Underlying reason to commitophobes?

Is there an underlying reason to commitment phobes?

Like, it can swing both ways.
1. The common way where you take it literally - they really like to be swinging singles.

2. They actually place such high value on relationships that none will do except, except the one they know will NEVER NEVER break off with them, are their true soulmates, and will be together for life?

In essence, the underlying CP reason, is the person accepts nothing less than the real thing?

Maybe, comitment phobes are the truest idealists. They hold relationships in such high esteem that they don't get into one for fear it will not work out. They will continually test it and test it until decades have passed, and have their partner prove their suitability.

of course
3. the hurt birdies who would never let anyone in again.

What if - for number 2-ers.
Their partners are immature, commit unforgivable mistakes, but are actually soulmates?
People choose to be apart. Alot due to ego, boundaries, betrayal, and basically... bad timing.

what if they met when they were 21?
or 15?
and either one of them never appreciated the other.

And eventually when they were mature enough, one of them realized the past mistakes could never be rectified, nor forgiven.

pretty much the end.

I'm not a commitment-phobic person, but another reason could be that they value their personal freedom much more than any kind of close relationship they could have. If I was a double Aries along with Venus, that's how I would feel. Also, they might not be comfortable in someone possibly "leaning" on them, or feeling responsible for someone else. Maybe they are going through something or have a very weak self esteem, and don't feel good enough for anyone. Any of those or ones that have been mentioned are very valid.. and if someone really can't settle for one person at a time, that's their business. As long as they keep it real with their "partners" and everyone involved, to each his own 😉

Posted by DepressedAngel

Posted by spica
What if - for number 2-ers.
Their partners are immature, commit unforgivable mistakes, but are actually soulmates?
People choose to be apart. Alot due to ego, boundaries, betrayal, and basically... bad timing.

what if they met when they were 21?
or 15?
and either one of them never appreciated the other.

And eventually when they were mature enough, one of them realized the past mistakes could never be rectified, nor forgiven.

pretty much the end.

In order to recognize your soul mate you must first know yourself. And make that even 20, 30, or 40 years. Sometimes they are simply not destined to be partners but to be a lesson to each others in current life. At times this is the stuff tragic tales are made of.

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Knowing oneself fully is next to impossible. One may think they know themselves, but it may be a delusion, or they're looking at themselves through a lens.
There are more tragic tales than people care to share. Cinema is but a reflection of daily life - with daily life fuller in drama than the thickest plot.
Ad you're right about the lessons. To desire to know the future and destiny is to be wrought with more curveballs/ pain than one can imagine.

Posted by heartof*Fire
I'm not a commitment-phobic person, but another reason could be that they value their personal freedom much more than any kind of close relationship they could have. If I was a double Aries along with Venus, that's how I would feel. Also, they might not be comfortable in someone possibly "leaning" on them, or feeling responsible for someone else. Maybe they are going through something or have a very weak self esteem, and don't feel good enough for anyone. Any of those or ones that have been mentioned are very valid.. and if someone really can't settle for one person at a time, that's their business. As long as they keep it real with their "partners" and everyone involved, to each his own 😉

Excellent points. However, your first point I wanted to counter. Commitment is inescapeable. If one does not commit to another, they commit to their education, work, mortgage, family, etc. To have no commitment is to be a wanderer, yet the wanderer is fully committed - to his quest.

But yes, your later points are a good explanation.

Posted by hikoro
Spica

I may be under #2.

It is the fact that I want everything to be perfect, I want to be certain that it will work out since I know I have so much good stuff to give but since I can't know the future, then I fear taking the chance just in case it does not work out. But, how will you know if you don't take the chance?

It is quite a circular matter. Call me an idealist with a perfectionist streak.

Good point.

Posted by FeistyAquarian

Posted by spica
What if - for number 2-ers.
Their partners are immature, commit unforgivable mistakes, but are actually soulmates?
People choose to be apart. Alot due to ego, boundaries, betrayal, and basically... bad timing.

what if they met when they were 21?
or 15?
and either one of them never appreciated the other.

And eventually when they were mature enough, one of them realized the past mistakes could never be rectified, nor forgiven.

pretty much the end.

For the first part, I guess you're SOL 🙂 But if you are really soulmates, then wouldn't you have better timing?

And I dunno, I met my Aries when I was 18, and we began dating when I was 19 and we certainly appreciate each other. However, we have had our moments of doubt as we have both almost broken up with the other. He actually did it once, and I almost did, but we've been good for quite some time 🙂 Sometimes it just takes a little growing up I guess.

click to expand

What's SOL?
Hope things work out 🙂