krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
Baby on the way
Posted by krysrenee7
Would you take that risk?!
Probably.
But I also have Venus squaring Uranus and Neptune at the same time so I do strange things...
*shrug*
Your shortsighted question makes the assumption that there is drama attached, which then your viewing audience is forced to make a decision on how they feel about taking a risk .... when in reality, you can't actually imply fact without presenting yourself as ignorant.
Posted by P-Angel
Your shortsighted question makes the assumption that there is drama attached, which then your viewing audience is forced to make a decision on how they feel about taking a risk .... when in reality, you can't actually imply fact without presenting yourself as ignorant.
Seems that you're the only person who didn't comprehend the question
Oh & by the way, since it's MY post, I have every damn right to insert in my questioning how I feel about the very topic being talked about
And had I actually given a scenario where drama being involved was the main and only scenario I was presenting, there would still be nothing wrong with that. A person can ask any question they want, any kind of way they want. Apparently the people who do so are "ignorant."
I guess you need to take another cold hard look in the dictionary. I'm pretty sure the word "ignorant" doesn't apply to someone asking a specific question in a specific circumstance.
Nice try, but try again.
@Feby: That's awesome!!
There are extended families everywhere! And sometimes that's def. for the better for all parties involved.
Sometimes it's best that 2 parents don't stay together & instead move on to the person that's more right for them. After all, relationships don't last when only one (or neither) of the 2 people in it really wanna be there.
I'm aware too that 2 parents not being together from the beginning OR splitting and finding other partners halfway through their childhood may be torture for a child though.
I guess the kicker was whether or not someone was willing to take that risk with a person who literally had a child on the way lol It seems that some people would feel much more comfortable if the child had been born already long before they crossed paths. Understandable. I can see it from both ends.
There are extended families everywhere! And sometimes that's def. for the better for all parties involved.
Sometimes it's best that 2 parents don't stay together & instead move on to the person that's more right for them. After all, relationships don't last when only one (or neither) of the 2 people in it really wanna be there.
I'm aware too that 2 parents not being together from the beginning OR splitting and finding other partners halfway through their childhood may be torture for a child though.
I guess the kicker was whether or not someone was willing to take that risk with a person who literally had a child on the way lol It seems that some people would feel much more comfortable if the child had been born already long before they crossed paths. Understandable. I can see it from both ends.
I did. It's a very complicated situation. Even my gut reaction says he'll no, I wouldn't do it again. On the other hand I don't regret doing it at all. Who knows. It would depend on where I'm at in life, where she's at, all kinds of stuff. kids are a big deal but I already been down that road, they aren't frightening to me.
Even if there no drama between the two of them, there could be once the kid is born. More than that, I do kinda look down on casual sex.
Even if there no drama between the two of them, there could be once the kid is born. More than that, I do kinda look down on casual sex.
^^^ I think all parties are taking a risk. Even if the child itself is not knowingly taking the risk, lol the person most likely to be affected by their parent's love life decisions is the child. This is why you've gotta be careful not only about the new person you decide to branch out with and bring your child around, but also especially careful with the person you decide to have children with.
A child is royally screwed if the parents who aren't right for each other try to force a relationship that will most likely turn toxic b/c of it being forced in the 1st place.
A child can also be royally screwed if 1 or both of the parents branch out & bring back partners (that will most likely meet or interact with the child eventually) that are just as toxic.
Either way, it's about the best interest of the child. But sometimes you may not know what's best until you go through trial & error. You may assume that staying single OR forcing yourself to commit to the other parent may be best, only for it to completely backfire later. OR you could be a totally great person/parent but unknowingly introduce your child to a new partner that is toxic & it completely backfire too (giving more cause for the baby's mother to have a reason to b****tch)
I think the scenario sounds horrible when you 1st think about it, but when I look around & see so many extended families that worked out just fine, it puts thing into perspective.
A child is royally screwed if the parents who aren't right for each other try to force a relationship that will most likely turn toxic b/c of it being forced in the 1st place.
A child can also be royally screwed if 1 or both of the parents branch out & bring back partners (that will most likely meet or interact with the child eventually) that are just as toxic.
