on vacation. We went to eat, and we talked
a good conversation, and I left very hopeful. she opened up to feelings she didn't want and this is the first point where she began pushing me away - - Backtrack...I forgot something. Before I helped her with money, we had gone out to a club together. Very flirty...she was telling people she was with "her girl" and my sister and her boyfriend even thought something was up. Anyway, she totally kissed me...multiple times...but kept saying, "too much...I don't want you to get attached." we had many very good convos but she always went back to..don't fall for me...i'll only hurt you. The next morning we talked for like 3 hours and she asked me questions like "can you be in an open relationship, and...people have said i'm a player...would that be a problem?"
Ok so back on track - after I helped her financially - she went on vacation. We talked for the first few days...she bought me a gift just because. But then I was drunk, and I was texting a little provactively...nothing we hadn't done before. And she got a little upset. She told me not to text like that until I was sober - that she like being talked to like that but not if i was drunk. So, i was like okay. She didn't text very much after that. I then went on vacation, and everything was fine, but then she dropped off the face of the earth for like a week. At this point, I was like alright. After multiple messages, I was not going to put myself out there like that anymore. So, I sent her a polite but firm text saying I wasn't going to put myself out there like that anymore...if she didn't want to see me, she should tell me...and she knew where i lived if she wanted to talk. A few days went by, and i felt bad, so I sent her another text basically calling her bluff. I told her what i'd wanted to say for so long, but i thought she wasn't ready to hear. I hadn't wanted to push her. But i told her she was better than what people had said. she was a great person who had just been hurt. basically i told her that in order to be happy, she was going to have to start believing in herself. The next day, she finally responded saying she had had a lot on her plate, and just didn't want to talk to anyone. But she thanked me for saying what I did and that not too many people would have said it.
We picked up where we'd left off.
A few weeks later, I met up with her for pedicures. She gave me the gift she'd gotten for me on vacation. We went to eat, and we talked
part 4)
about what had happened over the past few weeks. She seemed to be upset that I'd gone to those lengths, but i told her to put herself in my shoes, and she said, "i would have shown up at your door if you ignored my texts."
So, after that she got distant again, but I was learning to give her space. I just hated not understanding why she needed space. I hadn't done anything wrong I didn't think. Well, I tried out for American Idol this year in Pittsburgh. The whole first few days, she was very distant. The day of the audition, she was fine. I ended up not making it, and she called and helped me through. It was a really good bonding experience.
Still, she was pretty adament she didn't want anything, but kept up the flirting etc. I met some girls at AI and they became really good friends. One of the girls introduced me to her sister, who was a lesbian. Cancer knew I was getting to know this girl...all she said was "You deserve to be happy. You've put up with my shi* long enough." But she got way more flirty...called all the time...agreed to think about going on a date with me and being in an open relationship (which i wouldn't do on my part, but i was okay with that if it meant i could be with her). Anyway, the other girl and I ended up having an insane connection. It hurt really bad, but somehow I knew Cancer wouldnt turn into anything, so I told her I was going to pursue this other girl. She was fine she said. But she persisted with the very sexual texting - to the point that i had to tell her I couldn't talk like that anymore.
Well, a week went by and the other girl went back to her ex. Now, Cancer and I were still friends, so I told her about it. When I did, she said she couldn't talk because she was in the shower with another girl. I obviously got insanely jealous, and i thought for a brief moment that no one would text another girl while they were in the shower with another girl, but cancer had never lied to me, so i believed her. The next day, I texted her about it, and she said she'd had sex with her - a few times - and I'd fuc* her too. At this point, she knew I was jealous, but i was trying to be cool about it. She had said the night before that she didnt have sex with her, so the next day i was like wtf? And she said she didn't know what to say the night before. Anway, I asked if she was going to see this other girl again, and she said "I don't know. we haven't talked about it." to that I said, "Oh
about what had happened over the past few weeks. She seemed to be upset that I'd gone to those lengths, but i told her to put herself in my shoes, and she said, "i would have shown up at your door if you ignored my texts."
