NEED URGENT HELP WITH SCORPIO MAN PROBLEM

I didn't read it all once I got past the part where he keeps lying to you; it's not working unless you're a masochist...find a curb and introduce his ass to your foot.

WOW, OK well here's the deal, Normally I'm not the kind of person to offer the solution of showing him to the door whenever there's a problem However, in this situation I'm going to say...show him to the door. Actually I don't even think you have a choice in the matter anymore, I think he's pretty much done. First of all, the relationship from the beginning seems to be all about his lies. He wasn't looking at single women profiles out of boredom. That would be like standing outside of a bakery & admiring cakes without wanting a sample. I think you teach people how they can treat you & what they can get away with from the beginning & you probably should have taken your computer & threw it out the window from the start.

I wouldn't be worried about what his friends think of you nor would I be placing any blame on his 50 yr old friend. Your B/F does have a brain & the ability to make his own choices, he does what he wants. About the bachelor party..... There was no bachelor party on Sunday, who even has a bachelor party on a Sunday? that doesn't make sense. No he was off with someone else that Sunday, I'm sure enjoying Labor day festivities. He came home with the attitude the next day because he felt guilty NOT because it looked like you had company. Ever heard of a guilty conscience? That's what he had.

Now the REAL bachelor party was on Thursday, of course he couldn't tell you he was going to the bachelor party because.......He'd ALREADY went, or at least that was his excuse, so how's he gonna pull this off? Well he'll just disappear, that way he doesn't have to try to make up a story, not right away anyway. You show up to his friends wedding & they offer to escort you out? WTF! is that?! So he's been talking massive shit about you & here you come & they want to throw you out & he does what? Tells them not to? How sweet of him! He then tells you that he was offered to be hooked up with someone at the reception......Where you at the reception? That's neither here nor there, I guarantee he wasn't hooked up with anyone at the reception but he was hooked up BEFORE the reception ever began.....remember back to that Sunday before Labor day.....Ummmm yeah!

The chick he's now "flirting" with & I'm willing to bet it's more than flirting, that would be the girl he spent that Sunday with. I'm sorry if this all comes across as mean but it's really obvious to me & I'm thinking you know all this too but are in denial. I know how it is, I'm a bull lady too.

Imma have to catch this one later, too much to read, and i have to agree, either accept him the way he is with all flaws or kick to curb!!!!

I recommend the curb, but i have no emotional attachment......GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

rising i would let things end for a while....I mean I know this is easier said then done...but he seems to be playing too many games and its time to be serious especially with a baby on the way. Tell him you guys need to split up for a while until you decide whats best..right now he's just hurting you and it is not fair. Tell him since he wants his name off the lease you will gladly let him go....tell him you really love him and wants things to work but right now they are not and you need some time to yourself to get your thoughts together....i bet if you drop his @ss (for a minute) he'll see a different light.....and realize that what hes looking for is right at home...men can be so dumb sometimes...but now you have to play hardball...i know itll hurt in the end you can reward yourself knowing you didnt let him win with his treacherous ways

Okay, I just read all your posts. I'm not talking about Scorpios in general here. But from my experience dealing with my ex Scorpio bf, he was nothing more than a liar and cheater. Your experience is somewhat similar to mine except I did not live with him and dumped him right after his cheating without a second thought.

He would tell me lies on a daily basis and denied lying unless I had strong evidence or caught him right on(like the cheating). We broke up at least 3 times and got back together because I thought we could work it out. Mine also had an ex gf which I found out much later, and I highly doubt she knew about me. And yes, she dumped him, and he still harbored feelings for her because of the first love crap. It seemed to me that this girl was not serious about him and was simply playing him around. They started to hang out behind my back while lying to me that he was working late. After I caught him, he asked for forgiveness by admitting to all the lies, and reason why this girl dumped him (dishonesty) except cheating. I knew he was lying because he liked to play these sorry games whenever we were about to break up. When he knew I was not going back to him, he started to blackmail me with suicidal notes.