Either way, it's about the best interest of the child. But sometimes you may not know what's best until you go through trial & error. You may assume that staying single OR forcing yourself to commit to the other parent may be best, only for it to completely backfire later. OR you could be a totally great person/parent but unknowingly introduce your child to a new partner that is toxic & it completely backfire too (giving more cause for the baby's mother to have a reason to b****tch)
I think the scenario sounds horrible when you 1st think about it, but when I look around & see so many extended families that worked out just fine, it puts thing into perspective.
I guess there are potential negatives/risks to both
If a new person gets involved too early, they're more than likely to directly get hit by any cross fire being fired from the baby's mother. And of course all that drama/stress so early in a relationship can really ruin what could've been a good thing.
Not only that, but you might also have some insecurity or fears that the 2 may eventually work things out & come back together, leaving you high & dry. Trust issues & insecurities can ruin a relationship at any stage, but it's def. more likely to ruin things when the relationship just got off the ground (or hasn't even had the chance to)
However, if you're meeting someone who's kids are a lot older, it could also strain the relationship too b/c 1. Just b/c the child is 10 doesn't mean the mother got over your man yet lol (She may still be a territorial drama queen 10 years later) AND 2. If the children don't like you or can't accept anyone other than their mother being a partner to your guy, it can really ruin what could've potentially been a great thing too.
Just depends.
If a new person gets involved too early, they're more than likely to directly get hit by any cross fire being fired from the baby's mother. And of course all that drama/stress so early in a relationship can really ruin what could've been a good thing.
Not only that, but you might also have some insecurity or fears that the 2 may eventually work things out & come back together, leaving you high & dry. Trust issues & insecurities can ruin a relationship at any stage, but it's def. more likely to ruin things when the relationship just got off the ground (or hasn't even had the chance to)
However, if you're meeting someone who's kids are a lot older, it could also strain the relationship too b/c 1. Just b/c the child is 10 doesn't mean the mother got over your man yet lol (She may still be a territorial drama queen 10 years later) AND 2. If the children don't like you or can't accept anyone other than their mother being a partner to your guy, it can really ruin what could've potentially been a great thing too.
Just depends.
Nope. Just wouldn't.
@Lily: I get what you're saying, but I disagree that a man/woman can't date someone new & be a good/attentive parent at the same time. Plenty of people do it every day.
Multi-tasking. A man can have a baby on the way, and yet still work, still visit his mama, still travel, take care of his own needs, still look for love, etc. Now if any of his other "ventures" interfere with his ability to give sufficient attention to his child, then shame on him. But that doesn't mean that men can't do it.
Who you start dating will be a risk to a vulnerable child until that child is an adult. They'll need constant & undivided attention until they're adults, which is why the mothers/fathers who pick their new partners over their children even when they're toddlers or teens is still just as shameful. Given that, technically, according to what you're saying, it's not fair for either parent to seek a love life until their child is out of the "your risky decisions will likely affect me" zone.
My sister was adopted by my father when she was 1. Of course that situation could've turned out all bad, but it didn't. And my sister is still eternally grateful that my mother was dating my dad not too long after she got pregnant. It was a risk, no doubt. But my mom & dad felt like they were soul mates when they met (neither were even looking for love at the time) & my mom found a way to give her undivided attention to my sister AND maintain a healthy relationship with my father (her new boyfriend) at the same time.
It can be done. High risk, high reward.
Multi-tasking. A man can have a baby on the way, and yet still work, still visit his mama, still travel, take care of his own needs, still look for love, etc. Now if any of his other "ventures" interfere with his ability to give sufficient attention to his child, then shame on him. But that doesn't mean that men can't do it.
Who you start dating will be a risk to a vulnerable child until that child is an adult. They'll need constant & undivided attention until they're adults, which is why the mothers/fathers who pick their new partners over their children even when they're toddlers or teens is still just as shameful. Given that, technically, according to what you're saying, it's not fair for either parent to seek a love life until their child is out of the "your risky decisions will likely affect me" zone.
My sister was adopted by my father when she was 1. Of course that situation could've turned out all bad, but it didn't. And my sister is still eternally grateful that my mother was dating my dad not too long after she got pregnant. It was a risk, no doubt. But my mom & dad felt like they were soul mates when they met (neither were even looking for love at the time) & my mom found a way to give her undivided attention to my sister AND maintain a healthy relationship with my father (her new boyfriend) at the same time.
It can be done. High risk, high reward.