So, after that she got distant again, but I was learning to give her space. I just hated not understanding why she needed space. I hadn't done anything wrong I didn't think. Well, I tried out for American Idol this year in Pittsburgh. The whole first few days, she was very distant. The day of the audition, she was fine. I ended up not making it, and she called and helped me through. It was a really good bonding experience.
Still, she was pretty adament she didn't want anything, but kept up the flirting etc. I met some girls at AI and they became really good friends. One of the girls introduced me to her sister, who was a lesbian. Cancer knew I was getting to know this girl...all she said was "You deserve to be happy. You've put up with my shi* long enough." But she got way more flirty...called all the time...agreed to think about going on a date with me and being in an open relationship (which i wouldn't do on my part, but i was okay with that if it meant i could be with her). Anyway, the other girl and I ended up having an insane connection. It hurt really bad, but somehow I knew Cancer wouldnt turn into anything, so I told her I was going to pursue this other girl. She was fine she said. But she persisted with the very sexual texting - to the point that i had to tell her I couldn't talk like that anymore.
Well, a week went by and the other girl went back to her ex. Now, Cancer and I were still friends, so I told her about it. When I did, she said she couldn't talk because she was in the shower with another girl. I obviously got insanely jealous, and i thought for a brief moment that no one would text another girl while they were in the shower with another girl, but cancer had never lied to me, so i believed her. The next day, I texted her about it, and she said she'd had sex with her - a few times - and I'd fuc* her too. At this point, she knew I was jealous, but i was trying to be cool about it. She had said the night before that she didnt have sex with her, so the next day i was like wtf? And she said she didn't know what to say the night before. Anway, I asked if she was going to see this other girl again, and she said "I don't know. we haven't talked about it." to that I said, "Oh
(part 5)
so it wasn't that you didn't want a relationship...it was just that you didn't want one with me?" to that she said, "why do you always jump to conclusions?" and i said, "why do you never say what you feel/mean?" well she basically said after that that is was BS and that from day 1 she felt like i was just pushing her and that people always try to force their way into her life, and it should just happen naturally. I just told her i was sorry she felt that way. I didn't text back for like a month.
We have this thing we do...out of the blue, i'll text "Marco?" and she'll text back "HOMO!" So, i sent a simple text saying marco! and she replied back "BIG HUGE SMILE ON MY FACE...HOMO!" we started talking again and she said to forget what happened...that she was just glad i texted and that she'd really missed me. Which doesn't mean much to most - but she NEVER admits how she feels, so it meant a lot to me.
We got together a week later for the weekend. she came to hear me perform - i played the song i wrote for her as a surprise - later she'd said she'd known it was her song from the first lyric. Later that night, we drank and danced and played games. She kissed me again - longer than she'd allowed herself to before. Got much more physical if you know what i mean - but said the same thing.."I can't...I don't want to hurt you." At this point, that was getting old, but I was like whatever. Anyway, we ended up going to the back room and I gave her a massage. Well, she ended up passing out completely...like I couldn't wake her up at all. So, i just laid down with her. A few minutes into it, and i heard these strange noises...like she was spitting up. Well, she was getting sick in her sleep. So, I turned on the lights, and it was like seriously constricting her airways. So, i got my sisters boyfriend, and he helped me get her under the covers, and I cleaned her up. I ended up staying up all night making sure she was okay and cleaning her up when she got sick. Something happened in that moment. I was seriously scared because i couldn't wake her up, and i realized in that moment that i loved her...24 years of waiting and this gemini was in love. I knew it because all of a sudden, i had to think about something bad happening...and i didn't know what i'd do if anything happened to her. suddenly, i couldn't remember life before and i couldn't bare to picture life without her in it. i couldn't tell her though.
so it wasn't that you didn't want a relationship...it was just that you didn't want one with me?" to that she said, "why do you always jump to conclusions?" and i said, "why do you never say what you feel/mean?" well she basically said after that that is was BS and that from day 1 she felt like i was just pushing her and that people always try to force their way into her life, and it should just happen naturally. I just told her i was sorry she felt that way. I didn't text back for like a month.