Leaving him was the best decision I have ever made for my life and I believe you deserve a much better guy than this scumbag (I'm sorry if I'm being too harsh but reading your story just stirred up terrible memories).

I understand that you're a Taurus and it might be hard for you to let go, but you should do it for your own good, because I don't see happiness in this relationship now or in the future. If you decide to stay with him, be prepared that the things will just repeat like a cycle; I know this because I had been there. I think you've tried your best and wasted enough time... Good luck.

So lets sum this all up....
He lies, looks for single women on the computer, talks to single women on the computer (the MILF), he yells at you....loud enough that the police are called? WTF?, he is controlling, has double standards, breaks up with you BUT doesn't tell you, disappears, attempts to get himself removed from the lease which SCREAMS that he's looking for a way out, he's admittedly "talking" to another woman on the phone, he blames you for everything bad in his life? Can we say manipulative? Seriously I'm not going to say leave him because I think he's already got his bags packed & his on his way out the door & it's really unfortunate because you now have another person to think about, a innocent baby. I'm sorry to hear about your situation & I wish you luck 😢

i didn't read the whole thing just the 2 posts, sounds exactly like my ex with his manipulative, controlling tendancies. low self esteem on both your parts. let him go and get somebody better who won't play mind games and make you feel like your at fault. you can't deal with a scorpio when he/she is angry. you gotta give them space and let them work out their shit on their own. otherwise it'll just be a push pull situation with you trying and him controlling.

"There have been times when he said he didn't feel good enough to be my boyfriend."

That was one of my ex's sorry games. I fell for it a couple of times...

"Do you think he still has feelings for me and that it's possible to work things out, or is this just him still wanting control even though he's decided to move on?"

- Sweetheart, this man has done everything but literally kick you square in the ass. He does not want nor respect you. I swear I'm in awe right now that you have not kicked this man to the curb. I can tell you right now he will not change. Why should he? He can have his cake and eat it too. This man can hook up with different females online, hook up with his ex, and then lie to you about a bachelor party. Then had the nerve to say he was looking for sex the whole time he was missing. Then you say that he yells at you so loud that the cops come? This man is emotionally abusing you and the next step is physical. I would not trust this man as far as I could spit. You becareful around him.

Rising, I wouldn't feel stupid. EVERYONE has done foolish things in the name of love, love has no logic sometimes, anyone who tells you they haven't made foolish choices & mistakes is lying or hasn't loved someone. BUT now that you can see a little more clearly, take that & run with it. If he's being nice to you now it's because he's manipulative. I think manipulative people can kinda sense when someone is on to them & they'll pull out the charm to lure them back in. Right now he can do what he wants & who he wants because he has you thinking that everything is your fault & that's really not the case at all. This is emotionally abusive & your pregnant....it's not good ever but you don't need the additional stress. I think you need to go, too bad if he says he doesn't want you to, He made this decision for you when he put you through all that he has, especially recently. Move out & make him show you that he's changed. You are worth more then what he's given you & you HAVE to believe that! 🙂

I would strongly advise you to stay with one of your friends or family members. I really think this guy is capable of harming you in the worst way. Seriously. Don't worry about his ex gf they deserve each other. Worry about you and whats best for your child. This man is sick and abusive. You said already he has broke your foot and didn't even apologize. What else does he have to do to show you he could careless about you? You said that he begged you not to move out yet he went behind your back and tried to back out of the lease of the apartment. He doesn't want you to leave because he doesn't want to be stuck with bills. He doesn't want you to have the option to leave. He wants that right. I'll keep you and your child in my prayers.

Oh & he's physically abusive too? LEAVE him NOW! seriously & I know it's not easy because you love him despite what he's done to you but he doesn't love you. Love doesn't hurt, not like that. I know you can do this, your a Bull. I know you can get to that point where you'll be done with him & there will be NOTHING he could ever say & do to make you change your mind.

I believe the max capacity of a post is 2500 characters .. you had 4 postings to list all of HIS faults, which = 10,000

So, where did you go wrong?


Are we to believe that he is this monster, through and through, and you just sit back in a 2-way relationship and have done nothing?

