Am I being irrational?

I really don't know where to post this, so I'll post this in a few places.

Anyway,I started casually dating someone without expectations of anything serious. He pursued me and did sweet, and romantic things. He's Gemini - June 20th. He was bringing me flowers each time he saw me (once a week), and planned two trips that were surprises...the most recent one to New Orleans last weekend. I haven't seen him or talked to him over the phone since last Monday, a day after we got back from NOLA.

He told me while we were driving to New Orleans that his grandfather wasn't doing well and problably wouldn't make it the week. His grandpa passed away Tuesday. I have not called him because I figured he and his kids needed some time with family. He, instead, has emailed me once per day with things like "I miss you", "I love you", "I hope to see you soon".
The thing is he isn't hosting any of his family who came in from out town, yet he still has chosen to email me once a day instead of calling? I can understand if he has family staying with him and he might not have time to talk, but he's been home every day by 10pm - we've talked on the phone at night- many times past midnight.

In an email on Thursday, he said he would call me Friday. That didn't happen. Then Friday's email said he'd call me for sure by Saturday. That didn't happen.

Tell me if I'm being irrational - if he has time to type up an email on his phone, then he has time to actually call me, right? That's my thinking.

Well, instead of calling and possibly breaking down, he's just sending an email so you don't know how he really feels. I wouldn't take this personally.

I could understand that more if he hadn't already told me that he was close to his grandfather.

sorry, that should read "wasn't close"

Hmm, so what exactly are you thinking? Do you think he's ignoring you, seeing someone else, or what?

Tell me if I'm being irrational - if he has time to type up an email on his phone, then he has time to actually call me, right? That's my thinking.

I think your over thinking things. It's still early days in your relationship. Calm down and wait until this has passed. Otherwise he will sense the tension. Don't wait on his calls - go out and enjoy yourself.

I agree. No freaking out until there's something concrete about which to freak! Some guys like to deal with hard emotions on their own instead of burdening you with them. Just because he wasn't close to his grandfather doesn't mean he's not shouldering the responsibility of helping out people who WERE close. It's tough to see your family in pain. I would say to give him time and stay positive for the moment. If there's something else going on, it will come to light soon enough. Getting upset or pestering him (not saying you will do that) is going to be a turn-off.

Nah, I haven't said anything to him. I have been supportive and understanding (except forcomplaining here). Good insight Whimsey - he might not have been close to his grandfather, but he is being a strong parental figure for his kids whom have never had to deal with a death in the family.

All is good. I vented here and not to him. He actually surprised me last night by coming to see me and brought me flowers. He called me late in the afternoon yesterday and we talked for about an hour. About 8 last night, I had a knock on my door and he was there with flowers. He said that he didn't realize how much he missed me until he heard my voice and talked to me over the phone. Said he had to end his night on a good note by seeing me and telling me how he felt about me.

It was an awww moment.

It sounds like you're one of those women who are heavily ladden with all kinds of emotional baggage ... I mean, he can't even have his own space without you having emotional issues with it. Doesn't matter if you vented to him or not .. the
fact is, you have these emotional issues to even experience them, when the two of you aren't even a couple


In your very first sentence you say you have no expectations ... then proceed to describe how you freak out when he doesn't live up to your expectations.


::: shakes head :::


Yes, you are indeed being quite irrational

oh hello p-angel. i've missed your rants.

I agree. I think it's being irrational. Yes he shouldve called, but his Grandfather did die. Maybe things are hitting him now, maybe his mind is all over the place, maybe family dynamics are all in a fucked up mess now.

You're hearing from him, be happy. Some people completely pull away, and don't come back.

I can tell you as a Gem Asc. what I say and what I think are two diff things, and what I say and how I feel are two diff things. I can have a smile on my face and want to curl up and bawl.

My take on his emails and not calling, he's not in the mood to have to make nice and socialize with anyone. And typing is a carefree way to keep him mind off things without having to thing too much into anything.

Be fair, and play nice.

It takes less time to type a msg on the phone than to get into a conversation that he obviously didn't have time for OR maybe he simply was not in the mood to talk.

I have a friend who is a female gemini, so this may not apply to your gem male, but for what it's worth...

Her not following through on something she said she would do or doing it at a time other than when she said she would do it is completely normal. There's never any rhyme or reason to this behaviour or anything to read into it; generally, it's just because she saw something shiny 🙂

I've also noticed that when she is faced with serious personal issues she has a tendency to completely withdraw and not commnunicate with anyone until she has figured out what she needs to do or how to cope with whatever the issue is (i.e.- kids' reaction to a death in the family). Once she's found some direction for herself, she reaches out to the people she trusts and everything's normal. It took me a while to figure out what she was doing with this, because it's so unlike her to be closed off and unresponsive. As it turned out, she just needed to work it out for herself before she could deal with anyone else. Since it sounds like your gem has come back around, I'd wager this is exactly what he was going on with him. Nothing to worry about.

Posted by StoicGoat
I have a friend who is a female gemini, so this may not apply to your gem male, but for what it's worth...

Her not following through on something she said she would do or doing it at a time other than when she said she would do it is completely normal. There's never any rhyme or reason to this behaviour or anything to read into it; generally, it's just because she saw something shiny 🙂

Yes, I can relate to this.

Also, whatever is going on in my immediate reality can be all-encompassing. For instance, if I go away on a trip, I can basically loose touch with whatever daily reality I just left behind at home. If I have been on a cruise (for example) for as little as two days, I might as well have always lived on that boat because I'm in the moment and other realities fade away. When I get back to my daily life, I readjust and start behaving the way I did before. The trip doesn't have to be physical...it can just as easily be mental.

Good info, Stoic and Whimsy. He and I are doing OK. I got flowers the other night from him and again at the office with a note that says "You've stolen my heart but it's in good hands". I come on this board every now and then to vent because my introverted personality knows I wouldn't dare "say" some of the things out loud...it's a way for me not to internalize things to the point where I pick them apart. I'm sure most of us have said "I wonder what the DXP'ers would say about this"...yeah, I'm guilty of that.

I am guessing here, but I may have had at least one experience like your emailing friend, Bullbeauty. I did pretty much the same thing to everybody. Essentially, my siblings have never been very close, and some of us are outright hostile to one another. Our father died, and we were all required to be in one place at the same time for a day or two. Waaay tense!!!

I was not about to have a real conversation with someone I wanted to talk to, because of all the family tension around me. I simply do not want those people to know my "personal" business.

Could be your texting friend is in somewhat the same situation. Having a "friendly" conversation on the phone would raise uncomfortable questions at best, and could be seen as a point of attack from other angles. Under those circumstances, I waited until I had access to email so that I could communicate with people I wanted to talk, to without having to let my Shields down.

Really very sad, actually.....

Not a happy explanation, but a real possibility.

Many thanks to all the Gems/folk with Gem experience for helping us understand them a little better.