We have this thing we do...out of the blue, i'll text "Marco?" and she'll text back "HOMO!" So, i sent a simple text saying marco! and she replied back "BIG HUGE SMILE ON MY FACE...HOMO!" we started talking again and she said to forget what happened...that she was just glad i texted and that she'd really missed me. Which doesn't mean much to most - but she NEVER admits how she feels, so it meant a lot to me.
We got together a week later for the weekend. she came to hear me perform - i played the song i wrote for her as a surprise - later she'd said she'd known it was her song from the first lyric. Later that night, we drank and danced and played games. She kissed me again - longer than she'd allowed herself to before. Got much more physical if you know what i mean - but said the same thing.."I can't...I don't want to hurt you." At this point, that was getting old, but I was like whatever. Anyway, we ended up going to the back room and I gave her a massage. Well, she ended up passing out completely...like I couldn't wake her up at all. So, i just laid down with her. A few minutes into it, and i heard these strange noises...like she was spitting up. Well, she was getting sick in her sleep. So, I turned on the lights, and it was like seriously constricting her airways. So, i got my sisters boyfriend, and he helped me get her under the covers, and I cleaned her up. I ended up staying up all night making sure she was okay and cleaning her up when she got sick. Something happened in that moment. I was seriously scared because i couldn't wake her up, and i realized in that moment that i loved her...24 years of waiting and this gemini was in love. I knew it because all of a sudden, i had to think about something bad happening...and i didn't know what i'd do if anything happened to her. suddenly, i couldn't remember life before and i couldn't bare to picture life without her in it. i couldn't tell her though.
(part 6)
The next morning, she woke up...she didn't remember a thing, she had pissed herself, and i'd told her she'd been getting sick the entire night. I was cool about it...i got different covers and she took a shower. Well, she totally started to get undressed in front of me and she totally did it on purpose. i looked away..she asked why...i told her i wanted to be respectful...i couldn't tell her i looked away because i wanted her so bad and i was stopping myself. i wasn't sure she felt the same way about me, and i didn't want to do that to myself. anyway, we got back in bed and i just laid on the very edge...it was her turn to initiate something. After a few minutes went by, she curled up next to me, but her warm body next to mine, and locked her fingers in mine and said, "Why are you so far away?" I don't remember what i said at that point because everything was happening so fast. She then put her head on my neck and said, "Thanks for taking care of me last night...it really means a lot." Then a few minutes went by and she said, "I could stay like this forever." To that I told her she was in big trouble because I'd been really scared and didn't get any sleep. We just laughed and then fell asleep.
The next morning we went to the lake and she was distant...very distant.
Over three weeks went by and I didn't hear anything from her. I decided to tell her I loved her in a note. She said she didn't get it. I sent it again. Still nothing...so i sent it to her email, and she said her password was locked. Truth - she soooo got the email, but i was like whatever...she's dealing with it and obviously doens't want to talk about it yet...but at least she's talking...that means i didn't scare her away. Well, she called me and we talked for an hour. She told me she needed to explain why she retreated so much...she said she knew i was real and that i wouldn't hurt her, and she couldn't bare the emotion of that yet. She knew she felt something but just couldnt put herself out there because every time she did let someone in, they left. She'd been very private the entire time i knew her. she'd never had me over her house...she wouldn't add me on facebook, but i didn't push. i wanted her to come aroundo n her own terms. well that night, she added me on facebook. i was very hopeful....these were big steps in regards to her trust.
but then she dropped off the face of the earth again for like a week. but now i was her friend on facebook
The next morning, she woke up...she didn't remember a thing, she had pissed herself, and i'd told her she'd been getting sick the entire night. I was cool about it...i got different covers and she took a shower. Well, she totally started to get undressed in front of me and she totally did it on purpose. i looked away..she asked why...i told her i wanted to be respectful...i couldn't tell her i looked away because i wanted her so bad and i was stopping myself. i wasn't sure she felt the same way about me, and i didn't want to do that to myself. anyway, we got back in bed and i just laid on the very edge...it was her turn to initiate something. After a few minutes went by, she curled up next to me, but her warm body next to mine, and locked her fingers in mine and said, "Why are you so far away?" I don't remember what i said at that point because everything was happening so fast. She then put her head on my neck and said, "Thanks for taking care of me last night...it really means a lot." Then a few minutes went by and she said, "I could stay like this forever." To that I told her she was in big trouble because I'd been really scared and didn't get any sleep. We just laughed and then fell asleep.