Yeah sure an older child could have a say in their parents relationship... It the parent allows it. But not a baby in the womb, they don't get a vote for a couple years still. Like I said, my ex wife was pregnant and had a kid when we started dating. The kids didn't have a say in it. I mean maybe if I beat them all the time and all they did was cry she might leave me for it and in that sense maybe they had a say...
Now, sure... The kid that was a new born is 12 now. I have primary custody after my divorce. If I started seeing someone and he had legitimate concerns, Id listen to him. Not saying it is his choice, but he has a voice.
I agree with lily here and think that a single pregnant woman probably shouldn't be entertaining relationships. Even it there's no drama from the baby daddy, her life is about to be upended. Get your shit together first.
Now, sure... The kid that was a new born is 12 now. I have primary custody after my divorce. If I started seeing someone and he had legitimate concerns, Id listen to him. Not saying it is his choice, but he has a voice.
I agree with lily here and think that a single pregnant woman probably shouldn't be entertaining relationships. Even it there's no drama from the baby daddy, her life is about to be upended. Get your shit together first.
Not to mention, some women are just as much a hot mess when they're single as they are when they're in new relationships.
The average mother who has a child & doesn't want to be with the father of her child will most likely still engage in relations with other men, rather it be sexual or romantic ties.
People still do what single people do, whether they have a child or not. If anything, the older the child gets and the more it develops, the more it's imperative for that child to get undivided attention/loyalty from their parent. So technically, one could argue that waiting until a child is 5 or 10 to date could have more of a damaging affect on them since they'd be more cognitive & aware of what's going on.
A baby knows when you're not holding it, but it doesn't know that while it's asleep you're banging a new guy in your bedroom lol When a child is a toddler, they see/know everything! LOL Yeah, they noticed you constantly talking on the phone with your new boo, hanging with him, dropping them off at their grandparents house so you can go "do you," etc.
Children are naturally selfish. They want all of your undivided attention. But the 1st thing women are encouraged to do is to remember to take time out for themselves & to maintain some sense of their own life, while still putting their children 1st in priority.
Some women choose their free time to go shopping, go out with their friends, OR hang out with their new boo. All technically involve time being taken from that child.
Again, it can be done. So many haven't pulled it off, I get it lol but it can be done. There are examples of that everywhere.
The average mother who has a child & doesn't want to be with the father of her child will most likely still engage in relations with other men, rather it be sexual or romantic ties.
People still do what single people do, whether they have a child or not. If anything, the older the child gets and the more it develops, the more it's imperative for that child to get undivided attention/loyalty from their parent. So technically, one could argue that waiting until a child is 5 or 10 to date could have more of a damaging affect on them since they'd be more cognitive & aware of what's going on.
A baby knows when you're not holding it, but it doesn't know that while it's asleep you're banging a new guy in your bedroom lol When a child is a toddler, they see/know everything! LOL Yeah, they noticed you constantly talking on the phone with your new boo, hanging with him, dropping them off at their grandparents house so you can go "do you," etc.
Children are naturally selfish. They want all of your undivided attention. But the 1st thing women are encouraged to do is to remember to take time out for themselves & to maintain some sense of their own life, while still putting their children 1st in priority.
Some women choose their free time to go shopping, go out with their friends, OR hang out with their new boo. All technically involve time being taken from that child.
Again, it can be done. So many haven't pulled it off, I get it lol but it can be done. There are examples of that everywhere.
Not to mention, some women are just as much a hot mess when they're single as they are when they're in new relationships.
The average mother who has a child & doesn't want to be with the father of her child will most likely still engage in relations with other men, rather it be sexual or romantic ties.
People still do what single people do, whether they have a child or not. If anything, the older the child gets and the more it develops, the more it's imperative for that child to get undivided attention/loyalty from their parent. So technically, one could argue that waiting until a child is 5 or 10 to date could have more of a damaging affect on them since they'd be more cognitive & aware of what's going on.
A baby knows when you're not holding it, but it doesn't know that while it's asleep you're banging a new guy in your bedroom lol When a child is a toddler, they see/know everything! LOL Yeah, they noticed you constantly talking on the phone with your new boo, hanging with him, dropping them off at their grandparents house so you can go "do you," etc.
Children are naturally selfish. They want all of your undivided attention. But the 1st thing women are encouraged to do is to remember to take time out for themselves & to maintain some sense of their own life, while still putting their children 1st in priority.