Let's hear the other side of the story so we can give you actual and accurate insight ... the other side of the story that makes him say things like ..

"he just didn't know how or when to tell me "because of the way I get."


^^^^^^^^ without hearing both sides of this relationship problem, the only thing you can recieve from us is false judgement placed on him, while you are held harmless ... in a relationship that involves two people.

Furthermore .. IF he was that aweful, while you've done no provocation whatsoever .. then you wouldn't even be with him, to even come in here and ask whether you should believe him, and try to work it out.

If he were that aweful, while you've done no provocation whatsoever ... you would have bailed a long time ago ....... but, for the fact that you are still there >>>>> your actions of staying speak louder than any words your tongue could possibly say, which paints him in a terrible light, while you stay in a wonderful light. When in reality, if it were true, everythign you said .. then by you still being there isn't painting a wonderful light for yourself at all .. rather, one who enjoys suffering, abuse and being a victim .. masochist.




So, let's hear the other side of the tale .. so you can get an honest answer, and not just one that is one-sided = your side.

Damn these men gotta stop making scorps look bad!

"He broke my foot and never has apologized for it. "

He fricking broke your foot?! I'm surprised he's not in jail right now. My friend got punched by her bf and broke her nose. Not only did he spend a couple of months in jail but was also forced to sell his house(in order to pay the fines and medical costs) and lost his job due to such violent behavior.

You need to stand firm and don't let his emotions/mind games control you. It's your life, and you control it. As for the baby, I don't want to say whether you should keep him/her or not, it's a mother's decision. However, you'll have to make the most suitable decisions under your circumstance even if they are painful decisions.

If you're planning to keep the baby, you'll need to make sure that you can support him/her emotionally and financially esp. when that scumbag refuses to pay child support. You should talk to your family about it, and I believe family support can help you make through this.

"He broke my foot and never has apologized for it."


Well, then .. you should make him apologize for breaking your foot, then forget about it until the next time he breaks something else. Then make him apologize for that too .. until one day, you're just so broken that you won't even know the difference any longer .. then you can come into a forum and ask people if you should believe it still has a possibility of working out.

------------

Again .... but, for the fact that you are still there >>>>> your actions of staying speak louder than any words your tongue could possibly say.

"Introduce your Ass to his Food"

LOL :-)

Foot Rather !!

"There's a runway of red flags do you see them? You do? Good, then RUN!"

-Run like the wind!!!

Run as fast as your little feet will carry you !!
And DONT look back

And she has to be told this. 😢

And I should wager since she dated him for 2 years and has lived with him for one year ... that her family and friends have told her this before.

Wow I have to say I'm shocked. PA Why would you assume that the OP has done something to provoke this guys abusive actions? Cuz frankly I don't give a shit if she drug all his possessions onto the front lawn & set them ablaze, that doesn't give him the right to put his hands on her. The fact that your badgering her to admit to her "wrong doing" so that we may know what provoked him to abuse her is disgusting IMO.

I'm not sure if you've been involved in a abusive situation ever in your life but surely a woman your age must know, with all of the awareness about domestic abuse, that it's not the victims fault EVER. The responsibility of the abuse lies solely in the abuser because yes we all get pissed off from time to time for various reasons but most don't go around beating the snot out of people. The guy is a abusive, manipulative, asshole & rather she treated him like shit or like a king he would still be what he is.

I happen to be someone who grew up with a abusive, alcoholic father....Would you say that as a child, all the times my father went a little too far with the belt, the kicks & punches, that I must have done something to provoke him? I should hope not because that would be removing the responsibility from the abuser & placing it on the victim which is exactly why women stay in relationships like this.....because they are brainwashed to think that they somehow brought it on themselves, they deserved it & that no one would want to help them because they stayed in it.

Instead of knocking the OP down, if she could get any lower.... How about trying to boost her up? At this point I know for a fact because I've been exactly where she is, she has no self confidence & your response to this thread was not helpful in the least. It was horrendous!

hi cantaur...i guess p angel has a perfect relationship—?? Everybody goes through these things and yes we do make mistakes...the thing is to learn from them and move on ....rising you are in my prayers girl...keep your head up

Hey dward 🙂

You obviously don't understand abuse at all, CanTur .. if you think in this mind-set of denial to accountibility of actions.