The next morning we went to the lake and she was distant...very distant.
Over three weeks went by and I didn't hear anything from her. I decided to tell her I loved her in a note. She said she didn't get it. I sent it again. Still nothing...so i sent it to her email, and she said her password was locked. Truth - she soooo got the email, but i was like whatever...she's dealing with it and obviously doens't want to talk about it yet...but at least she's talking...that means i didn't scare her away. Well, she called me and we talked for an hour. She told me she needed to explain why she retreated so much...she said she knew i was real and that i wouldn't hurt her, and she couldn't bare the emotion of that yet. She knew she felt something but just couldnt put herself out there because every time she did let someone in, they left. She'd been very private the entire time i knew her. she'd never had me over her house...she wouldn't add me on facebook, but i didn't push. i wanted her to come aroundo n her own terms. well that night, she added me on facebook. i was very hopeful....these were big steps in regards to her trust.
but then she dropped off the face of the earth again for like a week. but now i was her friend on facebook
(part 7)
and i knew she was ignoring me. not that her phone had died, or she'd dropped it in the toilet, or she had a lot on her plate, or the text didn't go through...or whatever excuse she'd given me in the past. and i couldn't take that. so, i removed her from facebook and told her why i did it. not that anything i wasnt her friend in real life. i told her that i couldn't keep doing this to myself...the back and forth was literally breaking my heart. I knew that i was done. she'd opened up like i never thought she would and i knew that she felt exactly the same for me as i did for her, but for whatever reason she just couldn't put herself out there. she had happiness dangling in front of her and rather than reaching out and grabbing it, she took the easy road - the road where she didn't have to be vulnerable. And i coulnd't do it anymore. it was making me sick. i told her i'd always be her friend, but i was done trying to convince someone they should be with me. well, the next day, my sister said she'd seen on her facebook page that she'd found out she had cancer - literal cancer. well, naturally i flip out, right. i basically told her i wasn't going to leave her alone until she told me what was going on...to forget her "shell" and tell me. at that point, i was so stressed i wasn't eating. She finally texted me and said, "I'm a cancer. I need my space. That's never going to change." and i responded back and she said, "i told you from the jump don't fall for me. I'm damaged. I'll only hurt you." after that...silence.
A few days passed, and i apologized. I told her that maybe i'd been wrong. i was so wrapped up in my own happiness, that maybe i didn't see that what she'd really needed was a good friend...not someone who tried to tell her who was right and wrong for her life.
A few days later i got a message saying she was changing her number and moving on with her life. There was more to it than that, but i was devistated. I honestly never knew my heart could feel that much literal pain. I had my first panick attack ever, i got sick from crying so much. I cried for 24 hours straight..til i couldn't cry anymore. i didn't eat for 7 days.
my sister sent her a mean message on facebook, to which she responded saying she did care about me but saw i was falling, so she left.
I called the next day to apologize for my sister sending what she did, and told her she didn't need to reply. She sent me the text on monday.