Some women choose their free time to go shopping, go out with their friends, OR hang out with their new boo. All technically involve time being taken from that child.
Again, it can be done. So many haven't pulled it off, I get it lol but it can be done. There are examples of that everywhere.
The average mother who has a child & doesn't want to be with the father of her child will most likely still engage in relations with other men, rather it be sexual or romantic ties.
People still do what single people do, whether they have a child or not. If anything, the older the child gets and the more it develops, the more it's imperative for that child to get undivided attention/loyalty from their parent. So technically, one could argue that waiting until a child is 5 or 10 to date could have more of a damaging affect on them since they'd be more cognitive & aware of what's going on.
A baby knows when you're not holding it, but it doesn't know that while it's asleep you're banging a new guy in your bedroom lol When a child is a toddler, they see/know everything! LOL Yeah, they noticed you constantly talking on the phone with your new boo, hanging with him, dropping them off at their grandparents house so you can go "do you," etc.
Children are naturally selfish. They want all of your undivided attention. But the 1st thing women are encouraged to do is to remember to take time out for themselves & to maintain some sense of their own life, while still putting their children 1st in priority.
Some women choose their free time to go shopping, go out with their friends, OR hang out with their new boo. All technically involve time being taken from that child.
Again, it can be done. So many haven't pulled it off, I get it lol but it can be done. There are examples of that everywhere.
Posted by krysrenee7
@Lily: I get what you're saying, but I disagree that a man/woman can't date someone new & be a good/attentive parent at the same time. Plenty of people do it every day.
I think that's is going a little past what was said. Sure, a single parent can date and still be a good parent. As long as you provide for, nuture, and love (there's your physical, emotional, spiritual) that's all a good parent is. That is the priority, if you sacrifice on yourself to reach those measures, so be it.
In order to do that, you gotta take care of yourself. A lot of people have enough trouble with this and shouldn't even think about kids.
Many people will agree that relationship/bed hopping with no "you" space between is unhealthy long term. This is the same theory just adding the effects to kids who will be hopping right along with you. Yes a single parent can date, but get your shit together first.
I've been on the male side of several pregnancies and know how y'all are when that baby starts sucking the life and logic out of you. Add on that baby's daddy just disappeared (however it happened) and you're simmering a little hot there. Slow down. Have the baby. Adjust. Then look if you wanna jump back in the pool, jump in too fast and you'll cramp up and drown haha.
When it's just you its different. If you got kids you can't be that careless. It may not be their choice but they can definitely end up paying more for it.
@LibraSid: I agree that propelling your dating life when you 1st have a newborn is probably not for the best. Not b/c it can't be done, but b/c so many mothers of newborns have time management issues as it is, with or without a new boo.
However, looking around, I see that many mothers and fathers have done that, pulled it off & were still able to make their children their 1st priority while doing it. Which is why I said that although some can't pull it off, some absolutely can.
There's a difference b/w making a new boo your 1st priority vs. making him your 5th priority. As long as a new relationship isn't your 1st priority, I see nothing horribly wrong with the aspect of a new mom being with the person that she feels is right for her.
Even the new moms who were already in relationships prior to the baby being conceived or born will still try to maintain the energy in her relationship. Nothing wrong with that. You don't start starving your husband of love, attention & time to yourself with him just b/c a newborn baby comes a long. Sure, he may not get 99% of your attention like usual, but nonetheless, a mother shouldn't feel guilty for trying to keep her other relations with others afloat just b/c she has a child.
It's all about priorities, moreso than the birth date. As long as the child is #1, the mother has done her job.
However, looking around, I see that many mothers and fathers have done that, pulled it off & were still able to make their children their 1st priority while doing it. Which is why I said that although some can't pull it off, some absolutely can.
There's a difference b/w making a new boo your 1st priority vs. making him your 5th priority. As long as a new relationship isn't your 1st priority, I see nothing horribly wrong with the aspect of a new mom being with the person that she feels is right for her.
Even the new moms who were already in relationships prior to the baby being conceived or born will still try to maintain the energy in her relationship. Nothing wrong with that. You don't start starving your husband of love, attention & time to yourself with him just b/c a newborn baby comes a long. Sure, he may not get 99% of your attention like usual, but nonetheless, a mother shouldn't feel guilty for trying to keep her other relations with others afloat just b/c she has a child.
It's all about priorities, moreso than the birth date. As long as the child is #1, the mother has done her job.