To ignore our own personal actions, as it's relative to an abuser .. actually helps create the situation for him to continue abusing. It's perfectly reasonable to assume that if this woman has been in a relationship with this man for 3 years ... that her own family and friends have told her the exact same thing as you all. And yet, she is still there .. taking the abuse. Why?

Because you all promote her to ignore herself and the role she plays in this, and believe it's all his fault. Fault means absolutely fucking nothing ... IF .. you are still there.

An abuser actually LOOKS for a prey who will be blind to themselves, and their own accountibility .. for if a person has pride, self-respect and confidence .. then they cannot be abused, because they will walk away. Her IGNORING her own actions and the role she plays with him .... is what an abuser seeks.

"The fact that your badgering her to admit to her "wrong doing" so that we may know what provoked him to abuse her is disgusting"

Actually, what is really disgusting here is that you see no wrong doing on her part .. which ignoring an abuser for 3 years, while he destroys your self esteem IS a wrong doing. She IS wrong, and so is what you have said below, CanTur, for it provides her to continue being ignorant to the abuse and actually perpetuate it into becoming more intense ..

"I don't give a shit if she drug all his possessions onto the front lawn & set them ablaze"


When a person is 'stuck' .. the way to them is to hold them accountible so that they realize they actually have a choice. Your counseling would promote that she doesn't have a choice ... because it provides an avenue in which to ignore any self accountibility for her own choices, and put all blame on another.


You have absolutely NO awareness how abuse works, and why an abuser continues to do so .... because you believe that the victim holds no responsibility for themself, and is at mercy.

That's ^^^^ what you are promoting here, and I should think her other friends and family members are too ... since she's still there, after 3 years of taking it and asking if we think it could still work out.

You have no clue what real help is ... you think supporting a victim for being one is support and it's not .. it's enabling for it's continuance.

I don't expect you to get that ^^^^^^^ .. because if you could, you would have already.

"with all of the awareness about domestic abuse, that it's not the victims fault EVER. The responsibility of the abuse lies solely in the abuser"


Seriously .. you need to educate yourself on this topic before counseling anybody .... because what you said above, is the old-way of thinking .. the one that provides the abuser with a victim who believes they have no choice, and hence: becomes one.


A true victim has NO control over circumstances.

In this situation, she has control = the ability to leave.

You would promote no control, and enable her being a victim.

If you really want to help a person in this situation .. then you need to get your head out of your own injuries you carry around like herpes, and give her something she can actually use to aid in her leaving him .... which equates to ..


.. what have you done? You have guilt here. Guilt that makes you STAY .. guilt that makes you ignore the advises to leave.

Something is there .. making her stay with an asshole .. because she's always had the option to leave .. but, chooses to stay .. and this choice to remain in an abusee position, is where to aim to get the truth as to why she feels this is her lot in life.

That is the way to get someone out of denial, CanTaur .. no matter how uneducated you are on the topic, or not.

I know the way .. and that's where I'm aiming because I choose to provide real help to this woman, and not just a shoulder for her to cry on, to only go back and let him abuse her again.

"I happen to be someone who grew up with a abusive, alcoholic father....Would you say that as a child, all the times my father went a little too far with the belt, the kicks & punches, that I must have done something to provoke him? I should hope not because that would be removing the responsibility from the abuser & placing it on the victim which is exactly why women stay in relationships like this"



You obviously carry around emotional baggage that influences you to view this kind of topic from a personal standpoint .. without any real clarity ... because you would use an example of a child, who has no control over circumstances, and put this in the same category as an adult woman who DOES have control over circumstances ... and actually believe it's the same condition.

My suggestion to you, CanTaur .. is to heal from this because you are obviously 'stuck' in a place where you think an adult who places themself in an abusive situation without choices is equivelant to a child who is being victimized .... and with this kind of ignorance you are in potential danger of being one, because you cannot tell the difference.

