Libras please help!!

Been seeing Libra guy for 4 months. He was a little rude with me on the phone not too much but i probably blew it out of proportion. I asked him whether we should leave our date of the next day as he didnt seem bothered. He replied that it was up to me. Natrually i wanted to see him another time but not for things to get messy over it. So i rang him got his answer phone and i left a message he returned my call but got my answer phone and left me a message. I then phoned him back his phone was off but he would have got a message saying he missed my call. Now i decided to leave it as i expected him to see the message and call me back. Instead that weekend he watched me dancing in a club with my friends then the next week he drove past my house and beeped me when he got to the end of the road. Everything between us has been fine hes been romantic, generous, etc.. so perhaps i overreacted a little with not wanting to see him so i having not heard from him i decided to text him. 2 weeks after we spoke. I text.. would you like to meet up for a drink over the weekend? He did reply. He said Hey you, im struggling with the flu at the minute, not good company. I hope to better next week. U ok? Natrually i didnt want to force the issue so i replied Hi im good thanks, sorry to hear youve got the flu. Hope you feel better soon! I sent this saturday afternoon. Now with all the libra balancing stuff i should leave it to him now yeah? His reply to my text does it sound like he doesnt care anymore? Or do you think i just need to give him a bit more time to get in touch with me. Im so confused.. Your help would be great thanks..

Thanks starfish. I understand what your saying. I think its because its been over a period of 2 weeks not speaking to eachother that is making me lose sleep over it.

Still haven't found resolution to this yet, Michele?

Glad to hear that you've decided to let this mis-understanding pass, instead of taking a stance on principal .. since it was simply a mistake due to emotions.


His reply to you sounded sincere, not to mention he replied back straight away about the drink offer, not to mention that he beeped going by your house. A man who wasn't interested in working this out wouldn't concern himself with you.

If he's sick, then just relax and let him get better. This flu bug going around lasts for weeks, so I'm told and it's a pretty severe one.

Maybe you should do something for him .. like make some soup, take it over but don't stay. Just give it to him, kiss his forehead and tell him you're thinking about him ... but, don't stay .. give him his space to think. And while he's thinking .. a part of this process will be about what you just did to make peace.

It's called kissing his a s s if you use that approach. Why don't you offer to wash his car and put gas in it too for him to show him how sorry YOU are that he was so rude to you before? You made connection with him via text to show him you'd still like to talk with him or see him. That gesture alone is ENOUGH. He said he is sick. Let him be sick.

DO NOT offer to go to his house or make him soup or kiss his head or his a s s. He said he'd get back with you when he's better. LET HIM make the move to do that.

Starfish: GREAT ADVISE. P-ANgel: your advise belongs to another era. It's archaic and bad advise you give to Women who don't need advise that lowers self esteem or makes them the recipient of bad behavior only to reward the person who administered it with the approval to do it again. SHEESH!!!

"It's called kissing his a s s if you use that approach.."

Damn sure is, but if you want to use that approach you better off just asking him first if he needs anything...

Call him back, that might reassure him that you care for his well being...

I know when I'm sick, I don't even want to look at a phone, especially the flu...

IF he even has the flu...

I think ive done as much as i can. I dont understand his behaviour at all. I feel completely confused and really hurt by it. I thought I had something special. But with him just not bothering we obviously had nothing special. Part of me thinks hes playing games with me but then part of me thinks if he really cared why play these games. Im not a silly girl i dont fall for people easily but the way he was with me right up until the point that he left me a message before ignoring my call i may have even thought he was the one. Ive been in long term crazy in love before a few times but i never thought any of them was the one. I dont even know why i felt like that it grew and i just felt it in my heart and my stomach. So to me, chasing after him is gonna make things alot worse for me. I cant do anymore than i have.

well I have noticed with my libra that when I call him on a daily basis, he tends to ignore my call but as soon as I stop then he starts calling...

if he is anything like my libra just fall back for a while, he'll come around...

let him come to you..if he wants u/is interested...he will

if u wana call him...only do it once.if he doesn answer,dont call again&again... chase after him..he wont like it. if he likes u,he will get back 2 u..but in his Own time.heh

Michele .. I guess it's all a matter of how a person interprets meanings in life. For you to do something nice for him while he's sick, may be interpretated as chasing ... I see it as being nurturing. Of course, I'm a Pisces, so it would be natural for me to think in terms of nurturing the man I love with tenderness .... other people don't really look at relationships that way .. they would see it as some sort of "game" of "catch and chase".

If it would make you feel like you were playing a game .. then this is something you would have to ponder.

In either event .. it's easy for people to come in here and say things that reference you being cold to him, walk away, don't be bothered, get with your life and let him come to you and if he doesn't his loss ... because other people's hearts aren't effected by this. Yours is effected by it, it's your heart that pines away.

It appears to me that most women these days are emotionally confused in a lot of ways when it comes to men, for it appears to women that these same men are cold to them .. and I don't believe that to be so. Men just aren't good with their feelings as women, and this is something that I think has been forgotten by a lot of women.