I'm with ya krys, we're saying roughly the same thing. Hell, remember I actually did what we're talking about. Of course I think it's possible for it to work.
There's also good to a new parent dating. She and I had known each other for a long time so there's comfort that a new relationship wouldn't have but really her and I dating was all good for the kids no matter how it went for us. They had and extra set of arms holding them (several one family gets involved). If you're dating a parent you're going to end up dating the kids too.
There's also good to a new parent dating. She and I had known each other for a long time so there's comfort that a new relationship wouldn't have but really her and I dating was all good for the kids no matter how it went for us. They had and extra set of arms holding them (several one family gets involved). If you're dating a parent you're going to end up dating the kids too.
Honestly, lol I came in the thread so excited wanting to throw congrats and ask for addresses to send baby gifts.,..but I forgot who made the thread, so I'm a little disappointed; but to the topic at hand...I'm going to go on two angles, one if I'm dating a guy who knocked up a chick and two if I'm the one knocked up.
First off, I don't really see the risk involved or any immediacy within this relation because honestly when you are going thru a pregnancy, dating isn't on the top priority. And to be honest,I wouldn't feel that there is any risk involved unless I was expected to be a part of the pregnancy and the aftermath. And if we are just dating or getting to know each other I would never expect nor insist on that type of obligation, that would be insane to me.
We're assuming that we met this person when they were expecting not prior right? If I was dating a guy, why would I expect to have any priority in dating...his main priority should be with his babymama, If I felt upset or jealous, I think that would make me an extremely messed up person because the other girl obviously needs him more. If I was dating a guy and he was paying more attention to me than her that would be a HUGE red flag for me. So yah, if I was going to date a guy with a baby on the way, I know this relationship(if I would even call it that) would superlite...I wouldn't expect this guy to be anything more than occasional dinner or movie date..nothing at all serious.
Now if I was the one pregnant who for some reason wanted to fit in dating a guy with all the other preparations and things I am doing to prepare for this baby...I would expect the guy to know that this is going to be a light relationship, and really I wouldn't expect the guy to participate in my pregancy...or insist that he be a part of the upbringing in the aftermath, how crazy would that be—? I'm dating a guy and then I insist that he take me to the docter or go buy something for me at the drugstore or even try to comfort me if I suddenly get weepy...we JUST met?!! And if he insisted of wanting to do those things, I'd be extremely weirded out and suspicious of his intentions.
So yah, I guess you can't really separate the journey of pregnancy without having some obligation that would be a bit too heavy for someone you just met...its like why— Are you challenging yourself just to see if you could do it? Couldn't you just slow down and start off small like buy a baby gift and not be jealous?
First off, I don't really see the risk involved or any immediacy within this relation because honestly when you are going thru a pregnancy, dating isn't on the top priority. And to be honest,I wouldn't feel that there is any risk involved unless I was expected to be a part of the pregnancy and the aftermath. And if we are just dating or getting to know each other I would never expect nor insist on that type of obligation, that would be insane to me.
We're assuming that we met this person when they were expecting not prior right? If I was dating a guy, why would I expect to have any priority in dating...his main priority should be with his babymama, If I felt upset or jealous, I think that would make me an extremely messed up person because the other girl obviously needs him more. If I was dating a guy and he was paying more attention to me than her that would be a HUGE red flag for me. So yah, if I was going to date a guy with a baby on the way, I know this relationship(if I would even call it that) would superlite...I wouldn't expect this guy to be anything more than occasional dinner or movie date..nothing at all serious.
Now if I was the one pregnant who for some reason wanted to fit in dating a guy with all the other preparations and things I am doing to prepare for this baby...I would expect the guy to know that this is going to be a light relationship, and really I wouldn't expect the guy to participate in my pregancy...or insist that he be a part of the upbringing in the aftermath, how crazy would that be—? I'm dating a guy and then I insist that he take me to the docter or go buy something for me at the drugstore or even try to comfort me if I suddenly get weepy...we JUST met?!! And if he insisted of wanting to do those things, I'd be extremely weirded out and suspicious of his intentions.
So yah, I guess you can't really separate the journey of pregnancy without having some obligation that would be a bit too heavy for someone you just met...its like why— Are you challenging yourself just to see if you could do it? Couldn't you just slow down and start off small like buy a baby gift and not be jealous?
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