And as for you dward .. I wouldn't be so quick to express your ignorance to a real truth either .. for you first lied, and then closed down your thread about your daughter before you could get caught in your lie, to save your own face.

What do I mean by that?

Your daughter who has given you a fit, and refuses to work, or take any responsibility, as you described .. suddenly had a job, and her own place to live .. just after it was pointed out to you that your drive to kick her out of your house stemmed off of your own jealously of her sleeping with your man ... and not for her own benefit and learning how to be a responsible adult.

Then boom .. you were told that in which you knew was the truth, yet, denied it ... and we know it's the truth because suddenly, your daughter who had been in constant denial (as well as you) for YEARS, changed overnight, to have a good job, her own place, and responsibility.

We knew that ^^^^ was a lie, dward, to save your own face from the truth.

You guys can band together, if you choose, to fight against facing a truth, and say whatever you want to about me .... but, it doesn't change the truth .. and we all know that.

You all apparantly cannot comprehend what is happening here. Let's look at this for what it really is ...

She starts off this thread, describing how much of a monster he is .. all the while, we all should have enough sense about us to realize that she actually HAS friends and family to whom she's been saying these very same things to for 3 years .... for 3 years ... for 3 years.

And she stays ... regardless of what she's been told.

You all come in here and actually have yourselves fooled into believing that you are making a difference, eventhough she's been doing this for 3 years ... willingly. You guys are likely telling her the same thing she has always been hearing, which = a shoulder to cry on, and then she goes back to him for another round.

On page two .. after everybody told her to leave him .. the first post starts off saying ...

"He has already hurt me physically too. He broke my foot and never has apologized for it."

.... she adds more fuel, doesn't she? You guys are telling her something valuable, you think, don't you? And she talks about even more abuse he does to her, to get you guys to feel sorry for her even more .. and that's all it is.

Because she's upset about not getting an apology, and that's it.

An apology?

Any woman who would NOT tolerate abuse from a man, would say no such thing. Her words would be saying something like .. "I kicked his sorry ass to the curb, the son-of-a-bitch broke my foot".

But, no ... we hear .... he hasn't apologized. What the fuck does an apology do to fix this situation? So, she will allow herself to be broken, and alls she wants is an apology?

That ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ provides the abuser with a victim.

"If only the other girl that he has been flirting with really knew who he was. If someone told me something like that about someone I was dating, I wouldn't hesitate to listen."

Her concern in this part is that this other woman doesn't really know him, which is making a backwards reference that she really DOES know him and what he is capable of ... then says that if someone told her something like that, then she wouldn't hestitate to listen.

FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS ....

Are you all seriously so ignorant that you believe that her own family, her own fucking family, who LOVES her .. hasn't told her?

So, she not only hestitated in listening to the warnings .. she ignored them, and has chosen to stay for 3 years in an abusive relationship.

You truly want to help this woman?


Then knock some fucking sense into her head by telling her she IS accountible for what happens to her .. and STOP providing her the enabling of remaining ignorant within her victim mentality.

I am not at all denying any fault in my situation. I know it takes 2 people. Although I don't feel I did anything wrong in the sense that I was hiding something or did something that was purposefully hurtful or deceitful, I do feel that it was my fault for not leaving when I had the strength to. Yes, I know I could have left earlier but through his manipulation I somehow became trapped and blind to how he kept pulling me back in. I see now how he eventually broke me down and made me so confused that I couldn't think straight. There was a time when I was on the pill and it made me very moody. I even warned him about that possible moodiness before I started taking the pill and he said he would have patience with me. The extent of my moodiness was just pulling away every now and then and retreating into my quiet corner. I'm not one to pick a fight or even yell. He would be confused whenever I pulled away but I felt like what I did wasn't that bad. After being tired of feeling extremely bloated and tired all the time, I finally got off the pill and slowly returned to my real self. The things he had done to me started before we had any problems. Things were actually great in the beginning. Objectively speaking, he hurt me first and that's when the problems began. I lost trust in him, he admitted his wrongdoing and vowed that he would and wanted to make it up to me. I don't see anyone as being perfect (including myself) so I believed that he really meant what he said. During our relationship, I really didnt discuss my relationship with my friends or family...maybe I should have and maybe it would have prevented all this pain. One of the reasons I posted here was because I WAS questioning if it was really me or if it's really him. For example, what is a reasonable time to forgive someone and give them back trust? He said he felt like it took too long for me to give him back his trust after he broke it. Is that a reasonable demand? I thought it was really up to me since I was the one who was hurt but he is making it seem like there is some standard time period. Also, when he referred to "the way I get," he is referring to how I ask for a more thorough answer. I have learned that he is not always 100% truthful whenever he tells me something. Like when he told me he rejected the girl who wanted to hook up with him, but the WAY he rejected her didn't exactly sound like a rejection. All I asked him (verbatim) is "How did you reject her?". Is that fair for me to ask? I