and i knew she was ignoring me. not that her phone had died, or she'd dropped it in the toilet, or she had a lot on her plate, or the text didn't go through...or whatever excuse she'd given me in the past. and i couldn't take that. so, i removed her from facebook and told her why i did it. not that anything i wasnt her friend in real life. i told her that i couldn't keep doing this to myself...the back and forth was literally breaking my heart. I knew that i was done. she'd opened up like i never thought she would and i knew that she felt exactly the same for me as i did for her, but for whatever reason she just couldn't put herself out there. she had happiness dangling in front of her and rather than reaching out and grabbing it, she took the easy road - the road where she didn't have to be vulnerable. And i coulnd't do it anymore. it was making me sick. i told her i'd always be her friend, but i was done trying to convince someone they should be with me. well, the next day, my sister said she'd seen on her facebook page that she'd found out she had cancer - literal cancer. well, naturally i flip out, right. i basically told her i wasn't going to leave her alone until she told me what was going on...to forget her "shell" and tell me. at that point, i was so stressed i wasn't eating. She finally texted me and said, "I'm a cancer. I need my space. That's never going to change." and i responded back and she said, "i told you from the jump don't fall for me. I'm damaged. I'll only hurt you." after that...silence.
A few days passed, and i apologized. I told her that maybe i'd been wrong. i was so wrapped up in my own happiness, that maybe i didn't see that what she'd really needed was a good friend...not someone who tried to tell her who was right and wrong for her life.
A few days later i got a message saying she was changing her number and moving on with her life. There was more to it than that, but i was devistated. I honestly never knew my heart could feel that much literal pain. I had my first panick attack ever, i got sick from crying so much. I cried for 24 hours straight..til i couldn't cry anymore. i didn't eat for 7 days.
my sister sent her a mean message on facebook, to which she responded saying she did care about me but saw i was falling, so she left.
I called the next day to apologize for my sister sending what she did, and told her she didn't need to reply. She sent me the text on monday.
(part 8)
On wednesday, the pain was too much. I basically had a nervous break down and went to see a therapist all day.
so, the point of this is...what do you think? if you were me, would you be as confused? did i do anything wrong? or is this a simple case of someone wanting something they know they aren't ready for, an when they realize they want it, they push it away rather than deal with it?
I can't see her..i don't know where she stays. She never did change her number, so I could call, but I just don't know what to do.
Any suggestions?
On wednesday, the pain was too much. I basically had a nervous break down and went to see a therapist all day.
so, the point of this is...what do you think? if you were me, would you be as confused? did i do anything wrong? or is this a simple case of someone wanting something they know they aren't ready for, an when they realize they want it, they push it away rather than deal with it?
I can't see her..i don't know where she stays. She never did change her number, so I could call, but I just don't know what to do.
Any suggestions?
about an hour lol
yeah everyone says that. But i always saw the real her - the person that had been so hurt and just needed someone to believe in her.
but i don't know anymore.
I'm sure she has a lot going on with the cancer and everything, but shutting me out wasn't the right choice...maybe she'll see that in time. i find comfort in knowing i'll be her biggest regret, but i also wish she'd just throw the rule book out the window and just fall face first, ya know. yeah, it's scary as hell, but i wouldn't have left her like everybody else. i would have stayed - through all her crazy.
I just don't know what else i should do. cancer's are very very peculiar. once they close up, they close up, ya know?
but i don't know anymore.
I'm sure she has a lot going on with the cancer and everything, but shutting me out wasn't the right choice...maybe she'll see that in time. i find comfort in knowing i'll be her biggest regret, but i also wish she'd just throw the rule book out the window and just fall face first, ya know. yeah, it's scary as hell, but i wouldn't have left her like everybody else. i would have stayed - through all her crazy.
I just don't know what else i should do. cancer's are very very peculiar. once they close up, they close up, ya know?
lol i can't write it all out again! lol basically i fell in love, when she found out she had cancer, she removed herself from the equation because she couldn't handle the emotion of having me around.
yeah i agree. it's the hard truth, but i know you're right. it's still hard - especially when you save those words for so long only to be shot down 😢
what do you mean nail the aqua? the aquarius? she's back with her ex.
what do you mean nail the aqua? the aquarius? she's back with her ex.
you're good...i didn't take it that way.
