Am I now the dumper?

I was so in love with him. First person I ever thought about marriage with, kids, wanted to live together, all that good stuff. Ex broke up with me because he was tired of the arguing. Tried to get back with me a week later. I let him come over and we talked for an hour or so. When he broke up with me I thought he just wanted to play the field. I told him if he would just admit to wanting to play the field then we could move forward. He said he wasn’t going to admit to something that wasn’t true. I then told him it was a mistake letting him come over, and I was happy and moved on. He nodded, said okay, and walked out.

I'll admit I told kind of blew up his phone still venting about the breakup. About 30 minutes after he left I sent him a message saying how I was sorry and the breakup messed with me head. He didn’t respond. I sent him another message, much lengthier this time. I was talking about our issues and brought up how he broke up with me. He ignored that. I sent another message saying how I wanted to stay but felt like I couldn’t. He ignored that. Then I sent him another message the next morning. He finally responded. I sent another message/reply that afternoon which he ignored I sent another message that evening which he also ignored. So I sent about 6-8 messages within those 24 hrs. I sent him a message a few days later/week later saying the breakup hard for me. He said it was hard for him too.

Since I rejected his reconciliation did I become the dumper? Or is he the dumper and if so, how?

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Does it matter who dumped who?

He was the one to married but arguing was unbearable? Wait a minute...how does that work? Are you a batshit crazy type?

Posted by pinkbird03
Does it matter who dumped who?

Just curious.

Posted by bizzybee84

Posted by pinkbird03
Does it matter who dumped who?

Just curious.

click to expand

I’d say he broke up with you because he initiated it.

He dumped you. And you rejected him.

Posted by LadyNeptune
He dumped you. And you rejected him.

But did she really reject him though? I feel like her actions say otherwise.

Posted by bizzybee84
I was so in love with him. First person I ever thought about marriage with, kids, wanted to live together, all that good stuff. Ex broke up with me because he was tired of the arguing. Tried to get back with me a week later. I let him come over and we talked for an hour or so. When he broke up with me I thought he just wanted to play the field. I told him if he would just admit to wanting to play the field then we could move forward. He said he wasn’t going to admit to something that wasn’t true. I then told him it was a mistake letting him come over, and I was happy and moved on. He nodded, said okay, and walked out.

I'll admit I told kind of blew up his phone still venting about the breakup. About 30 minutes after he left I sent him a message saying how I was sorry and the breakup messed with me head. He didn’t respond. I sent him another message, much lengthier this time. I was talking about our issues and brought up how he broke up with me. He ignored that. I sent another message saying how I wanted to stay but felt like I couldn’t. He ignored that. Then I sent him another message the next morning. He finally responded. I sent another message/reply that afternoon which he ignored I sent another message that evening which he also ignored. So I sent about 6-8 messages within those 24 hrs. I sent him a message a few days later/week later saying the breakup hard for me. He said it was hard for him too.

Since I rejected his reconciliation did I become the dumper? Or is he the dumper and if so, how?

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When he tried to get back together with you, the ball went back to your court. However the whole "dumper/dumpee" thing is just terminology for whoever society deems to have the upper or lower hand. At the end of the day both people suffer after a breakup in different ways. Your job now that he's approached you & told you what he wants, is to really think and decide what you would need from him to want to be in a relationship with him again (IF that's what you want) and then present it to him, or walk away from the situation and cut your losses. If you truly didn't want him back, don't feel guilty about it or overexplain to him. You have every right to walk away. I know what you're going through and I wish you the best of luck. Everything will be ok either way *hugs*