PA I have one question for you.......Have you personally ever been abused? I don't care if you've known someone who has or if you've read about it. All I want to know is.....Have YOU PERSONALLY ever been abused?

actually it was 2 years PA 🙂

PA it is YOU who clearly doesn't understand abusive relationships because I'm guessing here....YOU have never actually been in one & lived through it! I was in a abusive relationship 10 years ago for 4YEARS!!!!!!!! & guess what.....NO ONE knew!!!!!!! not my friends, not my family NO ONE. Not until it was over did I tell anyone about the abuse. And guess what? keeping the abuse a secret is VERY common, you would know that had you experienced it, you can give all the logical answers you want but there is nothing logical about abuse. You can read all about abuse if you like & yeah all your solutions make sense but unless you've lived it then you REALLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

I will tell you one other thing because you seem to think that I, someone who has experienced this as opposed to you......who has not, have no idea what I'm talking about........The last thing you want to do is place blame for abuse on the abused, she already has it in her mind that it's all her fault, you dumb ass! You can clearly see that in her posts...."There was a time when I was on the pill and it made me very moody" & " I WAS questioning if it was really me or if it's really him. For example, what is a reasonable time to forgive someone" You honestly think that asking her what she did to provoke him is going to give her the strength to walk away?!?! LOL Giving the girl encouragement, letting her know that no matter what she did to him, she's not responsible for him putting his hands on her that would be helpful because again you clearly see....whenever she takes a ass whoopin she's left wondering what she did to provoke him.

She needs to know that HE is accountable for his actions & he needs to keep his hands to himself no matter what. You will see that I did not say "Hey I think you should stay with him" NO I said "I think you need to leave NOW" so I was not promoting the abuse, I was encouraging her to leave.

Rising....all the questions your asking are irrelevant, You really need to stop worrying about what you did wrong, No your not perfect, no one is.....but no matter what you've done or asked of him, has given him a reason or a right for him to do what he's done to you. If you've left relationships before & you know how to do that, then this will be the most important relationship you will ever leave & you need to know that you do not deserve to be treated the way that he treats you. NOTHING is going to change, you WILL NOT change him, he will not stop lying, manipulating & abusing you & it does not matter what you do for him. Instead of trying to understand if you've given him significant time to earn back trust, you really need to spend your time trying to understand why you choose to put up with him to begin with.......and you need to do that from a different location. I suggest that you tell a family member or friend about the abusive situation that you've been in, I suggest you go stay with someone else & stay away from him. When your away from him it will give you the time & space to focus on NOT what you can do to make this relationship work BUT what you can do to build your self esteem so that you KNOW you do not deserve this kind of treatment. GET AWAY.....& I don't mean, hide out in your bedroom, I mean leave the house!

"I do feel that it was my fault for not leaving when I had the strength to."

**head drops on desk**

Past tense? As in .. you're now defeated?


"Yes, I know I could have left earlier but through his manipulation I somehow became trapped and blind to how he kept pulling me back in."

Are your eyes not open now? If you have the awareness to say it ^^ then you have the awareness that it is present ... past, present and future.

"If I am trying to find ways to trust him again, is it wrong for me to ask such a question?"