Thanks...a few posts in and i was over grammar and spelling lol but i like to write, so i'm glad you enjoyed it.
yeah...i usually am very guarded but love is blind? i mean i accept people for who they are - good and bad. i try not to push. and in this case, i wanted to help her more than anything. so, i had blind love and a saving complex working against me. But you know what, i don't regret it at all. I use to always wonder how people knew they were in love and what it felt like...i waited a long time. and thanks to her, i know. and i'll never regret that she made me feel that way. all i can do now, is think of her and smile and hope she finds the courage to love someday.
and i'm really anal about people i have sex with (hahah..pun lol) so i wouldn't do that. besides, we're really good friends now so it would be weird lol
yeah...i usually am very guarded but love is blind? i mean i accept people for who they are - good and bad. i try not to push. and in this case, i wanted to help her more than anything. so, i had blind love and a saving complex working against me. But you know what, i don't regret it at all. I use to always wonder how people knew they were in love and what it felt like...i waited a long time. and thanks to her, i know. and i'll never regret that she made me feel that way. all i can do now, is think of her and smile and hope she finds the courage to love someday.
and i'm really anal about people i have sex with (hahah..pun lol) so i wouldn't do that. besides, we're really good friends now so it would be weird lol
fml lol
i'm big into astrology, and i think it helps you take a logical approach so i put this up to see if there is anything in our signs that aren't compatible or whatever...and if there is something i did wrong that pushed her away etc.
i'm big into astrology, and i think it helps you take a logical approach so i put this up to see if there is anything in our signs that aren't compatible or whatever...and if there is something i did wrong that pushed her away etc.
Love is a choice. It's not a feeling. It's not a surge of emotion. Love isn't a promise to be perfect forever; it's a promise to always try. Love isn't a promise to never argue; it's a promise to still love through every fight. Love is a choice...a point you come to in life when you choose to love through good and bad...to endure whatever comes. I have no doubt i felt that for her. She just didn't love me back.
i know...i'm too nice. i will be the first to put someone in their place but when it comes to people i care about, i just hold my tongue.
and lol that made me laugh🙂
i know...i'm too nice. i will be the first to put someone in their place but when it comes to people i care about, i just hold my tongue.
and lol that made me laugh🙂
i had a feeling you were a libra! lol
🙂
This reminds me of the movie Sweet November......have you seen it.....might help......
I haven't seen it but I will rent it. I always thought our relationship was a lot like "A Walk to Remember"
side note...i just had this complete revelation. I'm a Gemini and she's a Cancer, but in all honesty, she's acting like the Gemini, and I'm acting like the Cancer...hahaha now that is hilarious
side note...i just had this complete revelation. I'm a Gemini and she's a Cancer, but in all honesty, she's acting like the Gemini, and I'm acting like the Cancer...hahaha now that is hilarious
Posted by CrabbyTwins
This reminds me of the movie Sweet November......have you seen it.....might help......
I loved that movie !!!
I love tear-jerkers .. and love to cry over romantic dramas.
what is "imdb" lol i gotta work on this lingo you've got going on lol
lol I know...I know...I am your typical Gemini when it comes to not being able to shut up. But there was a two-fold purpose for the insanely large post...one was to get feedback...the other was to write it out for myself. It was good for me to see it all right in front of me.
And yeah that may be a little harsh😉 Besides the "games" and the uncertainty on her part, I have no qualms with her as a person. She just needs to learn how to love again. im not going to put her personal business out there, but trust me when I say she's been through her share of terrible things that have happened to her.
I don't know what our future holds, but I'll always be her friend and be there for her if she needs me. That's just the person i am. I'll stay someone's friend through anything...i won't leave when shit gets hard or they push me away. I'll be here waiting when they come back...and they always come back.
And yeah that may be a little harsh😉 Besides the "games" and the uncertainty on her part, I have no qualms with her as a person. She just needs to learn how to love again. im not going to put her personal business out there, but trust me when I say she's been through her share of terrible things that have happened to her.
I don't know what our future holds, but I'll always be her friend and be there for her if she needs me. That's just the person i am. I'll stay someone's friend through anything...i won't leave when shit gets hard or they push me away. I'll be here waiting when they come back...and they always come back.
i'm not into stereotypes but when you think gemini, often people think we're fickle, truth-stretchers who can't commit.
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Still after that, she was pretty adament that she didn't want anything.