Men aren't really very good with being sentimental .. when it comes to expressing intense feelings, they freeze up, or pull away .. and this isn't suppose to be insult, or any kind of disrespect to the females ... it usually just means that they aren't as connected to their emotions as women are and they flounder in this department a lot.

Men open up and usually embrace the heart of a woman who comprehends this and doesn't put too much pressure on him to "act" like a girl and be overly emotionally forthcoming. The gentler/compassionate side of a person is what they adore in femininity and the reason they love it is because they know that they aren't as natural at it.

For your Libra man .. I think you should show him that your heart is there for him, to help him tap into this side of him that is going to be difficult for him to find anyway. In any partnership, it's about going out of your way for each other, making compromises ...

If we all just sit back like Princesses and await for the other person to bestow upon us what we think we are deserving ... then we deserve nothing because we didn't give from the heart.

In your position ... I would make sure he knows that you are willing to give of yourself .. so you can recieve.

"hes very romantic and sweet to me. Valentines Day he took me to really nice place and bought me expensive chocolates."

"I was making him dinner"

This is where you want to get back to ... this is the time in which you two were happy because you were doing things for each other. He was giving to you, you to him .. and neither of you thought it in terms of chasing, rather, embracing.

Perspective ......

Now the perspective has changed over a mistake within the relationship and quite frankly .. both of you will continue to make mistakes with each other and with every person in your lives. And it's all going to depend on your attitude about these mistakes.

You can take a kiss ass position .... he should kiss your ass for being rude to you, or if you go out of your way to repair the damage then it will be you kissing his ass ..... and the thing is, to have this approach suggests that the desire is to have self-righteousness.

For, it doesn't really matter who was wrong in a mistake .. what matters is that it is repaired so that you can get back to your two hearts being happy again. It all depends on how you look at it. You could see it as his behaviour was bad ONE time and hold him forever accountible for it .. or you could choose to look at the above quotes of yours to realize that there is a whole forest, and not every tree in it did he display bad behaviour.

People make mistakes, Michele .. and I don't see where it is beneficial to you or him to hold him forever accountible when all his prior actions showed that he cared about you very much. It's all about attitude, which I illustrated to you in the original thread.

If your desire is about being right, then you have no choice except to sit back on your throne and await him to bow down to you. If your desire is to get back to being a loving couple who adored each other, then forgiveness has to be present in your heart.

And it sounds like it's the later .. it sounds like the two of you want to forgive each other for 'acting' badly ... because he responded right away to you. Just try and think about that .. he likely meant what he said, that he was sick and it wasn't a good time for him. If you allow yourself to get all freaked out about it, then you'll allow the incident of both your mistakes to take over in your mind and cause another attitude of resentment on your part.

If you allow resentment to direct your judgement .. then everything will be negative about him.

P-Angel that was one long winded attempt at making excuses for men about how incapable they are of being kind, thoughtful, or considerate when they intelligent adults.

Yes, it would be DIFFERENT if this were an incident that happened and was truly just a "moment" that went wrong. Making excuses for a guy that is (as you put it ) incapable of recognizing how much he cares for her and misses her and would equally not want to let too much time go by without making some kind of effort to resolve it. A few days, a week goes by, another. And yet he is still incapable of showing her how much he still cares. And it is her duty and obligation to show him and help him?? PUH-LEEZE stop this insanity!!!!!!!!!!1

.******** Men just aren't good with their feelings as women, and this is something that I think has been forgotten by a lot of women.******** Forgotten—?? A man has no problem showing he cares. He calls you because he WANTS to talk with you. HE makes time to see you because he WANTS to see you. This is basic and simple. Men have NO problems showing a woman how they feel when they feel it. Men are that simple!! They like you, they are interested, they value you and don't want to lose you....they'll make effort to show you. ANY effort. No matter how small.

It's one thing to harbor a grudge and not let go of some "misunderstanding" but when you selectively and intentionally distance yourself from someone for long periods of time there is a reason for that and all the excuses in the world don't erase the facts.

Michele you should NOT be doubting yourself or anyone else that finds themselves in this position. You care about him. You have deep feelings for him. You don't want to lose him so P-angels antiquated advise tells you to run after him. Give him MORE love and affection until you ultimately drive him away for good.

He is pulling away because maybe he does have deep feelings for you and needs to distance himself to figure that out. You need to let him do that. Give him the gift of missing you. Then, when he's had time to miss you.......he'll come running after you instead of you chasing after him!!!

Now go out and BE BUSY and be happy doing other things. He knows the way home to your heart. Make no mistake about that. Men know how to step up their game to show you they care!!!!!

Temple .. when you grow up to become a woman and know how to keep your man, we can talk ... until then ... you are excused.

No need to excuse THIS woman P-A. You could do everyone a favor and dismiss yourself thought! LOL

And ArianL, given that you praise such wonderfully bad advise it is apparent that it works like a band-aid for YOU. Otherwise, you wouldn't be having a train wreck after train wreck post with your LIbra.