Yes, abso-fucking-lutely it is WRONG if he is an abuser. You know all this, you said it repeatedly, even went to counseling ... and here we have it, here we have what I've been saying all along ..

.. you CHOOSE to be with him .. because you already know he's an abuser, you know what he is capable of ... and you want to be with him.

Why? Because you were defeated? You now have no strength to rise above and become a woman with values?

"Correct me if I am wrong, but if someone told you that they wanted nothing more to do with you, than why do they bother to go out of their way to interact with you?"

You ARE defeated then, if you would ask this question above ... for it makes the suggestion that the terms of the relationship is up to him. How he decides to treat you is at his sole discretion ... and so we have it, don't we? Why would he bother having interaction with you if he had decided to have nothing to do with you?

What about fucking YOU, rising? You have no say-so in whether you want to be with him, or not? Why the fuck would YOU interact with him, if he is abuses you?

But, this is what we have here, don't we? He wanted you to have dinner with him, and so you went, and in your mind-set of a victim mentality in which you believe you have no control over and are at his mercy .. you would ask yourself ... well, if he didn't want me any longer, then he wouldn't interact with me and ask me to have dinner with him, so he must want me ... so then you ..

"the mention of what our relationship is, he goes ballistic."

You cannot "see" with any clarity of what you do here ... yet, even the mention .. you say that as if you have resentment towards him for not wanting to talk about the relationship, as if he should want to because it's important to you .. as if he is worth keeping.

You truly believe he is worth keeping, don't you?
Worth trusting, don't you?


You're blind .....

And I mean to wake you the fuck up .. any way possible, to any extent.

"She needs to know that HE is accountable for his actions & he needs to keep his hands to himself no matter what."


CanTaur ... this is beyond your reasoning because of your own injury due to abuse. I truly understand that you are trying to help her, but, you cannot "see" beyond your quote above.

She has already put ALL liability in him to direct this relationship, compeletely. She has put all accountibility into HIM to choose what he needs and needs not do to her, at his discretion. By her knowing that he is accountible for his own actions .. has no bearing on actually STOPPING him from doing it to her.

And I fully realize that you don't get that .. but, what you are telling her, is to give him even MORE full and total accountibility in this relationship, and then leaving the impression that for her to do this will STOP his abuse, it will stop him from putting his hands on her and it won't ....... it CAUSES it.

It causes it because it puts all action IN HIS ACTIONS to do as he chooses .. and we know this to be true because of this quote from her ..

"Correct me if I am wrong, but if someone told you that they wanted nothing more to do with you, than why do they bother to go out of their way to interact with you?"


That's ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ giving him all power, all accountibility to direct this relationship at his choosing, while she sits in the balance, helpless, faultless.

You are telling her the WRONG thing to do.

She is accountible ... she is the director of her life ... she is at fault if her life is fucked up by the hands of a monster that she chooses to co-exist with ...... she has FULL and TOTAL responsibility for her life-path.



Her salvation, her freedom .... is to hold herself accountible completely .. only then will she take back her life to make her own decisions and stop giving him all power to decide for her.

To tell a woman to leave an abusive relationship, in which she has had these same kind of relationships in the past ... is merely telling her to remain ignorant to the fact that she has choices as it pertains to the abuse.

It's like telling a compulsive buyer to shop at Wal-mart instead of Target. If Target isn't giving you what you want .. then walk out, you don't deserve that, they should have what you're looking for, you deserve better than that.

The problem here is NOT the Scorpio man ... it's HER.

well sometimes the truth can be harsh...but i guess it needs to be told...

"And I fully realize that you don't get that .. but, what you are telling her, is to give him even MORE full and total accountibility in this relationship, and then leaving the impression that for her to do this will STOP his abuse, it will stop him from putting his hands on her and it won't ....... it CAUSES it."

Are you even reading anything I'm saying? I'm not offering suggestions on how to stop the abuse, I'm saying there is nothing you can do to stop the abuse, the only option to stop the abuse is to leave the situation. The only way to prevent further abuse is to recognize why you would tolerate it to begin with & from that build yourself up so that in the future you'd be able to recognize a abuser & leave the situation because you know that you don't deserve it.

and PA stop undermining my advice by saying things like....."CanTaur ... this is beyond your reasoning because of your own injury due to abuse" You have no idea what I've done to heal my wounds from my past & your thinking that because I was once abused, that I'm still damaged by it, that I remain a victim forever is complete & utter bullshit. I'm not claiming to be a victim, I'm claiming to come from a place of understanding because I've actually LIVED it. YOU have not. What you are doing is using logic & text book knowledge, text book knowledge is COMPLETELY different from the actual experience. You cannot claim to know the feelings that are involved when in a situation such as this if you've never experienced it. This is why you are going to get no where with this, because you are being too logical. You can't sympathize & you've completely removed any emotion from your responses, because you don't know what those emotions are.

You proved that when you asked what she did to him to make him beat her ass.

Rising, we understand you, at least I do. I know people get confused and become blind when they are in love especially for young women, but you need to get out of the box and look at the whole picture right now. I feel like you got tangled up with all the questions you have/had, and you're getting more confused/unsure because of the baby. Please don't think that you can find ways to trust him again after all the things he has done. You might feel that you need to give the baby a good family, but I don't think the baby will not want to live in the abusive environment that you're living in right now. Please talk to your family about this.

::::: sighs deeply :::::

Listen, CanTaur .... what you said is a contridiction. And I'm not trying to belittle you, rather, it's clear to me that you don't understand abuse either, and I'm trying to teach both of you at the same time here exactly how to prevent this ...


"I'm not offering suggestions on how to stop the abuse, I'm saying there is nothing you can do to stop the abuse, the only option to stop the abuse is to leave the situation."

The above is wrong, and I fully realize you aren't trying to tell her how to STOP the abuse because you believe there isn't a way. You think there is nothing a person can do to stop it, which = perpetuating this from continuing to happen again and again with relationships.

For a woman who has a history of abusive relationships, and does NOTHING in the aspect of prevention >>>>>>>>> leaves, as you've suggested, to only find herself in another abusive relationship again, and again .. the cycle merely repeats itself. Why? Because the woman puts up with it abuse, then just leaves, as if the problem resides in the man ... and it does NOT. It resides in the woman, who hasn't learned how to prevent herself from securing another abusive relationship, and lets herself fall prey to it ..... yet again.

Your above quote is in contridiction with the below quote .. above says there is no prevention, while the bottom says that there is. You give her mixed signals .. yet, the bottom quote is correct.

"The only way to prevent further abuse is to recognize why you would tolerate it to begin with & from that build yourself up so that in the future you'd be able to recognize a abuser".

And to just "leave" the situation is NOT the answer if the second quote isn't fully recognized. The only way to fully recognize exactly WHY she would place herself in this situation is to hold herself accountible for the role she plays as a victim.

There's a reason why she does that ^^^^^^^^ ... and before I came in here and provoked her into expressing how she has placed herself in this lower position beneath him, you guys were only stroking her with pity strokes >>>>>> she kept responding with MORE descriptions of abuse he was doing to her, without expressing any information about how she views herself as if this is her position in life.

It was all his fault, with no self-awareness .. and you all responded with this same tone, which created more breeding ground for her to continue being a victim.

I realize that you think I was being mean to her .. but, I wasn't, and am still not ... I'm prompting her, by provoking her, by putting her in opposition to STOP describing his abuse done to her, as if she has no choice .. and START saying WHY she is allowing this to happen to her.

So, we can actually help her .. really help her, and not just provide her with more people to pity. There's nothing wrong with compassion .. but, when it's handed out to people who are NOT true victims, rather, have a victim mentality, when they actually DO have control over a situation .. this compassion is not helping them .. it's enabling them to continue in this misery that doesn't have to be in their lives.



If she just ups and leaves this relationship .. without any awareness that she allows this man to harm her in this fashion because she gives the man all power >>>>>>>> straight into the arms of an abuser she will fall again.