I do agree with you whole heartedly that there is a careful balancing act in dealing with a Libra. But when you ignore the very things that he is telling you ****giving subtle clues***** you and PAngel are living in a state of denial. You fix the moment in YOUR minds. You need to find out WHY this behavior came forth from him in the first place. He's giving you subtle hints and you want to get paint and brush and paint over the picture.

Is this the advise that your following which is fueling your regular posts on the Libra board? Nuff said.

When you are finished with following her bad advise and your relationship is beyond repair you go back and re-read your own posts and her advise and you will see the path she led you down. FYI: She is notorious for manipulating people on the dxp board and gets called on it frequently!

I wish you a lot of luck (bcuz luck is what you're going to need) if you keep following her advise. We'll see how great her advise is for you in a few more months when you're crying and asking everyone ELSE "what went wrong" "I don't understand, I did all these things for him"? it will already be too late.

There;s nothing angry in my response. You are obviously offended and therefore are lashing out (both of you) with insults. No need for that! Practice what you PREACH !!!

Well I took a bit of everyones advice i guess. I got in touch with Matt after 2 weeks and asked whether he'd like to go for a drink. This is when he said he had the flu and hoped to be better by next week. I didnt hear from him. Usually i would leave it but i decided to find out what was going on it was nearly 4 weeks not as if i asked him immediately once he disappeared. I said i was sorry i overreacted that night, i explained the reasons to do with a past abusive relationship etc.. Which we've talked about before. and he said...

Since we were together i just dont know what it is i want.. to go back to how things were wouldnt be fair to you.

I was really hurt by this but i still managed to say I understand, i think your the most amazing guy ive ever met i will miss you, make sure you stay special x

He replied that is really nice, take care x

Im still hurt about it. People say to me that they think he'll come back to me. Im not so confident.. We were great together and according to his ex's friend he doesnt treat girls the way he treated me. He also saw me everyday that valentines weekend i just dont get it at all.. Do you think if i leave him alone he may come back? or does i dont know what i want.. mean... i dont want you. I thought if it meant that he wouldnt have made such an effort on valentines he would have treated me more casually..

You did the right thing Michele .... if you hadn't, you would have been plagued with all the "what ifs". The only thing a person can do is clear their own conscience. Imagine if you hadn't of told him how you really feel, and he still remained distant? You'd be forever tormented with wondering if you totally screwed up in some way. And that is a harder medicine to take than knowing an ugly truth.

Instead of measuring time .. try to measure moments. A day of beauty is better than a lifetime of pain. If he decides that this is all there ever was between you two .. then if you think about what you had, rather than what you lost, then what you will remember of the moments will be beautiful ones.

Sometimes people only come in our life to teach us something and aren't meant to be soulmates .... and he taught you something about yourself, didn't he?

He taught you that it damages your soul to carry around an injured heart ... we're suppose to heal, to grow, evolve .. and this is the only way in which we can truly be happy when we do find Mr. Right.

Sorry, you're still unhappy 😢 ... but, at least the truth came out on both sides, and that's better than playing emotional games. This made you a stronger and more respectable woman, and one day .. your soulmate will find you and he'll embrace you for your courage and beauty.

Don't worry .. he's out there 🙂

Thanks P Angel. Im very glad i stopped playing emotional games. I have learnt so many things from Matt. I was very upset whilst i didnt know what was going on i feel much stronger and happier once i talked it through with him. Unfortunately, it was the wrong time perhaps for both of us. I would have over reacted again and again as i wasnt ready to get involved in a relationship so soon after i left my abusive relationship. I learnt from Matt that i dont have to be treated that way and that to be treated as Matt treated me is what i want. I was very hurt this month over Matt. But i am becoming stronger with everyday and he was such an insipiration to me that im looking at my life very differently. I went food shopping yesterday and enjoyed just being on my own picking out some treats for myself. I also got up really early for work today. In a strange way this situation has had a very good effect on me.

I thought Matt was the one and he still could possibly be the one. Ive never thought that about anyone else and ive met alot of men along the way. I feel hes right for me in my heart and my stomach the same way i felt in my stomach and my heart is what right to stop playing games. So you never know. We have left it on very good terms. Maybe one day a few years from now. Will be the right time for both of us.

From now on i have learnt to be true to myself its so much better. Ive started speaking to another guy which is cheering me up lol.. but instead of not saying what i wanted to as i did with Matt. I say exactly what i want what im trying to say is I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES! Im going to be on my own for a good while i think maybe travel, work hard, be happy do all the things ive missed out on for 4 years.

Thank you xxx

"i feel much stronger and happier once i talked it through with him."

"he was such an insipiration to me that im looking at my life very differently"

🙂🙂

That's what this life is all about, you know ... finding the goodness that other people bring to us so we can become better, taking the wonderful moments to allow them to mold our perspectives to look at life for it's beauty, rather than ugliness.

You never know .. Matt may be growing also, and in his evolution he may just realize that you are Mrs. Right.

Don't ever give up hope in knowing that if you are true to yourself, only then can true love from another find you. Take care and keep us posted. 🙂